"What are you doing here?"
"Nice to you see you too. Your door was open."
"Doesn't mean you had to barge in."
"I knocked. You didn't hear me."
"You're right. I didn't hear."
"Obviously not. You're writing in that notebook again."
She shut her notebook fast and looked up at her best friend, Maggie, standing there.
"What do you want?"
"I've been calling you and you aren't answering my phone calls. I left you dozen of voicemails. Not one of them has been returned."
"Can you not take the hint that maybe I don't want to talk to you?"
"Look, I'm sorry for what I said and did the other night but, there's no need to be pissed off at the world."
She got up from the couch without saying another word and made her way to her bedroom. Maggie followed her.
"And you're not gonna say anything?"
"WHAT do you want me to say Maggie?!"
"I want to know WHY are you ignoring my phone calls? I want to know why you're being a major bitch right now. I know you have been mopping around this apartment in your pajamas and eating ice cream all day, everyday."
She knew me all too well. She's right. I have been mopping around. It had been a few days since I last saw Nick and since we had that stupid arguement and since he kissed me. I was trying really hard to not think about the kiss but, it was hard because... I really did like it. I don't know why I freaked but, I did and I feel bad. It's just hard when you're trying to get over your feelings for someone who was pretty much your life then he decides to waltz back in like everything is sweet and dandy. Damn me for being at that stupid place that night.
"I haven't been...mopping. Just been feeling a bit under the weather, that's all." She lied.
"Right. Anyways, what you writing in there?"
"Nothing that concerns you."
"Look, I know you're pissed about what happend but I told you I'm sorry. What else do you want me to say?"
"You shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Hasn't anyone ever told you to keep your comments to yourself and if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all?"
"Okay, I totally deserved that. I was just being a friend to you and being friendly. What did you expect me to do, be a bitch to someone I barely even know?"
"No. But, if you were really trying to be my friend like you say you were, then you really wouldn't have said anything at all."
"Why are you so mad that I even said anything? It's not like I told anyone what really happend."
"Because, it's none of your business. It doesn't concern you and it has nothing to do with you. Whenever I'm ready to tell someone, I'll tell them on my OWN time. It's not your story or business to tell."
"Considering that I was there when it all happend and you're my best friend... I think it DOES concerns me and IS my business."
"Fine, whatever. It's over with anyways, right? It happend years ago. No need to bring it up now."
"Obviously since it's effecting you THAT much."
"IT DOES affect me, Maggie. Like you no idea." She whispered, her eyes filling up with tears.
"I'm sorry okay? I'm so sorry that it had to happen that way. I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said anything, I get that. I was insensitive."
She sighed. "I know and you really were. I just don't know anymore..."
"What don't you know?"
"Everything. Why everything turned out the way it did."
"Maybe there's a reason."
Maggie made her way over to the bed and sat down next to Emma.
"What's wrong hun? Tell me."
"It's...it's nothing. I just, I'm being stupid and I need to just get out of this house..."
"Well, that's part of my reason why I came here."
Somehow I knew what her intentions were. I sighed. "Why?"
"How do you feel about going out tonight and doing a bit of dancing, drinking, singing maybe?"
"Ha, singing may be out of the question but, dancing and drinking I could do."
"Come on Em, you can sing. I've heard you sing bef--"
"Okay, what the hell is UP with people want me to sing... or play a stupid guitar? Are you going to kiss me afterwards too?"
"Wait what? Back up. I didn't-- okay, totally confused. I was just asking you to come out with us."
I noticed the look on Maggie's face. Shit. I forgot. I didn't even tell her what had happend between me and Nick.
"Sorry. It's...nothing, really. But, um. Yeah...yeah. I'll definitely go with you.
"Okay. That settles it. Be ready at 7." Maggie got up and made her way to the door before turning around and handing Emma a small envelope. "Oh hey, this was left at your door."
I noticed the handwriting right away.
It was Nick's.
"Well, I'm gonna go. See you tonight and wear something sexy."
"Right. See you later." She said distracted, wondering what was in this envelope that Nick left for her.
"I'm sorry again Em, I really am."
She looked up and smiled at Maggie. "It's okay."
"Alright so 7. Tonight. BE ready."
She walked over to closet, still staring at the letter that Nick had left at her doorstep this morning. Wondering if she should read it now or later.
What the hell...
I opened the letter and noticed his 'chicken scratch' writing as I use to call it. It was folded in 3 parts. Typical Nick. I smiled and started reading.
I sit here in sorrow, wishing I could hold you. I've realized that I've tried to replace you over and over since I made the foolish decision to leave you. But, no one can make me laugh and smile like you do. You are the only one that ever made me so happy.
No one could ever take your place. I feel as if my soul has stolen my heart and left me to cry myself to sleep each and every night with guilt in my heart of how I hurt you.
I guess you just don't realize what you have until it's gone. I was so stupid to leave you. I know sorry is just a word, but for what it's worth I am very sorry and I beg with every ounce of my soul please forgive me...
That's all I felt.
Nick's words hit me like no other words have ever done. I kept reading the letter over and over again. I told myself that I wasn't going to fall into his "trap" again. But, needless to say... I slowly was. He sounded sincere but, can I really trust him after everything he's done to me? And, can he really trust me after everything I have kept from him?
This... is harder than I thought.