Chapter 8

This is definitely harder than I thought.

I couldn't face her the next morning. I just couldn't. It wasn't the right thing to do especially since I knew that she was mad at me for the way I acted and for the things that I said to her. I was just being honest. That's what she wanted, right? I wasn't sorry for anything that I said because, it was the truth. I never meant to hurt it. I was just a real shelfish asshole. But, I was in love with her. I have always been in love with her. I tried replacing her so many times but, nothing seemed to work and, it was then that I realized that I couldn't replace Emma. Even though I loved it, I never really noticed just HOW much I did. The girl had completely taken over everything. My heart, my mind, my soul.

Who would've thought I would turn into some mushy lovey dovey guy huh? Might as well start calling me Mr. Mushy McLovin'.

So that's what I did that morning. I wrote her a letter...

"Yo, Nick. It's your turn."

"Now?"

"Yes, now."

"Can't Brian or Howie go before me?"

"Nope. Sorry, man. They already put their parts in this one but, we still have to try with you. Your turn."

I sighed. I really didn't want to be in the studio today. It was just one of those days but, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do and right now... my job was calling me.

"Alright. I'll go in." I said and made my over to the booth.

"Alright, you ready?"

"Yeah." I said while adjusting the headphones.

"Okay... go."

Anytime, anywhere, anyplace
You could be anyone today
Maybe I would recognize you on a crowded street

Maybe you'll take me by surprise
Will you be the one I had in mind


There'll come a day
When you'll walk out of my dreams
Face to face
Like I'm imagining
Baby how can I be sure
That you're the one I'm waiting for
Will you be unmistakable

People say we're watching our lives
Through a glass
Desperately waiting on a chance
I know you're out there
Holding on, holding out for me


How are we to know the time is right
What if you're here and I'm just blind

How can I know a song I never heard
How will I know your voice
When you haven't said a word


How do I know how this will end
Before we begin

Before we begin

There'll come a day
When you walk out of my dreams

Face to face (face to face)
Like I'm imagining (Like I'm imagining)
Baby, how can I be sure (how can I be sure)
That you're the one I'm waiting for (You're the one I'm waiting for)
Will you be (will you be)
Will you be (will you be)

Unmistakable
Unmistakable

The music stopped but, I still had my eyes closed. Emma was all I thought about. This song was about her. I had written it a few weeks ago and couldn't wait to put it down. Even though I didn't want to come into the studio today, I changed my mind after singing and listening to that song. If only she was here to listen to it. Sitting here now, I wonder if she even got my letter. I wonder if she's even reading it. I wonder what she thinks of it. If she'll even respond to it. Probably not, right? I was an asshole, I know that much.

An asshole in love.

"What's up man? You look a bit... dazed out or confused about something." Brian asked, taking a seat next to me.

"I am."

"Talk to me."

"It's complicated."

"Huh. How long have I known you Nick? We're best friends. I think I'll dealt with the "Complicated sides of Nick Carter's lovelife" before. TRUST me."

"Man... how'd you--"

"Know? Cause, I do and the look on your face just gives it away. You don't get like this if it isn't about a girl."

"It's not just SOME girl."

"Oh? Do tell."

I sighed. "She's... God. She's everything Bri. It's been awhile since I've last seen her. I tried calling her but, I couldn't. Then, I ended up seeing her at the club the other night. Offered her a ride--"

"And, let me guess... you got her into your bed and, now you fell in love with her?"

"Not exactly. I offered her a ride. She was crying. Shit was-- I mean THINGS were happening and I felt bad. Long story short; took her home. We ended up talking and blah blah blah. Came back the next morning and, she ended up playing the same guitar that I had bought her for me. She even sang. You don't even understand how I felt at that moment. Like everything around me stop--"

"Wait a minute." Brian said, looking away and then standing up.

"You bought her a guitar?" I nodded. "So this isn't just some random girl you met?" I shook my head again.

"So..." By this point, Brian had a really confused look on his face.

"Do you remember Emma?"

"Emma? Your ex-girlfriend Emma? Blonde hair...?"

"Yeah."

"That's the girl you saw the other night and offered her a ride?"

"Yeah..."

"So what's the problem?" Brian asked, confused.

"We kind of... kissed and, honestly Brian... I don't even know WHAT the problem is."

"Do you love her? I mean, it's a dumb question considering everything you told me but, do you really love her, Nick?

"I do man. Like I said, she's everything. I was a, excuse my language this time, complete asshole for leaving her."

"Nick, you just have to keep fighting for what you believe in."

"That's all I've been doing. All I've been doing is trying, trying, trying. It's like she hates me." I whispered, looking down at my hands.

He sighed and sat back down. "You love her, right?"

"More than anything in this word." I whispered, looking up at him.

I had finally felt defeated until I heard those words from Brian...

"Then go get her. Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do because, I know deep down in her heart... she loves you too. Sometimes it just takes women longer to admit those feelings. Don't give up, Nick. Keep fighting. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If not, you'll know what to do."