18

Emma insisted that Marcus sit and eat with her and AJ at their table in Denny’s. Part diversion tactic, and part southern charm. She thought it was rude to make him sit all by himself when he was clearly good friends with AJ and was going to be eating dinner too. After trying to get out of it, he finally agreed to sit with them while they were eating, but once his food was gone, he planned to move to another table to let the two of them talk alone.

“He’s the fastest eater I’ve ever known…” Emma laughed as she shook her head at Marcus’ empty plate and stuck her tongue out toward him with a smile across the distance to where he sat back in bodyguard mode. He stuck his tongue back out at her then crossed his arms over his chest and put on his professional face for the whole four other patrons of the restaurant that evening.

“Yeah, he’s faster than I am, and I always thought I was fast. My mom used to yell at me that I couldn’t possibly taste the food when I just sucked it down like I did…” AJ said with a smile and stabbed his fork into a home-fry and popped it into his mouth.

“I’ve always been a slow eater. I guess I’m faster now that I’m on the road and we’re always sort of rushing meals. But when I get to actually sit down in a restaurant, I go back to my normal speed.”

AJ nodded at her and watched her as he chewed. Once his mouth wasn’t full he spoke up again, “Would it freak you out to tell you that you have the prettiest green eyes I’ve ever seen?”

“Yeah…” she said and rolled her eyes.

“Well too bad, cause you do. They’re great. Tell me you don’t get that color by wearing contacts.”

“Nah, they’re all mine…”

“Wow…”

“They’re not that great…” Emma said quietly and took a bite of her food, trying to duck out of the flattering eye conversation as quickly as possible.

“Yeah they are…” AJ said with a smile. “But, I can tell you don’t take compliments all that well. So, I’ll shut up. For now.”

“Thanks…” she laughed.

“Mmm hmm…” he nodded. “So… feel like going back to what we were discussing on the balcony? I’m pretty curious to know where you were going with that whole ramble. I think you last said, ‘you’re a cool guy and you make me smile yadda yadda, let’s go to Denny’s.’”

Emma laughed and nodded as she pushed eggs around on her plate and then looked up at AJ noticing his dark brown eyes giving her their sole attention. She let out a sigh wondering if what she was about to do was the right thing, but went on nevertheless. “I don’t um… I have this rule.” She paused trying to figure out what she was going to say and just how to phrase it. She’d never told anyone this before and had no idea how to do it. “I don’t make friends anymore… I have my reasons, and I’m not even going to get into those. But you…” She paused again trying to form coherent sentences in her head. AJ meanwhile waited and listened, he’d even stopped eating. “What freaked me out about Chicago was just how fast you were able to sort of step into my life. You took care of me when I was sopping wet, which was really nice… but not something I would have ever let anyone else do. I would have sat there in the hall and suffered the chills even if it meant lying to you saying that Skinner was on his way even if he wasn’t. But for some reason, I let you do it. Then the hot chocolate and the birthday cake… even the candle. All very nice, caring, things… But also all things that I just don’t let happen. And I’m used to that. I’m used to being alone and doing my own thing. Of not celebrating much of anything, and just doing what I can to live from day to day. I admit, I push people away. I keep people at arm’s length without telling them any more about myself than I need to. And yet, here I am telling you that I push people away… and that’s another thing I never do.” She shook her head trying to shake some sense into her rambling, “Then you did the birthday gift thing. You arranged a night off from work for me and gave me that amazing seat and did that whole speech to me on stage… That was great, it really was…”

“But…” AJ said stepping in.

“But…” she said and then sighed. “It was the first time in a really long time that someone had been that nice to me. That I let someone be nice to me…”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t let that into my life…” she said and let out a big breath like she’d been holding it for a long time. Much longer than the time they’d been sitting at the table together. She could tell he was going to ask her why again, she could see it in the way he leaned toward her over his food and in the way his eyes looked. “That’s just how things work with me. Please don’t ask me why.”

He nodded, “I won’t… yet. I was pretty fucked up once upon a time and I know that people have reasons for the things they do, even if no one else in the world gets it… Sometimes you’re just not ready to tell anyone else those reasons.”

She nodded, “Yeah, kind of.”

“So, let me see if I can iron this out a bit. You do like hanging with me, but hanging out means letting someone in, which is against the rule… so it’s sort of an uneven playing ground. But on the other hand, for some reason you let me warm you up that night of the rain, and you accepted the ticket to the show and stuff. So something is pulling you one way when your head and your rules are telling you to get the hell away from me.”

Emma kept playing with her fork but nodded, “Something like that…”

“And I bet that the concert did quite a number on you huh? You liked it and had fun… I know you did cause I saw that much from the stage…” he told her with a soft smile. “But you probably realized after the concert just how far across that line of yours you let yourself go and it freaked you out. That was why you ducked out of dinner that night, right?”

“You’re good…” she said and took a drink of her orange juice.

“Where does that leave us now?”

“Sitting in Denny’s in the middle of the night making Marcus really bored…” she said smiling a real smile for a moment. “And, not real sure what’s going to happen because I have never had as hard a time pushing someone away as I’m having with you.”

“That’s probably a sign that you’re not supposed to push me away. I’m the one person who you can let in… Or maybe the first of many…”

“I wouldn’t go that far…”

“Where does Skinner come into this? If you don’t mind me asking…”

“He’s definitely at arm’s length. He knows less than you do about me, probably. I mean, he knows the useless stuff like whether or not I leave wet towels on the floor and if I snore or not. But when it comes to me, he doesn’t know much.”

“Like your birth date…”

“Yeah… or anything else that crosses my line.”

AJ drummed his fork on the side of his plate until he realized it was an annoying sound and he stopped himself. “How about we just give hanging out a try? You and me taking smoke breaks together, maybe watching cartoons or Trading Spaces together when we’re wide awake in the middle of the night… Calling each other’s voice mail and leaving prank messages… Just your typical friend thing… Kind of what you’ve got with Skinner, except that I’m not a creepy drummer guy…” he said with a little taste of a tease.

She didn’t smile, “I don’t know if I know how to be a friend anymore, AJ.”

“Sure you do, it’ll come back to you faster than you think. It’s like riding a bike or having sex, you don’t really forget, you just fall out of practice.” He kept talking when he saw that she was about to protest, “I promise not to push you to tell me anything that makes you uncomfortable. But like you told me the night we met, I have the freedom to ask you anything, but you have the freedom to tell me to buzz off if it’s too personal.”

“You probably won’t get a lot out of me…”

“I’m okay with that,” he said with a nod. “I know you like Godiva Hot Chocolate, and Trading Spaces, and the Cartoon Network. I also know that those killer green eyes aren’t fake, and you smoke the same brand as me… That’s enough for me to know that we have some stuff in common. Plus, we get along. I’m kind of a pain in the ass… so when I find someone who doesn’t get sick of me in ten minutes, I like to hang on…”

“Who says I’m not sick of you?” she said completely deadpan and then cracked a smile.

“Oh just push the knife in a little harder…” he groaned and made a dramatic act of jabbing an imaginary knife into his chest. “I’ll sick my big bodyguard on you if you’re not nice, woman.”

Emma laughed and rolled her eyes, “Marc? He wouldn’t hurt me…”

“Wanna bet?”

“He’s a big old teddy bear. He may look scary, but he probably wouldn’t even hurt a fly. It’s all in the appearance with him.”

“I know a few flies who would beg to differ if they weren’t smashed into oblivion…”

“Whatever, big spender…” she said and finally used her fork to put food in her mouth instead of playing with it.

AJ laughed, “See, you already have a stupid nickname for me… you can’t avoid me now. Don’t run okay?”

Emma looked at him and just looked at him for a moment then nodded slowly, “I’ll try not to. That’s about the best I can give you.”

“I’ll take that…” he nodded. “I just want to hang out with you, you know? Touring can be a pain in the ass sometimes when you don’t have anyone who ‘gets’ you to chill with. I want to listen to you make fun of me when I’m being a stupid pop star, and watch you laugh with Marcus when you two are teasing me about something. I want to take smoke breaks with you because none of the other guys in the band smoke and won’t take breaks with me without pitching a fit. Think about it this way… We’ve got four months left on this tour. And now that all of the cities have started to blend into one another and you’re probably thinking that you’re having a bad case of déjà vu most of the time, the one constant thing that you and I can say we have on this tour, is hanging out with each other. I’ve done enough touring to know how important that can be to keeping your sanity. Kevin and Brian have their families, Howie has his travel mate who he hangs out with on off hours, Nick is… well, he’s Nick. He’s got friends flying in to practically every stop on this tour so that he’s always got someone to hang with. Skinner is… well, he’s…”

“…a manwhore…” Emma finished for AJ and they both laughed.

“Exactly… So that leaves us.”

“And Marc…”

“Yes, and Marcus. We can be each other’s little coping mechanisms for the rest of the tour. When you’re sick of the fans and want to quit you can call me up and bitch about it and I’ll tell you fan stories that’ll make you piss your pants with laughter…” He laughed and Emma smiled a genuine smile listening to him talk. “Or when I’m getting claustrophobic in my room I can call you up and we’ll sneak out in the middle of the night to go for a walk or something that’ll drive security mad… And if I ever push too hard about getting to know you and I freak you out, just smack me in the head and tell me to stop it. I have a really hard head, you won’t hurt me. Just don’t hide from me… I like talking to you too much and love looking at your green eyes too much for you to hide from me and avoid me. Plus, you saw how bad I am at hunting you down… don’t make me work that hard anymore…” he told her and smiled hopefully.

Emma thought about what AJ said for a moment and he waited patiently for her response. She considered all that he’d told her and what it might possibly mean to let someone into her life again. Although it scared her, there was something in the back of her head nagging at her telling her not to run away from this one, and she knew from experience that she always needed to listen to that voice. When she didn’t, bad things always happened. She was hesitant, but she didn’t fight the voice in her head, “Okay…”

AJ grinned from ear to ear and held his hand out across the table to her, “Friends…”

She chuckled mostly out of nervousness and shook his hand, “Friends…”