TEN
They were all there: her clanmates, her friends, those faces she only knew from her Healing efforts, those she hadn't been able to save, others she had thought long forgotten. Her people were gathered on a serene, peaceful plateau, ringed by mountains dark in the distance. None wore smiles, but there was also no grief on their faces. They simply stood, waiting. Their intent was clear.
With every fiber of her being, she yearned to join them. She knew her place among them, knew what roles she was expected to play. There, her people were safe, immune to harm or heartache save their memories of that which they had left behind. They had finally found the peace they had longed for.
She looked down at her feet, seeing the edge of a small, sparkling river. It would only take three steps to cross, but there was more to the journey than mere distance. She reached out a hand, but the people nearest her stepped back as one.
Grief and longing flooded through her. She knew, then, that she would never be able to join them.
Unable to bear the sight, she turned away. What met her gaze brought new pain.
K'vn, A'lx, N'ck... Br'n and H'wi and L'ta and E'rn were laughing, smiling, pointing to a distant city. Their joy was threaded through their excited, alien words. She stepped forward to join them, but none turned around. Together, they began to move towards the horizon.
Her feet were made of rock. For every step she managed to take, the group took five. Soon, they were running rapidly; her heart broke as she watched them disappear over a small hill.
A coldness deeper than she had ever known began freezing her very blood. She wanted to cry out, but it was impossible. Turning back towards the river, she stopped in shock. Her people were gone.
She was alone... truly alone. A soundless cry burst forth from her soul, emotions overwhelming all thought...
With a shuddering gasp, Vosh woke. Heart pounding, pulse racing, she struggled to breathe. A few minutes later, she registered where she was. Then, for the second time in a day, she wept.
~*~
The ship's Doctor settled in for the short trip, giving her companion an affable smile.
“I'm glad you agreed to come, Mikal. I know it's not part of your official duties.”
The dark-skinned man returned the smile. “For what Captain Richardson has been through, I'm nowhere near qualified,” he said. “But it'll be an honor to meet him.”
“You're highly regarded in the battle-trauma field,” Aleta countered. “You've done wonders this tour. I don't think I've seen a better adjusted crew since I became Certified. But I agree, Kevin will need very specialized help, and not just from a single source.” She glanced out the small porthole. “But honestly, it's not him I'm most worried about.”
“Oh?”
“I got a call from Howie, the Comm officer on the Parrin. He told me that Vosh seems to be having a difficult time with things lately.”
“I read your report on this Vosh,” he said quietly. “I take it no progress has been made in uncovering her attacker?”
Aleta's jaw tightened for a second. “No. Security has been conducting interviews and trying to investigate, but there's almost nothing to go on. And she refused to look through the personnel files I sent over... she kept telling Kevin that it was over, and she wanted to forget.” She sighed. “But I suspect there's more troubling Vosh than just that.”
“Just that?” he asked, startled.
“I didn't mean to trivialize it,” she quickly explained. “It's just that from what I've been able to gather, she's been through a lot worse. Even Kevin doesn't know much about her past, other than she was a prisoner for a very long time.”
“The fact that she has trouble communicating only adds to the problem,” he commented.
“They've been teaching her our language, but no one is sure how much she understands. Howie seems to think she's a quick learner, but...” Her words died with a shrug.
“I imagine that's frustrating for her. What's going to happen to her once we get Home?”
She grimaced. “They'll want to practically dissect her, I'm sure,” she said unhappily. “But we're going to try and work out a plan to keep her away from the worst of it.”
Mikal shook his head. “That won't be easy.”
“No,” she reluctantly agreed.
~*~
“Vosh, please open the door,” Nick said for what seemed the hundredth time. “You have to eat, come on. I promise I won't try and teach you any more lessons, okay?”
Silence.
“I've got some hot chocolate I can make us,” he said, changing tact. “It's got those little teeny marshmallows you like. And some cookies I stashed away that no one knows about. You wouldn't want me to eat them all by myself, would you?”
He paused as he thought he heard movement beyond the door.
“We don't have to talk at all,” he continued. “Really. Just you and me, eating goodies. Come on, you have to eat.”
He was surprised when the door opened; he'd been ready to give up and leave.
“Hey, great,” he said, giving her a smile. “The rest of the guys are on duty, it'll just be us raiding the cookie jar.”
She gave him a brief, emotionless glance before stepping out into the corridor. Nick couldn't help but frown when he saw her blank expression.
“You okay?” he asked.
She signed the gesture for eat and gave him a flat stare.
“All right,” he said, trying to hide his disappointment. Perhaps the cookies would conjure a smile.
Silently they made their way to the lounge; soon, Nick was bringing two hot mugs to the table.
“There ya go,” he said, trying to keep his tone upbeat.
She simply continued to stare at the tabletop, not reaching for the drink.
Gently, he nudged the chocolate closer. “Drink up, it's better when it's hot,” he said.
Without altering her gaze, she took the mug and pulled it closer, clasping her hands around its girth.
“Cookies, coming up,” he said. He went to a cupboard, reached into the far back corner of the highest shelf, and retrieved a small sealed container.
“I got these from the baker on the Sealk,” he said. “I traded her a sketch of AJ for them... she's got no taste in men, but she sure knows cookies.”
Vosh didn't even look up.
Exasperated, he plunked down in a chair next to her. “I wish I knew how to make you smile,” he sighed.
No, came the unexpected sign.
He wondered if she meant no, he couldn't understand, or no, he couldn't make her smile.
“Will you at least help me eat the cookies? I don't share something this precious with just anyone, you know.”
With utterly no enthusiasm, she reached for a sugar-covered disk.
After a moment, Nick leaned back. “They taste better when you eat 'em,” he commented. When she finally glanced up, he waved his own cookie at her. “Look,” he said, taking a huge bite. Around the mouthful, he said, “De-li-cious!”
Several crumbs scattered across the table, propelled by his declaration. Vosh arched a single eyebrow at the table, looked back at him, and something flickered in her gray eyes. She raised the cookie and took a tiny nibble.
Nick felt like shouting in victory, but he knew better. Instead, he swallowed and took a sip of his hot chocolate. Eventually Vosh took a larger bite, and when she raised the mug to her lips, Nick allowed himself a wide grin. It wasn't much, but it had been more than anyone else... even Kevin... had been able to accomplish.
~*~
“Well,” Aleta said as she lowered her portable scanner, “you're coming along just fine, Kevin. What's the pain level on the knee?”
“Tolerable,” he said. “Not much walking room here.”
“Which is exactly why this is the best place for you right now,” she said with a smile. “Eating well? Sleeping?”
He shifted a bit. “Yeah, I-”
“He hasn't been sleeping all that well,” Brian interrupted. “And he could eat more at meals.”
When Kevin glared, Aleta laughed. “Your blood pressure is up a bit, so I'm not surprised about the sleeping. The food... well, your appetite will come back as you get used to regular meals again.”
“Regular is one thing... real is another. I'll be glad when we're not eating shipfood any more,” AJ commented, crossing his arms. “I don't care what anyone says, it just tastes better back Home.”
“Well, just under three days to go,” Aleta said, packing her equipment in her satchel.
Brian grimaced. “We've already received schedules and instructions about where to go, what to do, who to see, what to wear and when... I'm almost dreading arrival.”
“It won't be over quickly, I'm afraid,” Aleta said. “Bad enough for us, but for Kevin and Vosh...”
Kevin's face darkened. “We're supposed to be separated the minute we land. I've told them that she doesn't understand what anyone's going to be saying, and we have to stay together, but the idiots won't listen.”
“And it's not just the language, I'm sure,” Mikal interjected. “Her experience so far with us has been... less than positive. To throw her in among a new set of strangers would be damaging. A major mistake.”
“Do you think they'll listen to your professional opinion?” Brian asked hopefully.
“Doubtful. To them, the fact she's an alien, a being from another world altogether, makes her too valuable to be left alone. I can write a formal protest, give them some options I think might work, but I don't think they'll listen.”
“Options?”
“Appointing a small team to evaluate and study her in a relatively peaceful environment, for one. Not locked up in some government facility, denied access to the few people she knows.”
Kevin's hand clenched into a fist. “She deserves some peace,” he said tightly. “She's been controlled far too long.”
“I'll keep trying, too,” Aleta promised. “I have a few contacts in GovCentral, maybe they can help.” She crossed her fingers, but didn't seem too confident. “How is she doing lately?”
Kevin's anger vanished and he slumped in his chair. “Not good. Something's happened... she won't talk to me at all. I've never seen her so depressed and distant.”
“When did her behavior change?” Mikal asked.
“She seemed to be adjusting to life here just fine,” Brian said. “Howie and Nick had worked out some teaching methods, and she was intent on learning. She made great progress, as far as we can tell, until... until this weird incident with AJ.” He updated the newcomers as best he could.
Mikal leaned back against the counter, a thoughtful look on his face. “And since then, she's refused to interact in any meaningful way with you? Any of you?”
“Yeah,” Kevin said. “She doesn't even want to come out of her cabin. Nick's down there now trying to get her to eat, but I doubt he's been successful.”
“This makes perfect sense to me,” Mikal said. “I'd like to meet her, if that's possible. It would help in an evaluation... give some bones to my recommendation to the government.”
“Wait... it makes sense?”
“It does. It's a natural reaction to the changes she's been through; I've seen it before. But I know Vosh is unique; do you think she might be persuaded to answer a few questions?”
“We haven't been able to get her to do anything,” Brian said.
“If it's going to help her, I'll get her to talk,” Kevin said abruptly.
“But-”
“No, Brian, I want to understand... I need to understand what's upset her so much. We don't have time to wait, because if we haven't prepared a proper reason we need to stick together...”
“It'll only get worse,” Aleta said, agreeing.
“I'd suggest as few people around her as possible for this,” Mikal said.
Kevin stood. “You and me, then.”
“How about an audio feed?” Brian asked. “I think we all need to be in the loop.”
“Fine,” came the answer.
After Kevin and Mikal left the bridge, AJ hit a few buttons with rapid speed.
“Audio filters on, ship-wide span, Cap. As soon as we have a location, we can get a direct feed.”
Brian nodded. Perhaps they would finally get to the bottom of what was troubling their enigmatic passenger.
~*~
The countdown, begun after stability, silently continued; initial systems engaged, hidden from view. The cycle, unstoppable and inevitable, was nearly complete.
~*~
“I've never seen anyone like sweet things like you do,” Nick commented, watching Vosh consume her third cup of hot chocolate and fifth cookie.
She shocked him by setting down her mug and signing.
Easy.
“It's easy?” he said, not quite sure. At her nod, he leaned back and considered it. “I know you don't mean it's easy to eat. Wait... do you mean it's easy food for you to use?”
She tilted her head.
“You need food, energy, to do that healing thing... so maybe something with lots of sugar gives you quick energy. Easy energy. Is that it?”
A nod. She went back to her cookie.
Nick smiled. “Well, that's a great excuse for having a sweet tooth. And I bet you never gain weight either, because you're using it right away. Man,” he said wistfully, “I think that would be awesome.”
She stopped drinking, put down her cup, and frowned.
Before Nick could ask what was wrong, Kevin and a stranger came through the doorway.
“Glad to see you eating,” Kevin said, his voice carefully neutral. “You need to keep up your strength.”
In response, Vosh set down the last of her cookie and pushed her cup away. She didn't look him in the eye.
Kevin frowned. “Ah, this is Mikal Batai. He'd like to ask you some questions. Is that okay?”
When Vosh looked up, she noticed the man next to Kevin. Her eyes grew wide as she stared at the stranger.
Mikal stood still, hands at his side.
She rose, a look of intrigue on her face. With caution, she took a few steps towards the awaiting man. When he simply smiled, she moved the rest of the way to stand in front of him. Her gaze searched his face, then dropped to his arm.
Slowly, he raised his arm for her study.
Vosh looked up briefly, a question in her eyes. He gave a small nod, not really sure what she was asking but not wanting to interfere.
With her index finger, she traced a line along the surface of his skin, then examined her fingertip. With wonder, she repeated the gesture and looked back up. She made a single sign.
“All,” Kevin interpreted. “I think she's referring to your skin color. She's asking if it's all over.”
“Yes,” Mikal said, a surprised laugh punctuating his words.
Another sign.
“No,” Kevin answered, “it doesn't hurt. It's natural, he was born this way. Many people back Home have dark skin. It's normal.”
“There are many shades of skin,” Mikal said, amused.
Again she signed; Kevin only understood some.
“She said 'beautiful', but I'm not sure-”
“She said 'beautiful like the earth',” Nick said. “Earth, like the soil that plants grow in.” At Kevin's questioning eyebrow, he said, “We were talking about fruit and vegetables, and how they are produced. Howie taught her most of that.”
“Thank you,” Mikal said to Vosh, inclining his head towards her.
“Vosh,” Kevin said, “would you answer some questions Mikal has?”
The woman's brief interest faded visibly. He saw her retreat.
“Vosh, please. We want to understand what's bothering you, and this will help.”
No help.
“What's that supposed to mean, 'no help'?” he asked.
Leave alone.
“I'm not leaving you alone,” he said, his frustration growing. “Why are you acting like this?”
Truth.
“Truth?”
Vosh's jaw clenched. She responded with a flurry of signs and gestures; Kevin was lost almost immediately. He looked briefly at Nick.
“Sorry, man, I have no idea,” the youngest said.
“Vosh, wait, wait,” Kevin said, holding up a hand. “I don't understand.”
YES, she signed.
“She's upset because you don't understand,” Mikal said gently.
“Well of course I don't understand,” Kevin grated, “she won't explain!”
“I don't think she's speaking about a specific thing,” Mikal continued.
“What?”
“Vosh, I know you're upset. Kevin's only trying to help. Are you angry at him?”
It took a moment for her to respond.
No.
“The others? Nick here, or Captain Brian?”
No.
“It's bigger than that, isn't it?”
Her refusal to answer was enough.
“Is it about what happened on the Sealk?”
Sadness seemed to descend on the small figure.
No. She wrapped her arms around herself.
“Are you looking forward to arriving Home?”
She looked up, tears in her eyes.
No.
Kevin was shocked at her reply. “What? What do you mean, you aren't looking forward to-”
“It's not her Home,” Nick said as the revelation hit. “That's it, isn't it?” he asked her.
She bowed her head and hugged herself tighter.
Kevin sat down in the nearest chair, bewildered at the statement. She doesn't want to go Home? I thought she wanted to make a new life... All we endured, and now...
It was Nick that went to the distraught woman, carefully placing a hand on her shoulder. When she tried to step away, he spoke.
“You can't shrug off your cookie buddy, V. I'll begin to think you hate me.”
She sniffed, then shook her head. He gathered her in a cautious hug, patted her back, and released her.
“Vosh?”
Kevin's voice, although quiet, captured her attention. She easily caught the pain humming along with his words.
“Why... didn't you say anything? How can you not want a new life back Home, even if it's not your original home?”
He had to wait nearly a minute for her shaky, simple reply.
Not V'sh, dead.
The statement left him both cold and confused.
“What did she say?” Mikal asked.
“Literally, she said 'not Vosh, dead'. But I'm not sure what she means.”
“I'm lost as well,” the trauma specialist said.
“Makes three of us,” Nick commented.
“We don't understand,” Kevin said. “Please...”
Without energy, she signed one more time.
K'vn, N'ck, Br'n, all know. L'ta, know. All make. V'sh, not. Stop. End.
~*~
Up on the bridge, Brian listened as Kevin translated the last of Vosh's explanations. He looked at AJ, then Aleta. Both shook their heads.
“Well that's as clear as mud,” he muttered. “It makes no sense.”
“I think she's trying,” Aleta offered. “But obviously this... whatever it is... is complicated. And very emotional, which means it's really important to her.”
“So we'll just have to figure it out,” AJ said. “Maybe Mikal understands something.”
“Let's hope so.”
~*~
Despite efforts to continue their discussion, Vosh withdrew and wouldn't speak further. Finally, Kevin backed off and asked the two men to go on back to the bridge, where he would join them later.
He sat for a long time, studying the forlorn figure huddled on the lounge couch. He truly couldn't understand her, and language was only part of the problem.
He could rationalize that she'd be reluctant to share her problems with the others; after all, they were relatively new acquaintances. But they'd been through so much together... shared things that most people couldn't possibly comprehend. Together, they had survived the Enemy. He'd thought that counted for something, but now he wasn't sure at all.
How could she not want to go Home? What, really, was the alternative? She knew a return to her original homeworld was impossible; she had no idea where it was located.
Was she afraid? He mulled it over. She'd rarely shown fear, even when faced with Enemy atrocities. He'd seen it in her eyes only in the aftermath of certain torture sessions he'd been subject to; it was fear he understood. He, too, had thought his wounds were fatal. Even then, though, the fear had been held in check, and she'd pushed past it with determination. It couldn't be what was upsetting her now.
Had they pushed her too far, expected too much, too soon? It had been a whirlwind time; their escape and pod retrieval, her imprisonment... then the attack in the cell. He didn't care what she said, it still had to have shaken her deeply. She'd healed his hand, no small thing; then, the shock of seeing AJ, the trip back to the Parrin, and her immediate plunge into lessons that were undoubtedly difficult. Although both Howie and Nick had reported she was eager to learn, and had done amazingly well, he had to wonder if it hadn't become overwhelming. That would track with her sudden refusal to continue.
But it just didn't feel right. She knew how to express herself well enough that if she were being fed too much information, she would be able to put a stop to it. And they'd said she insisted on being taught how to use the equipment and programs on her own; it wasn't the mark of someone unable to handle the tasks.
Not V'sh, dead.
K'vn, N'ck, Br'n, all know. L'ta, know. All make. V'sh, not. Stop. End.
Her messages didn't make sense. Being tired from lack of sleep didn't help his reasoning processes; he felt edgy and exhausted.
Shakily, he stood, ignoring the twinge of pain his knee sent in protest.
“Vosh,” he said wearily, “I don't know what's going on, but I promise you we'll figure something out.”
She looked up, her face pale, but didn't answer.
“I've got to get some rest. I'm not ignoring you, I just... just need to lie down, get off this leg for a while. Okay?”
She stood silently, giving him a measuring look. A few seconds later, she nodded and moved to his side. When she took his hand and pulled him towards the door, he interrupted.
“No, I can get to my quarters by myself, it's-”
He stopped when he saw the emotion in her silver-gray eyes. He couldn't refuse her help. He'd never been able.
“Alright,” he said tiredly.
The trip took what seemed like forever. With each step his fatigue grew, although he couldn't understand why. By the time they arrived at his cabin, he was ready to drop. With Vosh's help, he made it to his bunk and sank down with a groan.
She removed his boots, helped him to lie down, then pulled a light blanket up to his chest. He didn't have the energy to protest, and less than a minute later he was asleep.
She watched him succumb; when she was sure he was fully sleeping, she placed a gentle hand on his head. Closing her own eyes, she searched.
His physical pain was easy to find; although it took a while, she was able to remove most of it from his body as she deepened his sleep. The flow to his knee was wrong, worse than usual. She knew he'd been ignoring it, despite L'ta's orders. Going through the Focusing ritual twice, she narrowed her concentration until she could follow his very blood pulse.
Tissue, vibrating darkly with damage, blocked the rightful flow; further, muscle was swollen, pushing against bone supports. There... pieces, more than should be, all angles wrong and angry. Cutting, slicing into tendon, crowding nerve-sparks and grinding flesh.
Patterns, not wanting to shift... pushing, she travels the way, demanding alignment. Resistance...
She sent back the energies she had stolen earlier in order to make K'vn sleep; this time, however, she used them to repair.
Time meant nothing to her; it had been a lifetime since she'd done such delicate and demanding Healing. The damage was vast, so she concentrated on only the worst areas. Her goal was to simplify K'vn's injury so that his own Healers could easily repair was was left. For once, she could ignore the cost to herself. She didn't matter, anyway; she had no place in their future.
Knowing this, she doubled her efforts. She hoped he would forgive her.