He filled his days with a variety of activities.  Anything to keep from hearing the echoes of Baylee’s laughter, his voice, the sound of his feet running down the hall.  The sounds had haunted him in the home that he and Leighanne had raised their son in, so he’d had no choice but to move out to keep from losing his mind.

The Backstreet Boys had fallen apart.  Brian had been the first to drop out, refusing to work with the man who had killed his child.  AJ had rolled his eyes and muttered that it wasn’t likely that Nick would even be able to work with them, but Brian hadn’t cared.

Had refused to let himself care.

He’d dived into the Healthy Hearts Club work with a single-minded focus and was even now working on ideas to create a new division for research into brain and spinal cord trauma.  His son couldn’t be saved, but that didn’t mean that other people’s children had to die just because they trusted the wrong person and ended up with severe, life-threatening head injuries.

Fury grew in him again.  It seemed as though it was a living, breathing thing inside him these days, and it needed very little provocation to emerge.  All he had to do was think of the man he’d entrusted his child to, and he-

The doorbell rang and pulled him from his thoughts.

Brian blinked and looked down to see the pen in his hand had ground through half of the legal pad he’d been taking Hearts Club notes on.  His hand shook slightly as he set the pen down, pushed the pad aside.

He scrubbed his hands over his face wearily and sighed.  It was a good thing that no one else was around to see his daily struggle with control.  He could so easily see himself picking up a vase and winging it at the window and feeling vicious satisfaction at the explosion of glass and pottery.

The doorbell rang again, and this time Brian started.  He hadn’t realized that it had actually rung the first time.

Moving through the condo he’d been living in for the past eight months, he couldn’t help but resent the interruption.  He hoped it wasn’t anyone he knew and was just some door-to-door type individual.

He blinked in surprise when he found his cousin’s wife on his doorstep.  “Kristin?”

She smiled warmly at him and shoved her sunglasses on top of her blonde hair.  “Hi, Brian.  I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Uh, no.  Not at all.” Kevin and Kristin had been among the few people in his life who hadn’t pushed or smothered him with concern over the past two years, but Brian was confused as to why she was here now.  “Come in,” he added, remembering himself and grabbed the small suitcase she had with her.

Kristin followed him in and glanced around his home, her eyes shrewdly observing every detail when his back was turned.  She’d seen the confusion, and the hint of resentment—for the intrusion into his self-imposed isolation, she was sure—in his eyes for a moment before he’d remembered his manners. 

“I hope you don’t mind me barging in this way,” she began.  “I’m in town for two nights for a shoot in downtown Atlanta, and I thought, why bother staying in a hotel when there’s family in this city?” She smiled at him again as she saw his obvious struggle to hold onto his temper.  “Would it be terribly rude of me to impose on you for a couple nights? I’ll be gone early in the morning and be back late.  I won’t get in your way at all.”

No, he wanted to scream.  No, it was not okay. No, he did not want her or anyone to stay with him.  “Of course, it’s not a problem,” he assured her.  “You’re family.  Why don’t I show you to the guest room, so you can get settled in?”

Kristin nodded.  “Why don’t you?”

He’d taken the time to at least put furniture in his spare bedroom, so there was a bed, a dresser, a mirror, and an armchair in the bedroom.  “It’s not much, I know,” he began, but Kristin shook her head.

“It’s perfect, Brian.  Thank you so much.” She beamed at him, and he couldn’t help but smile back, though it felt strange and unfamiliar to let his lips curve into that happy expression.  “I had lunch with Leighanne a little while ago, and she assured me that you would be more than happy to let me stay.  I’m glad she was right.”

He could only nod and wondered what Leighanne had been thinking.  She knew how foul his moods were, and she’d given Kristin the okay to stay with him?  “I’ll, uh, be downstairs if you need anything.”

Kristin smiled at him again, and Brian escaped down the stairs.  What was going on? he couldn’t help but wonder.  He didn’t mind Kristin at all; in fact, he liked her and thought she and Kevin were the perfect couple and had been blessed with their son, Mason.  But he’d rarely ever spent time with her when Kevin or the rest of the family wasn’t around.

He stopped halfway down the stairs, then turned and went back up to find Kristin unpacking.  “Did Kevin put you up to this?” he demanded.

Her motions didn’t falter or hesitate as she removed two pairs of heels from her suitcase and set them inside the closet.  “Kevin doesn’t dictate my actions, Brian.  I’m here because I want to be.”

“Why?”

“Why am I here, or why do I want to be here?”

Brian shrugged.  “Why do you want to be here? I haven’t been the most sociable person to be around for a while, so why wouldn’t you want to just stay in a hotel?”

She studied him for a moment.  “Because you’re family, and I care about you.  We were all devastated by what happened, Brian, but I’ve seen Leighanne working to pick up the pieces and live with it.  I’m worried about you because you’re not living with it.  You’re gripping your grief so tightly, and I worry about what will happen if you don’t deal with it.”

“I don’t need you or anyone else worrying about me,” Brian snapped.  “I don’t need therapy, I don’t need to talk to anyone about my feelings.  I lost my child. Would you be able to move on if you lost Mason?”

“Brian-”

He turned away when she reached out.  “You can stay here while you’re in town because you’re family, and I understand that your concern is because you care about me.  I get it.  I just don’t want to talk about this anymore. I have work to do.”

When he disappeared down the hall, Kristin sighed and pulled out her cell phone to text a simple message to her husband.

XXX

Brian didn’t see Kristin again until late the following night.  He’d been unable to sleep and was sitting in his darkened den with a bottle of beer dangling from his fingers when she found him.

He knew she was there before she spoke.  “Done for the day?”

“I’m sorry about before, Brian.”

He shrugged.  “Don’t be.  I’m fine the way I am.  I’m doing work that I believe in and am passionate about, and I have a great family and friends that I love.” He smiled at her when she sat across from him.  “Including you.  I know everyone’s worried about me, but I wish they wouldn’t.”

Kristin was silent for a moment.  “You need to talk to Nick.”

His fingers vised on the neck of the bottle.  “I don’t want to talk about him. Ever.”

“Don’t shut me out, Brian,” she warned him.  “Kevin and I have kept our distance, but we can see that neither of you has been recovering well.  You can pretend that he doesn’t exist if you want to, but you need to talk to him first and resolve the mess that’s between the two of you.”

“Like hell I will,” Brian replied flatly.

Kristin shrugged and stood.  “I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to.  But, just so you know, I’m only a messenger with a warning.” She leaned over and cupped his face in her hands.  “You can be such a sweetheart, Brian Littrell, and we all want the real you back. Not this bitter, angry man.” She kissed his cheek and stepped back, knowing he wanted his space.  “If you don’t talk to Nick voluntarily, I can’t promise you that you’ll like what happens.”

“Excuse me? That couldn’t possibly have been a threat, could it, Kristin?” Brian kept his voice low, afraid that he’d rage at her.

She turned to leave the room but stopped in the doorway.  “It’s not a threat when it’s what’s best for you, Brian.”

He stood for a long while after she’d left, his breathing ragged as he tried to control his rage.  Did Kevin really think he could force him to do something Brian had no intention of doing? If so, he’d soon find out differently. 

Losing his son had changed him, made him realize some hard truths about who he’d been before.  Trusting, gullible…he wasn’t going back to that Brian. Not ever.

They thought they could railroad him into facing the reason his son was no longer alive?

The empty bottle of beer flew out of his hand and crashed against the wall, showering amber shards everywhere.

“Go ahead and try,” he whispered viciously.