My Breathless Mistress VI

Chapter Ten

                AJ stood outside Chelsea’s room, they had moved her to her own room on the fourth floor and he had just come back from the baby’s room.  He looked at the pictures on his phone, one of the little guy from the top of the incubator and one from the side, there was also one of their son holding AJ’s finger.   The nurse told him that as long as he serialized the phone or camera he could take pictures with the flash off.  He smiled as he closed the folder and reached for the door.  When he opened it he saw Kevin and Nadia sitting in the room, with an awake Chelsea sitting up in the bed.

“Hi” Chelsea said as she looked at him.  The last two times he had gone to see her she was still sleeping.  When the nurse told him they had moved her to the fourth floor, he had hoped she would be up.  “What are you doing here?” She asked.

“The nurses do tests every couple of hours, so I came up here to check on you.” He told her.

“Oh” She replied as she watched his fingers wrap around hers.

“Have you eatin’ anything?” Kevin asked with a yawn.

“No” AJ replied shaking his head.

“You should go get something to eat.” Chelsea said as she looked at him.

“I’m ok, maybe I’ll go down to the cafeteria later.” He replied with a shrug.  “Are you hungry?” He asked Nadia.

“Yeah” She replied.

“Will you take her to get something to eat?” AJ asked as he looked to Kevin.

“Can we go to Subway across the street; I can’t eat anymore grease covered fries.” Nadia asked as she stood up.

“Sure” Kevin replied with a smile as he followed her out of the room.

“You should go with them.” Chelsea said as the door closed over.

“I’m good Chels really.” He told her.

“Alex” She sighed.

“I’m just not hungry ok?” He replied trying not to snap. “It’s just been a long, stressful day and I’m not hungry.”

“Okay” She replied and he was glad she backed off.

“How are you doing?” AJ asked as he played with her fingers.

“Tired, sore, mad, and disappointed.” She said with a frown.

“Mad and disappointed? I hope not at yourself.” AJ said as he got up from the stool and sat down on the side of her bed.  When she didn’t say anything he frowned.  “Sweetheart, you can’t blame yourself for this, you can’t be mad at yourself, these things happen and obviously if your body wanted him out because something was wrong than its better he’s out here now, than something far worse happening.” He told her as he saw a tear drip from her eye, it slid down her cheek and landed on the light blue blanket.

“It’s just so hard” Chelsea whispered as she stared at the blanket.  “Women have been doing this forever and I fucked it up.”

“Chelsea, you didn’t fuck anything up.” AJ told her as he pulled her into his arms and she started crying harder. “It’ll be okay.”

“Every one keeps telling me that.” She cried.  “When I was in the OR, they kept telling me everything would be okay, when they took him away before I even got to see him or hold him, they said it would be okay, and now I’m sitting here doing nothing  while my son is in another room and…” She stopped and cried some more.  He held her a little bit tighter as she shook with sadness in his arms.

After a moment AJ spoke up.  “So you didn’t get to see him, even for a second?” He asked.

“No” She replied not letting go of him.  “Not even for a second.”

“Do you want to see him?” he asked as he slowly pulled away from her.

“I’m not allowed going down there yet.” She replied.

“I know but I was allowed to take some pictures with my phone.” AJ said as he held it up.

“I want to see them.” She replied shaking her head quickly.

“Nothing is hurting him, they’re for his benefit, help him eat when he needs to and they help him breath.” He said as the picture popped onto the screen, he looked up at her before showing her the picture.

“Okay” She nodded and he hoped she was ready to see it, to deal with it.

Carefully he handed her the phone and his eyes locked on hers.  “This one is from the top of the incubator.” He said as she covered her mouth and lightly cried. Her finger drifted across the screen.

“He’s so small.” She whispered.

“Yeah” He nodded.  “But he’ll have lots of time to get bigger.” She looked up at him.  “This one is from the side so you can kind of see how long he is.” AJ said as she looked back at the camera screen.  “And this one…” He said but she interrupted him.

“How come you seem so certain?” She asked him and he looked at her confused.

“Huh?” He replied.

“Since the moment I saw you after they took me out of the OR you seem so sure everything will work out.” Chelsea said as AJ put the phone down.

“I have to because if I think of the other…” He paused.  “Well one train of thought will keep me out of the bars, the other won’t.”  She frowned and put her hand on the side of his face.  “Besides, like we said, he’s strong and tough and he’ll make it through this but you…” He said as he took her hand from his face, kissed the back of it and then held it to his mouth.  “You have to stop blaming yourself because when the time comes to go see him, when the time comes to hold him, you have to focus on him.”  He said as he brushed her hair from her face.  “He needs his Mom to be happy he’s here and not sad.”

“You know Nadia thought of a name today, she wants me to run it by you?” AJ told her.

“What is it?” She asked.

“Logan, Logan James.” He replied.  “And as much as I don’t want the middle name to be that, it actually really works.”

“Wow, I really like that.” Chelsea said with a light smile. “Logan.” She said as she looked at the cell phone again.  Her eyes fixated on the picture and then a tear dripped from her eye. “I’m just so scared.” AJ was about to say something but she kept talking.  “For the first time, I think I understand why my Mom did what she did.” She looked from the picture to AJ.  “Cause I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t make it Alex.”

He took her into his arms and she held him tightly.  “Chels he’s going to make it, I bet your Mom is making sure of that right now.”

“I hope so” She whispered and he frowned.  AJ sat there holding her letting his fingers drift down her hair.  He thought she had fallen asleep until she pulled away and looked at him.  His heart broke as he looked back at the puffy, bloodshot, tired, wet eyes but then she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.  The heartache he had felt only a second ago was whisked away as his lips parted and he kissed her back.  The couple sat on the hospital bed lost in each others embrace.  Chelsea slid her hand over his shoulder and down the side of his arm as she pulled away.  She rested her forehead against his and he opened his eyes, hers were still closed.

“I love you so much.” She whispered and he lightly smiled.

He moved his head and softly kissed her forehead.  “I love you too Chels.” He whispered back before pulling her back into his arms.

This time she did fall asleep and he smiled at her as he gently laid her back on the pillows.  Quietly he got up from the bed, raised the side bar, and carefully left the room.  He walked down the hall towards the elevators.   When he arrived he pushed the button and waited.  Looking down at his wrist he read the time on his watch.

“Jesus it’s almost two in the morning.” He said not caring if anyone was around.

The elevator dinged and he watched as the doors opened and as he walked in he slammed into someone.  “Sorry” He said and the woman looked up at him.

“Alex” She said with a frown.

“Mom” AJ said shocked to see her there, he had completely forgotten Kevin had called her.

“How’s Chelsea?” She asked worried.

“She’s doing ok, although she feels like it’s her fault.” AJ replied as he pushed the buttons to open the door.

“What about the baby is he…” She paused.

“He’s still alive” AJ said with a sigh.  “He’s on a ventilator, he has a feeding tube, and he’s in an incubator but he’s hanging in there right now.”

“Nadia?” She asked.

“Went to Subway with Kevin, I didn’t even realize it was so late.” He told her as he got on the elevator before it left.

“And you?” She asked as she followed him on.

“Going for a smoke, get some cold air on me, the coffee here is shit and I need to wake up a little before I got back to the baby.” He decided to hold off on telling anyone the name until Nadia was there.

 “Ok, but I meant how you are?” She asked.

“Trying to hold it together.” He sighed.

“Why don’t you go home get some rest?” She said as they hit the bottom floor.

“No I gotta stay here” AJ said shaking his head while he walked off.  “Chels needs me to be with the baby as much as possible and when I’m not with him I’m with her.” He told her.

“And when are you with Nadia?” She asked and he stopped walking.

“She’s been sitting with her Mom before that she was with Kevin.” He said as he looked at her.

“Where was she before that Alex” Denise said and he stopped to think.

He sighed.  “With her Mom”

“She needs to go home and have a good night sleep in her room.  Maybe spend a little time with her.  Why didn’t you go eat?” She asked.

“Not really hungry” He said.

“Hi Denise” Kevin said as he walked up beside them.

“Hello Kevin” She said with a smile and then she looked at Nadia. “Hi sweetheart how are you doing?” She asked.

“I’m ok” Nadia replied with a shrug.  AJ frowned, she looked tired and bored.

“How was the Subway?” He asked.

“It was good” She replied.  “Is Mom still awake?”

“No she fell asleep again.” AJ told her.  “But I was thinking me and you should head home, get some sleep ourselves.”

“Really?” Nadia and Kevin said at the same time.

“Yeah, I figured you’re staying till your mom get’s here right?” AJ said looking at Kevin.

“Yeah and then I can just go home with Kris and Mom can sit with Chels.” Kevin said with a nod.

“Yeah so, she’ll have someone with her to keep her company and we can go home and sleep and then get up and come back.” AJ told her.

“What about the baby?” Nadia asked.

“You mean Logan?” He said with a small smile.

“Logan?” Kevin asked.

“Really? She liked it?” Nadia said surprised.

“She loved it” He smiled.  “Logan James.”

“Yay” Nadia cheered as Denise and Kevin looked on confused.

“That’s his name?” Denise asked.

“That’s his name.” AJ said with a soft proud smile on his face.

“I like it” Kevin nodded.

“Nadia thought of it.” AJ told them.  “But anyways we should get going.”

“Wait” Nadia said.  “What about the baby?”

“Right now he needs rest, so the nurses can handle it and if anything happens they will call me.” AJ told her.  “We need rest too kiddo.”

“We’ll let Chelsea know if she wakes up.” Kevin said as they said goodbye.

AJ walked with his daughter to the car and they had already had a fun little adventure trying to find it in the parking lot.  Especially since he was going by Nick since he parked the car and most likely told him some bullshit directions.  When they finally found the car they both got in and buckled up.  AJ started the car and pulled out of the hospital parking lot.  The drive home was quiet and AJ noticed Nadia spent most of the time staring out the window.  They pulled into the drive way and AJ parked the car. He got out and walked around the front as Nadia caught up with him.

“So did you wanna do something or just crash?” He asked as he unlocked the door.

“Crash” She replied as she hung her jacket on the closet door knob.

“Yeah, I’m beat” He said as they started walking to the stairs.  When they reached the top and Nadia went to walk into her room AJ stopped her.  “I’m very proud of you today, you went through something really scary and stressful and you handled it very well.”

Nadia shrugged.  “I’m just glad they’re gonna be ok.” She said.

“Well you did a good job” he said as he hugged her.  “I know things are going to be crazy for the next little while but I’m really gonna try to make sure we still get time too.”

“It’s ok” Nadia replied as she hugged him back.  “Do you think I can go with you tomorrow to see him?”

“I’ll talk to the nurse but I don’t see why not.” He told her and she smiled.  “Night kiddo.”

“Night Dad” She said as she opened her door and went inside.

He walked into his room and shut the door, shutting out the day he had just lived through.  He sat down on the bed looking around and realized he was sitting on Chelsea’s side.  His hand drifted along her pillow and he closed his eyes.  It was at that moment everything came flooding out, the pain, the worry, and the tears.  Not even bothering to take off his clothes he crawled under the blankets, buried his head where Chelsea’s would have been and let it all out.