My Breathless Mistress VI

Chapter Eleven

                February 5th 2010

                Today would have been the first day of the tour, cancelled indefinitely. People understand and the love and well wishes we are getting are amazing.  Then some people don’t and those people can pretty much suck it.  I’m drinking a coffee in my kitchen wondering what today will bring.  How will Chelsea be? How will Logan be? Yesterday Chels was pretty quiet and didn’t talk much, even to me when I saw her.  Yesterday Logan had a good day and is now working on day three.  Now there’s something new on my mind, Nadia.  I couldn’t sleep much last night just like the night before.  I’d wake up every hour or so and then the one time I woke up I heard her crying. When I went to check on her she wasn’t awake she was sleeping.  I wasn’t sure what to do so I woke her up; she started yelling “stop it” over and over.  Then when she saw it was me she wrapped her arms around me and wouldn’t let go until she fell back to sleep…

                AJ closed his journal over when he heard Nadia coming down the stairs.  He slipped it back into his bag and then continued to drink his coffee at the kitchen table.  When she walked into the room he looked at her.  In an oversized hoody, jeans, sneakers and her hair up in a ponytail she sat down at the table. He smiled, even though she had his eyes, she looked like her Mother.

“Ready” She said as she sat back in her chair.

“Almost done my coffee” He said as he put the cup to his mouth.

“Just get one at the hospital.” She said as he made face.

“God no their coffee is shit, so horrible.” He told her as he put down the empty mug.  “So your Mom’s bag is in the hallway right?”

“Yep” Nadia nodded as she stood up.

They picked up the bag from the hallway and headed out to the car.  AJ put the bag in the trunk as Nadia got into the passenger’s side.  His mind raced back to the night before but he wasn’t going to push her on it, not yet, not while this stuff was going on.  But he wondered how he was going to tell Chelsea about it, she had enough to worry about right now.  He pulled the car out of the drive way and drove down the street. 

“I hope Mom is better today.” Nadia said as they drove through the city.

“Me too.” AJ replied with a light sigh.

“I wish she’d stop blaming herself.” Nadia said as he looked at his daughter.

“I know.” AJ replied.  “Her Doctor told me it’s normal though, they’re going to bring someone in to talk to her.”

“Do you think I’d be able to go see Logan with you today?” Nadia asked.

“Yeah the nurse said yesterday that you would be able too.” AJ replied.  “You just couldn’t yesterday because the room was so small, but they’re moving him to a bigger room today so, I’m sure you’ll be able too.”

“I feel bad tho.” Nadia sighed.

“Why?” AJ asked as he stopped at a light and looked at her.

“I get to see him before Mom.” Nadia said with a small frown.

“You’re Mom saw him.” AJ replied.

“A couple of pictures.” Nadia said.  “That’s not the same Dad.”

“Yeah I know.” AJ replied as he saw the light go green.  “But who knows maybe she can go see him today too, with the bigger room, they can probably fit a wheel chair in there now.”

When they arrived at the hospital and went to Chelsea’s room they saw Kevin, Anne and Kristin standing around outside her room.  His heart started beating and his hands got sweaty.  Was something wrong with Chelsea? Why were they all outside her room?

“W-What’s going on?” AJ asked as he walked up to them.

At first there was silence and then Kevin spoke.  “We came out here so Chelsea and…” He stopped and AJ’s face feel in confusion.  “So Chelsea and Jerald could talk.”

“Jerald!” AJ snapped.  “You let him in there? After everything she’s been through you let him in to see her?” 

Anne started to say something but AJ didn’t wait; he headed right to the door and opened it with anger.  He didn’t even wait for his eyes to connect to see the man in the room when he lashed out.  “Get out!” AJ snapped.

“Excuse me?” Jerald replied.

“Alex” Chelsea said.

“Get out now or I’ll have security escort your ass outta here.” AJ said angrily.

“Alex its fine.” Chelsea replied.

“NO! No it’s not fine, after everything he’s put you through, put us through and now everything going on with Logan…No, I don’t want this asshole here.” AJ snapped.

“Jerald go.” Chelsea said and AJ saw Jerald’s head snap at her.

“What? I’m not done talking.” Jerald replied.

“Yes you are.” AJ snapped.

“We’ll talk later just go.” Chelsea said.  AJ stared at Jerald and he saw that Kevin’s brother, Chelsea’s brother was fuming.  Slowly he got up and walked out of the room.

“You’ll talk?” AJ said angrily after the door closed.  “Again I say, after everything he’s put us through, after everything…”

Chelsea cut him off as she shouted back.  “After everything he’s still my brother!”

“Well he sure does have a funny way of showing it.” AJ said bitterly.

“I know” Chelsea said with a sigh. 

“I just don’t need his bullshit right now; you don’t need his bullshit right now.” AJ said as he thumped down into the chair by her bed.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, this wasn’t the time, he wasn’t going to let Jerald get to him he had more important things to worry about.

“Do you want to know what he said?” Chelsea asked.

“Not really.” AJ replied standing up.  “I’m going to go check on Logan; I’ll let Nadia know you’re up.” He said as he headed to the door.  “I’ll be back.” He said as he opened the door and walked out.

When he walked into the hallway he saw everyone still standing there, with Nadia and Jerald.  Ignoring everyone he turned to Nadia.  “You’re Mom’s awake; I’m going to go check on Logan see if they’ve moved him to the new room yet.”

“Ok” Nadia replied with a nod.

“AJ.” Jerald said in an apologetic tone.

“Fuck off.” AJ snapped as he put his hand up and walked down the hall. He didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want to hear Jerald try to blame this on him, try to find some way to say that his drinking had caused this or his drug abuse had cause this.  Like he hadn’t already thought about it the night before or last night when he was lying awake not being able to sleep.

When he walked up to the nurses’ station he found himself calming down and with a light smile looked at the woman behind the counter.  “I’m Alex Mclean, I was wondering if my Son Logan had been moved yet?” He asked. 

“One moment.” The nurse said as she began to look over some papers.  “Yes, yes he has I will get his nurse to come down and show you the way.”

“Great thanks.” AJ replied smiling a little brighter.

He waited a couple of minutes and then the nurse showed up.  “Hello Mr. Mclean.”

“Hello Jamie.” He replied.  “How’s he doing?”

“Good.” She said with a nod as they started walking down the hall.  “Doctor Lane has given the ok for him to come out of his incubator so you or your wife can hold him for a few minutes, every couple of hours or so.”

“Awesome” AJ said excitedly.

“He’s been taking his food well, his heart beat is doing wonderfully and all the tests have come back too.” She told him.  “His blood cell count is great for his development range and there is nothing abnormal.”

“Good” AJ replied with a nod.  “So what happens now?”

“Now we just keep an eye on his development.” She told him as they stopped in front of a room.  “We watch his lungs, his heart, his kidneys and liver and make sure things are growing how they are suppose too.”

“And if they’re not?” AJ asked.

“Things will get worse for him, if his lungs don’t develop properly he could have lifelong breathing problems and anything not developing properly could most likely lead to death.” She said as her voice went to a somber tone.  “But as of right now everything is going great.”

“So that’s what Chels and I will focus on.” He said with a nod.

She gave him a smile.  “This is his room now.  There’s a window right over here, were family and friends can take a look.  This door here is where you and Chelsea can go in and prep and enter the room.” She told him.

“Is it ok if our Daughter goes in as well?” AJ asked.

“Of course as long as one of you is with her, there’s no problem in that.” She replied with a soft smile.

“There’s a wheel chair in there for Chelsea until she can walk on her own, just bring her down in the wheel chair in her room and switch over after she’s dressed.” The nurse told him and AJ nodded.

“Ok” AJ nodded.  “I’m going to go back and get Chelsea and Nadia and bring them here then.” AJ said.

“I’ll be in there.” The nurse said and then they said goodbye. 

AJ walked back down to Chelsea’s room and noticed no one was in the hallway.  As he reached for her door he hoped Jerald wasn’t in there and as the door opened he sighed in relief when he saw that Kevin’s brother wasn’t there.  Anne, Kevin, Kristin, Nadia and Chelsea looked at him as the door closed behind him.

“Ready to go see your son?” He asked looking at Chelsea.

“Now?” Chelsea replied and as he nodded she smiled brightly. “Yes” She nodded.

“Can I go too?” Nadia asked.

“Yeah, we all can go.” AJ said.

“Really?” Kevin replied.

“Yeah, I’ll take Chelsea in to see him and there’s a window you guys can look through.” AJ told them.  “When your Mom has had time with him you can come in ok?” AJ said looking at Nadia.

“Ok” Nadia replied with a smile just like her Mom’s.

AJ walked over to Chelsea’s bedside and carefully helped her off the bed.  He helped her slip on her robe as Kevin brought over her wheel chair.  Holding onto her tightly AJ helped Chelsea sit down, he felt her body tense up as she lowered herself down onto the chair.

“You ok?” He asked as she sat down.

“Yeah just hurts.” She replied with a light painful smile.  He smiled sympathetically at his wife, kissed her on the top of the head and then walked behind the wheel chair as Kevin opened the door for them.

Everyone followed behind AJ as he pushed Chelsea down the hall.  He could hear the excitement in their voices and it made him smile.  When they arrived at the door AJ stopped the wheel chair and everyone stopped behind him.

“The window’s over there.” He said pointing it out to them.  “Chels and I go in this door to get dressed.”

“Ok” Kevin replied with a nod and then walked over to the door and opened it for them.

AJ helped Chelsea up and he heard her moan in pain under her breath.  He walked her carefully into the room; he helped her scrub her hands to her elbows and then sat her down on a chair that was in the room.  AJ walked over to the large shelf and grabbed some garments for her.

“I’m sorry” He said as he handed her the light paper like clothing.  She looked up at him with confusion in her eyes.  “For snapping at you about Jerald.”

“It’s ok” She replied as he knelt down in front of her.

“No it’s not; you’re going through enough without my temper going off.” He replied as he helped her slip on the pants.

“And you’re going through enough that you don’t need Jerald around.” She said and he looked up at her.

He sighed.  “What did he say?”

“He said he was sorry about what happened, about everything.” She told him.

“Do you believe him?” AJ asked.

Chelsea shrugged.  “Maybe but I’ll wait and see, because he’s said he’s sorry before.”

“Why do you think he’s had the change of heart?” AJ asked as he slipped a pair of booties on her feet.

She took a deep breath.  “I don’t know.” 

He stood up, got himself scrubbed up, then grabbed some garments for himself and got dressed.  “Well it doesn’t matter right now.” AJ said as he turned to her.  “What matters is that you are going to get to see your Son.”

Chelsea smiled and it made AJ smile too.  Carefully he took her by the arms and helped her stand up.  Slowly the couple walked over to the wheelchair and he gently sat her down. AJ handed her a mask to wear.  He reached for the door but then he felt Chelsea’s hand on his arm.  AJ turned to her.  She already had tears in her eyes and he knelt back down in front of her.

“Scared?” He asked as he caught and wiped a tear that had fallen. Chelsea nodded.  “Yeah, I was too.” He replied as he brushed some hair behind her ear.  “Did you want to wait a minute or two?”

“No” She said as she quickly shook her head.

“Okay” He replied with a light smile. 

AJ opened the door as Chelsea put her mask on; he walked behind the wheelchair, put on his mask and then pushed her into the room.  There was a lot more space than the last room Logan was in and AJ found himself more relaxed in this room as well.  He brought the wheelchair to a stop and smiled behind the mask at the Nurse as she walked over to them.

“Chels this is Jamie, she’s Logan’s nurse.” AJ told her but when he looked down at his wife she was staring at the incubator and he wondered if she had even heard him.  Then he noticed she was shaking, a lot.  “Chels?” He said as he knelt down beside her.

“I-I…” She paused.  “I can’t do this, I need to leave.” She said quickly her voice shaking.

“Chelsea I know…”

She interrupted him.  “Now” She said and AJ wasn’t sure what was in her tone, anger, fear, sadness.  He quickly looked at the Nurse and then stood up and pushed Chelsea out of the room.  When they entered the prep room Chelsea ripped off her mask as she broke down into hysterics.

“Chelsea” AJ said sadly as he knelt down beside the wheelchair.

“Look what I did to him.” She gasped out as she wrapped her arms around AJ and squeezed him tightly.  AJ closed his eyes as his heart began to ache and sunk with sadness.  “It’s all my fault.”