My Breathless Mistress VI

Chapter Fourteen

February 6th 2010

                Chelsea comes home today.  Yay! It’s gonna be nice having her home again.  One less person I have to worry about at night.  Dad’s in Cali, he had the fucking nerve to show up at the hospital.  I do not need his shit right now.  I hope he’s going home today and not gonna show up at my door while Chelsea is getting adjusted to being back.  I should have known he was going to show up but I guess I had other things on my mind.  I can’t believe he thinks this would bring us together; doesn’t he know what I’m going through? No, no he doesn’t because he never has.  That’s our entire fucking problem.  Nadia’s at school she was a little pissed I made her go but by the time Chelsea actually gets out she’ll be on her way home from school.  It was weird; I had to put my Dad foot down.  I hope she doesn’t make me do that too often.

                AJ walked down the same hospital hallway he had walked down every day for the past few days.  He had a small spring to his step excited to bring his wife home and happy that life would turn some what back to normal. 

“Alex” He heard Kevin say and he looked up with a smile.

“Hey man you beat me here.” AJ replied with a smile.

“Alex.” Kevin spoke again and this time he saw the look on his face.  There was sadness, pain, and glossy eyes. 

“Is Chels ok?” AJ asked and Kevin slowly nodded.

He didn’t wait for Kevin to say anything more and took off down the hall past Chelsea’s room.  His former band mate called after him but he ignored it.  His heart was racing a mile a minute and it wasn’t from the running.  Logan was fine, his son was fine, he had to be, he was fighting so hard. When he ran up on the door to Logan’s room it opened and he almost slammed into the Doctor as she walked out.

“Mr. Mclean” The woman said a little shocked.

“I want to see Logan.” AJ said breathless.

“Mr. Mclean…” She stopped and looked behind him AJ turned to see what was so important that she couldn’t answer him.  When he turned around he saw Kevin standing there.  He saw the glance the two shared.

“I want to see my son.” AJ said as he looked back at the Doctor.

“I am sorry AJ but you can’t.” Doctor Lane said.

“Alex” Kevin said

“Why?” AJ asked as he looked from her too Kevin.

“Don’t say it, please, please don’t say it.” He thought to himself.

“Your son passed away a couple of minutes ago.” She spoke in a solemn tone.

“N-no” AJ said shaking his head.  “No you’re lying, you’re fucking lying.” AJ shouted.

“Alex” Kevin said as he reached for him.

“Don’t! Don’t fucking touch me.” AJ snapped as he pulled away from Kevin.   He looked at his friend searched his face for some kind of smile, some kind of sign this was some sick joke but it wasn’t there.  The reality began to hit him and he looked over at the door.  His face contorted into pain. “No” He spoke as he began to cry.  “No no, oh god please no.”

“We believe it was his heart, with all the stress it had been under just before labor and the stress afterwards was just too much for it.” Doctor Lane told him.  “We’ll know more after the autopsy.”

“Autopsy?” AJ replied with a slight whine as he looked up at the woman.  Quickly he looked away as he started to shake a little.

“This can’t be happening, he was going to make it, and I believed he was I told Chelsea he was….”

He felt like he was going to be sick, the room was spinning and he put his hand over his mouth.  He felt someone grab him and walk him over to a chair. They sat him down and when he did everything poured out.  He put his head in his hands and cried.  His heart began to rip into two and the pain was so bad he could barely breathe.

“AJ man, I’m so sorry.” Kevin said from beside him.  He looked up and saw his friend looking back at him crying.

“This can’t be happening Kev, please tell me this isn’t happening, tell me I’m dreaming or something.” AJ cried.

Kevin sniffed and wiped his eyes.  “Wish I could man.”

“Does Chelsea know?” AJ asked and then it hit him, If this was how he was feelings, what about Chelsea.

“Yeah Mom and Doctor Lane told her just before you got here.” Kevin said.  “What are you doing?” He asked when AJ stood up.

“I need to go see her.” He replied as he wiped his eyes and then wiped his hands on his jeans.

He walked down the hall not saying another word, his body was numb.  He did nothing to stop the tears, even if he wanted too he couldn’t his body was only able to do one thing right now and that was to get to Chelsea.  When they walked up to Chelsea’s room they saw Anne outside the door.

“What’s up?” Kevin asked and his Mom turned around.

“Oh Alex I’m so sorry.” Anne said as she pulled AJ into her arms.  AJ could see she had been crying too.  “I’m waiting for the Doctor.” Anne told them with a sniff.

“What’s wrong?” AJ asked.

“Doctor Lane told her about Logan…” Anne started to cry again.  “Chels just went silent.  She didn’t cry, she didn’t do anything, and right now she’s staring at the wall.  Doctor Lane said she was going to come back and check on her in a few minutes.”

AJ inhaled, the breathing was shaky as he wiped his eyes and tried to calm himself.  He stared at the door for a moment and then walked towards it.  The words of Kevin and Anne became nothing more than mumbles as it took everything he had to open the hospital room door.  He poked his head around the wooden entrance and just like Anne had said, she was sitting on the bed staring at the wall.  Carefully he walked over to her and sat down on top of her blankets.  His lip quivered as he went to speak and his hand shook as he took hers.

“Chels?” AJ said but it got no reaction from her.  “Chelsea look at me.”  AJ said trying to be strong for her.  Not knowing what else to do AJ leaned in and kissed her and then wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him.  Still no reaction, no arms sliding up his back, no tight squeeze no anything.  He pulled away and looked at her.  The tears streamed down his face and he sniffed as he tucked a hair behind her ear.  “Sweetheart please say something, do something.”

Nothing happened.  AJ closed his eyes and gently laid his forehead against hers.  He started to cry, cry harder than he had in a long time, maybe harder than he ever had.  His heart broke for his wife, she was lost, she was numb and he didn’t need to be her to know how she felt.  AJ pulled her back into his arms as he continued to cry and he didn’t stop until…

“Alex?” His wife whispered beside him. Slowly he pulled away and his eyes met Chelsea’s. “I-I…” She stopped talking and closed her eyes.  “My baby.” Chelsea gasped out as she began to sob.

AJ pulled her back into his arms.  “I know, I know sweetheart.” AJ spoke as he began to choke up.

“Why? Why did it have to be him?” She cried in his arms.

“I don’t know Chels.” AJ replied with a sob.  “But he has a plan and we always knew Logan was special.”

“Don’t!” Chelsea snapped as she pulled away from AJ.  “Don’t say that bullshit, he has a plan, I don’t give a shit about his plan he took my son from me!” She yelled at him.  “Do not pull this God crap on me…what kind of creator keeps a child locked away with her psychotic Father, what kind of creator gives you hope, hope that your son will live and then just rip it away from you!”  Chelsea began to sob uncontrollably.  AJ didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what to do besides hold her so that’s what he did. 

“I want to go home.” Chelsea said as she pulled away again wiping her eyes.

“Huh?” AJ replied a little confused.

“They said I could go home today, there’s no point on me staying here now is there?” She said as she looked at him. 

“Chelsea…” AJ said with a sigh but she interrupted him.

“Just get me out of here.” His wife snapped quickly.

“I-I’ll see what I can do.” AJ said as he stood up from the bed.

He walked out into the hallway and saw Kevin, his wife Kristin and Anne sitting in the chairs across from the door.  They all looked at him with sad faces and he took a deep breath and sighed.  He looked down the hall, the direction Logan’s room was. Logan.  His face etched with pain again and he started to cry.  Anne was the first one over and wrapped him in her arms.

“Your Mom is on her way over hun” Anne said as AJ tried to calm himself.

“I need to go talk to the Doctor.” AJ spoke.

“Why, what’s going on?” Kevin asked.

                AJ took a deep breath and slipped his hands into his pockets.  “She wants to go home, she said since they were sending her home anyways because there’s no point to her staying here now.”

“I’m going to go sit with her while you do that.” Anne said as she gave AJ another quick hug and then walked into the room.  When the door opened AJ could still hear Chelsea crying. 

“Want some company?” Kevin asked.

“Sure” AJ replied with a shrug.

Making his way down to the nurse’s station AJ thought about what had just happened.  It was still to surreal wondering, hoping he would wake up from this god awful nightmare but something inside him kept telling him it wasn’t going to happen.  He would have to go through the days, remembering what little time he had with his Son.  Remembering how much love he had for his little man.  He would have to look at the pain on Chelsea’s face, the sadness on Nadia’s.

He stopped dead. “Nadia.”

“Huh?” Kevin replied as him and his wife stopped walking.

“Nadia’s at school, I still have to tell her.”  AJ said and his mind started spinning again.

“AJ can I help you with something?” AJ turned around and saw Jaime standing by the station.

“Chels wants to go home.” AJ told her. “Can I talk to Doctor Lane.”

“Of course.” Jaime said sympathetically and he noticed the redness in her eyes.

“So what are you going to do with Nadia?” Kevin asked as Jaime the nurse walked away.

“I’ll find out if Chelsea can leave, then I’ll drive down to the school and get her.”  AJ replied. 

They waited for a few minutes and then Doctor Lane came out of a room.  She walked over to AJ and grabbed a metal clipboard from the desk.  He wondered if she would let Chelsea go, knowing how hard she took the early birth and now what this must be doing to her.

“I assume I will have a fight on my hands if I keep her here?” Doctor Lane asked and AJ nodded.

“If you don’t think she’s well enough, keep her here.” AJ told her.

“This is where my job gets tricky.” The Doctor said.  “Even though there are Doctors here, people she can talk to here, sometimes just going home helps.  I’m not sure which one will work best for her.  You know your wife AJ what do you think will help her?” She asked.

“I think going home, being with Nadia and I, having some normalcy back would help her a lot.  It did when we found her in Mexico.” AJ said and the Doctor nodded.

“I want her to talk to someone before she goes.”  Doctor Lane said.  “I will set something up and get someone up there right away.”

“Okay” AJ replied with a nod.

“I will go get her papers ready then.” Doctor Lane said with a light smile.

“Will you guys take her home?” He asked as he turned to Kristin and Kevin.  “I’m going to go get Nadia, fill her in.”

“No problem man, we’ll see you at home.” Kevin said and AJ gave him a hug. “Tell her I love her and I’ll see her at home.”

“Okay man.” Kevin replied as AJ started walking down the hallway.

AJ left the hospital and he had hopped the cloudy fog would leave as he did but it didn’t.  Everything looked so different from when he showed up here only a half hour ago.  When he got into his car anger filled him and he squeezed the steering wheel. As rage over came him he started punching his stirring wheel.  Sometimes he would hit the handle part sometimes he would land a direct blow right on the horn but he didn’t care.  With each hit he let out a small cry until he couldn’t hit anything any more and just started sobbing as he whimpered his Son’s name.

Eventually AJ calmed down, he sniffed and wiped his eyes as he composed himself.  He lit up a cigarette and sat there for a moment.  He stared out the window watching the cars and people pass.  His cigarette was half way done before he even pulled out the Hospital parking lot.  Making his way through the twist and turns of LA he drove up to the front of the school and parked in visitor’s parking.  As he closed the door to his car he took a long drag from his cigarette and then butted it out on the ground.  He looked up at the large building and blew the smoke out of his lungs. 

“Please give me the strength” He sighed and a tear escaped from his eye.