My Breathless Mistress VI

Chapter Eighteen

                AJ walked into the house with his daughter in front of him.  When he turned around from closing the door he saw Chelsea getting up from the couch. She walked right up to Nadia to hug her but Nadia moved and headed up the stairs.  AJ looked at his wife who just stared up the stairs and then she looked away as she walked back over to the sofa.  He hung up his jacket, put the keys on the hook and headed into the living room.  She sat on the couch her head in her hands crying.

“I’m Sorry for taking off.” He told her as he sat down beside her.  “I’m sorry for losing my temper; you’re not…”

“I’m such a failure.” Chelsea whimpered.

AJ placed his hands around hers and pulled them away from her face.  “You are not a failure.”

“Yes I am” She cried.  “I failed Nadia, I failed Logan…”

“Sweetheart”

“I’m a horrible Mother.” She sobbed.  “You should go find someone who will take care of her children and not have them taken away or…or…” She stared crying again.

“Chelsea” AJ sighed as he pulled her against him.  After a moment he pulled her away.  “Chelsea look at me.” He said as she kept her head down.  Slipping a couple of fingers under her chin he lifted her head and her eyes darted to him.  “You are not a failure, you didn’t fail Nadia and you did not fail Logan.” He told her. “And there is no way in hell I’m going to find someone else because there’s no one else like you Chels.”

His wife started crying harder and he pulled her into his arms.  Carefully he laid them back lying his head on top of the arm of the couch.  She curled up into him, holding him tightly still lightly sobbing.  He ran his fingers gently through her hair.  It had been a while since they had lied like this whether she was crying or not.

“And you’re right I don’t know what it’s like.” He started to say and Chelsea sat up.

“That was stupid of me too say, I know you are hurting just as much as I am.” She told him.  He brushed a chunk of her hair behind her ear. 

“But I get why it’s different with you.” He told her.  “And if want to sleep the next year away, than its fine by me.”

“Alex I don’t want to sleep the next year away and I know I’ve been sleeping a lot, I’ve just been so tired and so drained.”  She sighed.

“Chels can I ask you something?” AJ asked as he sat them both up a little straighter and she looked at him.  “Are you feeling…?” He stopped not sure how he should word it.  “Do you…?”

“What?” She asked confused. 

“Are you thinking about…you know…?” He spoke again still not sure how to say it.  She shook her head still not understanding.

“Just say it Alex.” She told him.

“Are you thinking about killing yourself?” He blurted out.

“What?” She replied shocked. “No” She said quickly. “No no” Chelsea looked away and AJ stared at her for a moment.  “You thought I was thinking that?”

“Yeah” AJ replied with a frown. “You’ve been really out of it Chels.” He told her.  “Plus what you said that night in the Hospital when you first went in.”

She looked at him for a moment and he could tell she was thinking back.  With a deep breath she sighed and looked down at her hands.  “I’m sorry”

AJ took her by the hands and she looked up at him.  “There’s no need to be sorry sweetheart, I just want to know if you’re okay, like really okay.” He told her.  “I want to help you get through this and I want you to understand none of this is your fault.”

“I keep replaying that day in my head, over and over and over, searching trying to find what I did wrong.” She said as she wiped the tear away that fell down her cheek.

“And?”

“I can’t think of anything” She mumbled.

“Because you did nothing wrong.” He told her as he gently rubbed her shoulder.

“But that hurts even more” Chelsea said as she looked down.

“What does?” AJ asked.

“That they couldn’t find anything, it just happened.  For no reason I went into labor and because of it our Son died.” She said as more tears fell.  “I want someone, something to blame, someone to sue, something to get mad at but I have nothing.” AJ noticed she started getting agitated.  “And he just keeps laughing at me.”

“Who?” AJ replied as his eyebrows fell in confusion.

“Nothing” Chelsea mumbled and she became even more agitated. 

He slid his hand down her arm and turned her to look at him.  “Who’s laughing at you Chelsea?” And then like a firework bursting inside of his head, the memory fluttered out like the small glowing balls of light.  The memory of her sitting on the bed, the words she was speaking, and what she yelled at him.  He looked back at her.

“Chelsea answer me please.”

“My…Dad” She replied slowly.

“I’m calling that councilor and making you an appointment for like today.” AJ told her.

“Alex I don’t want too…”

He interrupted her as he shook his head.  “Nope I’m not hearing it; I’ve been more than lenient on letting you deal with this but that, no, no, no.  You’re talking to someone.” Chelsea was about to answer back to him but the sound of someone thumping down the stairs broke the conversation.   They looked over to the staircase and saw Nadia heading to the kitchen.

“Nadia?” AJ said as he looked into the other room.

“What?” She replied.

“Come here we want to talk to you.” He said as she huffed and headed towards them.

“So how long am I grounded for?” She asked as she slumped down on the big couch chair.

“You’re not grounded” AJ replied.

“Really?” Nadia replied a little shocked and it made AJ smile a little.

“Yes, we’ll let this slide this one time.” AJ told her.  “But why did you take off in the first place?”

“I woke up to you guys fighting, you guys were screaming at each other, you guys don’t fight like that.” She said as she laid her head on her hand.  She played with the bottom of her shirt.  “Then you left.” Nadia said as she looked at AJ and then she looked at Chelsea.  “And I wasn’t going to stay here while you slept.”

“I’m sorry” Chelsea spoke quietly.  “Nadia I really am, I’ve just been stuck in this fog and…”

“And you forgot about me” Nadia replied.

“No” Chelsea said quietly. 

“Why not? You did before.” Nadia snapped back at her.

“Nadia” AJ replied a little irked by the attitude.

“Can I go have breakfast now?” She asked with a sigh.

“No we’re not done talking.” AJ replied back to her and she huffed sitting further into her chair.

“Its fine Alex if she wants to go eat she can go eat.” Chelsea said as Nadia stood up.

“Sit down!” AJ snapped to his daughter and she looked at him.  “You’re Mother was talking to you.”  Nadia sat back down in the chair and curled up into the position she was sitting in before. He then looked at Chelsea.  “Go ahead.”

“Nadia I am really sorry.” Chelsea began to talk again.  “I never meant to ignore you or make you feel like I didn’t love you.”  He noticed his wife was starting to get choked up. “I know the both of you are hurting from this just as much as I am and I promise from this point on I’ll work on getting past this.”

“We’ll do it together.” AJ said as he took her hand.

“Fine, can I go eat now?” She asked.

“Nadia” AJ said as he felt his frustration towards her hit a new high.

“It’s fine” Chelsea said as she gently squeezed his hand.  “Go eat.”

Nadia mumbled something and AJ was going to ask her what she mumbled but Chelsea stopped him.  He sat back down and looked at her as she shook her head.  “She’s angry just let her cool off.”

“She shouldn’t talk back to you like that.” AJ replied.

“And I shouldn’t have ignored my Daughter for the past four days.” Chelsea sighed.  “But I did because I was upset and she’s upset too.”

AJ looked at her he had started to realize she was making sense, she wasn’t babbling she wasn’t crying and it had been like that since he got back.  Chelsea seemed like she was more aware about what was going on around her.

“And how are you doing now?” He asked.

“A little better” She replied as she looked at him.  “I guess when your Husband and your Daughter walk out on you it wakes you up.”

“I didn’t walk out on you Chelsea, I just…” He took a deep breath.

“Needed a drink” She replied.

“Yes” He said but then corrected himself. “No…I mean yes I did plan on going when I left but it was more about just getting away, being able to think without Doctors calling, or you crying or Nadia needing something.” He told her.

AJ was taken back when she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him against her.  With a small smile he slipped his hands up her back and returned the hug.  “I’m so sorry”

He slid his fingers through her hair.  “Its okay Sweetheart, I should have been more understanding…”

She pulled away and shook her head.  “No, you were beyond understanding Alex, you were right you’ve done everything.” She told him. “You went by yourself to buy the casket.”

“I had Ma and Kev” AJ replied out of habit of protecting her.

“Alex” She said and her lips frowned a little.

He looked down as his fingers twiddled away. A flurry of emotions ran through him. Her arm slipped past him over his arms and he looked down at it as he felt the side of her head on his shoulder.  He took a deep breath as the emotions whisked away the air in his lungs and gently rested his head against hers.  Each second he was in her arms a piece of the bridge was repaired.  He was confident to know she was not going to freak out or he wasn’t going to upset her anymore than she already was. So he let it out.  Everything he held inside so he could talk to the Doctors, pick out the Casket, make the Funeral arrangements, and take care of Nadia came rushing out. 

“I needed you there” AJ sobbed.

“I know and I’m so sorry.” Chelsea replied and she held him a little tighter.

He knew she was and it wasn’t like she wasn’t there because she was off shopping or chilling at the beach.  With a deep breath he started to calm and started to enjoy just being able to hold his wife without her sobbing.  When he pulled away she reached up and wiped the tears from his cheeks.  He flashed her a light smile as he took her hand and gently kissed the back of it.

The couple looked away when the sound of their Daughter’s footsteps broke their stare.  They watched as she walked past them and up the stairs.  AJ looked at Chelsea as she looked at her Daughter with sad eyes.

“I’ll go talk to her” AJ said as Chelsea looked at him.

He left his wife on the couch and made his way to the second floor.  When he walked up to his Daughter’s room he knocked on the door.  There was no answer but he could hear video game music playing quietly.  Again he knocked on the door and this time got a reply.

“What?” Nadia yelled through her door.

“Can I come in?” He asked back.

“Whatever” Nadia shouted back, he rolled his eyes at the comment.  He hated it when Nick said it and he hated it when she said it. 

AJ opened the door and saw Nadia sitting against her bed with a controller in her hand.  “What are you playing?” He asked.

“God of War” She replied without looking at him.

“Can you pause it?” He asked.

With a sigh she pressed a button and stopped the game.  She looked up at him and he could tell she was annoyed.   “Why?”

“What’s with the attitude all of a sudden?” AJ asked as he sat down beside her.  “You’re Mom was willing to talk about everything and you just shot her down.”

“So” Nadia sigh.

“So…look at how she was before we came back, how she’s been the past couple of days and look at how she is now.  She wants to talk, us leaving the way we did scared her and woke her up from the haze she was in.”  AJ told her.  “That’s gotta mean something, that tells me she still cares about us, and that she still loves us.”  Nadia looked at him and then looked away.  “We gotta meet her half way, we gotta let her know that we support her, we want her to get better, and we’ll help her do that.”

It took him a little by surprised when she started crying.  He put his arm around her and pulled her in for a hug.  “Nadia?” Chelsea’s voice broke through out the room and they both looked up.  She walked over to them and started to sit down but AJ stopped her.

“Sit on the bed.” He told her as he helped her to the bed.  AJ sat down on the bed as he watched Chelsea take Nadia’s hand.

“I am truly sorry, I never meant to hurt you and I never meant to ignore you.” Chelsea told her.  “I didn’t want to face reality.” She told her as she brushed her Daughter’s hair over her shoulder.  “I just didn’t want to deal with what was happening.”

“And now?” Nadia asked as Chelsea wiped her tears away.

“Now I have too.” She told her.  “I forgot that I wasn’t alone in this.” She turned to AJ. “I know I’m not alone in this.” AJ flashed her a light smile.  “Now I’m not saying the crying is going to stop or I’m going to wake up tomorrow and want to go to Disney…”

“Oh Disney” AJ said with a squeal to his voice and Nadia smiled Chelsea too.

“But I promise that I will do what I have to so we can all move on from this.”  She told them.

“But moving on doesn’t mean forgetting.” AJ said to them and Nadia rolled her eyes.  “What?” He asked when he saw his Daughters reaction.

“Where’d you get that from a Hallmark Card?” She asked and Chelsea snorted a laugh.

“Why you lil…” AJ said as he reached for Nadia but she jumped up out of his way cracking up laughing.