My Breathless Mistress VI

Chapter Twenty-Two

                AJ took a long drag from the cigarette and blew out as his body sunk back just a little.  For a moment things were calm and focused and then Kevin spoke.

“What happens now?” He asked.

“I really don’t know.” AJ replied.  “I guess wait and see what they say tomorrow.”

“What if she won’t talk?” Kevin asked.

“I dunno” AJ replied with a shrug. “Maybe keep her longer?” He asked. “I hate this I don’t know what to do.  Should I be mad and pissed off she did this to herself, that she let herself get like this or do I love her and comfort her because obviously she’s really sick. She’s hearing her Dad for Christ sakes, it’s probably been the whole reason for all of this.”

“It’s driving her crazy?” Kevin asked and AJ looked at him.

“Fuck I knew I should have pushed harder but I just wanted to give her space.” AJ replied as he put his head in his hands.  “When she was at home she was so moody and then she would stop talking, she hasn’t said a word to me in three days, three fucking days not a hello how are ya, nothin’ it’s like I’m not even there.  With Nadia she’ll talk but its stern and cold and if Nadia is around her too long she get’s agitated and then gets snippy.” He took a drag from his smoke.  “But when she’s with the Councilor she shuts down completely.  Won’t talk, won’t do anything just stares, she goes but she just sits there and walks like a robot or something.” He said as he blew out the smoke from his lungs.

Kevin sighed. 

AJ flicked his cigarette ash onto the ground.  “I should have done something when she started pushing to be left alone.” He sat back on the bench and looked at Kevin.  “I just…”

“You just didn’t know what to do, who does when their kids dies man.” Kevin told him.  “You guys are living on the fly right now trying to get through this.  I’m seriously proud of the way you have handle this shit, from the moment Chels went in to now.  Seriously man.”

There it was it was always Kevin that said it.  Not his Dad, sometimes his Mom but Kevin, when Kevin said it he knew he meant it. This man that came into his life just by pure chance showed more compassion and love than his own Father.  AJ sighed and then took a drag of his cigarette. 

“Maybe she’ll talk when we get back in they said they were going to give her something to calm down.” AJ said as Kevin looked over at him.  “Will you come with me, there’s still a chance she’s pissed and I don’t want to get her worked up so, that way you can stay and I’ll leave for a bit.”

“Sure man” Kevin nodded as AJ butted out his cigarette in the public ashtray.

The two stood up and made their way into the hospital.  “Did you call your Mom?”

“No I’d figured I would just wait till I knew more, didn’t want to worry her.” Kevin told him as they walked through the sliding doors.

AJ walked up to the nurse sitting at the station.  “AJ Mclean for Chelsea Mclean.”

“Okay” The older woman smiled and the opened the door for them.

“She’s not in the General ER?” Kevin asked as they walked through the doors.

“Nope” AJ replied as he looked at Kevin.

The walked down the hall and AJ lead him to the small curtain room that was Chelsea’s. He reached for the curtain but then Kevin spoke up.

“I’ll wait out here for a minute, give you guys some time.” Kevin told him and the look on his face made AJ wondered if he needed some time too. 

Turning around AJ pulled back the curtain and walked into the little room.  It was only big enough for the bed, the machines, and a chair beside the bed.  He looked over at his wife lying on her side, the blankets wrapped tightly over her all the way up to her shoulder.  Slowly he walked over to the chair, her eyes were closed and he wondered if he should just sit or say something. He tried sitting first but as he sat back her eyes started to flutter open.

“Can we go home now?” She asked as he sat forward putting his elbow on the top of his legs, by his knees.  He placed his head in his hands and looked at her at eye level.

“No sweetheart.” He told her.

“They can’t keep me here.” Chelsea mumbled.

“Yes they can” AJ told her calmly and she looked at him tired confusion. “I signed a form saying I gave them permission to keep you here.”

“What?” She replied.

“Tell me what happened upstairs.” He said as he looked at her.  She looked away and said nothing.  “Damn it Chelsea talk to me please.” His eyes didn’t break from her face even as his eyes filled with tears.  “It’s me sweetheart, why can’t you tell me what’s going on?”  He waited for a response but nothing.  Reaching up he grabbed the blankets and pulled them down a little bit and she looked up at him.  He pointed to her arms wrapped in white bandages from her elbows to her hands on both arms. “Look, look at what you did Chelsea, look at  what you did to yourself, who’s to say next time it won’t be something really fucking stupid.” He told her.  “You need help and you obviously don’t want it from me.”

“I don’t want it from anyone” She mumbled.

“Really?” AJ asked.  “So you’re just going to let your Dad keep talking to ya huh?” He asked with a snip of frustration.   “Cause if you are let me know, so I can bail.” Her eyes snapped up too him and he could tell she was seeing if she could call his bluff.  “I’m not going to sit around and watch you do this to yourself, I’d rather go back to when you were fucking dead.” He stared at her for a moment.  Maybe it was time some tough love.  Last time it kicked her out of her stooper.  “You can go live with Kevin although I doubt he’d want you around Mason like this.  Cause I sure as hell don’t want you around Nadia.” He sat back in his chair.

“I thought you would be there for me, guess I was wrong.” She as she pulled the blanket over her.  “Good to know I can count on my husband.”

“Don’t you dare put this on me!” AJ replied as he got a little fired up at her comment.  “I have been there for you and you damn well know it.”  He stopped himself and sighed.  “Chelsea I don’t wanna fight with you.  I just want you to get better, I miss you.”  She didn’t say anything.  AJ waited and waited and she still didn’t say anything.

“Alright” He said as he stood up and her eyes drifted to him.  “Nadia’s at Kandis’s, Kevin’s here, so I’m going to go home.  I need some time to myself and think about some things.”  He told her.  “I’ll be back tomorrow and I seriously hope you decide to talk to them so that they can help you, so that I can get my wife back and Nadia can get her Mom back.” AJ said and then he turned and left the curtain room.

“What’s up?” Kevin asked.

“She’s not saying anything, I’m just gonna go, I need to get my head clear and just figure shit out.” AJ told him.

“Alright man” Kevin nodded and AJ walked down the hall.

He left the hospital and hailed a cab.  He told the man where to go and sat back for the ride home.  His eyes stared out the window but he paid no attention to the buildings as they past.  He thought about Chelsea, seeing her on her knees in the bedroom holding her arms out, the panic and fright he felt, and just the not knowing what she had done and what was going to happen.  The car jerked a bit and he looked up, they were pulling into his drive way.  With a sigh he reached in and pulled out his wallet.  At least he never took that out of his pocket.  He paid the driver and then got out. 

He looked up at his home as the cab pulled away, the memories of before ripped through his mind and he looked down as tears started to drip from his eye.  When he looked back up again he felt like he was in a fog, thoughts clouded his mind, feelings rushed through him as he walked towards the house.  Opening the front door he stepped inside and let the door close behind him.  He dropped everything right there and walked towards the kitchen.  Stopping at the back patio doors he looked outside.  He didn’t look at the chairs they sat in before she blew up, or where she sat as she talked to herself outside.  His eyes focused on the back pool shed.  Opening the door he made his way outside and with his mind still whirling, made his way towards the small aluminum building. 

AJ pulled on the sliding door and walked in, his eyes darted around the small area as his mind fought with the other memories to find the one he was looking for.  A quick flash made him look over in the left corner and he made his way over to a bunch of boxes.  He started looking through them but didn’t find what he was looking for.  When he reached the last box he saw a wooden box sitting behind it.

“Bingo” He whispered as the memory broke through.  The memory when they were unpacking here, he had found it.  He should have dumped it down the sink but back then things were still uncertain.  Pulling it out he opened the box but to his dismay it wasn’t there.  Instead in its place was a piece of paper.  He reached in and took it between his fingers pulling it out of the box.

He pulled the one side open.

“I Love You” Was written in Chelsea’s handing writing.

He sighed.  She had found it.  A little anger rose in him at the thought of her not trusting him and actually looking but then again, he just stood here and was ready to drink it.  Slowly he slumped down still staring the slim but tall hand writing.  It still hadn’t changed much from when she was sixteen, and he knew it well.  He would find notes in his pocket, in his room, he got mad at her once, worrying his Mom would find them but it was only a couple of more letters after he stopped getting them.

Back then it was like his life had stopped, everything around him had stopped the day she died.  When she came back the spark reignited and his life started again and now, now it was like his life was stuck.  He didn’t know where to go, or what to do.  He wanted to be mad at her; she wasn’t the only one suffering from this but the guilt he felt after wards made him sick to his stomach.  He wanted to hold her and tell her it will be ok, there was still life out there and she could move on but she didn’t want to hear it.  AJ started to cry as frustration, anger, guilt, and sadness over whelmed him.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there but when his sobs stopped and he wiped his eyes he had a small feeling of déjà vu.  Slowly he got up with a small groan as the wear and tear of dancing over the years slowly started to catch up with him.  He closed up the shed and left the backyard.  He walked to the front door and picked up his things.  Staring at the door he wondered about leaving, taking the car and just driving, where he ended up he didn’t care, and if it was at a bar…then who could blame him.  If Chelsea was allowed to slice open her arms because she was so upset, a few fucking drinks wouldn’t hurt.

With a grit of his teeth he pushed the thought from his head.  Maybe Chelsea wouldn’t have a right to say anything but Nadia would and he wasn’t going to do that to her.  He locked the door and shut out the lights; he headed upstairs and headed to the guest room.  Not wanting to see the mess that was left behind in his room, he dropped onto the smaller guest bed and closed his eyes.