An Illicit Gentleman II

                                        Chapter Thirty-Five

            When the door closed AJ lowered his head and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.  The sadness turned into anger and found himself wanting to hit something.  Then the anger turned into fear and he wanted to crawl into a corner and hide.  As fast as they came they left and he hated feeling this way, like he had no control over his own emotions.  Now it was affecting Eve and him and it made him even angrier.  He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and hold her but he couldn’t because every time he looked at her he would see her in the van, he would see Mats, and then he would hear her screaming and crying.  Right now it was too much to handle when she was around. He ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes trying to get his thoughts and feelings settled.  That’s when he heard the commotion coming from outside his door. 

            Slowly he got out of bed and walked over to the door.  When he opened it he saw all of his friends gathered around in a circle across from his room.  He was about to ask what was going on when he saw Kevin pick up Eve and a nurse escort them too a room. 

“What’s going on?” AJ asked as his Mom walked up to him.

“Think it’s a panic attack but she passed out.” Denise said.  “Go inside and wait in your room.”

“What happened? Did Brian say something, cause if he did I’ll fucking kill him.” AJ shouted as Denise closed the door.

“No Alex Brian went home and nothing happened it just kind of sprung up, she’s been trying to keep it together all night.” Denise said as he sat down on the bed.  “I’ll go check on her you stay there.”

He didn’t say anything as he sat waiting, he was worried about her and he wanted to go to her but the thought of her brought back the images and sounds.  The feelings came back each one running its course and then leaving being replaced by the next one.  He started to get frustrated that he couldn’t get a handle on it and he needed too because he needed her.  But what if he couldn’t, what if he kept feeling this way, what would that mean for them. 

The door opened and his Mom walked in.  “She’s ok.  They just want her to relax on the oxygen for a bit and let the medication take effect.” His Mom said as she walked over to his bed.  “How was she in here?”

“Huh?” AJ replied.

“When Eve was here how was she?” Denise asked.

“I think she was fine.” He told her.

“You think?” Denise replied with some shock.

“Yes I think, I don’t know I wasn’t really paying attention, I’ve kind of got my own thing going on here can’t worry about her all the time.” AJ snapped.

“Alex?” Denise lightly gasped.

“Where the hell are my papers? Can you please find out what is taking so damn long?” He grunted.

“Fine but while I do that you should go check on your wife.” Denise said in a motherly tone.

AJ watched her walk out of the room and when the door closed over he put his head down with a sigh.  He moaned as he rested his head in his hands, his head was starting to hurt again.  This wasn’t fare he didn’t ask for this and the thought of how it was making him feel towards Eve was making him even more pissed off and moody. 

“You need to get over this.” He said to himself.  “Or you’re going to lose her.”  The thought scared him.  Slowly he climbed off the bed and made his way out of the room.  He saw Nick standing a ways down the hall and headed towards him.

“Hey man she’s in there.” Nick said as he nodded at the half closed door in front of him.  AJ lightly smiled with a light nod of a thank you and then made his way into the room.  He frowned when he saw her sitting on the bed holding the oxygen mask to her face.  It brought back flashbacks of when he came into her hospital room and she was lying on the bed with the mask on her face. 

“Are you ok?” He asked finally speaking.

“Yeah” She replied with a light nod.

“Ok, I’m going to go check and see if my papers are done.” He told her then flashed her a light smile and left the room.  When he heard the door close he stopped and thought about going back.  Normally he would have stayed held her, talked to her, kept her calm but now because of Mats things started to feel different.  His jaw tightened and he gritted his teeth as the echoes of Mats screaming at him twirled in his head.

“Hey man you ok?” Kevin asked as he walked up beside him.

“I’m fine.” AJ said trying to calm down.  “I just want to leave.”

“Your Mom’s getting them now and they said Eve could go too.” Kevin told him.  AJ took a deep breath and started down the hallway to the nurse’s station.  “Hey” Kevin said behind him and he turned around.

“What?” AJ asked looking at him.

“Aren’t you going to get Eve?” Kevin asked.

“I’m going to go see my Mom first, I’ll come back.” AJ replied.  He caught the look Kevin gave him as he turned around but he ignored it and continued to walk down the hall.

The car ride to the hotel was pretty quiet, Kevin and his Mom tried talking to him but he just answered with a yes or no.  He stared out the window the entire way home.  Eve never said a word to him and the fact he hadn’t even looked at her on the way to the hotel probably didn’t help much.  They checked in unseen by any photographers and made their way up to their hotel room.

“I need to lie down.” AJ said as soon as he got into the room.  He headed right to the bedroom, shut the door, put down his bag and sat down on the edge of the bed.  As he got up to grab a change of clothes from his suit case the bedroom door opened.

“I’m going to order room service do you want anything?” Eve asked.

“No I’m good.” He replied as he picked up his bag and walked over to the bed.

“Are you sure because all you’ve had is hospital food and…”

“Yes damn it, I’m not hungry, I would know if I was hungry.” He snapped.

“Ok” Eve replied and left the room. 

AJ picked up his bag and threw it across the room.  He sat down on the bed with a sulking thump and ran his fingers through his hair.  When she was gone he wanted her more than anything but then when she was there he didn’t want to be around her, didn’t want to deal with what had happened and what he had saw.  Just then the bedroom door swung open and he saw Eve standing in the door way.  Her eyes bloodshot and red around the edges she had obviously been crying.

“Do you want me to leave?” She asked.  He could tell she was pissed but she held it back. 

He stared at her for a moment and then looked down at his hands.  “I don’t know.”

“Cause you’re acting like you don’t want me around at all.” Eve said.

“Well I’m sorry ok but I’m kind of dealing with some really rough shit right now.”

“Yeah I know.” Eve snipped back at him.

“Than cut me some fucking slack woman!” He yelled.

“I’m trying Alex I really am but I don’t get why you’re taking it out on me, what did I do to deserve for you to act like I’ve got the plague or something?” Eve asked.

“You didn’t do anything.” AJ replied.

“Then what’s wrong?” She asked.  “Why are you so mad at me?”

“I’m not, I’m mad at Mats, I’m mad at what he did to you, I’m mad at what he showed me because every time I see you…I see…I see you in the van and Mats and…” He stopped as the tears rushed his eyes.  “It’s too much Eve and I can’t deal, I don’t mean to blow up at you, I don’t mean to be so angry I just…I can’t help it.”

“So what are you saying?” She wondered.  “You want me to go?”

“I don’t know.” AJ sighed.  “When you’re gone I want you here but when you’re here…”

“You want me gone.” She finished his sentence for him.  “Then I’ll go.”

“Eve…”

“No I think I get it.” She told him.  “I’ll get my own room, give you some space, and let you figure this out.”

“Please don’t be mad at me.” AJ said quickly before she walked out the door.

“I’m not Alex, I know what you saw, I’m just mad that Mats still got between us some how and now he might get what he wanted all along.” Eve said.  He watched as she headed out the door but then she stopped and turned around.  “What does she look like?”

AJ looked at her confused.  “Who?”

“Lily” Eve replied and AJ’s heart skipped a beat.

“How do you know about that?” He asked stunned, so stunned his jaw was almost on the floor.

“Last night when they sedated you the Police tried questioning you but you just kept asking for Lily and then I tried asking you who she was but you were pretty out of it by that time.” Eve explained.  “I asked Nick and he didn’t know and then I asked Kevin.”

“Ah” AJ said with a nod.  

“What does she look like?” Eve asked again.

The question made him think about the little girl, her black hair, her blue eyes, and her infectious smile.  Now there was a chance there would never be that little girl, all because of Mats.  “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Alex…”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” He snapped.  “Damn it” He thought when he realized he had snapped at her again.  Why did it have to be like this, he wanted to get over what happened, he wanted to move on but he just couldn’t and he didn’t know why.

“Ok” Eve replied.  “I’ll come by later and let you know what room I’m staying in.” She told him before she left the room. 

When AJ heard the hotel room door close he started to get angry, frustrated and it all burst from him at once.  First he started to cry and as the tears fell it made room for the anger.  When the anger burst from him it sent him into a rage.  He screamed and kicked at anything he could in his room. 

“I hate you!” He yelled.  “I hope you’re burning in hell right now!!” He grabbed the hotel glasses one by one and chucked them against the wall screaming as they shattered onto the floor.  He was about to throw the last one when someone grabbed him.

“Alex.” He heard Kevin say as AJ fought to break free.

“Let me go!” He yelled as he ripped away from his friend.

“What the hell are you doing?” Kevin asked.

“Fuck you, get out of my room!” He yelled again.

“Damn it Alex you need to calm down.” Kevin told him.

“Just get out!! Leave me alone! Why can’t people leave me the fuck alone!!?” AJ screamed at him.  Kevin looked at him for a couple of seconds and then walked out.  AJ’s breathing was heavy, almost panting; his face was beat red, and sweat dripped from his forehead.  The room started spinning a little so he walked over to his bed and sat down.  He closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing but as he started to relax, he started to realize how much he had lost it.  The tears came back and he sat there alone on the hotel bed crying.