Joey left the next morning, and this time the goodbye was even longer and more tearful. There wasn’t going to be any time in our schedules for us to see each other until we were all in Los Angeles for the Video Music Awards, and that was nearly two months away. I moped around most of the day before the show that night and was completely flabbergasted by the visitor in our dressing room that afternoon.

The Boys had just completed their soundcheck and I was the first of the girls to be finished in hair and makeup. I was alone in our dressing room waiting for Joey to call and let me know his flight had landed safely when there was a soft knock on the door. “I’m decent!” I yelled nonchalantly as I studied myself in the mirror and put a couple stray strands of hair back in place. I took in a sharp breath when the door swung open and I saw Kevin’s reflection staring back at me in the mirror.

I spun around to face him. “Kevin? What are you...”

He interrupted as he sauntered towards me. “Joey Fatone? Seriously?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Yes, Kevin. Seriously.” I went back to studying my reflection in the mirror, but soon he was standing so close behind me that his blue Kentucky t-shirt rubbed up against my back.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I shrugged. “As far as you’re concerned, I didn’t think there was anything to tell. It’s not like it should mean anything to you.”

He sighed. “I guess I just didn’t think I’d be finding out about something like that from TRL of all places.”

“You were watching TRL?”

“Of course I was watching TRL. I’m sorry they did that to you with the pictures and everything. It was really low.” He started rubbing my shoulders.

“Kevin, what are you doing?” I turned around to face him, as the mirror conversation was starting to feel a little awkward.

He turned his back to be and started back towards the door. I half expected him to leave, but instead he closed the door, locked it, and grabbed a chair. He pulled it up to me and sat down, leaning forward with his forearms on his knees. “Can we talk?”

“What’s there to talk about?” I started to turn back around but he grabbed my wrist and spun me back towards him.

“Well for one, we never had that Kristin conversation. Then there’s the night in Manchester we never talked about. You’ve basically avoided me like the plague and I never got the chance to explain.”

“Kevin, that’s all water under the bridge. Why bring it up now?” I asked.
He glanced down at the floor and took in a deep breath. “Because I’m jealous.” he said as he let it out.

“Kev, don’t.” I stood up to leave, but he pushed me back down.

“Please just hear me out.”

“Fine.” I crossed my arms over my chest protectively and leaned back in my chair.

“Listen, Emily. I never meant to hurt you,” he started off.

“Well you did,” I answered coldly.

He sighed and placed a hand on my knee. “I know.....and I’m sorry. That was never my intention.” We sat there in silence. I really didn’t want to talk to him and definitely didn’t want Joey to hear about it. While his admission that he was “insanely jealous” was said in a joking manner, I didn’t want him to find any reason to be mad at me.

“So how is Kristin?” I asked sarcastically, hoping to hurry the conversation along.

“She’s fine. I talked to her yesterday.” I laughed and rolled my eyes.

“Listen, Emily. I’m just going to be honest with you. I think you’re great. I really enjoyed our time together, and yes, I do believe that we were ‘together,’ if only for a short time. I wasn’t fair to you, though.”

“Go on,” I prodded.

He sighed. “I liked you....like you, I mean. I like you, but I got scared. You and I are in completely different places in our lives and I just can’t see how it could work. I’m starting to feel ready for marriage, for kids, and you....you’re technically still a teenager. I just couldn’t see how we could possibly be happy together. I’m sorry if it seemed like I was just leading you on or taking advantage of you.”

Tears pricked at my eyes. “God, why am I crying?” I thought to myself as I relaxed my stance. “Kevin, I appreciate your honesty, but why are you doing this now?” He took a breath and started to talk again but was cut off by the sound of “Tearin’ Up My Heart” playing from my phone.

“Seriously?” Kevin asked with an annoyed laugh.

“Hold that thought.” I held up my finger as I turned to grab my phone off the white marble countertop behind me. “Hey Joe,” I said coolly.

“Hey baby!” he said excitedly. “I just got into Toronto and I’m on the way to our hotel. I already miss you like crazy.”

“I miss you too. Call me tonight after your show?”

“Absolutely. Talk to you then. Bye, Em.”

“Bye, Joey.” I turned the phone and looked back at Kevin expectantly with a huge smile on my face.

He cocked his head to the side. “You really like him don’t you?”

“Yeah, Kevin. I really do,” I replied honestly.

“Hmph,” he grunted and crossed his arms. “I don’t know what it is, Em. He just kind of rubs me the wrong way is all.”

“Kevin, you barely know him. How can you say something like that?”

His eyes searched mine carefully as he bit his bottom lip. “I just don’t know what you see in him, really.”

I sighed. “Do you really want to get into this?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes. I do.”

“Okay, fine. He’s cute, he’s nice, and he’s funny. He makes me laugh, treats me like a princess, and makes me feel sexy all at the same time. Plus, he’s only two and a half years older than me,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him when I mentioned the age thing.

Kevin groaned and ran his hands up and down his face before putting them together in front of his mouth. “Are you happy?” he asked point-blank.

“Yes, Kevin. I am.” I replied with a nod.

“Are you.....sleeping with him?”

I flinched in surprise. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, I spent the night in his room last night. No, we’re not having sex. Not yet. anyway”

He winced at the last part. “And he’s not pressuring you?” he asked, seeming to take on that big brother role again.

“No, Kevin, he’s not. He’s been really sweet about it, actually.” I thought about the evening before in Joey’s hotel room. Once I told him the truth, he really had been pretty great about it.

He nodded and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Just don’t rush into anything, okay? You want your first time to be really special.” I nodded back and pursed my lips, thinking of that night in Manchester back in November. I couldn’t help but think that I’d thought it was going to be really special, and that it was going to be with Kevin.

Finally, I replied with a simple “I know.” There was a sharp banging on the door.

“You’re on in twenty minutes!” the stage director bellowed from outside.

I immediately jumped up from my chair, banging knees with Kevin along the way. “I still need to get dressed,” I said apologetically.

“Oh, sure, go ahead.” He stepped to the side with a little bow and held his arm towards the door. As I started to walk by him, I felt his hand on my shoulder, so I turned to face him. He bent his head down so that our faces were nearly touching. “Are we okay?” he asked as his piercing green eyes stared into mine.

“Yeah, Kevin. We’re okay.” I nodded and started to walk out, but his hand stayed on my shoulder.

“Friends?” he asked pleadingly.

I nodded with a tight-lipped smile. “Sure.” Then I walked out to find the other girls. It wasn't until later that night when I realized that we never did actually have that Kristin conversation.