Howie did end up making it to the hospital in North Carolina in time, but just barely. We performed our last show of the tour in Minneapolis without him, but he was on a plane to Argentina to meet back up with the guys just hours after her funeral. Meanwhile, we were on the way to New York to start our own tour promoting our album. We played small venues and did a few television appearances, and our self-titled debut album went gold in the first week after its release-- the same week that the Backstreet Boys’ album was certified diamond.

Before we started our month of non-stop insanity though, Amelia and I paid a visit to a women’s clinic in Minneapolis the morning before our concert, and we were incognito. Luckily, mid-September in Minneapolis was cool enough that our hoodies were pretty inconspicuous. It was the sunglasses on a rainy day that threatened to blow our cover. However, taking a bodyguard with us just wasn’t an option, and after all the exposure we’d gotten at the Video Music Awards, we felt like we couldn’t be too careful.

“What are we going to do if someone sees us here and blabs it to the tabloids?” Amelia asked me as she looked up from a two-year old copy of People magazine with fear in her eyes.

“Tell the truth.” Her eyes widened and she paled visibly. “About me,” I finished. “We tell them we were in a women’s health clinic because I was getting a prescription for birth control. You were just here for moral support. No big deal. They know I’m in a relationship.”

“You’d really do that for me?” she asked incredulously.

“Of course I would.” I wasn’t really sure I wanted the world knowing anything about my sex life, but I figured everyone would assume Joey and I were already doing it anyway. I knew Amelia’s reputation was already going to be tarnished eventually, but it would obviously be best if her pregnancy didn’t come out around the release date of our album. Amelia had her pregnancy confirmed with a blood test and an ultrasound showed that she was almost seven weeks along, putting her due date at April 30th, and I got that prescription for birth control pills.

After our promotional tour, we were scheduled to go back out on the road with N’Sync on the second leg of their North American tour. We were the only opening act, and we extended our set list to last almost an hour, so that it was sort of like we were co-headlining, though N’Sync remained the clear “stars of the show.” Needless to say, Joey and I were ecstatic. This leg of the tour was set to open up in Kissimmee at the beginning of November, and we were able to spend a lot of time in the few days beforehand just being where we now called “home.” Strangely enough, it was the first time that Joey and I got to spend time with each other at home instead of in a hotel room or on a bus, and we took full advantage of it.

It was the day before my 20th birthday, and Joey had already let me know that he had big plans for the next day, so after our respective rehearsals, we spent the rest of the afternoon and evening just vegging out in front of the TV in Joey, Lance, and JC’s living room. At some point in the middle of our third movie, Joey yawned and draped his arm over my shoulder comfortably. I picked a piece of popcorn out of the bowl sitting between us and popped it in my mouth, then moved the bowl into Joey’s lap so that I could scoot closer to him and nuzzle my head in the crook of his neck. He dropped a casual kiss on the top of my head.

“This is terrible,” I whispered.

Joey chuckled. “Yeah, I know. Sorry.” After enduring two chick flicks of my choice, this had been his choice, and it was a bad one. He reached for the remote on the arm of the couch. “You want to turn it off?” He tightened his grip on my shoulders and planted a hungry kiss on my lips.

“Um...okay,” I answered hesitantly. He pressed the power button, and the television’s luminescence faded from the room, leaving us in almost complete darkness. I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest, letting it rise and fall with his slow, steady breathing.

“I love you,” Joey whispered sweetly as he rested his chin on the top of my head.

I smiled and looked up into his brown eyes, glistening in the moonlight that streamed through the window. “I love you, too.” He smiled back and wrapped his arms securely around my body, then leaned down so that his lips met mine in a passionate kiss. I kissed back for a while, then pulled away and rested my head on his shoulder, savoring the moment. He moved one of his hands so that it rested on my thigh and bent down to kiss me again. I shifted around on the couch so that I was now facing him and he didn’t have to strain his neck to reach my lips, then draped my arms casually around his neck and moved myself into his lap.

Joey hooked his fingers into my back belt loops and continued his assault of kisses. He trailed his lips from my lips down my cheek and to my neck, where he settled on that sensitive spot in the dip of my collarbone that he’d discovered during our time together in Los Angeles a few weeks earlier. I stopped stroking his hair (which was thankfully brown again) and tensed when his lips landed there, but giggled as his goatee tickled my skin. His hands wandered around the waistband of my jeans and he gripped the bottom of my shirt and started easing it up. My hands fell on his wrists. “Joey stop.”

He froze and removed his lips from my neck. “I’m sorry, I.... I thought you said the other day that it would be...okay if we did it-- When the time is right,” he stammered. “Is the time not right?” The dejected look on his face was actually kind of comical.

I smirked and pointed to the front of my shirt. “Joey, it’s a button-up. You wouldn’t be able to get it over my head.” He grinned wickedly and pressed his face into mine with a force that knocked my back against the couch. I laughed as he climbed on top of me and left a trail of kisses from my lips down to the top button of my shirt. He looked back up at me and smiled as his hands shook with excitement and slowly unbuttoned my shirt, one button at a time.

Even though I’d been joking with him, the truth is that I was scared. While his hands were shaking with excitement, my entire body was shaking with nervousness as I raised up so that he could remove the shirt from my shoulders and arms. He gazed down at me lovingly and leaned over to whisper in my ear. “You okay?” he asked.

I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded. “Yeah,” I squeaked. He laid on top of me and continued to kiss me as I wrapped my arms around him and stroked his t-shirt clad back rhythmically. Joey’s breath became ragged and I could feel him pressing up against my abdomen through his jeans. He moved his body up and down against mine and moaned when I moved my hand in between our bodies and tugged at the button of his jeans. I raised up and pushed him off of me and his head hit the opposite arm of the couch with a soft thud.

“What? Is it my turn now?” He laughed then lowered his voice. “I sure hope it’s my turn now.” I smirked and climbed on his lap, being sure to avoid the bulge straining against his jeans. I leaned my head on his chest and listened to the erratic beating of his heart as I slipped my hands underneath his t-shirt and let them rest on his warm, damp skin. I closed my eyes and just breathed for a minute while Joey ran his fingers through my hair. He tousled the thick mass of waves at the back of my head and kissed my hair lightly, then wrapped his arms around my body tightly. I sighed and let myself get lost in his warm embrace. “I could stay like this forever,” Joey whispered. It was kind of corny, but I loved it.

“Me, too,” I breathed back to him.

“But I think that we should...” He trailed off and sat up, pushing me off of him.

“What are you doing?” He stood up and held a hand out to me.

“Let’s go upstairs?” He said it as a question, like he was asking for my approval. I nodded and put my hand in his.

He smiled, then practically dragged me up the stairs to his room, sometimes taking them two at a time. When we got there, he slammed the door shut and turned the lock. “Nobody’s supposed to be home for a while, but.....” He pushed me up against the door and devoured my mouth with his. “God, I love you,” he panted, as he reached up and cupped my breasts with both hands. I shivered as his fingers stroked and played with the lace on my bra, then gasped when one hand inched behind my back and he deftly unhooked my bra and removed it in one smooth movement. He smiled against my mouth and grasped my hips, walking backwards towards the bed and bringing me with him. Once he was sure I was following him, he broke away from me and pulled his shirt over his head.

He threw it at a laundry basket and ducked into his bathroom. I stood beside his bed and smiled when he came back into the bedroom with an armful of candles and a lighter. He placed them on flat surfaces throughout the room, then went around lighting them quickly. I didn’t notice the red rose petals scattered across Joey’s black bedspread until he lit the candle on his nightstand. “You planned this!” I exclaimed as he put the lighter down and stepped over to me.

He blushed slightly. “I was hopeful,” he admitted quietly.

I smiled and hugged him tightly, our bare chests pressing against each other. “I’ve been wearing nice underwear every day this week,” I whispered into his ear.

He laughed and squeezed my hips with his hands. “You’re awesome.” His hands slipped into the waistband of my pants and he squeezed my backside as his lips crashed back onto mine. I hesitantly moved my hands to my zipper but one of his big, warm hands almost immediately fell on top of it. “Let me do it,” he murmured against my lips. I pressed my hands against his chest as he unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, then pushed them down as his hands trailed over my hips lightly. I mimicked his actions and he eased me down against the bed. “Thank you,” he breathed as he hovered over me and hooked a finger into the side of my panties.

“For having sex with you?” I tensed as he removed the silky piece of fabric that had been keeping me from being completely exposed.

“No.” He chuckled lightly as he shimmied out of his boxers off and lay down beside me. “For letting me be the first.” He ran his hand up and down my naked body and I shuddered. “If I’m being completely honest with myself, I hope I’m also the only.”

I gasped at his admission, and tears pricked at my eyes. “Joey, I.....I love you. So much. Thank you for being so patient with me.”

“Totally worth it.” He rolled over and retrieved a condom from his nightstand, and I took it from him, rolling it on with violently shaking hands. He crawled between my legs and stroked my hair and face as he hovered over me. “You still okay?” I nodded. “It’s gonna hurt.” I pursed my lips and nodded again.

“I know.” He dipped his head down and kissed me softly, slipping a hand between my legs to make sure I was ready, then shuddered as he entered me.

It felt like my entire body screamed in pain as he shuddered again while he stayed still to let me adjust to his size before pushing in further. “God, you feel amazing,” he whispered against my ear. A single tear fell from my eye and landed on the pillow. He kissed my wet temple hard as he started to move slowly within me. “Listen, Em. I know I’m a grown man, but it’s been a while, and I’m probably not going to last long.” He jerked involuntarily and groaned, which emphasized his point. “I’ll make it up to you. I promise. It gets so much better,” he said breathlessly.

He was right. It didn’t last long, but he certainly did make it up to me for my birthday the next day. Three times. And yes, it definitely got better.