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Chapter 44

He sat down, running his fingers through his hair, his mind racing. His eyes closed; hearing nothing but echoes of voices from the night before. Brian screaming at him that he was an utter fool, Kevin yelling that he was stupid, and Howie, Howie topped it all off with the fact that he, Nick, was even more stupid than D thought. Howie proclaimed that Theresa loved him, but now, with these stupid past stunts and comments, he’d be lucky if Theresa even thought of taking him back. And actually, Nick knew that was true. He never wanted anyone to find out about his own stupidity, but, he would be a fool if he thought they wouldn’t figure it out. He was even more surprised no one else punched him. But, than they figured out that’s what AJ had done and why keep adding salt to the wound, even if it was needed? And than Terri! Terri was beyond furious and stomped out, and yet last night, he made no damn move to follow her, wasn’t even positive he wanted to. She was the one who started it last night, digging into Theresa. Than lying on top of it all. Oh, he knew without doubt there was a confrontation waiting to happen, but his heart was in some serious turmoil for he still really wasn’t positive if he actually wanted to fight with Terri to make her understand or just to let her go. She hadn’t bothered to come back to the hotel room last night, so he was clueless as to where she was.

“Daddy?” He felt the tap on the leg, hearing her sweet voice. “Daddy, you okay?” He quickly pulled her onto his lap, enjoying the sound of her squeal and her laughter.

“Daddy’s fine baby.” Her tiny hand cupped his cheek and he smiled.

“You don’t look fine, daddy.”

“I don’t? Than what do I look like?” Her blonde hair moved to the side as she studied him very carefully.

“Tired. Upset. Hurt.” At that, his brows creased.

“Hurt?”

“Like something hurt you. Was it mommy?” He took a deep breath, amazed at the insight of this little girl.

“Baby, why would you say mommy?”

“You two have been fighting a lot lately.” Her head hung down just as his bedroom door opened and Thomas walked out, crawling on his father’s lap as well.

“Does that bother you?”

“Yes. We don’t like it. Daddy…why do you fight so much with mommy?” His blue eyes glanced from one matching blue set to the other darker blue set, sighing. Great question and one he just didn’t really know how to answer! How do you explain to two five year olds what you yourself are not totally positive of?

“Sweetie, mommy and I….well…”

“You love her?” He glanced down at his son, watched as Thomas’s eyes got wide with hope.

“Yes, Thomas, I do.”

“And mommy loves you?” He watched as the same reaction happened to his daughter.

“I don’t know baby.”

“We think she does. If you two love each other, why are you not together?” Nick sucked in quick breath, amazed at his kids, at how smart each one was and yet, still how innocent they could be.

“Because, stupid, daddy loves Terri too.”

“Hey! Don’t call your sister stupid. That is not a nice word. Now apologize.”

“Sorry, sister.” Nick rolled his eyes, knowing that to be not even close to a heartfelt apology.

“It’s okay, brother. Do you love Terri daddy? After everything she’s done?” He’s never been anything but honest with these kids, and he knew he couldn’t change that now.

“Part of me does, baby. People make mistakes, even adults. And on most occasions, adults can be pretty stu…careless. We tend not to think, to get frustrated with certain outcomes and tend to lash out at the most innocent of bystanders.” He paused, knowing that only made about half the sense it should have to these two. “She did some things that were uncalled for, yes. But she apologized, and as adults, as human beings, it’s our job to look past those mistakes and forgive each other.”

“So, you forgive her?”

“Yes, I did. She told me to tell you she was sorry too.” Okay, he just lied to his daughter. Not a good sign. Her eyes landed on the buttons of his shirt, her fingers playing with them.

“And you forgive Uncle AJ for pun..punching you?” He hide his smile as she stumbled over the word, trying to act grown up and yet wasn’t.

“Yes, I did. Because he forgave me for what I did to him.”

“You hurt him?”

“No, Thomas, I hurt a friend of his and he punched me. It was the right thing to do.”

“Mommy.” Nick frowned at that.

“What do you mean mommy, buddy?”

“His friend is mommy. You hurt mommy, so he punched you.”

“Oh…yeah.”

“Will the fighting between you and mommy stop daddy?” He really took in these two kids, could see the anguish in their eyes, could hear the hurt in their voice, could feel the pain radiating out of them. He honestly had no idea how badly he was tearing them up. And he knew this was on him. He’s the one who pushed Resa away, demanding that stupid request at that time. Than causing the fighting. And even knew bringing Terri on the tour would irk Resa. He knew his management, knew they loved the security team that Theresa worked for, so he knew she would be here. Yup, this all came down on his head and it tore his heart out to see his children like this. His asking for forgiveness didn’t start with Theresa. Oh no, it started with these two precious ones. He tipped each other of their chins up, staring into both of their eyes

“I need you to listen to me, please?” They both nodded. “I can say the fighting might stop, I will try to make it stop. But, I have to say that I am so sorry. My leaving, my being with Terri, my fighting with your mother. It’s all my fault and I see how much it hurts you. Please, forgive me. You two mean the world to me and I hate the fact that I’ve caused you this pain when there was never a need to.” He bite back the tears that were actually threatening to fall. That was a first in his book. And it worked, up until those tiny arms of both his kids snaked around his neck, hugging him tightly.

“We forgive you daddy.” Ah, his sweet little angel.

“You’re our daddy. We love you.” And his little boy. Yes, they were too precious to ever do this to them again.