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Chapter 49

I quickly tore away from his embrace, shaking my head. Stunned, yes but for quite a few reasons, like why he did it, like my reaction to it. And, like how badly I wanted to step into those open arms and kiss those tasty lips again. But, I wasn’t supposed to want him! It was just way too long!

“Nick, no, not good! Nor is it happening ever again!”

“Theresa, I’m sorry, but you were there and you look so damn sexy, just like our first night and…”

“STOP! I don’t care! I’m not giving you the chance to use me again or to hurt me than you already have!”

“Look, I’m sorry about that. Please…”

“No, I don’t want to hear it. Good night Nick.” With that, I tried as hard as I could to make it back to my room on rather shaky legs. And once I did, I collapsed on my bed, willing the tears not to fall.

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Nick sighed as he sat down on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands. Royally confused was the best and really, the only way he could describe how he felt right now. And he honestly had no idea how he got himself there, nor how he was gonna get out. He shook his head, laying back on the couch, closing his eyes and truthfully thinking, Lord knew it was time for that.

His thoughts flashed back to when he met Terri, the difficult and troubling times he was going through. And yeah, maybe cheating on the woman he loved was not the smartest move. But, there was still something about Terri that sparked something in him. Something he thought was dead.

He knew though, with out a doubt, he could and would never love Terri the way he loved Theresa. Which, what did that mean? He knew he could never marry Terri. Not because he didn’t believe in marriage. He still did. Still knew there was a happy ever after for him. But he knew it would never be with Terri.

He sat back and thought of the reasons he did love Terri. He loved her laugh, her smile, her mind when it suited her, her crazy thoughts when they suited her, her…her..her..what the hell else was there? He frowned. It seriously couldn’t all be about the sex. Even he knew he wasn’t that shallow. But…isn’t that what Howie said. The sex must be good? It was, when they first started. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Sad to say that’s why he ditched his kids a lot of the time. She always made up some plan right when he was getting ready to go pick them up or they were coming over. He frowned again, really not liking that thought. She honestly and truthfully did not want his kids, nor did she want him to be around his kids. Now, that was screwed up. He groaned, knowing he really did do damage to those kids, but grateful that they were able to forgive him. Unlike their mother.

Ah, yes, Theresa. Where did he begin? That, he could say with all his heart, was his first true love, his only love. And when they got together, it was more the same. The sex was mind blowing. But, it was more than sex. There was feeling, emotions, true heartfelt pleasure. It was, to put it simply, love making. So, why did he give it up? Because he was scared? Worried? Unsure? Stupid? E, all of the above. Theresa was going down a spiraling path and he didn’t feel that he was strong enough to help her, to guide her, to be there for her. In fact, he was more concerned that she would pull him down too, and he didn’t want that. So, he looked elsewhere. Well, not entirely. Terri fell into his path, he didn’t choose it. In fact, if she never fought her way into his mind, he might not have cheated.

That wasn’t fair to Terri though. He probably still would have cheated. But, to carry on a mistress, no, he didn’t think he would have done that. He sighed, running his hand over his face. That didn’t help with the present problem. Yes, he knew he loved Resa. And yet, for some unknown damn reason, he couldn’t quite cut the string with Terri yet. He did care, did love her, just not nearly as strong or as deep as he loved Resa. And maybe, he was hoping that she wasn’t this bitch everyone else was portraying her out to be. She was a good person, he seen it a couple of times. Again, when it suited her. Terri, she was a person with many different sides, and not everyone saw that. Leigh did, otherwise, Leigh would have been giving Terri the cold shoulder as well.

He let out a huff, wondering if that than solved it. Even though he knew he wanted Resa, there was no denying that. She was changing, morphing into an even sexier version than he remembered, than he married, it still wasn’t enough. With that final thought, he smiled, nodding his head and finally closed his mind off to fall asleep, smiling as the image flashed through his mind of a lovely lady in a black nightie, her hair hidden, yet her brown eyes shining brightly.