~~Nick~~

What had I said to her that she probably hadn’t heard before? I checked if all my body parts were still attached to me. My hand went directly to my dick, I can’t imagine living without it. I gotta say she didn’t look like I remembered that one night. Although, I thought she was pretty cute then.

Hey boss…called a few more and well it didn’t go well. Some of them told me to fuck off and be your date. Another one said you suck in bed. Um…lastly there were two that said yes. One had to bring her mother along because she just turned nineteen.” Tom’s eyes narrowed on me.

“What? Some of these chicks look like they’re thirty.”

“Right! The other one just sounded like a real dumbass. Where do you pick up these women?”

I scratched my head and thought for a second. “Pretty much anywhere, last week I got tied up to a bed post and spanked for a good half hour by some sassy biker chick.” Nick shrugged it off. “I think my ass is still bruised.”

“You’re a sick man, boss. I was thinking you should ask crazy girl to do it for you.”

I curled my lip in disgust and nodded. There was no way I was showing up to a retreat where my friends would be with their hot wives and I would show up with coyote girl. Who probably couldn’t even wear a bathing suit. “Fuck no. She just tried to kill me in…public. Imagine what she would do when we are alone. No fucking way.”

Tom rolled his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. “Boss, if I have to call one more crazy fan to ask her to go on a retreat with you. I’m going to kill you myself. Some of these women don’t want to have anything to do with you ever again…the rest are just plain crazy. Those are the ones you should be afraid of. I think blondie is pretty and she’s got junk in her trunk.”

I laughed and thought about it for a bit. She was a little bigger than I usually liked and she might try to kill me in my sleep. Then again, I really couldn’t blame her.

My head was pounding as I opened one eye and then the other. Hangovers sucked. I sat up and rubbed my eyes to wake up. Then I realized that I wasn’t alone. This had turned into a routine. Different state…different girl. Where the hell was I today? Oh yeah, Illinois.

I turned to look and was startled by the girl lying next to me. The sheet was only covering her lower body and all her back was covered by blonde waves of hair that also fell onto the pillow. I rubbed my eyes one more time to make sure I wasn’t imaging this. There was a big girl in my bed. I was a chubby chaser. For fucks sake what had I come to?

She shifted under the sheets and suddenly sat up pulling the sheets off of me and wrapping it around her body.

She mumbled and looked at me in horror. “I don’t usually do this. Oh my God I’m late for work.” She rushed off into the bathroom. While I tried to make sense of what was going on.

My phone rang and I picked up. “Yo?”

“Manager is on her way up…you proly have a girl in your bed. Get her out…” Tom was always covering my ass. I quickly pulled on my pants and ran to the bathroom door. I banged loudly and a few seconds later out waltzed the panicked girl.

“You gotta go!” She had already put her pants on and was only in her bra. Hurriedly, I grabbed her shirt and heels and thrusted them into her arms. She looked at me a little shocked as I pushed her towards the door. “My manager is coming and I won’t hear the end of it if you are in here. Not to mention that…”

“What are we going to do with crazy?” Tom interrupted my thoughts.

I’d called a few girls the day before after Kevin had called me to invite me to the retreat and as Tom said. Some weren’t too happy to hear from me and others just seemed air headed and fixed on getting seen with me. Maybe this was my last resort. I was desperately in need of her help.

Now, to actually come up with a story that she would buy. “What am I going to tell her?” Thank God for Tom…he worked as my brain sometimes.

“You need her to go on the retreat…she might just give in. If not we can tell her we will press charges for assaulting you.” Tom let out a laugh imaging how that might go.

“I like it.” I didn’t even finish thinking it through as I walked through the door to find her sitting on a sofa in May, my tour manager’s office. “Damn, do you go around assaulting celebrities all the time?” I didn’t know how to start the conversation.

I knew she hated me!

~~***~~~

~~Samantha~~

“Celebrity? Oh please…you’re the baby of a boy band that is slowly becoming extinct.” That wasn’t even half of what I wanted to tell him. He was arrogant and he had a pea of a brain. Maybe that’s not even mean enough either. “How long do I have to be here? I want to go home. There is no way in hell I’m going to watch your stupid show.”

“Not so fast coyote girl.”

I ran up to him, but was stopped by the same big burly white man. He nodded and I pouted. “Tell him I want to go home and if he calls me that one more time. I’m going to knock out those fake teeth!” Tom’s eyes went wide and I could tell that he wanted to smile. I was being a royal bitch, because in all truth his teeth didn’t look bad now or before.

“My teeth are not fake!”

“The hell they aren’t…just like every other part of you. What am I still doing here? Do I need to pay a fine? Take you to the doctor? What? Just come out and say it before I lose my mind.”

The room went silent for a quick second while Nick and his tiny brain came up with a punishment for me. I looked up at the clock and noticed that his stage time was fast approaching. This was such a mess and I was pissed beyond belief knowing I could have avoided it.

“I need you to come with me to a couple’s retreat.”

I was shocked at what he had just asked me. He was trying to play me again.  “Are you on drugs? How the hell do you screw me over almost two years ago, call me names and expect for me to go on a retreat with you. Couples retreat at that. You’re in-fucking-sane.”

“I’m serious. Believe me you are the…” Tom cleared his throat and gave Nick a ‘don’t even think about insulting her’ look. “I mean…I can always press charges for your craziness.”

“I’d rather share a cell with a big butch who is going to make me her bitch by the end of the day, than to go on some retreat with you. Can I go now?”

I bet he thought I would jump at the opportunity, that I wouldn't say no. He probably thought I was so desperate for some attention that I would jump for joy because he was inviting me to a resort. The nerve. I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest.

“Fuck! Would you just do me this damn favor…I’ll pay you. Ten grand after the whole retreat is over and we are back home?”

I bit down on the side of my bottom lip once he mentioned money. I'd just been laid off from my paralegal job and was barely making ends meet. Ten grand could help me in so many ways. Was it worth having to hear him insult me over and over. To have to spend who knows how many days with his arrogance?

"I know that got your attention. Come on coyote.” He jumped back when I shifted from one foot to another. “I gotta go. Just tell Tom the answer and if you DO decide to go. We are leaving right after the show. I guess we can take you back to your house to get your passport and whatever shit you need.” With that said he closed the door and I took a seat back on the sofa.

Ten grand for going on an all-paid getaway with a really hot and famous guy didn’t sound bad at all. There would never be another bargain like that for me again. After minutes of making plans of what I would do with ten grand I stood up and told Tom that I was in.

“I’ll do it. Just tell him that if he acts like a raging asshole, I will feed him to the sharks. Do they have sharks out there?” I tilted my head waiting for an answer.

I was serious!

Tom just shrugged his big shoulders and walked out of the room. Tha'ts all I needed another jerk. I looked around not knowing what would happen next or where the hell we were headed? What the hell, I was gonna get paid big bucks for this.

What could possibly go wrong?