<em>Dear Hollie,
                    I miss you. Especially today. It’s your 16th Birthday tomorrow, and I really should be there, sharing your presents and spending the day with you. Instead I’m on the other side of the country, watching a bunch of footballers run around with a ball and I’m having to take the action shot of the day.
Maybe you would of enjoyed this… or who am I kidding? You don’t like football, not unless you are playing it.

But still, I miss you. I’ve never missed you more, and you know what.. That might sound bad to most people, but to me it’s a good thing.

It made me realise that even though I miss your mom, and wish she was here, I miss you more. It’s a different feelings, but one that just make me feel.. Ecstatic and sad all that once.

Maybe I should change jobs, get a new career, one that keeps me closer to you.. So we can spend more time together.

It’s times like this I contemplate changing a lot.

I miss you,
Love, Dad. Xxx</em>

****

New York City. It was filled with hustle and bustle. Loud noises, tourists.. It was alive 24/7. I’d been to New York once before, with my family on vacation. It hadn’t been the best trip we’d taken. Mom had been stressed the whole time that she was going to lose one of us in the crowds, and then when she did we spent most of one day sat in a police station getting lectured on safety.

But I still liked New York. It was so different from Florida, with its high rise buildings, and the excitable atmosphere. I probably would of enjoyed it had I not spent the whole day in and around the mens locker room, waiting for a game of football to start.

Waiting meant that my mind when on overboard. I couldn’t stop thinking about Hollie. It was her 16th birthday tomorrow, I was thousands of miles away, rather than sat at home with her watching her open her presents and whine that she wanted a party.

I’d tried calling her, several times, but mom had said she was staying at one of her friends houses, and her cell was off. No doubt she’d forgotten her cell charger.

My thoughts were also on Eve, as they always were at this time of year. Eve, laying in her hospital bed cuddling our new born were the last happy memories we had together. And every year I would go over and over them, wondering if there was something I could of done to prevent her from dying, even though deep down I knew there was nothing. It just happened.

I’d got called out to the field once the game was starting and made sure my camera was ready. My boss had been on my back the whole time before the trip telling me I needed that perfect shot. I knew that it was impossible, being that my camera wasn’t all that, and the fact there were at least a dozen more photographers scattered all around the place.

But I snapped away, took as many pictures as I could, and by half time I knew I was done. It had gone a lot easier than I’d anticipated, so I couldn’t help but smile to myself as I started packing my camera away.

“Did you get a picture of me?”

I glanced up, hearing someone speak and pretty much gawped. A girl.. Woman.. Probably mid twenties, was stood before me, dressed in the teams cheer leading outfit, which.. In actual fact was much too short. It showed off her long legs perfectly, and I didn’t even want to attempt to look at her breasts.

“Um, maybe? If you were out there cheering before the game..” I trailed off as she flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder and smiled.

“I wasn’t.” She leant closer. “I’m just a model. They hired me to parade around in this outfit. I look pretty hot, right?”

I pretty much gulped as she looked down at her breasts openly before looking back at me.

“Like what you see? You can see more if you want..” She winked at me, and instantly I felt my face flush.

“I.. uh.. Gotta go. Sorry.” I quickly picked up my camera back and jacket before hot tailing it out of there.

It wasn’t till I was away from the field and in a taxi on the way to the hotel I was staying at that I breathed again. The girl was hot, but I wasn’t used to hot girls hitting on me. Hell, no one ever hit on me back home.

They knew I was damaged goods.

It hadn’t stopped people in the past though. I sighed to myself as I paid the taxi driver and climbed out the car once at the hotel. I didn’t fully relax until my hotel room door was shut, and I was alone.

A few years after Eve had died, AJ started trying to get me ‘back on the market’. I wasn’t ready, but I did it to humour him. Girls did try, but I always seemed to have some kind of excuse as to why I couldn’t be with them.

AJ always said the reason I was so uptight was because I was high strung from not getting laid. He was probably right, but it had been so long now that I really hadn’t felt the urge to get laid.

But as I laid down on my hotel bed, thinking about it all, I realised just how much of a loner I had become, and willingly. I didn’t want to be alone. In a few years Hollie would be going to college, and then what? I’d be at home, alone, no one to talk to. I didn’t want that.

I wanted my Eve, but its not like I would ever get that again.

Maybe I was just too scared to fall for someone again.

I sighed, knowing that was definitely it. I didn’t want my heart broken again. Especially since my heart still hadn’t healed.

But the idea of getting laid.. Well after that hot cheerleader hitting on me.. It did sound appealing. And I was away from home…. And I did have needs.

Maybe going out and seeing what was out there wasn’t such a bad idea.

***

I decided to hit the hotel bar a little later on. I wasn’t going to drink, I was simply going to people watch. I was curious as to how things worked these days.

Did people still hook up? Or had the times since I was younger?

I sat at the bar, a drink of coke in one hand as I watched a group of friends laughing and joking. They were a mix of girls and boys, and I guessed at least two of them were a couple. It sounded pervy, but I couldn’t help but watch how they interacted. Holding hands, throwing smiles in each others direction.

They were no doubt in love.

Soon the bar filled up with other people. A few of the football players from the team I’d been shooting earlier walked in. They seemed happy, so I guessed they were celebrating a win. I sipped at my coke and watched one of them order a shit load of drinks before a hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to see the cheerleader girl from earlier smiling at me.

“You sure run fast.”

I watched her, now dressed in jeans and a low cut tank top, as she lifted herself up on the stool beside me and ordered herself a drink. She really was hot, but I knew she was way out of my league. I watched her as she paid, leaning over the bar to hand the tender her money and I couldn’t help but sneak a peak at her breasts.

Yea, I really did need to get laid.

I composed myself as she turned back to me with a smile.

“You don’t speak much, do ya?” She sipped at her drink before placing it next to mine. “Shy?”

I chuckled. “No.”

“Then what is it?” She was an outrageous flirt, I could see that right away. She knew how to angle her body in order to get guys attention. She certainly had mine. I really had no idea what to answer her, even as she reached her hand out and rest it on my thigh. I went to speak, but she cut in before I could even open my mouth.

“Or do you just want to skip the words and head on upstairs?” Her hand started to slide ever so slightly up my thigh, and instantly I felt nervous.

I wanted to, but not like this.

I stopped her hand before she could even touch where she was heading and gave her a soft smile. “You’re a pretty girl, but I’m way too old for you, plus.. This just isn’t right. I’m sorry.” Her face said it all as I jumped off the stool and grabbed for my drink. I finished it off before walking away.

Who was I kidding? I couldn’t just disappear with some nameless girl just because I hadn’t had sex in 16 years.

I had a daughter at home, who would be celebrating her birthday without me. She was more important than any of this.

I quickly made it back up to my room and packed my stuff up before calling the airline.

I was going home to spend time with my daughter. Her needs come first.