My week off passed by quick. I saw Nick everyday and went to bed and woke up with him every morning. Being with him was amazing. We had so much fun. It was like we lived together, and in a way we already did of course. We were together every day and night. And it felt good. I could get used to living with him. He had to work a couple of times and I came along to watch him perform. If life could be like this forever than I’d sign up for it. I loved him more and more every day. During the week I called my parents in the Netherlands. They were very happy for me and asked us both to come over for Christmas. I told them that I couldn’t tell for sure if Nick could make it because I didn’t know which shows he had planned around that time. And of course I didn’t knew the plans for Christmas with his family. I would get back at them about it. I had to admit that I’d already love the thought of spending the holidays with Nick. And even more to introduce him to my parents. On Friday we went over to Kevin and Kristen and we went bowling together. So much fun. Really, you might think that Kevin is a serious guy? He is a clown. You can definitely tell that he is related to Brian. And Kristen is such a sweetheart. It got late that evening but we had such a good time. We promised each other that we’d get together really soon to go bowling again.

During the week Kirk texted me a couple of times. Some of them were a bit strange but I figured that Kirk was just fooling around a little. One, though, was a text I didn’t tell Nick about:

Hi sweetie, I’m looking forward to Saturday. I promise I’ll swim as hard as I possibly can. Only for you! X Kirk

I wasn’t used of him sending me text messages like these. It felt awkward. I didn’t respond to this text. I felt confused. Kirk knew that I was in love with Nick so why did he do this. Was this a test? I didn’t understand it. I decided not to tell Nick because, I don’t know, maybe I was afraid that he might get the wrong impression or something like that. I had to figure out for myself what this was all about.  I made it pretty clear to Kirk that I didn’t had any romantic feelings for him, back then. Other than friendship there was nothing between us.  Sure, Kirk was like a brother to me. He was my best friend. He’d always been there for me. He was definitely someone I could count on. And I loved him, like a brother. I really cared for him but not in a romantic way. Of course I’d felt that Nick, for some reason, didn’t seem to like Kirk. So for me that was another reason not to tell him about these text messages.  I hoped that us watching Kirk at the championships, on Saturday, would make the situation between Nick and Kirk better. My wish was for them to become friends. 

Nick:
It was Saturday, around ten in the morning. In half an hour the alarm clock should go of. Kirsten laid in my arms, still deeply asleep, and I couldn't help but smile. I was so lucky to have her in my life. I listened to her relaxed breathing. She snored a little. The snoring was really soft and so cute. It sounded a  little like a cat snoring. I tried to lay as still as possible. I smelled the scent of her hair and it smelled like wild lavender. Her skin looked soft like velvet and I had to suppress my urge of caressing her beautiful face. I was thinking about the upcoming tour. I knew that she’d probably wouldn’t be able to go with us. That meant that we wouldn’t see each other for three weeks. I would be back in about two weeks for Christmas. The thought of having to miss her for so long made my heart ache already. I felt a lump in throat. I really loved her. Maybe it was foolish because we weren’t together for a long time but my feelings didn’t lie. Maybe I could arrange something so that we could see each other during the tour. I promised myself that I would discuss it with our tour manager.  Most of the times there were possibilities to bring family or other loved ones on tour with us. Maybe I should try calling her boss to ask if it was possible that she’d got a week off extra. And hopefully she could join us in the second week of the tour. Then I only had to miss her for one week, I’d have her around me the second week and then it was just one more week and then we could be together again. I already had a Christmas present for her in mind. I wanted to surprise her and… that had to be a secret.

The alarm clock went off and Kirsten woke up. I kissed her face. We got up and both took a shower. We went down stairs to ate breakfast and we made ourselves ready to go see Kirk.

We arrived at the sports facility and we got ourselves good seats to watch the championships. Kirk won and right after he got his price we went down to congratulate him.

And then it happened. Kirsten walked up to Kirk to congratulate him. From the corner of my eye I could see him cheering. He hugged Kirsten, lifted her up and spun her around. He got her down on the ground again and kissed her full on her lips. I saw the shock in her eyes.

At that moment it felt like everything around me went by in slow motion. Kirsten stood there all frozen, probably just as shocked as I was. Kirk took off to the dressing room to get changed. A primal instinct took over my consciousness. I felt my heart pumping my blood through my veins. Once I'd realized what had happened my anger took over. I knew it. That sick motherf*cker tried to steal my girlfriend. I couldn't let him get away with that. I followed Kirk with firm steps to his dressing room. I heard a voice and the sound of fast going footsteps behind me but I ignored it. While I was getting closer to Kirk I walked faster. I was almost near him. "Hey Kirk" I called out with a groan. He turned around to face me, with that annoying smile on his lips. At that point his face, his left eye and nose in particular, had an a scream behind me. "NO" Kirsten cried out and she fell on her knees at his side and started to cry. Immediately a lot of people came up to see what happened. I sneakily went outside to get some air and to try to understand what just had happened. I was so confused and angry.
After a couple of minutes Kirsten came up to me. I could see she was really upset. She had red, puffy,   eyes. I tried to hug her for comfort but she pushed me away. “Honey, please let me.. ” I said. “Don’t you honey me” she said and she looked at me with anger. “Why did you hit him” she raised her voice. She pushed me again. “Why did you hit him?” She screamed. I grabbed her wrists to prevent her from pushing me further and tried to calm her down. “He kissed you, Kirsten. What was I supposed to do?” I raised my voice to her. I could see the tears in her eyes. “You didn’t had the right to do that” she yelled. “No? I didn’t? He kissed you. Don’t I have the right be angry about that? Or did you liked it, being kissed by him?” I yelled. She quickly pulled herself loose from me and gave me a really hard slap in the face. I felt my skin burn after that hit. “Screw you” I said angry. “No screw you Nick Carter. I hate you! It’s over.” she screamed and walked away. I was stunned. What the f*ck did just happen? I felt like I was in a low – budget movie.

I  waited outside and called her numerous of times and after two hours, after everybody left, I still didn’t had any contact with Kirsten. I constantly got her voicemail and I had left for at least twenty five messages for her.  Apparently she’d left with somebody else and I didn’t see her leave.. Maybe she’d left with Kirk, maybe, I didn’t knew. I only knew how I felt and I felt hurt. I got in my car and broke down to tears. “God please, let her come back to me” I said out loud crying. I decided to drive home.

The entire day and night she ignored me. She kept her phone off and she didn’t answer to e-mails or text messages. I thought I went nuts. I couldn’t take it anymore. Why did she do this to me. I drove by her house, that night, but everything was dark. The thought of her being with Kirk came up. I felt fear, anger and sadness all at the same time. Tears rolled over my face. I slammed the steering wheel, in my car. I took a deep breath and drove back home. I went to bed early, not knowing what I was going to do. Of course I didn’t sleep at all. I’d tried to call her all night but she just didn’t wanted to talk to me. It was the worst night of my life. I missed her so much. I looked at the empty place next to me. It felt like a knife stabbed my heart. If only I could turn back time. But I  knew that I ‘d probably would do the same thing. Honestly, if I had to do it again I would have hit him twice as hard. That moron. I felt myself getting angry all over again. Tears came up again. I didn’t had any control over my feelings at this point. Now if she’d only wanted to talk to me. That way I could explain to her what I felt. I could show her how much I loved her. I’d even, if she really wanted me to and it would make her come back to me again, would apologize to Kirk.
I closed my eyes but I couldn’t catch my sleep.

BSB - In Pieces    lyrics

So I lay awake another hour
Just like the one before
The shadows play a game with my head
I can't take this anymore

I hear the sound
Of my own breathing
It makes me miss you more

Wake me up when it's over
After the ending
When the damage has all been done
I don't wanna be somewhere
Where you can watch me as I bleed
Just leave me here in pieces
In pieces

I can't take the chance
Of running into
You running into me
So lock the door
And close the window
I just wanna see

Until the day
Inside my future
When I'll be on my feet

Wake me up when it's over
After the ending
When the damage has all been done
I don't wanna be somewhere
Where you can watch me as I bleed
Just leave me here in pieces
In pieces

If you want you can find me
On the dark side of the sun
Babe I don't wanna see what we've become
The damage has all been done

Wake me up when it's over
After the ending
Wake me up when it's over
When the damage has all been done
The damage is done
I don't wanna be somewhere
I don't wanna be somewhere
Where you can watch me as I bleed
Leave me here in pieces
Just leave me in pieces
Just leave me in pieces
Just wake me up when it's over (in pieces)
Just wake me up when it's over