Daddies' Girls

By Dottie

Copyright 2012

Chapter 50

Jade

            When we get home, I'm exhausted.  Calleigh is spending the night with Reese for her birthday.  Reese was mad AJ and Aspen wouldn't let her drive her new Mini Cooper in the parking lot of the restaurant, but I think she got over it when AJ told her he was taking her on Monday to get her permit.

Michael and Cameron went with Hayden and Grayson for a sleepover at Grandma Denise's.  As I'm settling Jasmine in her crib, Nick comes in and rubs my back, watching me. 

            Jasmine looks up at us both and smiles, talking to us and her mobile.  I lean down and whisper, "Go to sleep, young lady. It's way past your bedtime."

            Nick hugs me as I stand. "Why don't you go pour us a glass of wine?  I'll get Jazz to sleep then we can have some grown up time."

            I pull his face to mine and kiss him languidly.  We part only when the doorbell rings. I sigh and say, "Who in the world?"

            Nick grimaces.  "I thought he'd be later.  It's Brian." I know I look alarmed.  "It's ok, Jade. I asked him to fly out. We need to help him and Lilly fix whatever is wrong."

            I look up at my dear husband and thank my lucky stars he's mine. "You're so sweet, did you know that?"

            The doorbell rings again.  I laugh. "I'll get it. Jazz goes down faster when Daddy sings." I hear him humming softly as I leave the room and head downstairs.

            When I open the door I'm stunned at how tired Brian looks.  I hug him tightly and whisper, "Are you ok?"

            He shrugs, sitting down on our new sofa with a thud. "I don't know. I feel like I shouldn't have left and at the same time, I don't know if we're gonna make it.  I mean..."

            I hold up my hand. "Brian, Lilly loves you. She's devastated by...what happened. She doesn't understand it anymore than you do."

            He sighs wearily.  "Tell me what to do, Jade. Do I pretend it didn't happen?  What would you do if Nick called out Lilly's name?"

            I sit quietly in Nick's new recliner and whisper, "He did, Brian. A long time ago."

            From the stairs, Nick's voice sounds hoarse when he asks, "I did what?"

            I look up, feeling more than a little guilty at just blurting it out this way. "When you had the flu just after Michael was born.  You talked a lot in your sleep.  You called out for Lilly often.  And Paige.  I didn't think...I needed to tell you it happened. I didn't tell anyone."

            Nick sits down on the coffee table in front of me.  "Jade..."

            I smile at him and pat his cheek. "Don't.  I know you love me."  Looking at Brian, I say, "Brian, has Lilly given you any reason to think she's fantasizing about Nick at all since you got married?"

            He shakes his head.  "No.  Never.  Why?"

            Instead of answering him, I ask another question.   "When did this happen, Brian? Specifically?"

            He thinks back.  "Right after she called to make arrangements for us to come for Reese's party. Which I missed. I'll have to apologize.  She had talked to Aspen for a long time.  I remember when she got off the phone, she was crying."

            I nod.  "Brian, she was crying because I was there and we were talking about the past.  About all the things we went through and how Aspen was so worried about Reese getting into trouble.  We talked a lot about her drinking. And about...the engagement party."

            Brian grimaces. "I'd rather forget that."

            I smile sympathetically. "Me too.  But part of our problem is we DIDN'T really talk about what happened.  I point blank asked her what had attracted her to Nick."

            Nick looks at me curiously. "What did she say?"

            I pull my feet up and hug my knees.  "She said she didn't know.  Unless it was your reputation as a lover."  He blushes and Brian starts to stand. I stop him by saying, "Brian, she also said that you make her feel things she never felt before. Brian...she's...she's afraid you're going to figure out you can't live with someone with a past like hers.  She's...her calling out Nick's name is her subconscious way of sabotaging your relationship to make her predictions come true. She didn't mean it."

            Nick looks at me stunned. "Where did you get that?"

            I sigh. "You know how I disappear every Thursday for three hours?  My "alone" time?"  He nods.  "That's when I go to my therapist.  I've been seeing Geri again since Jasmine was born. I didn't want to worry you so I didn't tell you." I look at Brian.  "Lilly's been to my last two sessions with me."

            Ignoring Brian, Nick kneels in front of me. "Why didn't you tell me, Jade?"

            I shrug.  "Because I didn't want you to think your wife is crazy.  Because post partum depression sucks.  Because I wanted to be strong enough to do it on my own."

            Brian leans forward. "Why is Lilly going?"

            I smile at him.  "She doesn't want to lose you Brian. Her fear is her weakness.  I want...SHE wants you to go to counseling with her."  I glance at Nick.  "And I want you to go with me."  His mouth drops. "Nick, I'm not afraid of losing you.  I'm afraid of losing myself.  Jasmine's birth took its toll on me. I'm tired. I'm so tired and so afraid.  I want to be a good mother to her and the rest of our children."

            He puts his hand on my face. "You are, Jade. You're a wonderful mother and I couldn't ask for a better wife." 

            I sniffle and say, "I feel like I'm just not good enough now Nick.  Geri is...she's the best at what she does. I trust her to help me. Will you...will you go with me?"

            He smiles through his tears and leans forward. "Jade, I'll do anything for you. I love you."

            I hug him tightly, sobbing into his shoulder.  Brian clears his throat.  "Umm, listen, why don't I leave you two alone? Where, umm...where's Lilly?"

            I pull away from Nick. "She's staying in the apartment over the cupcake shop."  He stands and I say, "Brian, Lilly loves you. Please don't give up."

            He smiles.  "I love her too, Jade. I don't plan on giving up. Not ever."

            After he leaves, Nick cradles my face in his hands. "Jade, why didn't you tell me?"

            I shrug, covering one of his hands with mine. "Nick, Calleigh needs you now. She and Reese are embarking on a journey that you've already taken. I can't help her like you can. I can't guide her like you can. I don't want to burden you with my silly thoughts."

            He tightens his grip on my face and whispers, "NOTHING about you is silly, Jade.  I can help you as much as I can help Calleigh. But you have to LET me. You have to trust me."

            I lean forward, kissing him deeply. "I do trust you Nick.  So much in fact...I do need your help."

            He stares at me. "My help? How?  You know I'll go to your therapy sessions with you. Is there something else I can do?"

            I nod.  For the first time ever, I'm shy with Nick.  I lower my eyes.  "Geri made a suggestion. I don't know what you'll think."

            He puts his finger under my chin.  "Jade, you never in your life have been shy with me. Why now? What did she suggest?"

            I clear my throat, staring at his lips before raising my eyes to meet his. "She suggests that maybe...if we...play..." He gasps. "Like we did when we first met..."

            A smirk lifts the corner of his mouth. "Do you want to play Jade?"

            I lower my head and in a neutral voice, I whisper, "Yes...Master."

            I feel his hands slide over my arms.  "Before we start, Jade, look at me."  I raise my eyes to his.  He cups my face and kisses me gently. "We did say never in the house."

            I smile, leaning into him.  "I know. Maybe tomorrow Calleigh and Reese can watch Jasmine?"

            He nods. "OK, but maybe tonight, a warm up."

            I feel my face heat up with excitement.  "What kind of warm up?"

            He pulls me onto the floor beside him and slides his hands down my back and cups my behind, pulling me hard against his body. "How long has it been since you've been spanked...Little Girl?"

            My heart pounds in my chest as I look up into his eyes. Love and trust flow from mine as his face lowers to mine.  This is my husband. My lover, my best friend and father of my children. My soul mate.  What more could a girl ask for?