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Before: Change of Plans


Nick

Well fine. If Chris wanted to be an asshole about it, then I could be an asshole right back.

I made plans that night with Ashley to go to a concert of a band that she was considering for the wedding reception. Chris smiled, but I could tell he was pissed, and I sent him a look that said, as plainly as I could convey it, Challenge Accepted.

"Sorry I only have two tickets man," I said, sipping my beer, "You know how it goes..."

Chris wrapped his arm around Ashley's shoulders, "It's not a problem," he said levelly. He took a sip of his own beer. Ashley meanwhile bubbled on and on about the concert and how she'd looked up their music online. The whole time Chris and I were having battles with our eyes.

Ashley smiled at me, "I really, really thank you," she said, winking.

Shit she remembered me saying thank you. Of course she did. I'd been hoping she'd been too asleep to hear it. I broke my staring contest with Chris and looked at her, "You're welcome," I said.

When it was time to go, Ashley trilled bye as she carried the plates and cups and empty pizza box to the kitchen. Chris followed me to the apartment door. He gave me The Look as he closed it behind me without saying much of anything to me. I shoved my hands in my pockets out in the hallway and listened to him clicking all Ashley's locks shut. I gave the door the finger. I hoped he was looking out the peephole.

That night, I decided it was time to up my game with Ashley.

I figured the best place to start would be at the concert the next night.

So I started making lists of romantic gestures and ways to bring up the topic of me being in love with her, but everything I wrote seemed really contrived and stupid.

Finally, I called my expert on love and chicks.

"Man, I can't believe you went through an entire fuckin' weekend -- a weekend might I add during which you say that you cuddled her to sleep -- and you didn't manage to tell her that you love her," AJ was practically scolding me, "How the fuck could you do that?" Now he was scolding.

"Yeah Nick," Rochelle, who had, again, honed in on AJ's second line, said, "You should've told her while you were cudling, or outside the jailhouse after seeing her father. In the car, when she was crying."

"You don't tell a chick you love her when she's crying unless you done it before," AJ said, "Or else they think you're only saying it because they're crying."

Rochelle argued, "Not if it's said right."

"I couldn't even say it," I interrupted, "Much less saying it right." I shook my head, "I know me. When I finally do say it I'm gonna be like Jim Carrey saying he wants to make love to a school boy in Dumb & Dumber. It's gonna come out all wrong."

AJ hooted a laugh.

"I don't understand why this is so complicated," Rochelle said, "You walk up to her, and you say it. That's all there is to it."

"Well see... there's Chris," I said.

"Fuck Chris," AJ chanted.

"He's one of my best friends, I can't just throw his feelings in this whole thing out the window. I mean he's being a tool about it, but he really does care about her."

Rochelle's voice was whiney, "But you love her, and she loves you, and she doesn't love Chris. If she hasn't said I love you to him yet then she doesn't, plain and simple."

"She says it's abandonment issues that keep her from saying it," I said.

Rochelle huffed. "Abandonment issues my ass. I'll talk to her. Want me to talk to her? I'll tell her you love her."

"YES!" AJ shouted. "It's perfect. Rochelle, you tell her, then Nick here doesn't ever have to grow a pair, ever. He can remain balless for all eternity."

"I'm not balless," I argued.

"Then use your fucking balls and tell her," AJ said empathetically.

Rochelle laughed.

"You guys aren't helping. What can I do tomorrow?" I asked.

Rochelle broke in before AJ could, "Request the band play her favorite song and dedicate it to you and her, then tell her when they play it. That way, you have an external cue. There's no reason for you to not tell her."

I considered. "That's actually not a bad idea," I mused.

"Of course it isn't," Rochelle said.

"My Monkee's the smartest Monkee ever," AJ cooed.

"My Monkee is the sexiest Monkee ever," Rochelle replied in a gooey voice.

"No myyyy Monkee is the sexiest Monkee," AJ fake argued.

"Okay guys, get a room," I said, hanging up as they continued their sexy Monkee argument.




Ashley

Chris came to bed that night in his boxers and crawled across the bed, leaning over me, staring down at my eyes. "I love you," he said, "I love you more than anyone else could possibly love you. You know that, right?"

I smiled up at him, stroking his arms, "I know."

"I will always love you," he said, "Until the day I die I will always, always love you." He kissed me deeply, and as he kissed me, he slid his hand under my shirt, traveling quickly up to my bra.

I stopped his hand, pulling my mouth away, "Not tonight, Chris," I said.

"Why?" he demanded.

"I'm just not in the mood tonight," I said. Chris frowned and rolled off me. He laid on the mattress beside me, turning his back to me. I sighed. "You don't have to be like that," I said.

"Be like what?" he demanded.

"Be moody because I don't want to have sex," I said.

Chris sighed. But he didn't turn back around immediately, either. When he finally did, he propped his head up on his arm, and he studied me. "Ashley," he said, "Tell me you love me."

I stared at the ceiling.

"Ashley."

"I heard you."

"Tell me."

I shifted uncomfortably, pulling the blankets tight around me. I stared up at the ceiling. This is stupid, I thought. Why can't I just tell him? What's making me hold back? I did love Chris, I did. I just couldn't seem to form the words in my mouth. Then I thought of Nick, of him in the IHOP booth in Kansas, how he'd pointed out that I'd told him before. And I blurted the words out, "I love you."

Chris rolled over so he was facing me, and he put his arms around me. He was smiling. He pulled me closer, and snuggled his face into the side of my hair.

I hugged him back, though a gnawing feeling was taking over me, like I'd just lost a part of myself. I'd felt like this the night I lost my virginity, I thought. Like something irreplacable had been taken and I wasn't entirely positive that was how I'd wanted it to be given away, but I hadn't realized it until it was over and now it was too late to take it back.

Chris kissed the side of my face.

I laid there, feeling miserable.

"So that concert you're going to with Nick," he said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I fucking love that band," he said.

I looked at him, "You do? I didn't know you knew who they were."

"I love them, they're one of my favorites."

I put my head back down on the pillow.

"I can't believe Nick can't score just one more ticket," Chris said with a heavy sigh. "I'd love to see them in concert."

I wiggled my nose.

"I'm glad you had a good time in Tampa, babe," Chris mumbled against my skin.

A wash of guilt went over me. Here he was, being so gentle and loving and trusting, and I was a liar and saying words to him that weren't his to hear and I felt like a giant bag of crap. So I decided to make it up to him, "Why don't I call Nick in the morning and tell him you're gonna go with him to the show?" I suggested.

Chris sat up, "What? But you're checking them out for the wedding."

"I know, but if you like them that much then...it's really only fair you go...and they should be booked for the wedding, just because you love them," I said.

Chris studied me for a long moment, then a smile spread across his face, "Baby, you're so good to me," he said, dropping back onto the pillow and hugging me tightly.

I still felt like crap.

But at least I was making it up a little bit to him.

I just hoped Nick didn't mind the change of plans.