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Before: Fight Firearms With Firearms


Nick

I shouldered the door open at the house in Nashville. Ashley held Zoey. The lightbulb in the entry way was busted, so flipping the switch did nothing. We stepped into the dark house and I tossed the bags down, put down Zoey's carrier and the folded up stroller and turned on the hall light.

Ashley looked exhausted, her eyes red with stress and nerves. I picked up Zoey's carrier with one arm and wrapped my other arm around Ashley. Glancing back to make sure I'd locked the door good and tight, I led Ashley up the stairs. "C'mon, let's get some sleep," I said. She stumbled up alongside me and I took Zoey gently from her arms and laid her in the carrier. I helped Ashley up into bed and climbed in beside her, pulling her into me, both of us fully dressed still. I wrapped my arms around her body, both of us folded into each other. She clutched my arm.

"When did it all get so crazy?" she asked quietly. She was facing me, her eyes stared into the crook of my neck.

"I dunno," I answered. Ashley's breathing fell into a rhythmic pattern and I knew she'd fallen asleep. "I love you," I whispered into her hair. "Don't be afraid. I'm gonna take care of you. I promise." I kissed her forehead. I stared down at her, at her eyelashes. The one thing I knew for certain was that I would do anything it took to keep her safe. Whatever that took.

I lay awake that night in the dark, thinking, wishing I had answers. I rubbed Ashley's back absently as I thought, as though the feeling of her skin under mine would help to spark the inspiration I needed to take care of her and Zoey and keep them both away from Chris.

It was funny, I thought to myself, how afraid of Chris we were. If it was just me and Chris, one-on-one, I could take him easily. That much had been proven the day Zoey was born, when I easy knocked Chris to his ass several times in Ashley's apartment and had even tamed him enough that he drove us all safely to the hospital, held a humane conversation with me in the waiting room. Clearly, I was more than capable of conquering Chris.

If only it wasn't for the fact that he had a gun.

It was like a light bulb went off in my head.

Fight firearms with firearms, it's so obvious, I thought.

And just like that, resolution made, I fell asleep quite easily.

The next morning, when we'd wandered downstairs and discovered there wasn't anything in the cupboards of the kitchen - of course not, we hadn't gone shopping and I hadn't been to Tennessee in almost three years, I bridged the subject of my idea to Ashley.

"We need to go to the grocery store," she said, opening one of the drawers and pulling out a post it notepad and a pen. "What do we need at the store?"

"Pretty much everything," I answered. I paused. "Ashley," I said, "While we're out today, I'm gonna buy a gun."

She'd been in the middle of writing the word bread when I said the words and she stopped mid-letter and slowly looked up. "Excuse me?" she said.

"I'm going to buy a gun today," I said.

Ashley put the pen down. Zoey tossed pink giraffe out of the carrier and I bent down to pick it up from the floor. When I looke back at Ashley, she was still staring at me. "Tell me you're joking," she said.

"I'm not joking," I said.

"Nick why would you buy a gun?" she asked.

Zoey had her hands out, fingers stretched for the girafffe, but I waved it in my hands as I spoke, "Because," I said, "Think about it. Why are we afraid of Chris? Because he's got a gun. He's a fluffin' pansy-bum without the gun. I could take him with one arm tied behind my back, Ashley. But he's armed. So he's a threat." I shrugged, "So... if I have a gun, we'll level the playing field."

"No if you have a gun you'll get cocky and end up getting yourself killed," Ashley argued, "Or shoot yourself by accident somehow. Nick, you can't get a gun, that's just ridiculous."

"I won't get cocky, or killed," I argued, "I'm just talking about having it to protect you and Zoey, to keep you two safe."

"If you buy a gun there will be two guns that are potential dangers to us instead of just one. How is that a good idea?" Ashley argued.

Zoey whimpered from her carrier.

"Because Chris can't control us anymore!" I shouted. My hand came down on the counter and I squished pink giraffe's neck under it. The giraffe gave a pitiful little squeak as the squeaker in it's neck broke. I looked down at it.

Zoey started crying.

"Are you happy now? You made her cry." Ashley reached over and yanked pink giraffe out of my hand, "And you broke him." His head drooped.

"I didn't mean to break him."

"Just like you won't mean to shoot yourself with your fucking gun!" Ashley cried. She handed pink giraffe to Zoey.

"Fluffing!"

"Shut UP!" Ashley shrieked. We stood there staring at each other, Zoey crying, clutching the giraffe, whose head now hung limp to one side. Ashley took a deep breath. "Nick, I don't like all the guns. I don't like all the fighting and violence. I just want life to go back to normal, back to you and me and Zoey and being happy and the biggest problem we got is whether you took the trash out and you make fun of me for watching old sappy movies like Wonderful Life and the world is just perfect and happy. I don't want to fight about stupid things that don't matter, like whether you're going to buy a gun or not. I want our lives to just be full of love."

"I want all that stuff, too, Ashley, but I just want us to be safe," I said.

She sighed.

I bent down and scooped Zoey and pink giraffe up out of the carrier. Her tears poured down her little chubby cheeks. "I want to be able to stop him if he comes in this house. I want to be able to stop worrying about what if scenarios and just breathe normal again. And if we have a gun, I'll be able to breathe a little easier knowing I have a way to defend us."

Ashley looked at me holding Zoey. Her eyes glazed up with tears. "Nick, do you even know how to shoot a gun?"

"I've shot a gun before," I said.

"When?" Ashley asked.

"I've shot lots of guns," I said, "Chris and I used to go paint balling all the time, for one, and for two, I've been to a few shootin' ranges..."

Ashley stared at me.

"What?"

"A real gun ain't nothin' like a paint ball gun," she said.

I shrugged, "It can't be that different."

"Nick."

"Well it can't!"

"It is," she said, "In that it is a gun and it shoots bullets not paint."

"Ashley."

"Nick."

We stared at one another.




Ashley

We were at the Bass Pro Shop at Opry Mills. I couldn't believe I was letting him do this. Zoey was strapped to my chest in the little backpack thing we had and Nick was looking down at a full case of pistols that gleamed in the flourescent lighting. A stuffed bear roared over us an I looked around uneasily. I felt like there were a thousand people in the store, like they were all looking t us, like any one of them could've been texting Chris right at that moment telling him where we were.

"Look at that one, baby," Nick said, pointing through the glass at a pistol in the corner, "Looks like the one Rick Grimes has!"

"Nick."

"I'm just saying if the zombie apocalypse happens, we'll be prepared."

I sighed and turned away. I could not believe I was letting him do this. We'd sat at the freaking DMV, which ironically enough was where you went to be licensed for a gun in Tennessee (Because, you know, why the hell not right? Drive a car, shoot a gun, its the same damn thing right?), and Nick had applied for a permit to carry a weapon. Now we were at the mall (Because yes, you can buy a gun at the mall), and Nick was waving over a redneck employee to help him out.

"Nick, I'm gonna take Zoey for a walk around the mall," I said. I didn't think I could handle watching him play with the stupid pistols.

He looked at me, "Is that really safe?"

"Nick. You're buying a gun. I can take a walk around the mall and back."

"Okay, okay." He glanced at his watch. "Gimme a call if you need me though, okay?"

"Okay." I took Zoey's empty stroller that was beside him and pushed it along ahead of us, her legs kicking around.

"Can I get a closer look at that Glock?" I heard Nick asking as I walked away.

The mall was crowded. People were swarming everywhere, it was like overturning a rock and finding a shitload of ants or something. It took considerable work to navigate Zoey's stroller along as she giggled and cooed from her place in the sack on my chest. I stopped and got a juice at the Rainforest Cafe and sat down on a bench shaped like a giant toadstool. I sighed and put my feet up on the wheels of Zoey's stroller and pulled out my phone, staring down at it.

Find Your Phone. The app was right there on my main screen. The apps on our phones to locate the phones if they ever got lost. All we had to do was open the app and my phone would show up on a map.

That's how Chris was had found us in Boston.

My heart leaped into my throat.