[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story Microsoft Word Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
Before: Let's Go Get Zoey


Nick

Ashley and I did not fluff.

Which is sad because I could use being fluffed real good.

But instead we went home and we put all the baby proofing devices into full use. I shoved plastic things into electrical sockets and Ashley put gates up in the doorways that needed it and we put all the breakables up high or else in other rooms where they could be monitored.

Ashley stared at me like I was nuts as I disconnected my PlayStation and moved it onto a shelf beside the TV instead of the shelf under the TV where the cable box was. "Nick, you do know she can't even crawl yet, right?"

"Then why the hell did we just do all that babyproofing?" I demanded.

Ashley sighed, "Because, it's what you do when you're bringing home a baby," she said, like I should've known that all on my own.

"Okay and this is what I do," I replied. I stretched the A/V plug around back of the set.

We stripped the box away from the car seat and I spent almost an hour trying to install it right. I had it installed correctly like five times before I was convinced that I'd done it right and it was safe enough for Zoey to be put into. Ashley looked like she was about to throw up from nerves as she watched, and she shifted her weight foot-to-foot, biting at her fingernails as she watched.

When we'd finally installed the thing, she looked up at me, her eyes wide and voice slightly shaky, "It's time to go get her," she said, "And bring her home."

I nodded. "I think we did everything."

"I think so too," Ashley answered, nodding.

We stood there awkwardly beside the open back doors of the car, the car seat nestled in there all snug-like. I took a deep breath. Ashley swallowed. "Are you scared?" I asked.

Ashley nodded, "Fuckin' terrified," she answered.

"I'm glad it ain't just me," I said. Then, after a pause, "And you mean fluffin'."

Ashley reached over and took my hands into hers. "Nick, I just want you to know, before the magic and the scared fades away, before we're both overtired and arguing and secretly wishing we coul return her... I just want you to know that you have been amazing. Not just today, but these last few months as well." She stared up at me. "Thank you."

I smiled, "You're always amazing. Like pretty much always. Like, All.The.Damn.Time."

"You are already an incredible father," she said thickly.

"If I was incredible, I wouldn't have forgotten the list," I said. "It was my first dad duty and I failed it already."

Ashley shook her head, "Hush that talk. I know I'm not the expert on dads, but I'm thinking that you're doing quite brilliantly at it."

Look at us, I thought, a couple of kids from fucked up families, or from no family at all, and we're about to attempt to build what we never had.

"Hey," I said, a thought occurring to me, "Did you ever read that letter your father left you?"

Ashley had opened a shipment from the prison in Kansas where her father had been retained until the day he commited suicide, and in the shipment she'd received a few things including an old lighter with a fading inscription from her mother to her father, and a letter addressed to her in a sealed envelope.

I know the envelope was sealed because Ashley didn't want to read it yet and the curiousity was killing me. I also happened to know that the seal must've been like super magic pernament glue because even holding it against the lamp until you could smell it didn't pop the seal open.

She shook her head, "Not yet," she answered.

I had a fleeting moment of wanting to encourage her to open it, until a flash went through my mind and I pictured Zoey one day holding an envelope with Chris's handwriting scrawled across the front of it. My enthusiasm for the envelope withered.

"Let's go get Zoey," I said.

Ashley's grin was wider than the Cheshire Cat's. "Yes," she said, "Let's. I miss her. I'm used to spending all day with her around," she reminded me, running her hand over her stomach.

We drove over to the hospital and the entire way I kept sneaking peeks in the rearview mirror at the empty car seat in the back. Nerves ran through my body and I became incredibly conscious of what a terrible driver I am. I never do the speed limit on the highway we took from the house to the hospital, but that day I did.

I glanced over at Ashley when we were stopped at a redlight off the exit, and she smiled. "You know what I just realized?" she said.

"What?"

"This is one of the last times we're going to be alone for a couple years."

It was weird, because it felt like we were doing things all out of order or something, like puzzle pieces had gotten mixed up all funny or something. Ashley was still married to another man, yet here I was bringing home a baby, and we were engaged by word of mouth, but not by ring, and although it was only about two and a half months since Ashley and I had landed back into each other's lives, it felt like we'd been together forever.

I pulled into an empty space near the entrance of the hospital and we sat in the car and we stared out at the hospital together. I reached over and took her hand. "She's in there," Ashley said quietly.

"She is," I said, nodding.

"I'm so nervous," she said.

"Me, too," I said.

We continued staring up at the brick building for a long moment. Then Ashley turned to me. "Just so you know," she said, "As far as I am concerned, you are Zoey's real father, and if she never knows that Christopher even exists, that is just fine with me."

I squeezed Ashley's hand.

"Your love for her is already stronger than Chris's DNA will ever be."

I leaned over and I kissed Ashley's cheek. "It's impossible to not love her," I said, "You made her."

Ashley laughed and her cheeks blushed almost as pink as Zoey. "It's not like I'm a skilled artisan, she made herself in there," she said.

"But she's a part of you," I answered, "And when it comes to you, I love every part. So its impossible not to love her. Besides that, she's daaaa----nnnggggg cute," I said, just catching my curse word. I grinned.

Ashley laughed, "You're daaaaa-nnnngggg cute yourself, Mr. Carter," she said, imitating my save.




Ashley

As the moment came closer and closer that Nick and I would be alone with Zoey, Nick got more and more spastic and I got more and more nervous. We carried Zoey out of the hospital, Nick grabbing doors ahead of me, watching Zoey in my arms like an eagle, ready to swoop in if anything should go awry. Dr. Jorryn and McKenna the nurse followed, McKenna had bright, teary eyes as she grinned, and Dr. Jorryn's face was one of genuine joy for us. Nick rushed to get the car and pull it up and McKenna inspected the car seat with Nick while Dr. Jorryn went over feeding instructions and reminding me of appointments and gave me a business card with his personal number on it should we need anything at all. Before I knew it, McKenna had approved the car seat and Dr. Jorryn was showing Nick and I each how to secure Zoey into it, and we took turns fastening and unfastening the buckle several times before Nick finally buckled her in for real, and we got out of the car. Nick shook Dr. Jorryn's hand and thanked him, and then got in the car and I turned to face Jorryn and McKenna myself.

"Thank you," I said to them, "For everything."

"You're very welcome," Dr. Jorryn said, smiling. "And congratulations, Ashley."

"Yes congratulations!" McKenna said eagerly, grinning, "She's so beautiful..." she whispered, "And so is he," she nodded toward Nick.

I laughed, "I know."

McKenna winked.

Dr. Jorryn held out his hand to shake mine, "Good luck, and call us if you need anything," he said.

I looked at his hand, then wrapped my arms around him into a bone-crushing hug. "Thank you," I said again, and he laughed and patted my back awkwardly.

And then I got in the car, and Nick took a deep breath. He'd been staring at Zoey in the rear view mirror. He looked at me. "Are you ready for this?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Then let's go," he said. And he pulled away from the curb, and I saw Dr. Jorryn and McKenna go back inside, and just like that, in what seemed like moments, Nick and I were alone with Zoey.

Nick drove even slower and more cautiously on the way home than he had on the way to the hospital.

I kept leaning back to look at her.

She yawned a couple times as we rode, but for the most part she slept through the whole thing.

When we came to a stop in the driveway, Nick and I both turned in our seats and looked over the shoulders at her. She'd woken up when the car turned off, and now lay there looking around. "Maybe we should've installed bouncy house material all over our house so if we drop her she'll just bounce," Nick muttered.

I looked over at him. "Maybe we should wrap her in bubble wrap."

"Bubble wrap would be very helpful right now."

"Yeah. Or like one of those lifeproof cases you have on your phone."

"That thing saves my phone like everyday."

"I know."

We stared down at Zoey some more.

"Do you think they make those for babies?" he asked.

"No, Nick, they don't."

"Damn. I mean... dang."

Zoey waved her little arm in the air and Nick reached out and she grabbed onto his finger, her little perfect fingernails, like they'd been manicured, latched on and she pulled his hand closer. I looked over at his face and he was staring down at her with a face that plainly said he was head over heels, over the moon, completely in love with her.

"Nick," I said thickly, the sight of him so in love with my baby all but making my heart explode, "We're going to be good parents."

He smiled, not even glancing away from Zoey for a second.