- Give In To Guilt
He hadn’t really been sleeping. He couldn’t sleep, not until he knew his parents were home. He let out the breath he didn’t realized he’d been holding, when he heard the front door shut. He crawled out of his bed hurriedly and made his way out of his messy room.
“Baylee, they’re here!” He heard Nick scream from downstairs and smiled. Good ol’ Nick, doing as he promised. Baylee ran downstairs as fast as he could and bumped into his mother, who’d been standing at the bottom to hang up her coat.
“Sorry mom,” he murmured.
“You shouldn’t be running down the stairs, baby. What if you trip and fall?” his mother warned worriedly. Baylee secretly smiled at Nick and saw his father’s friend smile back, pointing at his braced and bandaged shoulder.
“Then I’ll break my shoulder?” Baylee answered innocently and Nick gave him a thumbs up. Mom looked at him, annoyed and turned back to her son.
“That’s right. Now, did you guys already have dinner?” She wondered, realizing it was dinnertime already.
“Nope. But I’ve had a lot of ice cream, so I’m good,” Baylee answered, looking at her curiously.
“Why are you looking like that?” she finally questioned him.
“Where’s Dad?” he finally found the courage to ask and saw Nick look up too, probably wondering the same thing.
“Oh, I totally forgot him,” she exclaimed, bringing a hand to her mouth. When she saw Baylee’s eyes getting big, she laughed. “No, he’s still at the hospital. Had a small fever so they made him stay for the night, he’ll be back tomorrow,” she promised and walked into the kitchen. “God, I’m hungry.”
“Me too,” Nick stated and went after her. Baylee was left in the hallway and because he didn’t want to be left out, he too, wandered into the kitchen.
“You guys want some tea?” he offered. Nick and his mother were standing next to each other at the counter, preparing some sandwiches for themselves.
“No,” they both replied in unison and Baylee went to sit at the dinner table, sulking. He didn’t understand whatever it was that they seemed to had against his tea. At least his father actually pretended to drink the stuff for Baylee’s sake. Why couldn’t Mom and Nick do the same?
“You just left him at the hospital?” he heard the Backstreet Boy question silently. Nick probably thought Baylee couldn’t hear them from where he was sitting, and Baylee wasn’t about to tell the man otherwise.
“Relax, he’s gonna be fine. The round of chemo was a lot stronger than usual, that’s why it took so long. Brian ended up with a fever, because of the high dosage. They promised they would lessen it the next time, end of story,” Mom replied irritated.
“Any reason they strengthened it?” Nick asked concerned and Mom sighed.
“Because the milder doses aren’t working. The chemo isn’t working anymore Nick, so they increased the dosage, because they don’t know what else to do,” Baylee heard the desperation in his mother’s voice and wanted to cover his ears. He didn’t want to hear about failing chemo’s anymore. He was sick and tired of the disappointment his family had to deal with every time Dad came back from the hospital to reveal the poison they had pumped into his body hadn’t worked a bit. He hated to see his father struggle through the after effects of the useless chemo’s and had prayed a hundred times that they wouldn’t have to go through this, but apparently, God didn’t bother listening to him.
“Has it grown?” Nick still wasn’t done with the interrogation, it seemed.
“Not as far as they could tell, which is a good thing, I guess,” Mom answered and Baylee finally breathed out. He had learnt that as long as the tumour didn’t grow, there was no reason to fear Dad getting worse.
“So you left him there all by himself?” Nick asked harshly and Baylee frowned, seeing his mother do the same. Nick appeared to be particularly hostage towards Mom, more than usual anyway. Mom noticed it too.
“For your information, Nickolas, I didn’t leave him all by himself. He was too out of it to notice I left anyway. His brother arrived two hours ago. He doesn’t have a car though, so I wanted to ask you to pick them up tomorrow, but never mind.”
Baylee smiled when he saw Nick open his mouth, thinking for a moment and then closing it again, clearly defeated. Mom could have that effect on people.
“What’s Harry doing here?” Nick asked instead.
“He knew about the chemo being done today. He’s being attentive, you should try that as well sometime,” Mom spoke slowly and Baylee felt the mood dropping drastically.
“Hey, I watched your kid today, didn’t I?” Nick offered and Baylee looked angrily at him.
“Oh please,” Mom answered exasperated.
“What?” Nick asked, angry now.
“Nothing, forget it,” Mom said sternly and turned around, coming to sit next to Baylee.
“No, say it,” Nick challenged, still standing by the sink.
“That’s not being attentive, that’s doing as you’re told. You would never have offered watching Baylee if Brian hadn’t told you to,” Mom was smart, too smart.
“You know about that?” Nick asked shamefully.
“Oh come on, I’ve known the two of you for how long? Of course I know about Brian trying to make you look good, as usual,” she answered and Nick looked at the ground. Baylee watched them both, suddenly interested.
“I thought you wouldn’t notice that,” Nick admitted quietly and Mom laughed. Baylee sighed, relieved. The disaster had been avoided. Nick came to sit opposite of him and started to dig into his sandwiches. Suddenly, he looked up.
“You want one?” he asked Baylee. The boy thought for a minute and then accepted the offer, though he wasn’t really hungry.
“Sure.”
“See? I can be attentive,” Nick sulked mockingly and the other two laughed.
“So will you pick up the two brothers tomorrow?” Mom asked after a while.
“Of course I will!” Nick replied exaggeratedly.
“Good!” Mom said, just as loudly. It made Baylee fall into a fit of laughter.
“Oh, before I forget, Larry called,” Nick informed nonchalantly. The heavy mood instantly returned and Baylee’s laughter died down abruptly.
“Oh?” Mom replied, trying to sound just as nonchalant, but failing miserably when Baylee saw the tension written all over her face. There was something else too, something Baylee couldn’t really place, but he knew that it should not be on his mother’s face. Nick knew that too and the Backstreet Boy began to frown deeply.
“Yeah, he said they’re wrapping up the project, and that they really miss you down in California,” Nick paused for a moment, letting the information sink in, “You should give him a call back.”
“Hmm, maybe later I will,” Mom replied uneasily. Baylee didn’t really know a lot about Larry, but it was enough to know that he didn’t like the guy. He’d shown up one day at their house, claiming he’d known Mom for years, and offering her a job in a project he’d been working at. Dad was still with the Backstreet Boys then and had insisted Mom would take this chance. He’d promised he was fine and she didn’t need to worry about him and Baylee. Baylee had loved touring with them through the country, just him and his dad in a hotel room, pretending they were kings of the world, just like they used to. After two weeks, Dad had been sent home though, voted out by the other band members. Baylee had understood why the Backstreet Boys had come to that decision, but apparently, his father hadn’t. He’d gone home anyway, very pissed off, and refused help from Baylee or from anyone else. He didn’t want to call Mom, claiming she should finish the project with Larry, and didn’t think she should come home because of him. Baylee wasn’t so sure, he’d sensed something off about Larry from the first moment he’d seen him. He hadn’t liked the way the man had looked at his mother, had thought that only dads were allowed to look at moms like that. Suddenly he knew what he’d read on his mother’s face. Guilt.
June 2013
She’d been standing a few feet from the stage when it happened. It had started out as just a normal rehearsal. There had only been a few fans watching that had won a contest or something, and Leighanne was still grateful for that. She didn’t want to think about the consequences if it had happened during a regular live show. A shudder travelled over her body when she thought about it. Standing in the back room, she watched her husband trying to take slow, deep breaths, but failing terribly. The obvious pain was written all over his face and she felt the worry choking her breath. The panic she had experienced earlier had disappeared somewhat when she’d noticed Brian waking up. Some of the crew members had retrieved an oxygen tank from an unknown source, and it had helped him to regain consciousness, but it did nothing to relieve the agony he seemed to be feeling.
“Take it easy, baby, just breathe,” she instructed him softly, feeling him squeezing the life out of her hand. He looked helplessly at her and suddenly his eyes shut tightly when he jerked against another wave of pain hitting him.
“Can someone call 911 already?” she screamed at no one in particular. From the corner of her eye, she saw Nick, who’d been standing as if he were carved out of stone, shoot into action. Retrieving his cell phone from his pocket, he began dialling, but Howie stopped him.
“I called already, they’re on the way,” he informed grimly. He’d been left to talk to the managers and the other crew members, while Kevin went to get AJ from whatever spot he was hiding at. Leighanne had seen the bearded man lure Baylee away from the scene and hoped they would stay away until the disaster had slunk somewhat. She watched protectively as Nick came to stand on the other side of Brian, staring down at his friend fearfully, who was breathing shallow and heavily into the mask. Brian had closed his eyes again, but Leighanne could tell by the tight grip he kept on her hand, that he was still there with them.
“What the fuck is going on?” Nick demanded quietly, nervous, and Leighanne looked angrily at him. Didn’t he realize that no one had a single clue about what was going on? She couldn’t really blame him though, for Nick had been backstage when it happened. He’d probably only heard people screaming at him to get out of the way, when they had carried Brian inside. He hadn’t been there to see him sag like a ragdoll, in the middle of the stage. It had been one of the scariest things Leighanne had ever had to witness in her life. One moment, she’d watched AJ and her husband goof off, singing a deformed version of ‘Incomplete’, the next, Brian had grabbed his head and sank to his knees. At first, she’d thought it was a joke, cause you could never be too sure with Brian. She hadn’t realized what was happening until she saw AJ kneel beside her husband, yelling for help. Brian wasn’t joking, and it became all too obvious when he started screaming from the searing agony that was raging through his skull. Something was terribly wrong and no one had even the slightest idea on what to do. It wasn’t long until he blacked out and the whole arena became frighteningly quiet. A few moments later people finally seemed to jump into action and they had cautiously carried an unconscious Brian off stage. Leighanne had panicked completely, demanding AJ to tell her what was going on, not accepting the fact that he knew just as much as she did. AJ became fed up with her and when he saw Baylee walking behind the line of worried, but mostly curious people, he’d taken the boy and left the scene.
Deciding to ignore Nick’s desperate demands, she tried to focus on her husband again, whose grip on her hand was getting weaker. Trying to keep him awake, she shook his shoulder gently.
“Honey, you have to stay with us, can’t go to sleep yet, okay?” she explained soft, but urgently. His eyes shot open again and he stared at her with a blank look in his eyes. It scared the hell out of Leighanne. It was like he didn’t notice she was there, like he didn’t even recognize her. Stunned, she let go of his hand and watched speechlessly as his eyes rolled back and he gave into the darkness again.
