- How To Save A Life
It hurt more than he thought it would have. He’d never thought Brian would actually do it, but when his friend had accused him of not being real, he knew he was in no right state of mind to think properly. It had happened so quickly and unexpected, that Nick didn’t have time to do anything but put his arm up to protect his head from the heavy silver wear. The thing came down with a sickening slam and the pain had shot up and down his entire arm. And it had only just healed. He’d screamed out in pain and had expected another hit, but strangely, it went awfully silent suddenly.
Carefully, he recoiled backwards, not noticing Brian doing the exact same thing, and held his injured arm protectively against his midsection. Apprehensively, he tried to move it and heaved a relieved sigh when he found out he was able to. So it wasn’t broken, but it would leave one hell of a bruise soon. He looked up cautiously, wondering where his attacker had shied away to. He tried not to show how much Brian had hurt him either physically or mentally, but couldn’t prevent the stinging tears in his eyes from blurring his vision.
He winced from the intense pain and squeezed his eyes shut, not seeing the look of pure terror and confusion on Brian’s face. As soon as his friend had realized that Nick was not indeed an illusion, he’d dropped the candleholder and took a few faltering steps back. He watched Nick with wide, panicked blue eyes and his breathing picked up speed. When Nick finally looked up, he couldn’t help but feeling sorry for his tormented brother. He didn’t feel angry, because he knew Brian would have never hit him if he’d been lucid. How long is it gonna take before he thinks everything’s a hallucination? This was wrong in so many ways. Nick had just witnessed with his own eyes that his friend could be a danger to himself and to others. There was no denying that, but Nick had other worries on his mind when he saw Brian’s knees give out and the man collapsing on the floor.
“Oh God… Oh God I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Brian choked out, repeating his apology over and over again and looking in pure disbelief at the damage he’d caused.
Nick swallowed thickly, not knowing what to say to make it alright. There was nothing right about this. He watched speechless as Brian curled up again, shielding himself from the world, until there was nothing left but a sobbing, miserable, little boy that had no idea what was going on.
July 1992
Gosh, he sucked at this. He’d never asked to be the oldest, had he? He desperately tried to calm his four-year old little brother down, but to no avail. He could have been talking to a wall, the little recognition he got out of the snotty, crying toddler.
“Come on, man. Real men don’t cry!” he tried to assure, but Aaron would have nothing of it. Nick tried to remember if he’d cared about being a real man when he was four. Must have. His brother was a little whimp and Nick had only agreed to take him to the playground outside if they were going to eat Spaghetti for dinner. Mom had agreed a little too soon, and Nick had figured out by now that Aaron had been an annoying little puberty toddler throughout the whole day and that she was probably glad the brothers got out of the house once in a while.
Like it was his fault school was closed for the summer! He’d been bored for most of the week, considering there were no auditions left for him to attend for the rest of the month and not knowing what else to do, he’d taken his little brother out to get some fun. It had only taken ten minutes for the boy to fall from the swing set though. Now his hands and face were dirty with mud and he was crying like he was dying. Why couldn’t Leslie or BJ have taken the kid? They were girls, they knew how to deal with children, right?
Frustrated, Nick grabbed Aaron’s hands roughly, wiping the mud of them and carefully examining the skinned palms.
“You’ll live,” he commented and dropped the child’s hands instantly.
“Hurts!” Aaron informed, pointing at his knees. Nick bowed down and could see the bruise that was already forming on the leg.
“Here?” he questioned, pressing it maybe not so gently. Aaron jumped up, startled and slapped his big brother’s head angrily. “Yes! Bad Nick!”
Nick snickered. “Sorry bro, you okay now?” he asked in a sweet voice.
“Yesh, I’m a real man!” Aaron opted and Nick raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah, I bet.”
“Am too, Daddy said so!” Aaron persisted.
“Dad says that to everyone, even to BJ,” Nick let him know.
“Huh? BJ ain’t no man!” Aaron told him as if Nick didn’t know that.
“Sarcasm, little brother, sarcasm.”
Aaron looked at him questioningly and Nick sighed. “Come on, let’s go on the slide.”
November 2015
He’d kneeled beside his big brother, that had suddenly, somehow turned into his little brother, trying to remember the carefully laid out plan he’d had when he’d found him in the attic. Step seven, breakdown? No that couldn’t be right. He felt like he should say something, anything, but didn’t know the words.
“It’s okay,” he lied instead, placing his good hand on Brians trembling shoulder. There was no reaction, nothing at all. Nick had expected Brian to scream at him again, to go the hell away and leave him the fuck alone, but there was nothing. Nothing but the blank and empty stare Nick had grown all too used to. Hell, it had been the reason that he’d come down here in the first place. Only then, Baylee had found a way to bring his father back, and Nick wished he’d asked him how. The vacancy in Brian’s gaze made him sick to his stomach. He’d come here to make things better, but hadn’t he just made everything worse? He couldn’t remember step seven of his plan. But he couldn’t remember being hit with a particular large piece of silver being part of the plan either. He needed a new plan. Or maybe not a plan at all. Roughly, he sat down, not caring about the treacherous pieces of glass on the floor.
“We really need to clean up this place,” he muttered, more to himself than to anyone else. “I really wonder what Baylee did those months ago.’’
Maybe it was because Baylee was Baylee? Or maybe Baylee knew something nobody else did? He’d heard the child mutter something about a secret word that only he and his father knew. God, Nick felt left out now. Why was he even still here? The situation was hopeless, and on every other given moment in the past, he would have counted his losses and be long gone by now. What was so different about now? Did he really think he could make things alright? Was he really that naïve?
“Am I ever gonna get you to come out of here before dinnertime?” he questioned, just to keep the one-sided conversation going. Calming his older friend with nothing but his voice had seemed to work in the past, and besides that, the penetrating silence that lingered in the suffocating attic was enough to make anyone insane. There was something terribly frightening in the air, but Nick chose to ignore it.
“You know what we need? Music!” he spoke the word slow, testing it. Nope, apparently, that wasn’t the right one either. He’d tried for more than half an hour now, thinking of all the words that might provoke something, anything out of his absent friend. It was no use though, Brian remained as still as before, like he was sleeping, but with his eyes open. If only Baylee was there. But no, exactly on this day, the boy had texted he was staying with a friend for dinner, and if that was okay. No, Nick had wanted to text back, but of course, he hadn’t. Yeah sure, go ahead, it’s fine, as if it was just a normal day and nothing weird had been going on at all.
He contemplated if maybe, just maybe he should call Leighanne. His common sense told him quickly, that no, he shouldn’t, because she was the reason they were stuck here now. As far as Nick was concerned, she could rot in wherever she was hiding at. The next one on his mind’s list was Kevin, but for some reason Nick felt too proud to call Kevin. He could handle this on his own, he didn’t need anyone else. And what exactly was Kevin gonna do?
Softly, he began to whistle an old tune that resembled one of their past songs just a little. It felt like he was slowly going insane. Step seven, the magic word.
“Please?” he tried, just for good measure. Brian just blinked. Nick leaned back again, frustrated. He should call Baylee, have the kid safe his father, sure why not? Reluctantly, he retrieved the worn cell phone from his pocket and dialled a familiar number. Baylee and he had been texting for quite a while, it was the only way the boy seemed able to have a ‘normal’ talk, since he seemed to avoid everything that even remotely looked like a conversation in real life. When all this was over, they’d need to find the kid a good shrink.
Nick shook his head exasperated at that thought, listening to the dial tone of his phone. It took the thirteen year old ages to answer his cell and Nick became impatient rapidly. “God, I swear, if he answers right now, Imma drinking his tea for a month.”
He nearly dropped the phone when he saw Brian shoot upright suddenly. Nick stared with open mouth when his friend looked around, dazed.
“No thank you,” he heard him mutter quietly.
“Nick? Wazzup?” he finally heard Baylee answer at the other end of the line.
“Huh?” he asked, bewildered.
“Why you callin’ me?” the kid explained.
“Owh, er, nothing. Just wanted to let you know you’re a genius,” Nick breathed, still stunned. So there was more to Kamille tea than met the eye. Brilliant.
“I, er, okay, thanks?” Baylee replied uncertainly.
“Yep, okay, bye,” Nick broke him off. He’d have to explain things when the kid got home, but right now, there were other things that needed taking care off. Looking up, he saw Brian staring intently at him with narrowed eyes, completely astonished, as if seeing him for the first time. Nick raised his eyebrows questioningly.
“Hm?” he asked.
“Nick?” the surprise had been expected and Nick sighed.
“Yeah…” he admitted.
“You doin’ here?”
“I have no idea.”
Step eight, breakdown.
