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Chapter Twenty-Seven: Jenny from the Gym


I didn't know what to do.

I walked back into the city from Becky's house, and by the time I reached downtown my back was coated in sweat. I couldn't believe what happened. It kept playing over and over in my mind like a horrible movie, getting worse and more distorted every time. I sat down on a park bench and bent forward, my head between my knees like I was in a bomb drill in the 1950s. I breathed down at my sneakers, my heart thumping in my ears more than my chest.

"Nate?"

I didn't look up.

"Nate is that you?"

Suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder, tapping. I looked up and found myself staring into the eyes of one of the girls from the gym. Her name started with a J. I squinted, trying to remember the name.

"Jenny?" I finally guessed.

"You never called me," she said, frowning. I could tell from her eyes that she was relieved that I at least remembered her name. Like knowing her name made what I'd done better. Like maybe it was a mistake that I hadn't called her. Even though she knew better deep down.

"I'm sorry," I said.

She looked around then sat down on the bench next to me. She had long blonde hair that was in a braid that hung over her shoulder and down almost to her waist. She was wearing training clothes and running shoes and an iPod was strapped to her biceps. "What happened? Did you like lose the number?" her voice was hopeful.

I shook my head.

She took a deep breath. "Oh. Too nervous to call?"

I shook my head again.

"Oh," she said again.

I stared at my sneakers. I thought that she'd leave, or get mad, or something. I half expected her to whip out a light saber of her own and chop me down Bradley style. She was quiet. I looked over at her.

"I should've told you this before," I said. It was the speech that I'd meant to give Becky. Someone needed to hear it, it might as well be another one of the girls I'd hurt. "My name isn't Nate Crosby. My name is Nick Carter. I told you my name was Nate because I had a bet with my friend, Chris." I looked over at Jenny. She had a petrified expression on her face. "Yeah," I said, reading the expression, "The Nick Carter."

She shook her head, "No way. You're full of crap."

"Way," I replied. She still was wide-eyed, staring at me in denial. I decided to just go on with my speech. "Our bet was which of us could sleep with more girls in a month, but to make the playing field even I had a handicap where the girl couldn't know who I was so that they weren't just sleeping with me because I'm a Backstreet Boy." I chewed the inside of my mouth.

Jenny blinked in surprise. "I guess that makes sense."

"I needed to be anonymous, you know?" I said.

She nodded.

"I didn't really think about how it was effecting anyone else besides me," I said. "And then I met this girl and I told her the lie, too. I don't even know why, I mean I didn't really intend for what I had with her to turn out to have any connection to the bet. I didn't really intend to have much more than a new sidekick in World of Warcraft when I met her, though. But I told her the lie and then I realized she was pretty awesome, and I dunno, then I didn't wanna tell er that I'd lied to her, and it got harder and harder to tell the truth the longer I waited."

Jenny nodded. "Did you tell her?"

"I got arrested yesterday and she saw me on the news."

"Shit."

"Yeah."

Jenny shook her head. "How'd she react?"

"Her brother ran me off the property with a light saber," I answered.

Jenny sighed.

I looked at Jenny. "But I'm sorry that you ended up in the path of that, too," I said. "And not just because of what happened with me and Becky, but because you didn't deserve that anymore than she did. Because I didn't think about you, only about me."

"It's okay Na-- Nick," she corrected herself midway through.

"It's not really okay," I said.

"Not really. But I do forgive you," she said.

It helped a little that Jenny had forgiven me. It made me wonder if Becky would've if I'd had the chance to tell her the right way. I breathed deep, filling my lungs. "I wish there was a way to make Becky forgive me, too."

Jenny shrugged, "Maybe you can," she said. "Maybe it'll just take awhile. Or maybe you'll never get that particular girl back again, but at least you'll know for the future."

I shook my head. "It has to be that particular girl," I said. I looked over at her, at eyes that I hadn't even looked into before. It was a miracle that I'd remembered the girl's name at all. "I don't think I want to go back to living without her."

"Maybe you just need to find a way to apologize that's as big as the lie you told," Jenny said.

"How could I ever do that?" I asked.

Jenny shrugged. "I'm sure you'll think of something." She stood up. "I know I at least appreciated the apology, even if she doesn't..." She paused. "And since you didn't lose the number... If things don't work out with Becky..." Jenny smiled sadly, "Maybe give me a call sometime. I'd like to get to know you."

"Thanks," I mumbled, "But I know I won't do that." I looked up at her. "And it's not because you aren't an amazing person or anything. I'm sure you are. I mean I don't even really know you, you know? But..."

"But I'm not Becky. It's okay. I get it." Jenny nodded. "Thank you for your apology, Nick Carter," she said. And she jogged away.

I sat there on the bench in the park awhile longer, letting all the stuff Jenny had said mill around in my head. She was right. I needed to find a way to apologize to Becky. No, not just to Becky, I realized, but to all of the girls that I'd ever wronged. That was a lot of girls, I thought, and I had no idea how I'd even get into contact with more than half -- yeah, okay, with like 99.999999% of them. Even the ones I did know the names of I didn't have a clue where most of them were these days. But it was important that they know that I was sorry, that I had changed, that I knew what I'd done to them was wrong.

Just... how in the hell was I gonna do it?