Chapter Three: Princess Nerys of Hatteras
I decided while I was waiting for my emails to start pouring in from the less psychotic Match.com ladies that I'd entertain myself playing World of Warcraft.
It's my guilty pleasure.
I have an account that I let other people play me on - like fans and stuff - and also a private account that's just me. I don't even have Chris hooked to that account 'cos too many people in our clan on my public WOW account who play with us recognize Chris's avatar and connect two and two together. I mostly used my private account to practice so I look like a pro on my real account. Since Chris and I were basically enemies and I didn't feel much like playing with fans, I decided to go on that private account that day.
I was wandering around Azeroth, just killing time and racking up experience points and the like. Sometimes it's fun not to like do quests, but to just wander and enjoy the scenery. Like digitally smelling the roses. I'd been at it for quite some time, making my way through this forrest that I hadn't taken my clan through in the public game and I happened upon this random cave that I hadn't seen before. I opened up my inventory, changed out my gear, and inched into the cave.
I was hoping I'd find some kind of crazy ass stockpile of treasure. Like an outrageously huge treasure that was undiscovered previously or something. I pictured being the king of the clans. A WOW hero. I took a deep breath and plunged my avatar into the darkness. Suddenly, there was a blade at my characters throat.
"Who are you?" came a scratchy, forceful voice through my headset. "And what do you mean trespassing?"
"Just looking around," I answered. I made my character put it's hands up. I turned my POV until I found the end of the blade in the hands of a warrior enchantress. For a computer generated graphic, she had a great rack.
"Who are you?" she repeated. She leveled her sword again, aligning it with my jugular. If she wanted to, she could kill my character with a stroke of her keyboard.
"My name is --" I paused. "Nate the Great," I said.
"Get out of my cavern," she hissed.
I backed my avatar away, toward the door. "I was just leaving." I wondered what she had in there. "Aloha, my lady," I said. I bowed.
Her avatar didn't move, which meant she wasn't shifting her POV, until I'd gotten out of the cavern and back out to the forest screen. I hovered near the mouth of the cave. Hot damn she must have some incredible shit hidden in that cave to be hiding out in it like that, guarding it. I moved a few paces away, keeping the cave in sights. I wondered how hard it would be to hide from her and wait until she'd come out and get my ass back in there and get whatever it was she was hiding. I could transfer it to my other account...
I hit a command to hide my character behind a bush and wait.
It was then, while I was sitting in the bush waiting for the enchantress to come out of her cave that my email went off. I minimize my WOW screen and opened up my email. It was from Match.com. Someone had messaged me on the site. I got excited and forgot all about WOW and the Enchantress and opened up the email and launched my browser window and started clicking around in this random girl's profile. Her name was Monica and she was from San Diego and she was wearing a bikini in her user picture. She felt the need to tell me her star sign in her initial email.
All plusses.
I clicked reply to user and started to compose an email proposing a date.
Suddenly, I heard a swishing, the crow of an orc, and a chime indicating my avatar was being attacked. "Shit!" I yelled, remembering my WOW was on. I clicked back to the window just in time to see a blade fly through an orc that towered over my little gnome character. The orc fell backward and I swung my POV to see the mouth of the cave. The enchantress was walking over. She leaned over me, pulling her blade from the face of the orc she'd just slain in my name.
"You're welcome," she said in a disdainful voice. "Now you can run along and stop trying to loot my cave." She turned back toward the cave.
"Hey She-Ra," I snapped, "Thanks for nothing but stealing a couple hundred experience points from me," I said haughtily.
She turned. "You would've been dead if I hadn't just saved your ass," she said.
"Bullshit, I was just luring him in."
"You were AFK and you know it," she snapped.
"I was not AFK."
"You were AFK! You were standing there like a useless lump of basilisk dung."
"Tell yourself whatever it takes to make you look like a big deal but I had it under control," I said.
"Talking awful big for a noob that just got his life saved," she said.
"I don't need you to be trying to save my life She-Ra," I said hotly.
"My name is not She-Ra," she snapped. "It's Princess Nerys of Hatteras."
I raised an eyebrow. Okay so here's a thing very few people know about me. When I was a kid, I played a lot of games. One of those games was the RPG Dungeons and Dragons. One of my favorite modules included a character that I'd always secretly wanted to bang - because the drawing interpretations (and dreams) that I had done of her over the years were just so damn sexy, like rivals Leia in the golden bikini sexy - Princess Nerys of Hatteras.
I'd never heard of a girl that would get that reference.
I choked.
"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? Or are you AFK again?"
"I'm here."
"Good then get the hell out of here."
"Make me," I snapped.
"As you wish, dillweed." And just like that, Princess Neryls swiped her sword and took off the head of my avatar like it was nothing.
Chapter End Notes:
Thank you Crazy57307 for pointing out a couple D&D/WOW errs in this chapter. :)
