Seventeen

Waking up next to AJ in a tangled mess of arms and legs was something that I was more than used to. But waking up next to him entangled with his body and nude with my body still feeling the effects of him making love to me was a whole new world. I woke up that next morning wrapped in his arms with one of my legs stuck between his and my face was pressed against his chest. At first I thought it was a dream, the love we’d made. But as I took in the feelings running through my body and opened my eyes, I realized that although it may have felt like a dream, by all means it was real. We’d crossed the line. We’d broken the rules. We’d admitted our love for one another. At least physically we had...

For a long time I stayed in his arms watching him sleep. I wondered what he would say when he woke up. What he’d do when he woke up. Would he kiss me again? Make love to me again? Pretend that nothing had happened? Would he break my heart? Or would I perhaps break his? Shaking the uncomfortable thoughts out of my head I decided to simply go with the flow instead of analyzing it all to death.

I smiled as he mumbled in his sleep and I couldn’t help but reach out to touch his cheek with my fingertips. His eyes fluttered open and as his chocolate eyes met mine a smile spread across his face making my heart swell. He kissed me good morning, no tongue, and then looked into my eyes silently. I watched him watching me and then wrinkled my nose at him with a grin, "Say something…" I whispered.

"Something…" he whispered back and I rolled my eyes. He kissed my forehead and ran a hand through my hair, "Sleep well?"

I nodded and felt goose bumps form on my skin from the feeling of his fingers in my hair, "Very… you?"

"Yeah…" I smiled, not knowing what else to do or say and he pulled me closer so that my head rested against his chest again and his fingers twirled within my hair. I traced my fingernails over his chest lightly trying not to think, but to just enjoy the feelings coursing through my body. Then quietly he spoke up, "So… are we going to give ‘Us’ a try?"

My heart jumped at the question, and before I allowed my head to step into the equation I looked up into his eyes and nodded with a smile, "Yeah…"

*****

I stood in the closet of my bedroom and sighed not knowing what to wear. Looking through my clothes I hated them all at the moment and covered my face with my hands groaning. "Aaaaaaaaaaa Jaaaaaaaaaay?" I called out loudly.

"Yeah?" he answered quietly from the doorway of the closet giggling when I jumped and covered my heart with my hand.

"Jesus! I didn’t know you were right there…" I laughed and tightened the towel that was wrapped around my body. "I’m having a problem."

"I kind of gathered that by the groan and the pained ‘Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!’ that just blew out my ear drums…" he giggled sticking his fingers in his ears pretending to be having hearing problems.

I half laughed and half pouted, "Don’t make fun of me…"

He smiled and stepped into the closet wrapping his arms around me as I rested my forehead on his shoulder. "You’re frustrated…" I nodded silently and he rubbed his hands over my back. "What’s wrong girlie?"

"I don’t know what to wear…" I mumbled and he chuckled. "AJ!"

"I’m sorry…" he laughed as I looked up at him.  "It’s just funny to see you like this. You’re never this concerned about what you wear."

"Yeah well I’ve never been your date before either…"

"Sure you have…" he smiled.

"Not like this though," I sighed.

He tipped my face up toward his and kissed my lips gently, "You’re amazing in whatever you wear. You always are. Don’t freak out on me okay? It’s just dinner with Kevin and Kristen."

"Dinner with Kevin and Kristen where they’re going to find out about our secret romance that we’ve been having for the past week and no one else knows about…" I groaned. "Age I can’t do this…" I pulled out of his arms and walked back into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed that I hadn’t slept in once during my whole trip to Florida.

He followed me and sat down on the bed next to me, "Talk to me…"

"I’m scared." I said quietly looking at the floor.

"Of…"

"Of everything. Of Kevin not approving, of him thinking that it’s a bad idea for us to be together and touring… of him giving me that look. You know the look? The one…"

He smiled and nodded, "I’ve been on the wrong end of that look a lot…"

"What happens if he give us The Look? What do we do then?"

"Then we keep on doing whatever we feel is right because we’re adults. And we do everything to prove to Kevin that what we have is okay and that I love you and you love me…"

I smiled as I listened to and looked at him, "I never get tired of hearing you say that…"

"What? That we’re adults?" he teased.

"Yeah…" I laughed. I held onto my towel with one hand and with the other reached out to touch his cheek before leaning in to kiss him. "I love you more…"

"I love you more…" he mumbled against my lips and then laughed.  "Especially when you’re half naked… why don’t you let go of that towel?"

I shook my head and scooted away from him, "Nope. I’m not that kind of girl…" I stood up and walked back into the closet grinning. "Plus I have a dinner date to get ready for…"

*****

"So…" Kevin said as he followed me into his kitchen as he and I cleared the dirty dishes while Kristen and AJ picked out new CD’s to put into the stereo.

"So…" I laughed and refused to look at him busying myself with loading the dishes into the dishwasher instead.

"What’s going on?"

"Loading dishes… that’s how they get clean. See this is called a dishwasher and it’s used to wash dishes… it’s a great invention really, " I grinned and he smiled but then gave me a look. It wasn’t The Look, but it was enough to make me flinch. I loaded the last dish into the dishwasher and closed it, locking it as I spoke quietly, "We’re together…"

I was too chicken shit too look at him, and decided to wait for a response before looking back into his eyes. When I didn’t get one though I took a slow breath and cautiously looked up at him expecting to see The Look. Instead he cracked a grin and laughed, "It’s about fucking time…"

My mouth fell open and I looked at him in amazement, "You’re kidding…"

"No I’m not kidding… It’s about time you two stopped fighting it. Come here…" he held his arms out and I stepped into them to hug him. He wrapped me in one of his warm comforting big brother hugs that always made everything feel better and I smiled. "Congratulations…"

"Thanks…" I said quietly as I suddenly felt the urge to cry and wasn’t sure why.

Kevin, as usual, sensed the change in me and pulled back to look into my eyes, "Uh oh…" I sighed and closed my eyes as he pulled me close again. "What’s wrong?"

I held tight to his body, not really knowing why all of a sudden I was overcome with emotion. A few tears managed to seep from my eyes and I wiped at them before pulling away from the hug and shrugging, "I don’t know. All of a sudden I just got all… I don’t know…"

"You’re happy with him right?" he asked cautiously.

I nodded, "Yeah… very… I mean he’s my best friend and I love him, and he loves me and its damn near perfect."

"Scary though…" I nodded again. "And now that you’ve told me, it makes it real…" Again I nodded as I closed my eyes and fresh tears formed in my eyes. "I know that feeling. When Kristen and I made our relationship public, I was a mess. I was so in love with her and I wanted so badly to be able to tell the world that I loved her. But there was a part of me that kept thinking that if we kept our relationship a secret and things didn’t work out, then I wouldn’t have to share that with everyone too. But if everyone knew about us and we broke up, then everyone would see it and would know what was going on."

"Then everyone sees that you failed…" I added and he nodded.  “Kev, you know how shitty my track record with relationships is…”

“Sure, but this is different.  You’re not just with any guy…” He wiped my cheeks with his thumbs and smiled, "But the plus side of being public… is that you don’t have to hide the good things. Like when you just out of the blue feel like kissing him, you can. And if he wants to hold your hand or tell you that he loves you… he can. At least in front of me and Kristen… I’m assuming that we’re the first to know?"

"Yeah, we’ve been pretty much hiding out at the house trying to get used to the idea of ‘Us’ on our own before we told anyone else."

"So now that I’m done… who’s next?"

My heart caught in my throat and I tried to hide the emotion in my voice as I spoke looking away from his eyes, "Nick…"