Twenty Eight

Late night bus rides to the next city. There was a time that I understood them. Like back in the day when the Boys were under what I commonly refer to as The Wrath of Lou and they had concerts every night. But as they took control of their careers and spaced out the shows I didn’t understand it.

It was Wednesday night, after the second, and much better, Fort Lauderdale concert and instead of staying in the hotel and traveling on Thursday we were en route to Charlotte that night. In some ways it would pan out because there wasn’t a show on Thursday and we could goof off all day and relax, but traveling after a show wasn’t fun, ever. It was like getting in a car and driving home as soon as you stepped off of a roller coaster at an amusement park and you were still spinning.

Each of the Boys had opted to go on their own busses. Only when we were bored or wanted to play together did we travel together in one bus anymore. We did have lots of fun with the CB’s though. We all had our own CB names and referred to the different busses as BSB 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. Usually we used it for fun, but there were times when it saved our sanity on bus trips.

"Jesus, Kel, you’re worse than me. Calm down!"

I was pacing around the bus, literally and couldn’t sit still. "I can’t!" I sighed. "I so badly don’t wanna be on this bus right now. I feel like I’m going to explode."

AJ laughed at me and pulled me by the hand to make me sit next to him, "Breathe, honey…"

I took a deep breath, "I’m getting claustrophobic…"

"Kel…"

"Oh shit…" I put my head between my knees and AJ rubbed my back.

"Baby, we’ve got a whole lotta bus rides ahead of us…"

"Not helping!" I gasped.

"Sorry…" he laughed.

"When do we stop again?" I said between deep breaths.

"Savannah…"

"Where are we now?"

"Just past Daytona…"

I whined, "That’s another hour and a half… oh god… AJ, I can’t do this… "

He sighed as he continued to rub my back, "Breathe, baby…"

"I’m… trying… to…"

"No more coffee for you in the morning with, Nick.  It gets you too wired."

"Not… funny… A… J…" I was literally hyperventilating.

"I’m not trying to be funny… Come on, let’s get you up front…" He wrapped his arm around my waist and walked me up the length of the bus plopping me in the seat next to Paul the bus driver.

"Whoa… she okay?" Paul asked as he looked at me.

"Yeah just a little claustrophobic... We’ve done this before…" AJ explained as he turned the air vents on me giving me some fresh air from outside. "Breathe…"

"Try… ing… to…"

"Do you need me to stop the bus?" Paul asked.

"No…" AJ mumbled and grabbed the CB as he squatted next to me and held my hand. "BSB 1 to Anyone… talk to me, this is Captain Crayola, over."

A moment later a familiar voice was heard, "BSB 3 here, this is Shark Food, what’s up?"

"Sexy Shutterbug is having a panic attack, we need some laughter."

"Uh oh… what’s going on Sexy Shutterbug?"

"Can’t… breathe… I answered.

"Damn, girl… okay… um… let me think…"

"BSB 2 here, this is Choir Boy… I hear you need some help."

"BSB 5… Big Daddy is here too."

"Swivel Hips over here on BSB 4."

I smiled between deep breaths, "My… heroes…”

"Shark Food to Sexy Shutterbug… Joke for you. A woman goes into an ice cream store and says, ‘I need a gallon each of Strawberry, Chocolate and Rocky Road ice cream.’ The guy behind the counter says, ‘Sorry, ma’am, we’re all out of Chocolate, but I can give you the others.’ The woman says, ‘Okay then I’ll have a gallon of Strawberry, a gallon of Rocky Road and a half gallon of Chocolate.’ The guy sighs and says, ‘Ma’am, we don’t HAVE any Chocolate…’ The woman smiles and says, ‘Ohh… okay so I’ll take a gallon of Strawberry, a gallon of Rocky Road and a pint of Chocolate.’ The guy smacks his head and says, ‘Lady… can you spell the berry in Strawberry?’ ‘Sure, b-e-r-r-y.’ ‘And can you spell the road in Rocky Road?’ ‘Uh huh… r-o-a-d.’ ‘Great, now can you spell the fuck in Chocolate?’ The woman looks the guy all confused and says, ‘There’s no fuck in Chocolate…’ The guy smiles and holds his hands up in the air, ‘That’s right! You finally get it! There’s no fuckin’ Chocolate!’ Over."

I began to giggle and AJ smiled, "Captain Crayola to All, she’s giggling… keep going."

"Choir Boy to Sexy Shutterbug… Okay so a guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver, so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in terror and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost, and
came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said, ‘I didn't mean to frighten you. I just wanted to ask you something.’ The taxi driver says, ‘It's not your fault, sir. This is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years.’ Over."

I laughed some more and started to calm down a bit, "Captain Crayola to All, more laughter… you’re doing good."

"Swivel Hips to Sexy Shutterbug, my turn. I don’t have a joke but this always makes you laugh. Remember when we were rehearsing for the Millennium tour and AJ was running around like a maniac teasing you and dodging you as you took pictures and Fatima opened the door to the studio and he ran smack into it and knocked himself out for three minutes? Over."

That did the trick, I laughed so hard that I forgot about hyperventilating and snorted. AJ groaned, "Captain Crayola to Swivel Hips, screw you.”

I grabbed the CB, "Sexy Shutterbug to Swivel Hips… I love you!"

"Shark Food to All, she speaks!"

"Sexy Shutterbug to All… you saved me. I love you all."

"Big Daddy to All, Wait I’ve got one."

"Go ahead, Big Daddy."

"Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Over."

I smiled and looked at AJ and Paul, "Dunno Big Daddy, Why?"

He chuckled into the CB before stating the answer, "Because he was feeling crummy… over."

Dead silence. I could see us all looking at the CB’s with thought bubbles over our heads saying ‘No he didn’t…’ "Choir Boy to Big Daddy… remind me to smack you in the head for that one."

"Shark Food to Big Daddy, me too... Dude, that was horrible!"

"Swivel Hips to Big Daddy, I thought it was kind of funny, but it was pretty bad too."

I giggled, "Sexy Shutterbug and Captain Crayola to All. Leave Big Daddy alone… It was cute!"

"Oh sure, Shutterbug… side with the old man!"

"Who was that?" I gasped.

"Shark Food. Over."

"When we get to Savannah your ass is mine, Shark Food!" I laughed.

"Come and get it, Sexy Shutterbug," he laughed right back.

AJ grabbed the CB, "Captain Crayola to Shark Food, I warned you this morning to stay away from my woman!"

"Oooh Shark Food is SCARED of Captain Crayola! I’m shaking in my Nikes! Oh wait, I’m not wearing shoes!"

"I’m going to kill that kid…" AJ mumbled to me and I laughed. "Captain Crayola to All, Let it be known that the rest of the tour might have to be done without Shark Food because Captain Crayola is going to beat him down when we get to Savannah. All in agreement say I. Over."

"Big Daddy, I. Over."

"Choir Boy, I. Over."

"Swivel Hips, I. Over."

"Shark Food, Nay! Over."

AJ looked at me and handed the CB to me. I smiled and took it, "Um… Sexy Shutterbug… Nay. Over."

"Kellie!"

"Swivel Hips to Captain Crayola, No using real names, Dumbass!"

AJ rolled his eyes, "Sexy Shutterbug voted against me… I’m in shock!"

"Sexy Shutterbug has a book to finish. She can’t do that with four dorks instead of five," I giggled.

"Shark Food to Captain Crayola, HA! Over."

The Boys proceeded to ‘argue’ over the CB and I listened and laughed. I caught Paul giggling at our conversation and smiled, "You didn’t know we were this nuts did you?"

"No I didn’t… but it’s good for a laugh…" he chuckled.

"Especially at 3:00 in the morning huh?"

"Exactly… most people sleep on these overnight trips…"

"Choir Boy to BSB 1 Bus Driver, We heard that…”

"Swivel Hips to BSB 1 Bus Driver, That’s right. Sleep? We don’t need no stinkin’ sleep!"

The Boys all grunted assorted agreement sounds over the CB and Paul laughed shaking his head. I smiled, "Welcome to the Backstreet World…"