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Howie yawned as he left the studio, it was four in the morning and they’d been recording all night long. This was the sixth day in a row they’d been in the studio, just one more day was left of this session and he’d be able to go home for some rest.

Nashville was nice this time of year. The oppressive heat of the summer had been replaced by autumn’s slightly chilly days. He pulled his jacket closer, it was foggy and damp. They climbed into a van and while they drove to the hotel, Howie checked his cell phone for messages. There were several, but none from Suheera.

“Why the big frown, D?” Brian asked, covering his own yawn. They were all exhausted but pleased with the progress they were making on the new album. Most of the songs had been recorded; they were now putting the finishing touches on them.

“I haven’t heard from Suheera in a couple of days. I’ve been trying to call her but she never answers.”

“Maybe she lost her phone again,” AJ said.

“It’s possible; she has a hard time keeping up with it.” Howie smiled to himself, she was on her third phone so far. She had a bad habit of setting it down and forgetting where she left it, thankfully they’d all been lost somewhere in the house or car – he didn’t want his cell phone number getting out.

He hoped that she’d lost it yet again instead of the sneaky suspicion that she was avoiding him. The last couple of months he’d been gone more than he was home. It wasn’t by choice; he’d explained to her, his work required that he travel. She’d said that she understood, but he’d seen the loneliness in her eyes. He sent her a text message, hoping that she’d get it.

On the bedside table, the cell phone vibrated softly, waking Suheera from her dreams. She picked up the phone; it was a text from Howie. ‘I love you, I miss you, I’ll see you very soon,’ he’d written. She turned off the phone and placed it back on the table.

Suheera felt guilty for avoiding his calls lately. It would be easy to explain it away, declaring that she’d misplaced her phone for a few days. The truth was she didn’t want to talk to him, her mind in turmoil over the recent turn of events.

Two months ago, as Suheera left the mosque, she accidentally backed into a man’s car. Her SUV had not been damaged but his had a large dent. He’d been quite gracious about the accident, assuring her that his insurance would cover the repairs so she hadn’t even mentioned it to Howie. Since then, she’d seen him around the mosque a number of times.

Three weeks later, the imam called her into his office after prayers. “A man is interested in courting you, and since you have no male relatives living here, I’ve been asked to introduce you,” he told her. Suheera was stunned by his words; she hadn’t considered such a possibility.

“I guess I could meet him,” she stuttered, not sure how to respond. Although she was living in Howie’s home, they were not technically a couple. He had asked her to marry him but she hadn’t answered since she believed that he wasn’t serious. Since then, he’d made an effort to court her but his work schedule took him away from her for long stretches of time. She wasn’t sure just what their relationship was at this point.

The imam opened the door and gestured to a man standing outside to enter his office. “Suheera, this is Fareed.”

Suheera was glad she had pinned her hijab over her face, it covered her look of surprise at seeing the man whose car she had damaged a few weeks earlier.

“It is a pleasure to meet you once again,” Fareed said, a smile on his handsome face. He was tall and muscular, his clothes well fitting and expensive.

She felt suddenly tongue tied, unsure of what to say. The imam came to her rescue, inviting them to walk with him around the grounds while they got to know each other. Custom decreed that they not be left alone together.

“You seem surprised,” Fareed said. Suheera nodded, she was feeling very shy at the moment. “I was shocked to learn that you are still single. You have not been married before?”

Suheera knew she had to tell Fareed about her past, it would not be fair to him to keep it from him. His request to court her meant he was interested in marrying her, and he might change his mind once he knew more about her. She didn’t think she could take the look of disgust she would see on his face once he learned of her past. “I do not think this is a good idea,” she said. “I made a mistake agreeing to this.”

“Please, give me a chance.” She thought he sounded sincere.

“You will not want to be associated with me, believe me.”

“Let me decide that, Suheera. I cannot imagine what would be so horrifying in your background that would drive me away.” He smiled gently at her, his eyes sparkling with humor. He thought she was being overly dramatic.

Suheera decided there was no point in sugar coating the truth. “Since you asked, no, I have not been married but I was twice engaged. Both times my fiancé died right before the ceremony,” she admitted. “After that, no one asked to court me. My father was unable to even pay someone to marry me, everyone said I was cursed. He locked me away in his house; I became a servant to my stepmother.”

Fareed could hear the bitterness in her voice. It was understandable, no young woman wanted to be a servant. He wondered why no one would marry her; a beautiful woman would be sought after even if she carried some kind of stigma. Suheera always wore a full veil to mosque which made many people wonder about her. Her clothes could not hide a shapely figure, but her face was an unknown. “How did you come to be in America? It is a long ways from Iraq.”

Suheera glanced at the imam; he was far enough ahead of them that he couldn’t hear what they were saying. “My father sold me into slavery to repay a debt. I ended up as the servant to two unmarried brothers.” She glanced quickly at his face; she could see the shock written plainly. “They stuck me in a burkha and worked me mercilessly, beat me whenever they felt like it. But they did not take my innocence, they feared my curse.”

“But your reputation was forever ruined,” Fareed said.

Suheera nodded and then continued. “They brought an American prisoner into their home, forced me to care for him. I had never been that close to a man before, he terrified me, but over the weeks we became friends. He treated me as an equal and listened to me. He respected me, the first time any man had ever done that.”

“I’ve heard nothing to dissuade me yet. Your purity can be verified,” Fareed said softly. “Although it is irregular for a Muslim woman to have a male friend, you’ve done nothing wrong.”

Suheera knew that soon he would change his mind. “I learned that the American was about to be killed, so I smuggled him to Baghdad. He promised to take me back with him.” Suheera paused for breath, she was talking fast to try to lessen the blow her next words would bring. “We had been on the run for three days straight. We were exhausted, and it was too dangerous to sleep on the city streets so I found us a hotel room. That night I…I drugged him and seduced him. I knew he would not make love to me otherwise, he respected me.”

Fareed gasped. “Why in the world would you give him your innocence? A complete stranger, and an unbeliever as well.”

Suheera bowed her head; tears ran down her cheeks unchecked. “I knew in my heart that I would not be going home with him, sometimes promises cannot be kept no matter how much you wish for it. Because of my father’s actions, no Muslim man would marry me, even though I was still a virgin. I knew my only options would be to live my life alone, become someone’s mistress, or prostitution – and I would rather die.” She pulled a tissue from her purse and dabbed at her eyes. “I wanted to know what it was like to be loved. I knew Howie would be gentle with me, he cared for me and I cared for him. I thought that I could live my life alone and be happy with that one wonderful memory.”

“You gave in to the temptations of the flesh,” Fareed said. Suheera thought she heard an undercurrent of anger in his words. He was angry, but not for the reason she thought. He had counted on her still being a virgin, her value was now much less than before.

“Yes, I did,” Suheera admitted. “But in all honesty, would you not have done the same thing, faced with the knowledge that you would live your entire life not knowing what it was like to be loved?”

“Men are not as weak willed as women; they are not as easily tempted by the flesh. But I doubt Allah would approve of your actions,” he said. His words were harsh but not unexpected. She had thought he would have a more violent reaction; Fareed was more tolerant than she thought he would be. “But he must have taken you with him after all, since you are here now.”

Suheera shook her head. “I was granted asylum but was kidnapped from the American hospital before the arrangements were made. I managed to get away and made my way to a friend’s house, I was terrified that they would find me again. It was there, several months later, that Howie found me. Next thing I knew, we were flying to America.”

“And is it what you thought it would be?” Fareed asked.

“I had no idea what to expect. I am feeling very overwhelmed, western ways are so different from what I was raised to believe in.”

“Which is why you spend so much time at mosque,” Fareed added, remembering seeing Suheera there quite often over the last few months. “And where are you staying?”

“I am Howie’s house guest.” Fareed’s head jerked around at that. “He respects my customs; we have not had any further encounters.”

“Is he courting you?” he asked, feeling a tremble start deep within him.

“Yes and no.” Suheera fumbled with the tissue, shredding it into tiny pieces. “He is a celebrity, a singer, and is gone much of the time. When he is home, we go out and everything is good. When he is gone, I am bored and lonely.”

Fareed knew then that he still had a chance with Suheera. She was lonely and overwhelmed; having someone who understood her would give him the advantage he needed to win her away from her American boyfriend. “Even after everything you have told me, I would still like to court you.” Her background was unconventional but there was something about her that drew him in.

“It does not bother you that I am no longer a virgin?” she asked, glancing at the imam to make sure he couldn’t hear her question.

“I understand the motivation behind your decision. To be honest, I was looking for a virgin to marry but it is not a deal breaker,” he said with a laugh. “I appreciate your honesty; you could have lied to me and faked it on our wedding night. It has been known to happen.” She wondered at the bitterness in his voice.

“I would never lie to you,” Suheera said. “I have deep feelings for Howie, I think you should know that. He has asked me to marry him, but I have not given him my answer.”

“Then your feelings must not be as deep as you believe, otherwise you’d have told him yes.”

“It is not that easy, Fareed. I am obligated to marry Howie; he paid a large bride price for me. He saved me; I was only a day away from being sold into prostitution.” She swallowed the lump in her throat; it was hard thinking back to that time. “But he has released me, told me I am free to marry as I please. In my heart I do not know what I want.”

Fareed wondered if he would have to pay the man for Suheera. He had the money, but he would look weak to his family if he had to buy a bride – normally the bride’s parents paid the groom. He decided she was worth the risk, he could always back out at the last minute if need be. There were several things in her background which would make it an easy thing to do without losing face. “So will you consent to my courtship? I understand that I am not the only one courting you, I can accept that.”

Suheera blushed; she’d never had so much male attention before. “I do not even know you.”

“That’s what courtship is for,” he explained gently. “But if it makes you feel any better, I’ll tell you about myself. I’m 31, I was married for three years but my wife died in a car accident five years ago. I have a master’s degree in engineering, and I have my own architectural company. I’m not as wealthy as your celebrity, but I make a good living and could provide handsomely for you. My family lives here as well, we all attend mosque and are well respected in our community. Our children would be raised in the tradition of Islam.”

“Would your family approve of me?”

“My family doesn’t need to know all the details of your former life,” he said after a long moment of thought. “They trust my judgment.”

That answer told Suheera a lot about Fareed’s family, she knew that they would not approve of her if they knew what she had gone through. Fareed seemed to be able to get past it, but his family would not. It had been different with Howie’s family; they had welcomed her with open arms. When Paula came to visit, Suheera told her about her past. Paula had hugged and comforted her, she had not judged her.

Even though she was still leery of him, Suheera agreed to Fareed’s courtship – but that didn’t mean she was locked into marrying him. Courtship wasn’t common in Islam, usually a marriage was arranged between families, but since Suheera had no family, the imam had agreed to courtship so that they could get to know one another before deciding on marriage.

Over the next six weeks, and only when Howie was out of town, she’d gone out with Fareed. They met in a public place and then went to dinner and a movie, which seemed to be Fareed’s idea of a good time. Although the imam had given them permission to meet without a chaperone, Fareed was cautious in his courtship, never giving anyone cause to comment negatively on their relationship.

Fareed was kind and gentle, never asking more of her than she was prepared to give. She didn’t feel comfortable removing her veil; he had yet to see her face. She knew he was curious but etiquette rules forbade him from asking her to remove it. Suheera had not meant for any man but her husband to see her face, and that would’ve been after the ceremony. Most Muslim women in America did not cover their faces, only their hair and necks, the rules here were more relaxed then they were in her village.

She felt awkward with Fareed; he never seemed to be completely at ease with her either. They talked at length about themselves, spoke of religion and their hopes and dreams. From their conversations, she knew that her only role would be as mother to the many children he wished to have. That realization made her think of her mother. Suheera had a faded photograph of a woman who looked to be in her 40s although only in her 20s. She had aged prematurely by constant pregnancies, caring for so many children, and running a household for a demanding husband and sons.

The more Suheera thought about the two men, the more confused she got. On paper, Fareed was the perfect mate for her – he was wealthy, well respected, and of the same religion. But there was something missing from their relationship, that spark she felt with Howie. But she had real doubts about her ability to withstand the pressure of being the wife of a celebrity. She couldn’t bear to think of the loneliness and boredom she would face when he was gone, not to mention the temptations she knew he faced on a daily basis.

Suheera didn’t know how she was going to explain Fareed to Howie, but she knew she had to tell him. She had dinner on the table when Howie arrived home from Nashville. He’d called her from the airport to let her know when he’d be home.

“This is an unexpected surprise,” he said, sitting down to eat. “It looks delicious!”

“I hope you like it. I wanted to make you something special, I know you have been eating out for the last week.”

They made casual conversation over dinner, but Howie felt Suheera seemed nervous. He wondered what had happened while he was gone, she seemed different to him. After they cleared the dishes, Suheera pulled him into the living room, he could feel her trembling.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, alarmed at the blush that colored her face.

“I have something to tell you, I just do not know how to say it,” she said, unable to meet his eyes.

He looked at her for a long moment, studying her. “You’ve met someone else, I can see it in your face,” he said. “You’ve been avoiding my calls, not returning text messages.”

“You are very perceptive.”

“I’ve been dumped before, I know all the signs,” he said. “I guess this is where you tell me how fun it’s been but that it’s over between us.”

“It is not like that at all,” Suheera said. “Yes, I met someone else, but I do not want to end it with you.”

“So you want your cake and to eat it too?” Howie asked sarcastically. Suheera looked confused, that was a phrase she’d never heard before. “What I meant was that you want to date him and me.”

“Is that a bad thing?” she asked. “Back in Iraq, when I asked you if you had a woman back home, you told me that you were seeing several different women.”

“I lied,” Howie said. “I wasn’t seeing anyone; I didn’t want you to think I was a loser.”

“I would never think that of you,” she said softly. “But I thought it was common in America for people to date more than one person at a time.”

“It is, but I don’t do it.” He swallowed hard, trying to push his heart back down his throat. “What does he have that I don’t?”

Suheera winced at the tone of his voice. “He is Muslim like me, and he understands me. He knows what a hard time I am having right now. He is helping me learn to adjust to a new life.”

Howie felt guilt replace the anger in his soul. “I wish you had told me, maybe there is something that I can do to help you.”

“You are never home,” she said gently, not wanting to hurt him.

“Mama told me that this would be difficult for you, I didn’t believe her. You’re such an amazing woman; I thought it would be an easy transition for you.” He sighed, then took her hand and squeezed it. “All I want is for you to be happy. If that means letting you go, then I’ll step aside.”

Suheera felt her heart drop at his words. “You do not want to be with me?”

“I want to be with you more than anything in the world. But if I can’t be the man you need me to be, then it’s best that you find someone who can.”

“I am afraid I cannot be the woman you want, Howie. I cannot wear a tiny bathing suit or show my breasts in glamorous dresses. I cannot dance in nightclubs until 2 am and drink until I throw up.”

Howie laughed. “You’ve been watching too much TV, Suheera! My life isn’t like that, and I don’t want you to be like that either.” He scooted next to her, put his arm around her hesitantly. She didn’t push him away so he pulled her closer. “I love you for who you are, and what you are. My days of bikinis and barfing are long gone, sweetheart, I’m ready to settle down with a wife and children of my own.”

“Really? You want children?”

“Yes, of course. I can’t wait to have a child.” He laughed at the shocked look on her face. “I’m a family man at heart, Suheera. I want to spend every moment with you, but right now I can’t. I wish that I had a job where I could come home to you every evening, but it’s not what I do. It’s really hard on the wives and girlfriends, I know, but the life has benefits too.”

“Like what?” she asked.

“Like getting to live in gorgeous houses like this,” he indicated the century old beautifully restored house he lived in. “Meeting other celebrities, travel to exotic places, eating in the finest restaurants, driving nice cars, and the finest silk and lace hijabs to cover the most beautiful hair in the world.”

Suheera blushed; she did have the finest clothes of anyone at mosque. Howie had been extremely generous in filling her closets with only the best fabrics.

“Look, we’re going to Japan in three weeks to do a couple of promo shows. Why don’t you come with me? It will just be for a week, and that way you’ll get to see what being on the road is like without all the pressure of a full tour.” Howie knew it was the safest place to take her, the Japanese people adored him but they were also quite respectful and not as fanatic as other places they played.

Suheera felt like she owed him something, he had been willing to step aside if she chose Fareed. “Alright, I will go. It will be an adventure!” She felt a glow of excitement in her stomach, she could hardly wait.

“Before then, though, I think you should meet the guys I work with. I’ll arrange a small dinner party, just for them, and we’ll have it catered so it won’t be any work for you.”

“I would like to cook for them,” Suheera said. “I used to cook for my father when he entertained; it would be fun to do so again. Do you think they would like Iraqi foods?”

“As long as it isn’t kubba,” Howie said with a grimace.

“No, no kubba!” Suheera laughed. “I have been experimenting with recipes, making them more American. I think they would like them, you do.”

Howie was glad to see the sparkle back in her eyes. Planning a party would maybe keep her mind off of her other beau. The fact that she was seeing someone else distressed him immensely, but at least she had told him about it and not lied to him. He knew he was going to have to work hard to win her back, to prove to her that she was meant to be with him. Why else had God brought them together?