Dark Times In Still Waters
Chapter 38
By Dottie
Copyright 2014
Kevin finds Teagan sitting cross-legged on the sofa staring at her phone. He falls down on the couch beside her and wraps his arm around her. "Kitchen is all cleaned up, Babe."
She throws him a grateful smile. "You didn't have to clean up by yourself, but thanks."
He sighs, looking proud of himself. "I like doing things for you Baby. Besides, I know you wanted to call Natalie. How's she doing with Brian?"
She shrugs. "I don't know. She didn't answer."
Kevin rolls his head over to look at her. "You're worried something's wrong?"
She sighs. "No...I just...she always answers her phone."
Kevin laughs. "If I know my cousin, and I know him well...he's probably got her in bed."
Teagan blushes hotly as Kevin's laughter grows. She slaps his thigh and pushes away from him. "You're terrible."
He slides closer to her and pulls her into his arms. "I'm just being honest. Brian is so into Natalie it's almost comical. He's using this weekend to ask her to be his girlfriend."
Her eyes widen. "Really?"
Kevin smiles. "Yes, Darling. Brian's not had a girlfriend in almost two years. Natalie restored his belief in true love." Leaning closer to kiss her softly, he whispers, "The same way you restored mine."
Tears sting her eyes and she cuddles up close to him. "Don't make me cry Kevin. I'm so tired of crying."
He squeezes her gently. "Teagan, do you want to talk about it?"
She sighs. "Not now. I want to spend the weekend with you forgetting it. But...I do want to ask you a favor."
He kisses the top of her head. "Anything Baby."
She rubs his stomach through his sweater. "I...have an appointment with Penny on Tuesday. Will...will you go with me?"
His heart hammers in his chest. "I...yeah, I'll go. Of course I'll go."
She tilts her head back, smiling. "You sound surprised."
He kisses her nose. "I am. You said you wanted to do this alone."
She lays her head back down on his shoulder. "I did. I do. But I don't think I can do it on my own. Every day since you left I've felt...so alone."
He rubs her arm. "Sweetheart, you were never alone. I hope you know that."
She nods, her hair tickling his neck. "I know all I had to do was call. Or ask Nat to go. But I didn't because I felt...I wanted to prove to all of you...and to myself...that I'm strong enough to do this." Sighing, she whispers, "I'm not strong enough Kevin. Every session I have with Penny gets harder and harder to handle. I hear what she's saying but...I'm afraid."
He lays his head over against hers. "Teagan...Baby you don't ever have to be afraid. If anything gets to be too much, I'll always be here to help you through it." She shivers in his arms and he whispers, "You know what Sweetheart?"
She moves away from him to look at him. "What?"
He smiles. "You didn't want to talk about it, but we are. What does that tell you?"
She presses her lips to his cheek. "I'm safe with you. I don't...feel like a monster."
She sees tears well up in his eyes. "You're not a monster...you never were. Someday you're going to believe that and you're going to know it's true."
She lays her head on his chest, snuggling in closer. "I miss my kids so much Kevin. They were always so eager to learn about music. And they loved putting on shows. One of my little ones, Meagan...oh she was such a little performer. Always smiling...never missed a note..." Her voice falters and she cries, "She said when she grew up she wanted to be just like me!"
She's overcome with emotion and her body quakes as she sobs. Kevin holds her tight, tears of his own raining down his face. Even if he knew what to say, he couldn't form the words. He hears the agony in her voice and he feels the pain she feels.
Several minutes pass as she cries her heart out. When her sobs are reduced to whimpers and sniffles, Kevin manages to whisper, "Sweetheart?"
She shudders as she takes a deep breath, her body completely drained after her meltdown. "I'm sorry."
He kisses her forehead. "Would you quit saying you're sorry? There's nothing to be sorry about. You've been holding this in for so long, Baby. You had to let it out."
She slides her legs up over his, putting her arm around his neck. He lifts her up on his lap, cradling her in his arms. She puts her other arm around his neck and hugs him. "It's easier to stay angry. If I'm angry, it doesn't hurt."
He rubs her back. "If it doesn't hurt, it will never heal." She sighs, pressing her face into his neck. He closes his eyes. "I don't think Meagan could pick a better role model Teagan." When she sniffles, he whispers, "You CAN teach Teagan. You have the heart and you have the knowledge. Your voice was a tool...you have other tools you can use." Under his breath, he mutters, "Oh how I wish I could hear you sing."
She takes a shaky breath. "Maybe...you can."
His hand stops moving on her back. She sits up to look at him. She sees excitement and longing in his eyes and she pushes herself up off of his lap and goes down the hall to her room. She comes back less than a minute later carrying a disc.
Without saying a word, she puts the disc in the DVD player and grabs the remote. When she settles beside him, once again wrapped in his arms, she starts the disc.
He feels her shiver when the music begins. He kisses her temple then turns his gaze back to the television. It's a home made video of a play. He recognizes the music as the same music she played on the cruise. As the lights come up and the play starts, he completely enthralled.
When the play is over and the screen goes black, he turns to look at Teagan. She's sitting quietly, pressed against him, with silent tears dried on her face. He cups her chin and turns her gaze to his. He can see she's hurting and hurting badly. Pressing his forehead to hers, he whispers, "Thank you." She opened herself up to a lot of pain to share her past with him.
Lifting her in his arms, he carries her to the bedroom and lays down on the bed with her, holding her close. Kissing her cheek softly, moving his lips gently across her face, he whispers, "I love you Baby...I love you so much."
She snuggles against him, waiting for the sobs to start. But they don't. It hurt to watch her last performance with the local theater group, but sharing it with Kevin made it easier...almost cathartic...to watch.
With her arm around his waist and her face pressed close to his, she whispers, "I will be ok, won't I Kevin?"
He nods, kissing her lips. "You will Baby. I promise you will."
Chapter End Notes:
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