Project: nkotBSB

By Rachel

Copyright 2014

Chapter 86

Hanna Jo

I shut my phone off and slide it into my purse. Talking to Jessi calms my nerves for a few minutes. It was nice not having to thinking about my situation for a moment. Jessi seems to be dealing with the whole Donnie fiasco better than I would have anticipated. I know Nick has a lot to do with it. He gives her the support and unconditional love she needs.

I step out of the bathroom stall. I wash my hands and dry them. Then I look at myself in the mirror. I don’t look pregnant. I don’t feel pregnant. I take a deep breath. Where would I be this time next year? I knew that I would be a mom, but would my child have a dad. I shake my head to stop the negative thoughts swimming through my head. Why am I thinking so low of AJ? He loves me. He’ll love this baby. Right?

It’s time to face the music. I’m sure that he is up and waiting for me.  I’m nervous, but I am going to be honest with AJ. This will give him more time to decide what he wants to do. I am not going to force him to be a father. That is his decision.

I enter our suite and set my purse on the table. AJ is sitting at the table reading a magazine. He looks up and smiles at me.  I give him a half smile as I join him.

“Hey sweetheart. Where were you?”  He places his hand on mine.

“I had a couple of errands to do. AJ we need to talk.”  I say as my phone rings. I grab it from my purse and look at the caller id. Crap, it’s my parents. “Give me a minute.”

I excuse myself and go out to the balcony. AJ doesn’t need to hear me talking to my parents. It’s always uncomfortable, and I usually end up getting testy with them. They are my parents, but it’s never been easy dealing with them.

“Hello.” I say quietly.

“Hello Hanna.” My mother says tersely. I swear she sucks on lemons. She always sounds like she’s in a sour mood.

“Hello Mother.” I attempt to be nice, but I already know this conversation is going to turn out bad.

I hear my father’s voice and I cringe. “Hello Hanna.”

“Hello Father.” My voice is monotone. I feel my personality wither away. I can’t be who I am with my parents.

“How are you?”

“I’m doing well.” I reply and wait for the interrogation to begin. I know that my parents are calling for a reason. They never just call to see how I am doing.

“We have heard that the tour you have been following is over. Are you home?” My mother questioned.

I could lie to my parents, but what is the point? They will never approve of anything I do, so I guess I should just be honest. “No, I’m not home yet. I’m in Hawaii.”

“Hanna Jo Rogers, I don’t understand how you have enough money to traipse around the world. I’m assuming you are with that man you are supposedly dating.”

“Yes, mother. I’m in Hawaii with my boyfriend.” My voice rises with annoyance. I groan realizing I’m playing right into my parents’ game. I bring my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on top.

“I can’t believe a daughter of mine would go whoring around. We taught you better than that. You’re a fine role model for your siblings.” My mother rants.

“Edna, that’s enough.” My father’s voice reverberates through the phone as he admonishes my mother. “You need to watch your words.  A proper Christian lady doesn’t talk that way.”

His harshness towards my mother saddens me. How can you talk that way to someone you love? It didn’t make any sense to me.

“Sorry Gideon.” My mom replies weakly.

“Hanna, it doesn’t look right in our eyes or the eyes of God for you to be living in sin.” My father starts to lecture. “Your mother and I raised you better than this. What do you have to say for yourself?”

I’m not sure what to say to him. My father will know if I’m lying to him, but if I tell him the truth it won’t be good. It’s a no win situation. “Daddy, I’m in love with Alex. He’s everything a man could be. He loving and caring. Alex treats me with respect. He’ll do anything to make me happy.”

“Hanna, I’ve done my research. This man of yours is full of tattoos and piercings. He’s an alcoholic that’s been in rehab multiple times. The worse part he is a celebrity. That isn’t the man that God would want you with.”

Tears start trickling down my face. I can’t believe my father is treating me like a child. I’m a grown woman that is able to make my own choices.  I love AJ and that is all that matters.

“I can understand you making a mistake once, but you’re a twenty-five year old woman. You took the Purity Pledge when you were thirteen. I expect that you are holding yourself to that pledge.” My father gets quiet and waits for my response. When I don’t respond, he continues. “That’s what I thought. Do you know how that looks? What people will say?”

“Is the only thing you care about is my reputation?”  I start sobbing to the point that I am almost hyperventilating. If my father knew I was pregnant, he would blow an even bigger gasket. 

I feel my phone being pulled from my ear. “She has to go.”

AJ picks me up, cradling me against his body and rubs my back. He lets me cry until his shirt is soaking wet. When I’m all cried out, I lay my head on his shoulder. We sit like this for a long time. AJ doesn’t force me to talk. He just comforts me, which makes me feel better.

“Hanna, baby.” He whispers in my ear. “Are you ok? I’m worried about you.”

“I’m...okay.” I sniffle. “How can my parents be so cruel?”

“What did they say?”  He continues to rub my back.

I take a deep breath. For some reason, I don’t want to give AJ all the details. It won’t change things between me and my parents.  “They don’t approve of my life choices.”

“Sweetheart are you happy with your life?” He presses a kiss to my head.

I scoot off his lap and into the chair next to him. “I love my life.” I take a breath. “I need to tell you something. Please don’t say anything until I’m finished.”

“Han, you’re scaring me.”  AJ says as he places his hands on mine.

“All my parents care about is my reputation. They still want to treat me like I’m a little girl. My mother and father don’t believe in sex before marriage. My father thinks I’m going to hell for my choices.”

“That is fucking bullshit.” I can feel the tension in AJ’s body. He’s angry at my father.

I give him a quick peck to calm him down before I continue. “Alex, they believe that the consequences of premarital sex outweigh the enjoyment. Unfortunately they may be right.”

He looks at me with a look of confusion.  “What do you mean Hanna? We’re both consenting adults.”

I look him in the eye. “Alex, I’m pregnant.”

AJ doesn’t say a word. His face is lack of emotion. I knew this wasn’t going to be a good thing. AJ doesn’t want kids. He doesn’t want kids with me. I’m such a fool. Maybe my parents were right.

I stand up and run into our suite. When I get to the bedroom, I lock the door and collapse on the bed. I’ve never felt more alone in the world.