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“I don’t understand or get it, but I’ll try to be okay with it,” Vanessa let out a long sigh, nursing a cup of coffee. It was 8:30am and I was waiting for Allayna to come pick me up to go to physical therapy.

“I just need some time with her. You should call up your friend Sarah, go shopping, get your nails done; you know things you used to do before I became a cripple.”

“Nick.”

“I’m serious. You deserve it. You’ve done nothing but be around me and I adore you for that.”

“Adore, huh?”

“Come here,” I patted my lap and she stood up, walked over to be and sat down on my legs. “I need to figure some things out. I know I’m not myself, and I know you’re trying to be patient. So I need to do this. Go
do girl things. “

“Alright. What time do you think you’ll be home?”

“I’m not sure. We will probably grab a bite to eat after. I’ll text you. But take your time coming home. I’m serious. Do something for you.” At that the doorbell rang and I knew in a second Allayna would walk in.

At that she did and as she walked into the room, Vanessa pulled me in and gave me a long kiss. I didn’t pull back, but at the same moment, I realized that it was the first real kiss we’d had in over two months since before my accident. Not to mention, I didn’t feel anything. Not like the way I couldn’t feel my lower half, but nothing inside. I pulled back, gave a smile and gave a light push to get her off my lap.

“Sorry! I should’ve waited for one of you to answer the door my bad.” Allayna smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

“It’s fine.” I said and noticed for a second the dark circles under Allayna’s eyes; that were usually bright and full of more life than of any other person I knew. “I’m ready. Let’s go! I’ll text you.”

“Love you Nick,” Vanessa leaned forward and pecked my lips. I smiled.

“Have fun today.” I told her and wheeled over to the table, grabbed my wallet and cell phone and stuck them in the side pocket I had added to my wheel chair.

She helped me into my car, put my chair into the trunk and got into the driver’s seat.

“It seemed a bit intense in there,” she noted and opened the garage. Pulling out, she lowered the windows a bit; just like she always did. “Good to see the passion still-.”

“Don’t say it.” I cut her off and she looked at me before putting her eyes back on the road.

“It’s not what it seems?”

“No. She kissed me. I felt nothing Lon.”

“Were you having these feelings, or non-feelings I should say before your accident?”

“I honestly don’t know. I think we were sort of just going through the motions. You know, just comfortable with each other.”

“I get that. But you’ve been through a lot Nick. Things are going to take a bit of time.”

“It’s been time and I feel smothered.”

“Well, it’s not like things are back to normal. I’m sure she’s afraid to leave you alone, get on with her life. Not used to you being home.”

“We moved in too fast. We saw each other for a week every month. So yeah, the distance actually made us closer. And that should be true to an extent. You’re going to turn at that light.” I reminded her.

“I know where I’m going. So, what do you think you want to do?” Allayna stole a glance at me.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you feel like you should do?”

“To be fair to her?”

“And yourself Nick. You need to be fair and honest for you.” She reached over and grabbed my hand.

“I need to let her go.”

“Who knows? She may feel the same. But because of your injury, is afraid to say it.”

“I’m not sure about that. But when I’d rather spend time with you than her…” I trailed off and lightly laughed. She pulled her hand out of mine and playfully hit me in the shoulder.

“Well, who wouldn’t want to spend time with me?”

We drove the rest of the way to my physical therapy which was only about a ten minute drive, listening to music. I tried to not to think of Vanessa and focus on enjoying the sun, the breeze, and my best friend.

Once we pulled up to the building, Allayna turned the car off and opened her door.

“Shouldn’t you get a handicap sticker or something? I mean you should’ve gotten one way before the accident-“

I again playfully hit her shoulder and unbuckled my seatbelt. She got out, pulled my chair out and I had already opened my door. She watched as I took a deep breath in and out.

“Nervous?” She asked putting the brakes on my chair.

“A bit.”

“It’s the first day. I’m sure it won’t be too bad.” As I started to pull myself over she took my legs and followed me into the chair with them. She pushed me up the ramp, hit the handicap button and the door opened. We went inside to the front desk which was low and appropriate.

“Nick Carter to see Jonathan?” I spoke up to the smiling elderly lady.

“Welcome. I just need you to fill these papers out and I will let Jonathan know you’re here. Should only be a couple minutes.” She handed me a clipboard with a pen attached. Allayna and I went to the lobby, she sat down and I began filling out the two page paper.

“Thank you for coming with me again.” I told her, writing down my insurance and then answering a bunch of questions on family history, my own medical history.

“Please. I have nothing better to do.”

“No clients today to train?”

“I gave them over to Eric.” Eric used to be her boyfriend, first started out as her personal trainer when she got started in the fitness industry. They opened a gym together, now he solely owns it, and she works for him. “I’m all yours.” She put a hand on my left arm. I finished up filling out the hundred question form and a tall guy walked out.

“Nick Carter?” He asked smiling.

“That’s me,” I looked up and felt small. Which being over six feet tall, this was a first. I reached my hand out, he shook it.

“And is this your wife?” He asked turning his direction who Allayna who now stood up.
She let out a half laugh, reached for his hand, “Best friend. Here to make sure he doesn’t give you any problems.”

“Nice to meet you. Okay, well, I’ll look over your paper work, you can follow me back here and we can get started.” I pushed myself, Allayna, stayed near me and we went back to a wide open room. This was a facility that specialized in spinal and neck rehabilitation. A young woman helped a younger boy walking with two bars. An older man was on a weight machine with another woman helping.

“Here we are. If I could just get you up onto the table here Nick.” Jonathan set his clipboard down on a backless chair with wheels. He watched as I put my brakes on, the table was hip height to the chair. My chair didn’t have arm rests for this reason of me getting in and out of easily. I winced as I sat down, pulled my left leg up onto the chair and then my right.

“You’re moving around impressively,” Jonathan spoke. He picked up my clipboard, skimmed through it, jotted a note in a vanilla folder and put everything back down. “Says you go for another set of X-Rays next week?”

“Yes. Hopefully I can lose the braces then. I went before I left the rehabilitation hospital, and they gave me these braces that allow me to bend my knees easier for getting in and out.”

“I know you wrote all this down, but to get things moving, have you been in a lot of pain?” He asked and started unstrapping the braces.

“I’ve been taking pain meds consistently. Is that weird to be in pain but not able to move anything?”

“Not for your injury. And we look at pain as a good thing. Means your body is heeling. Your scars heeled nicely. No swelling in your legs.” He began to push and move around parts of my legs, ankles and thighs. When he got to my right knee area, I let out a moan. He looked up with just his eyes and began to press around some more. I shut my eyes tight and gripped the table. He then did the same on my left leg. It was tender but not like my right leg.

“You can feel that Nick?” Allayna asked sitting in a chair next to my table.

“I can, but can’t move my legs.” I saw her give me a half smile with a side of worriedness.

“I’m going to have you flip to your stomach Nick, so I can examine your back and pelvis.” Jonathan pulled a pillow up from under the table, helped me get to my stomach where I laid on the pillow. “Okay in this position?” He asked starting to roll up my shirt.

“Right now. It’s a little uncomfortable.”

“Let me know if it becomes too much.” The guy was sincerely and seemed to know what he was doing. He once again began pushing around my scar, moving my hips a bit and when and pushed my right hip downward I let out a scream into the table. Allayana had immediately stood up and put her hand on my arm.

“Is that normal?” She asked Jonathan.

“I’m going to call his doctor for when they do the X-Rays next week to do specific films. I’m sure it’s just everything heeling. I’m going to put some heat on your back, hips and legs Nick. And then show you some stretches and light workouts for you to start at home. Your upper body strength is better than I thought it would be.”

“Well, this one here, did have me on a workout routine.” My head was to the side, and I looked at Allayna. She didn’t have a smile on her face. Her arms were crossed, with the one hand still on my arm; while biting the corner of her lip.

“She’s a keeper. I’ll be back. Sit tight.”

“Like I’m going to run away,” I joked. Allayna still didn’t smile. “What’s wrong?” I asked. She shook her head no, swallowed and looked anywhere but at me. This was her way of keeping back tears. I was not worried. “Allayna, sit next to me.” She did and took my hand. I could see her focusing on her breathing, which I could hear becoming raspy. “Take your inhaler please.” I smiled to remind her. She dug through her purse, took out the blue inhaler, shook it and took two puffs. She has had extremely bad asthma for as long as I’ve known her and it tended to flare up when she got upset.

“Alright, we’ll just heat you up for about ten minutes. It’s good to help move your muscles around.”

“Should’ve done that before you poked me around.” I laughed.

“Sorry. Needed to see how your body reacted without temperature change. I’ll be getting things ready. Do you need anything at the moment?”

“Do you have some water? I think Allayna needs some.”

“Sure thing. There is a water cooler right over there. Help yourself.” He smiled and pointed around the corner and walked away again.

“Go get some water.” She still hadn’t said anything, but this was how she handled things. Either she was full in your face or she shut down. She squeezed my hand, left her purse on the chair and got up. The heat on me did feel good, and I made a note to get myself some heating pads. A second later Allayna sat back down.

“You going to tell me what’s going on?”

“I just-,” She let out a sigh, licked her lips and leaned forward in her chair. “I just hate seeing you like this.” I felt my heart pull a little. Now that I thought about it, she has held it together from the start. Vanessa cried for the first three days straight, been all over me; but not Allayna.

“I’m so lucky to have you in my life. Do you know that?” I pushed myself up onto my elbows a bit. She nodded her head, bit her lip again, and dropped her head. “Lon.”

“I’m good.” She picked her head up, smiled the smile she knew I needed to see.

After being heated up, Jonathan moved my in ways I didn’t know I could move. Showed Allayna how to help me stretch, to keep my muscles moving and assured as soon as I was out of the braces I would be give given more exercises to do. He put this stim machine on me, which had these electrode patches on my thighs, calves, and lower back. I could feel the muscles tense up and relax. We did this for about ten minutes before he brought over bags of ice for me to lay on my back with. He also put my legs in these air mattress like things that filled up with ice water. I must say it all felt good.

We set up an appointments for every two days for the next week until my next doctor’s appointment. And once the X-rays looked cleared, I’d be going every other and then probably every day.

Allayna had to help me more in the car that usual, but my body had moved around in ways that it hadn’t in a few months. Once in the car she, she started the ignition and looked at me.

“Lunch?”

“Lunch. I’m starving.” We decided to go to this small café that sat in front of the water and they had salads and wraps. We both ordered a salad, I got steak on mine and she ordered chicken, but having waters.

“You did great for the first day Nick.”

“Couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Yes, you could’ve.” She took a sip of her water and looked out into the ocean.

“I know what I need to do with Vanessa but I also need to ask you for a huge favor.”

“Okay?” She sat back in her chair.
“I’m going to break up with her. It’s not fair for me to drag her on, to basically use her to help me.”

“You sure?”

“Come on. You see it. You’ve seen in for a while but you always let me make my own decisions.”

“So, what’s the favor? I will not break up with her for you.” She laughed.

“No. I wouldn’t ask you to do that.”

“Uh-you have before with Cam.”

“But I did do it eventually.”

“What’s your wish Carter?”

“Move in with me.”

“That it?”

“Well,” I was surprised at her comment and it threw me off guard. “Yes.”

“Break up with her, and yeah. But are you sure it’s what you want?”

“I don’t love her. I don’t think I could.” I said honestly.

“When do you think?”

“I think I need to do it today. I mean, why pull her along for something that’s not there?”

“True.” Our salads came out and although I felt bad for what I had to do with Vanessa, I also felt this weight off my shoulders and enjoyed my lunch.