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It had been a little over a week since Allayna moved in with me. We got into a pretty good schedule with each other. I’d wake up early with her to go to the gym, she got me doing some really light weight again for my upper body.

She would train a client, we’d go to my PT. I usually needed a nap or rest after. So she would go workout and then we’d spend the day together, planning meals, making meals, visiting some friends I hadn’t seen in a while. Our lifestyle definitely complemented each other but didn’t change each other.

We were at my spinal specialist, and I had just gotten X Rays taken and were in the exam room waiting when there was a knock on the door.
Dr. Klein walked in, and put my XRays up on the light board.

“Well, Nick, everything seems to be heeling nicely. We can most certainly lose the braces. We may need to get some more scans of that right leg of yours later on when you’re doing my more therapy; if you keep having as much pain as you say you do.”

“But my bones are heeled?”

“Looks like it. Obviously now, it’s the waiting game with your spinal nerves to regain full function. But it’s only been a few months and you’re already a lot further than we thought you’d be for the rest of your life. We have great optimism on you.” He smiled and I looked at Allayna who was smiling ear to ear. “I’ll have you set up an appointment for in six weeks. If you have any problems or concerns before that, then please call.”

“Thank you,” I said and he shook my hand and then Allayna’s. “So no more braces?”

“Well, until you’re walking, no more. We may need different ones when that starts.” I nodded my head. “Have a good day.” He said.

“You too,” Allayna spoke for the both of us. “What do you want to do?” She asked as we made our way to the receptionist.

“It’s going to rain later and crappy out. Let’s play video games.” I made my appointment and we got back into the car.

Once we were home, I got comfy to play my video games and Allayna was determined to get a run in before the rain hit.

“Run tomorrow.” I bagged, keeping my eyes on the screen.

“I will. But didn’t get a workout in today. I won’t be long. Just a thirty minute one quick one.” She laced up her sneakers. “No dancing while I’m gone.” She held her phone up. I held my mine up, still looking at the TV. It was our code to make sure I was safe while she wasn’t in the house, and I was by myself.

Like usual I was lost in my video game and the thirty minutes passed fast and soon it was forty five minutes. This was sometimes typical of Allayna's workouts that went longer than she would say; but when it came to running she normally was right now. At fifty minutes I shot her a text.

“I’m getting hungry, want me to start dinner?” We were going to have to pasta, sauce and meatballs. My specialty somehow; although I wasn’t Italian. I put my phone down, picked up my controller and a minute later my phone buzzed.

I glanced down at it, ready to read something like “start the water.”

“Need neb 5 min”

“Crap.” I said out loud, got myself into my chair and went into Allayana’s room. On her nightstand was her nebulizer. I opened it up, opened one of the liquid plastic containers full if her asthma medicine and poured it in the neb. I turned it on, so it was ready to go when she got here and I went back out to the side door I knew she would be coming in. The door opened, and Allayna, sweating, wheezing, coughing and holding her inhaler came in.

“It’s set up.” I said, as she took her shoes off and walked into her room. I followed and watched as she put the mask on, and laid on the bed. She put her hands over her eyes. She continued to cough for a minute, rolled over to her side, holding her stomach and one hand on her head. She didn’t like to be touched during an asthma attack because it made her breathing worse. “Come on keep breathing,” I told her and when she reached for my hand my stomach sank.

“I-ca-can’t,” She had taken the mask off, and was wheezing worse.

“Keep it on,” I held it to her nose and mouth. This was the third attack in four days. She blamed it on the humidity, but it had been a while since she had them consistently like this. And every time she said couldn’t get the medicine but it did eventually work. Her eyes closed and a minute later she started breathing almost normal.

I watched as the vapor disappeared, letting me know there was no more left of the medicine, I turned the machine off and put the mask back on it. Her body began to shiver as it normally did after. During she would break out in a sweat and after she’d be freezing. I pulled a blanket over her bare legs and shoulders.

“Allayna, you need to go to your doctors.” She shook her head no, in the stubborn way she was. “Last time you had this many in a row, you needed a new prescription; that’s all.” I tried to reason with her. I’m not going to lie. It scared the crap out of me everything time she had an attack.

“It’s the weather.” She stated once again. Yesterday when she had the attack, the inhaler worked and she didn’t need the nebulizer. The day before, we were at the gym and Eric had to bring her and I home to get it.

“If it happens again this week, you’re going. I’ll call Eric to take you.” I threatened. Although the two had a pretty good relationship, I knew she hated to break down in front of him the most. He had this power over her that she never could understand. She could never be fit enough or pretty enough and it was her that broke the relationship off because she didn’t’ feel good enough.
Talk to her around any other person, she has the most confidence in the world.

A minute later she was asleep.


The next day, I woke up to Breaking Benjamin playing and when I went out of my bedroom to see what was going on, Allayna was cleaning.

“Morning.” I said out loud, to the dancing Allayana washing my kitchen windows. She didn’t hear me but continued to sing, “I will not bow, I will not break.”
I turned the iPod deck off. “Morning.” I said again and she whipped around.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” She asked.

“Not at all. Breaking Ben usually puts me to sleep.” I joked and opened the fridge.

“There’s a protein smoothie for you.” I found the green glass on the middle shelf and took it out.

“Thanks. What’s with the cleaning?”

“Needed to be done.”

“You clean every day.” I laughed and took a sip of my shake.

“Yeah but when is the last time your windows were done.” She had a point.

“Want to go for a walk on the beach and do my exercises there?” It was my “day off” from going to PT.

“Sure. Let me finish and dress. Hit play please.” She went back to the windows and I hit play on my iPod. Next to it her phone lit up.

‘Please just one night out. If you feel nothing, then I’ll leave you alone’ A text from Eric. I looked up to see if she saw me reading it, but she was too busy singing and cleaning. I took my shake with me and went to get ready for the day.

When Eric had brought us home two days ago after her asthma attack at the gym he had asked me a few questions. Like if she were seeing anyone or if she talked about him. I had said no answering to both questions. I also had reminded him how much healthier and happier she had been since breaking up with him.

“She was in the best shape of her life, when she was with me and doing shows.” Eric told me after Allayna fell asleep. “I mean her asthma was in better control, she looked shredded.”

“Became anemic, obsessed with counting calories and macros. Herself. She lost herself. That’s not her. I know she cared and cares for you, but that’s not the relationship she wants to live with.”

“That’s normal for body competitors.”

“She’s happy helping and working at your gym. Leave it.”

“I’m going to ask her on a date.” He stated, acting like he didn’t hear a word I said.

I never told her about mine and his conversation. I got dressed, brushed my teeth and hair and waited for Allayna to finish up.

Twenty minutes later we were walking down the beach on the walkway. She carried a bag of towels, sun screen, resistance bands and water.

I got situated on my town and I noticed how quiet she was.

“Are you mad about yesterday?” I asked.

“Not at all.” She said.

“You’re quiet.” She shrugged her shoulders and got the resistance band around my foot and ready for e to work with.

I began my therapy, Allayna helping me here and there and like I knew she would, she finally broke.

“Eric is taking me on a date tonight.” Well, her breaking gave me news I wasn’t expecting. I was expecting her telling me about the text, asking for advice.

“Really?” I stopped doing my leg lift.

“He kept asking. Why not? I mean we were friends before and after we dated.”

“It’s a date thought.”

“Yes.”

“If that’s what you want.” I went back to my exercises and tried to ignore the feeling I had in my stomach.

“You don’t think it’s a good idea.” She asked, taking a sip of her water and then putting her sunglasses on top of her head as though to get a better look at my reasoning.

“I think you’re in a really good place right now Allayna. You were in a dark place for a while. You traveled, did what you wanted, and found yourself again. You worked hard to be you.”

“People change.”

“I don’t think he has. He’s a good guy, but not good for you.”

“I should cancel?”

“That’s not you either.”

“Go as friends.”

“I think it’s safe.”






I watched as Allayna got into Eric’s black Jag, him holding the door for her, her wearing black heels, cropped rip jeans and a black tank with sparkly things on it.

I had taken my guitar out to work on some music, for the first time since before the accident. Lately I have felt a bunch of different emotions; emotions I didn’t know what were from or why. And when I normally feel like this, writing music was usually best.

I kept my phone next to me, made sure my sound was on in case Allayna needed an escape but also knew she was a big girl. So, what about her being out was bothering me so much? She’s lived with me before, we both dated, never felt like this. Or maybe that’s the reason. We were both dating and right now I wasn’t. And it’s just Eric.

I went back to strumming on the guitar for a while and eleven thirty I heard two doors slam followed by raised voices. I pushed myself over to the front door, which was opened to get some fresh air in of course.
“I told you this was a bad idea,” Allayna’s voice boomed.

“You’re being crazy like usual. The night was going fine. I said one comment and you over reacted.”

“I am not that person anymore Eric. There are plenty of girls out there who like to be, but it’s not for me.” I watched as he went up to her as she had started to the door.

“I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you.” He took her arm, not with force but she jerked away; causing a tree branch near to hit Eric in the eye and as on reaction shoved Allayna. I watched her heel got caught between the stone path and she went down one way and her ankle the other.

“Ah!” She pulled leg into her and I went on the porch.

“Allayna,” I wheeled down the slight ramp and next to her.


“Of course.” Eric said kneeling down. Allayna was now breathing heavy and the wheezing started. “Come on let me get you inside.”

“GO! Go away!” She yelled picking her head up from her knee. She then dropped it, Eric looked at me and I nodded. He yelled out, “fine,” and got into his car and slammed the door. We could here the tires squeal away.

“Let me see,” I bent down from my chair, reached for her left leg and she let go with her hands. Her ankle was already swelling and bruising. She was coughing and wheezing. I almost wish Eric had stayed because I was going to have a hard time. “Do you think it’s broken?” I asked as she had already re-grabbed it with her hands.

She shook her head no and started going through her purse. She took her inhaler out and shook it. Putting it to her mouth, she pressed down twice. Inhaled and pressed a couple more times.

“I’m out.” She said in between breaths.

“Do you have another?”

“At the gym.”

“Didn’t you just get that one last week?”

“I’ve…needed it a…lot.”

“Let’s get the neb going. Can you stand?” I reached for her hands that were shaking, she got on one foot. “Okay yeah, hopping on one foot during an asthma attack, you’ll probably hurt the other. Sit on my lap.” She did and the wheezing sound she was making made my stomach sink. I got into her room as fast as I could.

She got on her bed, and started fumbling with the medicine to put into it. After the third time of not succeeding, she kicked her foot, the hurt one on the night stand, cried out and then started crying. I felt her pain. Feeling helpless and not able to do anything.

“Here,” I took it from her, put the medicine in, put the mask on her and she began to take deep breaths in. I then gently took off her high heels, and gently ran my fingers over her swollen ankle. I put a blanket under it, propping it up and went out to the kitchen.
Opening the freezer door, I looked and couldn’t reach the ice so I grabbed a bag of frozen veggies and brought them back in with me. I put the blanket over her ankle and the ice on top. She let out a soft moan and saw she was still crying which was making her breathing worse.

“Allayna, you have to knock it off. You’re not going to be able to get the medicine in if you’re still crying.”

I rubbed her shoulder and back to help calm her down. I went into her purse where I knew her phone would be. I took it out and texted AJ.

‘I need some help with Allayna. Can you come over now?’ It was almost midnight and was hoping he was awake.

Allayna had calmed down and after ten minutes her breathing was almost normal. I took the mask of, and pushed back her long dark hair.

“There ya go.” I smiled and she opened her eyes.

“Sorry.” She whispered.

“Shh. Let me take care of you this time.” Her phone buzzed.

“Turn it off.” She said thinking it was Eric.

“It’s AJ I sent him a text.” I read her phone. ‘What’s going on? I was asleep.’

“Why?” She started sitting up.

“I’m going to take you to the ER.”

“No. I’m fine.” She was now sitting all the way up. “Please.”

“Your ankle might be broken and this is too many attacks. Something is wrong.”

“It’s a sprain and it was an attack because I got upset.” She started to stand. “See it’s-.” She reached out for me when she tried to put pressure on it.

“Sit,” I pushed her back on the bed.

“I’m so tired Nick. Can we go tomorrow?” I looked at her. She did look tired.

“Tomorrow.” I told her and texted AJ. ‘Can you come over in morning? I need to get her to a Dr. She hurt her ankle and has had four asthma attacks in last few days.’
‘Yeah. I’ll be there first thing. Call if you need me sooner.’

‘Thanks man.’

‘Night.’

“Let’s get you in your PJs,” I reached for the cotton shorts and tank that was on the bed. I helped her slip off the right leg of her jeans and then very slowly the left. As I went over her right ankle I watched as she winced. “Sorry.” I slipped her shorts on. “I’ll let you put your shirt on. And get you some water and Advil.”

“Thanks.” I left the room, more worried about her than normal I hurried to get the water and Advil. I knocked on the door a minute later.

“Decent?”

“I guess.” She was sitting up still, legs dangling over the bed. Her ankle had swelled up to the size of a soft ball.

“Here.” I handed her the bottle and water. She dumped three in her palm and tossed them in her mouth, chasing them back with water. “You should elevate that.” I helped her lift her leg back into the bed. “I may have a wrap to keep the ice on.” I left the room again, went to the closet in my bathroom and in a basket I found and Ace bandage. Going back into her room, she was laying down and I got up in the bed with her.

“Let me know if this hurts.” She nodded her head and I placed the bag of veggies on the side of her ankle and then gently began wrapping her foot. My eyes kept darting from her eyes back to what I was doing; checking for pain. When I was done, I put the two clips on.

“Feels better already Doc,” she winked and I let out a sigh. She was going to be okay. “Nick.”

“Lay with me tonight?”

“You got it,” I reached over turned off the light and pulled myself next to her. “We’re quite the pair right now you and I; if people could see us.” I laughed. She only said “hmm.” “Allayna.”

“Yes?”

“What happened tonight?”

“He wanted me back.”

“And.”

“And I suggested we date a few more times. We were having fun.”

“So what happened?”

“He started talking about programs and everything for me to get back into shape and how it wouldn’t take me long because muscle memory would happen. Basically I still wasn’t good enough.”

“You’re perfect for me.” I pulled her into me, and she squeezed my arm.

“As you are for me.”