The things that had happened that day were weaving a tapestry together in her mind, a picture that would never fade. Things he'd said, feelings she felt, experiences they had, the colors she'd seen… blended together as a memory emerged. Grateful for her natural impulse to fortify it for all time, she reminded herself she was still in it, still present and creating more. The memory was important, but so were the very real things that were currently taking place.
She draped the towel over a knob on his dresser and turned to join him.
Smiling at him in the dark, she crawled across the bed and nestled into his body. Her hair was still damp from the shower they had just taken, but he didn't mind when she laid her head on his shoulder. He wanted her as close to him as possible.
Wrapping his arm around her, he pulled her in closer, turning his body into hers.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Yes." She smirked. He had asked her twice already, once in the shower as he traced a line along her collarbone with his finger and again while she was combing her wet hair out. She had the same answer each time, but she appreciated his concern. "are you?"
"I'm great." He sighed, "I can't wait to do it again." he said quietly as his hand slid up her bare back under her tank top.
She knew she blushed more than she wanted to. "Same…" his nose brushed against hers, and she closed her eyes briefly, thinking about his body on top of hers, his lips on her fingertips. "Thanks for being patient… about the first time."
He noticed a tear in her eye… "I love you." He kissed her cheek, and she did nothing to stop the tear from falling. "You did it for me."
"What do you mean?"
"Where have you been my whole life?" "Waiting patiently." “You were patient. While I was an idiot."
"You're not an idiot. It was worth it." She whispered before he kissed her. "All of this was worth the waiting. You are worth it and what we have is worth it. I love you." Her hand moved to his face, and she looked at him closely as silence between them lingered. It was apparent that he was thinking about a million things and sorting through a million words. "I can tell you're not saying something."
"There's something you want to say. I can tell."
He inhaled deeply; a feeling of peace filled him up. "I can't hide from you… but I actually think I like that."
"Please tell me." She whispered sweetly.
Unsure of what exactly to say, he was quiet.
She let her hand creep up his neck to his hair, "Whatever it is, I want to hear it." Even if it’s messy.
"I want to give you the more you want the most." His voice was shaking ever so slightly, "I know I haven't yet, but I really want to."
She smiled happily. "You're the only one who can."
It made him nervous and energized at the same time.
"I want you with me." The words carried the weight of anxiety and worry; she could hear it dripping off the syllables. Similar worries had crossed her mind, too, about life once reality started back up.
"I want to be there…" she began, "but even if I can't be… we can still have what we want. That actually is exactly the more I want the most… the relationship where we want to be together, but if we aren't, it's still okay… what that means. That kind of thing."
He looked across her face and back to her eyes, "When you said it was a commitment, that felt right. Like it made sense. What we have..."
"Yeah," She whispered, "That's how we can have all the things that matter - amazing and real things you told me feel like are possible."
He kissed her softly, and she smiled against his mouth.
"You make me so happy," she said quietly, her face bright with contentedness even in the dark. He inhaled deeply and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in tighter again. "Everything we want is possible; it's no rush. I love you, and I want to take all the time that's involved in getting Everything we want. We will figure it out."
She smirked at him.
She nodded, "I am, but I will talk to you about this forever if you want. Or need. I want you to know… I don't expect it to be easy or perfect; I expect parts of it to be complicated. But the parts that matter most aren't… I'm sure about you. Just like I said earlier. You should know that entirely for sure now."
He nodded, "All in."
She kissed him softly, "Let me wake up next to you in the morning?"
"Goodnight." He said quietly as she hid her face in his body.
Coll fell asleep quickly, and while he was also exhausted, he stayed awake a while longer just to enjoy feeling her in his bed, in his arms, with him in every way that mattered. His mind wandered backward and forwards. Thinking about being with her in Boston and the things he wanted to do before that. The way she was laying in his arms, with his hand slipped between her bare back and her tank top, reminded him of another evening where he found himself falling even deeper into her, and more moments he wanted to have with her. " What we have…"
She shook her head and took a deep breath, "I don't want to go to sleep angry." Coll said quietly, looking at Nick lying across from her.
"Okay." He grinned mischievously.
A small smile played on her lips, and she adjusted her arms under her pillow, propping herself up a little.
"What?" He asked, eyeing her suspiciously, curious about what she was actually after. His body heated up with hope there might be a chance to do some of the things he knew would make both of them happy before she fell asleep that night.
"I haven't had a chance to look into this myself so, I'm going straight to the source…"
His interest was piqued.
"There is or - there must be a song I haven't heard."
"... one of ours?"
"Angela and Becka have both referenced a song I didn't recognize."
"What do you mean?"
She smiled, "well, Becka asked me if you ever sing to me, and I told her that you hadn't… which now that I think about it makes me think Howie must have sung to her. But anyway, she said, 'not even that one song?' And I was like, 'what song?' But she didn't answer. And when she first got here, she asked me how you managed to snag a solo, but she asked me like a million questions as once, and I never got around to that one. You know what I'm talking about?"
He nodded. "I didn't upload it to your laptop."
"What?! Why not?"
"Well, we don't do it in the show so,"
"I want to hear it! It's a solo?"
He shrugged, "I mean, it's not, but… it may as well be."
"I can't believe there is a whole track I don't even know about."
"I sent you the cd!" He laughed.
"Yeah, but… I barely had time before I came out here. With finals and Everything... and I was really into larger than life, so I just kept replaying it."
"Well, something to look forward to." He smiled, and she snuggled back down into her pillow.
"It's going to turn me into a fangirl, isn't it?"
He laughed and wrapped his arm around her. "I'll sing it to you if you really want."
"I do, but it doesn't have to be now. Maybe when we are in Florida." She explained quietly, "Just in case."
"In case of what?" He asked as his face closed in on hers.
"In case it does something to me that I don't want to act on, knowing I'll have to face your mother a handful of hours later." The honesty in her voice created a wave of heat through his body.
He laughed and kissed her, "you surprise me a lot."
Her palm moved across his cheek slowly, her hand gently creeping into his hair.
"Yeah." She whispered as his hand traveled up her bare back, pulling the shirt up as he did.
"You are so incredibly sexy." His face nuzzled the curve of her neck, and she closed her eyes, pulling him in closer to her as her skin heated up.
"You do a pretty good job making me feel like I am."
"I want to do a better job." He said as he gently pulled her tank top off entirely.
She smiled at him as he began kissing her face and jaw slowly.
The feeling of his warm hands moving across her body sent her into a state of relaxation she reveled in, especially after the day they'd had with Jane.
"I don't understand." He said quietly.
"How I never saw it before."
Her eyes shifted a shade darker, and she shook her head.
"What if you had never stabbed that piece of chicken?"
"What??" She giggled.
"When I saw you last year, you were upset because your life was boring, and you stabbed a piece of chicken like, really hard."
She started laughing. "Please don't talk about chicken and or stabbings while I'm half-naked."
He smiled widely at her, "But seriously, what if I hadn't told you to come with me, what if you stayed in Boston? "
Her mouth twisted, and he could tell she was trying to stifle her laugh as she became clear on what he was getting at. "If it's meant to be, you can't mess it up." She leaned in to kiss him, pushing her hand deeper through his hair. "And it couldn't have happened any sooner. It happened like it was supposed to. I would have come to my senses eventually."
"Maybe when you got around to hearing the whole cd..."
The implication of his words, he could tell, did something to her. She looked at him knowingly, like they had a secret between them, and even though the room was dark, he could tell she was blushing. "Basically, it is unavoidable. The way I feel about you," she mumbled against his lips before he started kissing her again. "But that song is going to destroy me, isn't it?"
The comfort of Everything about her eventually lulled him to sleep. The security she provided, the way the smell of shampoo lingered in her hair, the warmth of her body against his… the memories of getting close to her, things he never wanted to live without again. "Everything I want, I want with you." No rush.