“Morning Sash” Brian said “We brought breakfast” he said, Nick sat sullenly drinking a cup of coffee on the couch. “We weren’t sure if you guys would be hungry or not” Brian said.
Sasha silently moved to the mantle and picked up the picture of Neilson clutching it to her chest, she then sat down next to him on the couch.
“Is there anything we can do for you guys?” Brian asked sitting down.
“Anything you need just name it” Vicki said sitting next to Brian.
“An explanation would be nice” Nick said sadly before sniffling.
"How do they do it? Parents who lose a child?” Sasha asked “How do they go on?” she asked “You have to keep on being a parent even though you don’t get to have a child anymore.”
“Hey, you guys will always be Neilson’s parents…no matter what” Vicki said to her, Sasha sniffled and took a deep breath.
"I was a good father right?" Nick asked tearfully.
“Now why would you even ask that?” Brian asked.
"Maybe if I spent more time with him or something..."
"This is not your fault".
"Then whose is it?" Nick asked "Our son is dead" he said “If I was such a good father how could I not see how unhappy he was?".
“Neilson put up a really good front…no one knew” Sasha said sniffling.
“Hey listen, we would be happy to take over the arrangements if you don’t think you’re up to it” Brian said.
“Thanks but…as Neilson’s parents, we owe him to do it” Nick said holding Sasha’s hand.
“I don’t know if this is a good time to bring it up but…I’m glad you guys decided on organ donation…Neilson’s going to help save a lot of lives” Vicki said softly.
Sasha nodded “It’s fine...knowing my son is going to live on in some way is somehow comforting” she said “Does Natalie know?” she asked.
Vicki nodded sadly “Yeah, she knows” she said.
“Bradley?” Sasha asked sniffling.
“Yeah…he knows” Brian said.
“He okay?” Nick asked.
“Not particularly" Brian said.
"He's devastated…when we told him, he didn’t believe us…I think he just needs some time to himself right now” Vicki said.
“Did my parents call at all?” she asked.
“Yeah, they should be here soon” Vicki said.
“Alright well I guess that’s my cue to leave…give me a chance to go home and wash up a bit” Nick said.
"What?” Sasha asked confused.
“Sash, you know that the minute your dad walks through that door he’s going to start blaming me and I just…can’t do it right now” Nick said.
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
“Sash, he still blames me for Neilson’s existence in the first place” Nick said as she looked at him in horror “Sorry I didn’t…”
“No, it’s fine…you’re right” she said.
“See you guys later” Brian said as they left the house.
"Was I a good mother?" Sasha asked as Vicki sat next to her.
"Of course you were" Vicki said to her.
"Then why? Why would this happen? Why would he want to hurt himself?" Sasha asked.
"I don't know Sash…I wish I did” Vicki said smiling sadly the doorbell then rang “I’ll get it” Vicki said to her.
“Thanks” Sasha said.
Vicki opened the door “Hi Mr. and Mrs. Miller” she said to Sasha’s parents.
“How is she?” Kathleen asked Vicki.
“Mom?” Sasha asked.
“Oh honey” she said engulfing her in a tight hug “I’m so sorry baby, I’m so sorry” Kathleen said.
“Daddy” Sasha said reaching for Craig.
“Hi pumpkin” he said hugging her.
“I should get going” Vicki said “You going to be okay?” she asked Sasha.
“I think so” Sasha said wiping tears away.
“Call me if you need anything okay?” she asked, Sasha nodded.
“Thank you Vicki” Kathleen said.
“No problem” Vicki said as she left the house.
“Oh honey” Kathleen sitting with Sasha on the couch, she pulled her in close and held her tightly.
“Where are Shawn and CJ?” she asked “They’re flying out this afternoon, they should be here by tonight” Kathleen said to her.
“Where the hell is Carter?” Craig asked angrily.
“Daddy...” Sasha said.
“Craig…” Kathleen said in a warning tone.
“He just left” Sasha said “He knew that you would start jumping down his throat and he was right” she said irritated.
“This never would’ve happened if Neilson was living with you” Craig said to him.
“Craig!” Kathleen said “This is not the time” she said “Honey…what happened?” Kathleen asked.
“He uh…he took an overdose of some pain medication, but nobody knows why” Sasha said sniffling.
“Can’t imagine where he got the drugs from” Craig said in disdain.
“Craig!” Kathleen said.
“I’m not sorry, this is Carter’s fault, period.”
“God will you please just stop?!” Sasha said “My son…my baby…my only child is gone and the last thing I need is you attacking his father” Sasha said whimpering and then taking off down the hall.
“What is wrong with you?” Kathleen asked him as a door slammed shut.
A dark cloud hung over the town as rain poured down, it bounced off Bradley’s bedroom window, he sat on his bed plugged his phone in to charge. a tie hung loosely around his neck as he absently pulled a black suit jacket. He looked at himself in the mirror, his face was blotchy and stained with dried tears, his eyelids were red rimmed, his blue eyes tinted with a light pink color.
"Bradley?" Brian asked coming into the room "Hey, you ready?" he asked.
"Can you tie this for me?" Bradley asked holding up his tie.
"Yeah sure" Brian said as Bradley stood up "You look like you haven't slept" he said.
"I haven't" Bradley said shaking his head.
"Alright, you’re all set” Brian said as he finished tying the tie.
“Thanks” Bradley said plopping himself down on his bed. He took a seat next to him “How do I say goodbye to him?” he asked as more tears filled his eyes.
“Come here” Brian said softly, pulling Bradley into him, Bradley breaking down and sobbing on his shoulder. “I’m sorry buddy, I’m really sorry” he said in a whisper “Come on” he said nodding towards the door.
He put his arm around Bradley’s shoulders and they left the room, he stopped in his tracks, spotting the broke picture on the floor, he picked it up and tapped it against his palm, he set it on the desk and left the room.
Multiple missed calls and messages notices began to pop up on Bradley’s phone screen, one of them from Neilson.
“Craig, do you mind?” Kathleen asked holding up a necklace.
“Yep, I got it” he said hooking it for her, the door opened and CJ and Shawn stepped inside.
“Hey” CJ said, his wife Alicia following behind him.
“How is she?” Alicia asked.
“She’s a mother who’s lost her child” Kathleen said.
“God…I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of pain that is” Alicia said.
“I hope you never do” Kathleen said to her.
“Dad…I need you to do me a favor” CJ said to Craig “Just for today, can you promise not to start anything with Nick at the funeral?” he asked.
“CJ…” Craig said.
“Dad, trust me, I don’t like the guy anymore than you do but…he lost his son too” CJ said.
“Do it for Sash, dad” Shawn said to him.
“I can’t make any promises” Craig said.
“Well you better try” Kathleen said sternly “I’m warning you Craig…don’t even think about making a scene at our grandson’s funeral” Kathleen said as she and Alicia went down the hall.
Sasha sat on her bed before standing up and looking into a mirror, she was dressed in black, tears ran down her face, she stepped into her shoes.
Someone knocked on her bedroom door “Sweetheart?” Kathleen said coming into the room.
“Alicia” Sasha said.
“Hi honey” Alicia said hugging her tightly “I’m so sorry sweetie, I’m so sorry that this happened” Alicia said.
“I know…me too” she said sniffling.
“The car’s here sweetheart” Kathleen said, Sasha nodded.
“Yeah CJ and Shawn are out there trying to convince your dad not to start anything with Nick at the ceremony” she said.
Sasha chuckled “Good to know, thanks” she said nodding.
“You ready?” Kathleen asked.
“Course not” Sasha said to her “Is anyone really ready for something like this?” she asked “I don’t think I’m going to be able to get through this” she said sadly, tears trickling down her face.
“You just lean on us okay?” Kathleen said, Sasha nodded as they left the room, they came into the living room.
“Hey sis” CJ said hugging her tightly.
“Thanks for coming” Sasha said wiping tears away.
“Where else would I be?” CJ asked.
“Hey kid” Shawn said to her.
“Hi” she said laughing as they hugged.
“Should we go?” Craig asked.
“Yeah, I think it’s time…time to say goodbye to my son” she said sadly.
Bradley sat among a row of empty chairs, staring at the open casket, a light shining brightly above it, dozens of floral arrangements stood around the room.
"Bradley?" Natalie asked.
He looked up to see her standing there “Hey” he said.
“Hey” she said sitting next to him “What’s up? How come you’re in here by yourself?” she asked.
He shrugged “I didn’t want him to be alone” he said, his eyes still fixed on the casket.
She nodded “Want to go up?” she asked.
“Sure you want to?” he asked.
“Not really” she said “But I think I’ll be okay if you came with me” she said.
“Okay” he sighed.
She grabbed his hand and they slowly approached the coffin Neilson lied there peacefully, his hands folded on his chest.
They took a deep breath as they looked down on him “He looks peaceful” Natalie whimpered as a tear trickled down her cheek “Hey Neilson” Natalie said sniffling “Do me a favor okay?” she asked “Whenever you get to where you’re going, find my dad” she said tearfully “Take care of each other for me okay?” she said.
Bradley felt the wind go out of him, tears filling the brim of his eyes as. his face crumpled, tears of agony and heartbreak falling down his face she then wrapped her arms around Bradley and cried on his shoulder.
Cars pulled into the lot of the funeral home, a sea of black filed inside.
"Hey" Vicki said as she sat a picture of Neilson on an easel.
"Hey" Brian said as he fixed his tie "Sash here yet?" he asked.
"She and her family are on their way now...how's Nick doing?" she asked.
"As well as can be expected, he's talking with the funeral director" Brian said to her.
"Bradley?" she asked hopefully.
“Not any better” he said shaking his head.
Sasha entered the funeral home, he parents trailing close behind her.
“Hey, you’re here” Vicki said approaching her “Hi Mrs. Miller” Vicki said.
“Hi Vicki, honey, let me take your coat” Kathleen said pulling Sasha’s coat off gently.
"How you doing?" Vicki asked holding Sasha’s hands.
"I just want this day to be over" she said in a hoarse voice.
“I know” Vicki said, she looked over at the picture.
“I can still remember the last time I saw him smile” Sasha said sadly “Heard him laugh…I’d give just about anything to hear it again” she said as Vicki hugged her.
“You’re here” Nick said approaching her.
“Yeah” she said as they stood and faced each other, she pulled him close and they held each other tightly.
"Miss Miller, Mr. Carter, we're ready to begin when you are" a man said to them, they looked at each other.
“Let’s go say goodbye to our son” Sasha said as he opened the doors, he held her hand tightly as they walked in, people began to file in behind them.
“Good morning everyone” a minister said approaching a podium “We are gathered here today to honor the memory of Neilson Frederick Carter, a young man who's life was ended too soon” Natalie reached over and held Bradley’s hand tightly, lying her head on his shoulder, he closed his eyes and took a breath.
“I’d like to begin with a reading from the book of Wisdom.”
“The righteous one, though he die early, shall be at rest. For the age that is honorable comes not with the passing of time, nor can it be measured in terms of years. Rather, understanding passes for gray hair, and an unsullied life is the attainment of old age. The one who pleased God was loved, living among sinners, was transported Snatched away, lest wickedness pervert his mind or deceit beguile his soul; For the witchery of paltry things obscures what is right and the whirl of desire transforms the innocent mind. Having become perfect in a short while, he reached the fullness of a long career; for his soul was pleasing to the LORD, therefore he sped him out of the midst of wickedness. But the people saw and did not understand, nor did they take that consideration into account”
“At this time, Neilson’s mother would like to say a few words” he said.
Sasha took a deep breath and approached a podium “I want to thank you all for coming today…it warms my heart to see how much my son was loved…even if he didn’t realize it” Sasha said. “And I can’t thank you enough for loving him the way that you did” she said whimpering. “Kev, AJ, Howie…thank you for being an extended family…you were more than just his dad’s bandmates you were his surrogate uncles and he loved you all very much” she said.
“Kyle, Harry, Adam, Bradley…biologically Neilson was an only child but he really wasn’t…he had you all as his brothers and I can’t thank you enough for forging that kind of connection with him.”
She then looked to Bradley who sat in front of her “Bradley…I can’t find the words to describe how Neilson felt about you” she said smiling through her tears “I know for a fact that he loved you with all his heart and soul” she said whimpering “He loved you so much, thank you for being my son’s best friend, thank you for being there anytime he needed someone” he said sadly. “Thank you for being the person he could confide in, the person he trusted most, the person who knew him better than he knew himself” she said.
“Natalie…sweet girl” she said tearfully “You were the love of Neilson’s life, you showed my son what love was and you loved him with everything you have and I can’t thank you enough for that” Sasha said before nodding and stepping away from the podium.
“Well Neilson…I guess this is goodbye” Sasha whimpered “I can’t even begin to describe the years of joy you’ve brought into our lives, thank you for choosing us and allowing us to be your parents, it is something that we will cherish forever no matter if you’re here in person or here in spirit…we’ll always be your parents” she said looking down at him. She leaned into press her lips to his forehead “rest easy okay?” she said as the lid closed.
“Bradley…hey, you alright?” Brian asked “I can’t do this anymore” he said “I have to get out of here” he said racing from the room.
