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When I was asked to write this story, I was at first hesitant, thinking, do I want these people to feel sorry for me? But than I realized, it wasn't for them I was writing this, it was for me.

Picking Up Where we Left Off

So many days have gone by since we have all been together. So many days that when added together, seem like they could be counted on one hand. Yet, two entire years have gone by since the funeral. Two years. I can't believe it.

I have grown so much in this time. At first it was hard, I didn't see myself being able to deal with it all. I hate change. It has never suited me well. After my brothers left, one at a time, I started to feel isolated from everyone. I withdrew into myself, barely talking. Kelly, my girlfriend decided I carried a little too much baggage so she dumped me, just as I was about to start my Junior year of high school.

When my family left, they went back to their normal lives. Kevin back to his wife and two daughters, Brian and Leigh back to Georgia, and AJ and Sarah went to California. AJ stayed for awhile after Mel's death. He stayed in Howie and Ricky's old apartment, since they had moved into the house with me.

It was nice having him around, we became closer the two of us. Unfortunately he decided that his place was back in California, so in September, he moved away again. Living with Howie and Ricky hasn't been so bad. I really like her and he has always treated me well. We can actually simulate a real family sometimes.

Only sometimes though

It has been hard for me. Teacher's always wanting to talk to my parents about grades and things like that. I always had to make up excuses. They new about my Dad, I would hear some of them whispering about it in the hallways. Especially after Mel died..well killed herself, it's important for me to remind myself how she died, to avoid the same fate I guess. I would hear them talking about her and hearing 'that poor kid' whispered as I would walk by.

People pitied me and I hated them for it. Not those people who felt sorry for me, but my parents. I hated them for putting me in that situation. Most of all, I hated Melissa.

At first, I visited my sister's gravesite almost every day, sometimes even more than that. I would sit there and tell her stories about things that happened in school, or read her letters from Kevin. When Kel and I broke up I went to her for consolation, a dead person, for a hug.

I'm not sure when it all changed for me, maybe it was when AJ left, or maybe it was when I failed my first subject since grammar school, but one day, I just stopped visiting her. Took all her pictures off my walls, threw her blankets in my closet and tried to forget about her completely.

One thing I didn't stop doing was visiting Mel's Tree. I went there every single Sunday. It became a ritual for me, after my shift at the restaurant, I would go and sit under that tree and read or write. No matter the weather, I was there, either with a jacket and blanket, or a thermos full of cold lemonade and a fan. I never missed a day.

Rituals have become a very important part of my life. I began to understand why Howie would run every morning. It was his therapy, so I started to join him. At first I could barely keep up, but then it got easier and now he can barely keep up with me. He tells me I need to slow down, but I am afraid to.

The faster I coast through life, the better. Once I slow down I might have to take a minute and really think about things. That would be bad for me, that has always been the first step in the downfall of the Carter family. The slowing down to a sudden halt.

"Nick, come on down dinner's ready!" I turn towards the sound of Ricky's voice and decide to close my journal for the night. It's just the two of us for dinner tonight. The first time it happened, I felt so uncomfortable, now it just feels like...home. I stand up and fix my hair before jumping downstairs to see what's for dinner, unaware that when I reached the bottom of the stairs, things were gonna change forever...