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I mean look at my father. He once was so sweet and gentle to his children, now he is a venomous bitter man.

He's baaaack!

I spent another sleepless night tossing and turning wondering why Howie so desperately needed to talk to me about Dad. Maybe he died? I wondered for a brief moment in the middle of the night. I almost got up and asked. No if he did die, then Howie would have told me, he wouldn't have waited until I was feeling better. I know I sounded heartless and evil. How can someone feel that way about their own father? I also knew that deep down inside, maybe that is why Kelly stopped dating me. But to be honest, when it came to dad. There really were NO feelings. He was a stranger. A stranger that felt the need to be mean to me all the time. I had no room in my heart for somebody like that. I'm sure just hearing me utter that sentence would have sent Kelly into an uncomfortable silence. She hated the way my Dad treated me but she hated the way I felt about my dad even more. I didn't even really hate him I guess. The better word would be indifferent.

I felt indifferent towards my father.

I placed my hands behind my head trying to recall stories told to me by my much older siblings. Stories of Dad being an understanding good father. Working for a living happily supporting his family. Kevin had told me a story once that when Dad worked full time, he would come home late from work, bringing home greasy steak hoagies from the 7/11. I used to never even believe him because since when did 7/11 make hoagies anyway? Apparently it was true though. He would wake up the family in the middle of the night and have them all come down and eat greasy steak subs. I guess it wasn't exactly the warmest memory you can conjure up but at least it was a good memory. Maybe if I had just one. My attitude about him would be different. But I didn't and it wasn't.

Indifferent.

The sun was now creeping up slowly. The shadows moving steadily up the wall. School today. My alarm would be ringing any minute. As if on cue, the radio clicked on to some generic pop song. I laid there for a few more minutes singing the song by some gay crappy boy band. Yeah Carter if it is so gay, how come you know all the words? With that thought I crawled out of bed and got dressed all the while singing a song about being lonely. I laughed, how appropriate. Looking at myself in the mirror I ran a brush through my hair and ran down the steps, backpack slung over my shoulder.

Howie was sitting at the kitchen table sipping some coffee and reading the newspaper. He looked like he should be the father of four. Sitting there and waiting for his wife to give him a stack of pancakes while he read the paper. I smiled at him. He looked at me, "Well, glad to see someone's in a slightly better mood" I ran to the fridge and seeing nothing that appealed to me, took out the milk and drank right from the container. "God! Nicky that is so disgusting" I promptly let out a burp and sat down. "Excuse me" I said grabbing a Twinkie from the box on the table. "Twinkies for breakfast. Very nice"

"Hey it's food"

"Oh is that what they call it these days?" He said with a smirk on his face. I stuck my tongue out at him making sure I left my mouth opened so he could see my half chewed cake.

"Gross!" I laughed.

"You know Kevin is pissed at you!" He said taking another sip of coffee. Blowing on it first before gulping.

"I don't give a rats ass! He made me mad"

"He was concerned"

"No he wasn't" I felt my mood turning and so did Howie so the subject was quickly dropped.

"What was it you needed to talk to me about?" I asked pretending as if I didn't think about it all night long.

He looked over at me, staring at me, "How did you sleep last night?"

"About the same, why?"

"Just asking. Don't fall asleep in your classes today okay?"

"D, what about Dad?" I felt like he was trying to change the subject on me. That couldn't be good.

"Nothing. We can talk about it when you get home from school okay?"

"He's not dead? Is he?" Howie's eyes got big, "No Nicky he is not dead. He is fine"

"Okay" I stood up to leave, "Take your lunch kiddo" Howie said as he saw me moving towards the door.

"I buy Howie"

"I packed you a lunch!"

"Aw, thanks" I said going to the fridge and taking out the bag. I peered in it, "What are you doing?" He asked me.

"Looking for love notes. You know a guy can get beat up for things like that!" He laughed.

"Goodbye scram kid! Love notes, you are too funny!" I went over to give him a hug. I could tell when I embraced him he was happy I was in a better mood. I really wasn't but thought I needed to start wearing a mask.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

School was the same. Nothing much to talk about there. I started to get extremely sleepy around fifth period. Struggling with all my might to keep my eyes open. My History teacher called on me a few times. Each time I was unprepared. She asked to speak with me after class, asking me if anything was going on at home. I hated how they tried to pry into my personal life. When they were grouchy, I never asked them if it's because they had a fight with their husbands or wives? Oh Mrs. Hague, what's wrong? didn't get laid last night? I really began to hate school. I was tired of the teachers feigning interest in me but then quick to go against my back and call my brother. Gossiping about my family in the teacher's lounge. The Carters have always been a hot topic of discussion.

Ever since Mom made a scene on one of Melissa's parent teacher nights. They had to call an ambulance for her. Mental breakdown. Poor Mel. Mom screamed and cried so loud that night that all rooms were emptied causing them all to pour into the hallway and stare at her. I'm glad I missed that one.

I yawned and stretched anxiously looking at the clock. Ten more minutes. Thank God. Maybe then I could go home and take a nap. I was that exhausted. I also knew I had to call Mario. See if Kevin really did call him and if he did, convince him that working is MY decision and not my brothers. Finally the bell rang. Time to leave this hell hole for yet another day. I ran to my locker, took out the junk I would need then made my way home.

I wasn't exactly prepared for what I was met with. I unlocked the door to the smell of cigar smoke. It wafted through the entire house. Immediately my heart sank and I knew what my brother had not wanted to tell me that morning. He didn't want to ruin my day.

"Hey! Looks who's home! The dumbass!" I closed the door and slowly turned to meet my father. Standing right next to me, slapping me on the back. "Hey roomie!"

"Dad, what are you doing here?"

"Didn't Howie tell you?"

"No"

"Oh, well I am back"

"For the day? Why?"

"Boy you are slow aren't you?"

"Dad?"

"Forever kiddo. I left that God forsaken hole! I am back at home where I should be"

I was experiencing such a mix of emotions that I thought my head was going to explode. "Where's Howie?" I asked my father. He pointed upstairs, "He's getting my room ready"

I ran up the steps almost tripping over my own feet. There I encountered Howie.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked in a panic. Howie was holding some sheets in his hand.

"Dad got kicked out of his place"

"Kicked out?"

"Yes, he hit someone yesterday so they kicked him out. He had to come here"

"Why? Can't they find him somewhere else to go?"

"They are trying but until then, he has to stay with us"

"Why am I just finding this out now?"

"I tried telling you yesterday"

"This is bullshit!"

"Nick, relax it will only be until they find somewhere else for him to go"

"Hey would one of you assholes bring me my medicine and a soda?" He screamed from the bottom of the steps.

"I can't Howie! I can't deal with him" I said running into my room and once again slamming my door.

This was a nightmare!