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So knowing that, I took the first steps in trying to NOT become just another sad and angry Carter. I opened my eyes..

Pajama Party

The day I was finally released from the hospital, I slowly made my way up the steps to my house, being aided by both Brian on one side and Kevin on the other. I was walking like an old man, the pain still a reminder that I had a ways to go before I was totally healed.

"Baby steps Nicky, baby steps" Kevin said when I attempted to go up the few front steps into my house. My next door neighbors came out to great me.

"Nickolas! So good to see you back on your feet" Ray said from the bottom of his front steps. He and his wife looked on as I just waved to him and ventured finally into the house.

Brain ran ahead and opened the door for me and when I walked in, I was greeted with a

"SURPRISE!!!"

I was amazed to find many of my friends from school sitting there in the living room waiting for me. A huge banner hung above the door frame saying Welcome home Nicky. It was a surprise party for me. The first one I have ever had in MY honor. Everyone clapped as I made my way to the couch and sat down, once again with help.

It turns out that Brent had approached my father with the idea while I was still very much in critical condition. I had to laugh at that. Leave it to Brent to think about partying while his best friend is not even able to breath on his own. All of my brothers helped with the decorations and food. It was very sweet. I just wish I was feeling well enough to truly appreciate it. Just the short walk from the car to the living room had me ready for a nap.

My father was sitting in the middle of all the excitement with his frown. He didn't make a scene though, he just kind of sat quiet. He hadn't visited me in the hospital once I had regained consciousness so I was a little surprised to see him there now. I couldn't help but feel like he was there to try to sabotage my spotlight but luckily that never happened.

Leighanne made me a fabulous cake made with double chocolate just the way I liked it, and Kelly brought me a bouquet of red roses.

Kelly, now there was a person that I couldn't think about just yet.

My guests stayed only for a little while because they realized how tired I would be, but probably the best thing they brought with them besides themselves of course, was a huge get well card signed by pretty much the entire senior class including my teachers. It was nice to feel missed and cared about. It didn't happen often but boy when it did, it was the best feeling in the world.

After the last person left, which was Brent, I had time to think about exactly what had happened to me. How my worry and stress made me so ill. The way I felt when I walked in the door and saw all those people, that's the way I wanted to feel all the time.

"So, we surprised you huh?" Brian asked sitting next to me and placing his head on my shoulder.

"Yes, you did. Thanks a lot"

"Don't thank me Boo boo, thank Brent and Dad. They planned this all out. You should have seen him Nick, he couldn't wait for you to get home" I had a hard time believing Brian's words, especially since my Dad barely even spoke to me when I got home. I looked over at him and he was once again sitting and staring at his television while it was on mute.

"Thanks Dad" I said through a smile. He ignored me. I would have tried again but I didn't feel like being insulted so I just dropped it.

"Do you need anything kiddo?" Brian asked as he stood up to venture back into the kitchen to know doubt, cuddle his wife.

"No, I'm good" He nodded and left the room.

I fell asleep on that couch and found my father sitting next to me when I awoke. He was still staring at the screen. "Dad, why do you always do that?"

"What?" He asked grumpily, like I had interrupted something very important.

"I said why do you always do that? you know it bugs me"

"If it bugs you so much than turn away" He snapped at me and shove my shoulder. Kevin was watching the whole thing unfold. "Hey buddy you want to go upstairs?" I nodded. Kevin helped me up and we slowly made the long trek up the steps. When I got to my room, I felt eerily uncomfortable. Memories of how sick I was and crawling to the garbage can entered my mind and my body responded by shivering.

"Are you cold?" Kevin asked me.

"No, I...never mind it's not important"

"What did you want to say?"

"I'm just a little nervous about sleeping in here, that's all" Kevin got me to the bed and helped me take my shoes off. "Oh I see. Too many bad memories?"

"Yeah, I guess you can say that" He pulled my feet up onto the bed and then covered me with my blankets. Brian, Howie and AJ followed us into the room but I was too caught up in my memories to notice.

"Want me to stay in here with you?"

I laughed "Kevin, I'm not a baby"

"I know, but still I think I would feel better if at least one of us stayed in here with you"

"I was planning on doing that" AJ said

"What about Sarah?" I asked him, just then Sarah entered the room carrying a huge plate of lasagna "Oh don't worry about that, I will live" She placed the tray on my legs. "This is from Mario. He said eat it up and get well!" Then she turned to everyone else, "He sent over two huge trays of food for Nicky so guys go downstairs and eat up" Then after gently kissing me on the cheek and winking, she exited.

"Well, kiddo you know I love you to death, but it's lasagna buddy, so ciao!" AJ said running out of the room.

"Well, what are you all waiting for? Go and eat" I said laughing. They all smiled and filed out of the room, just before leaving Brian said "I'll be right back"

I had taken maybe two bites of my food when they all piled into my room with huge plates of lasagna sitting down on the floor and putting on my TV.

"What are you guys doing?"

"We decided we are ALL gonna stay here with you tonight" Howie said winking at me.

"You guys don't have to"

"We know Nickers, we ant too. Sarah will just have to cuddle with Leighanne"

"I kind of want to see that"

"Oh very nice Kevin" AJ said throwing a piece of lettuce at his head.

I sat back and watched my brothers talk about sports, life, music, and growing up. Things that a family was supposed to do. It appeared as if no one had their guard up. Actually all enjoying one another's company. I didn't want the moment to end. I closed my eyes and made a mental picture. This was family. I would have labeled it. A happy family.

One by one they all began to dose off to sleep, leaving just Brian and I awake. "Brian?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"Thanks for staying with me"

"Any time"

"This was really Dad's idea?"

"Yeah it was Boo. You know, I hope one day you realize just how much that grumpy old guy downstairs loves you"

"I hope so too Brian"

"That's what therapy will help you with kiddo!"

"I know"

"I love you Nick. You know THAT right?" I looked at his small shadow, I couldn't see his face because of the darkness, but I could feel his blue eyes piercing through the blackness, searching for an answer. Again, maybe even as early as a few weeks ago, I would have hesitated, stumbled over the words, but not tonight. Because tonight was a night of rebirth for me. "Yes, I know that" I said confidently and surely. Then I fell into a dreamless and very peaceful sleep...