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I started with my Brother's Howie and AJ...

Tell Me A Story and Sing Me A Song


I was oddly quiet at dinner the next day. I decided to be an observer. I decided to watch Howie and AJ, who were having a pleasant conversation about life. Sarah and I exchanged quick smiles as AJ went on about what he considered the meaning of life. I don't remember how we got on the topic but once we were there, he owned the conversation.

"So, I think it's interesting how the world keeps on turning even after the absolute worst or best events occur" J said pausing only long enough to stick a piece of chicken in his mouth. He continued while still chewing, "I mean, while we sit here, there are so many atrocities going on all over the world. Sometimes I want to just do my best to go out and defend the universe" I smiled. AJ had BIG ideas sometimes. Like defending the universe, although he would quickly give that up if someone asked him to play a game of golf.

"I mean think about the cats of the world" When he said that I knew I would have to try my best to NOT crack up, "There are over one million stray cats all over the world. One million" He sat back in his chair and said in a dramatic voice, "That's a lot of cats" We all looked at each other, trying to keep from laughing. Howie couldn't help it though, he cracked up. "J! What the hell do cats have to do with saving the universe?"

"Cats are just as important as people"

"Oh no here we go" Sarah said in such a soft whisper that only I could here her.

"Cats were the first domesticated animal. Our relationship with them goes back... way back. I bet Jesus had a cat"

My brother AJ is a lunatic!

"Did you just see a documentary on cats?" Howie asked with one eyebrow slightly raised.

"Yes, he did" Sarah answered for him as she swooped up my plate to give me some more rice.

"Oh, that explains everything then"

"Howie, man I'm really serious. I think I might want to go on a mission to rescue cats" That's when I laughed. I couldn't take it anymore. I was in the middle of drinking some milk. My new forced drink of choice. Well, Howie's choice. And when AJ said that whole rescuing cat thing I spit it out. Howie and Sarah both cracked up.

"What is so damned funny Nicky?" AJ asked after I got control of my little laughing fit, "Rescuing cats AJ? Don't you get lost going down the street? I mean..." My laughter started up again, "They would have to rescue you" I snorted.

That even brought a smile to AJ's face then as they all got a case of the giggles. After the laughter died down, Sarah caressed the back of my neck, "It is sure good hearing you laugh again Nick. I think we have all missed that cute giggle of yours" She winked and kissed me on the cheek.

I stopped and thought a minute. Had it been that long since I have laughed? The answer was yes. In fact I couldn't even recall the last time I genuinely smiled. The looks on both Howie and AJ's faces made me also realize that they had really taken notice of that too.

When it became silent again, AJ said "Well, I'm glad my cause makes you laugh" He rolled his eyes but I knew it was in a playful way. After doing the dishes I once again found delight in AJ's company. He was busy fiddling with an old pair of sunglasses. That is a 'thing' with AJ. He collects sunglasses. He must have thousands of them. This pair was broken and he was making it his mission to fix them. I sat down next to him and for some reason just stared intently. Feeling my eyes on him he slowly looked up at me, "Yes? It there something I can help you with?"

"NO, just watching" I said.

"Oh, you used to do that when you were little you know"

"Do what?"

"Follow me around. You really loved me to death. Oh they all thought Brian was your favorite, but I knew better" I laughed. That made him smile.

"So I used to follow you around huh?"

"Yup, more like stalk Nicky boy. You used to stalk me"

"Tell me a story about when I was little AJ" He dropped his tiny screwdriver on the floor, "Nicky, you are breaking my concentration" I bent down to pick it up for him. He stopped me, "Easy, no bending!" He scolded.

"AJ, no heavy lifting I can bend down to get a stupid screwdriver though"

"No way, If Howie sees you do that he will flip out on me!" The thought of Howie flipping out was appealing. He was fun to watch when he was mad. He wore his anger like something cooking in a microwave. It started from the inside and worked it's way out.

"So, are you gonna tell me a story about when I was younger J?" I asked batting my eyes at him and leaning my head on his shoulder. "Okay fine, let's see...um.." He sat back, my head moving with him. "Okay when you were about five years old, I had a party" I closed my eyes trying to remember all the way back then. "So you would have been fourteen?" I asked.

He clapped, "Yes very good math, now you want me to tell you this story or not?"

"Go ahead I won't interrupt again"

"Okay then" He took a big breath. "I had this party with a ton of people here. Mom was upstairs and dad was at work. They had known about this party forever. And then at the last second, Mom says that I have to watch you!" I shied away from his shoulder, suddenly feeling like a burden. I always felt like a burden when I was little. Like a lost kid with nowhere to go and no one that wanted me around.

"I was pissed, but at the same time I knew this girl I was after at the time, I think her name was Wendy..yeah..Wendy. I knew she would be totally impressed with me if I took care of you"

AJ talked with his hands and he began using them in his story telling. Moving them back and forth and up and down, "I decided that I would have you hand her a flower when she walked in and then tell her this is from my big bwother"

"Bwother?"

"Yes you had a little speech impediment when you were small"

"Oh"

"So, I dress you up in a nice suit and comb your hair and practiced with you over and over again until you got it right"

"I don't remember any of this"

"I thought you weren't going to interrupt me"

"Sorry" He gave me a look and then continued, "Anyway, She comes in and man did she EVER look hot. She had this little mini skirt on and WOW! just WOW!" I laughed. "I pushed you through the crowd of people and off you go over to her. I just stood back and watched. That's when HE walked in!"

"Who?"

"Brian" I bit my bottom lip immediately remembering how this story turned out.

"He comes waltzing in, big studly high school junior, wearing his varsity basketball jacket. Just as you give that flower to Wendy"

He started to shake his head, "She says Awww, hi little guy, you are so cute! Right and then she pinches your cheeks which gets you to laugh. She just stands there ewwing and aaahing. Isn't he cute, how precious. Then your big line comes up" By now he is putting his all in this story. Getting ready for the big finish, "And you say, like your supposed to, This is from my big bwother"

"Yay! Go me"

"Hold on. I'm not finished...So she looks around and says where is he and do you know what you did?"

"I point to Brian"

"Damn right! You point to Brian!" I laughed and he slapped me on the side of my head.

"She says to you, did Brian give you that for ME? And you nod yes! In the meantime Brian comes over to you and picks you up. He calls you Boo" He rolls his eyes, "Then you lean on his chest, with those two stupid fingers in your mouth. I swear Nick, you always had the two middle fingers of your right hand in your mouth"

He moves his hands to his face like he is about to cry, "Then she is smitten with him! TO make things worse, when I see you do that I come running over..thinking maybe it's not too late for me to save this situation. Then when I get there you decide to say at the top of your little lungs, My bwother AJ is smelly!" I clapped my hand over my mouth.

"You were a real riot!"

"So I guess you didn't get the girl in the end then huh?"

"No, but that's okay I heard she became a nun"

"Seriously?"

"No, I just like to make myself think that" I busted out laughing.

"Go ahead, laugh it up pretty boy" I placed my head back on his shoulder.

"Did you like me when I was little? Or did you think I was a pain in the butt?"

"You had your moments. I had my moments. It wasn't easy all the time with Mom being the way she was. I had to take care of you a lot"

"Do you hate me for it?" He moved away from my head and turned on the couch tucking one leg under the other. "No, I don't hate you for it. I hated Mom for it for a long long time. Not you though" I nodded and smiled, "In fact can I be serious for a minute?"

"I don't know can you?" I joked. He fake laughed.

"Remember when I told you about rehab?"

"Yes"

"Well, the main reason I decided to go, was you"

"Really?" I was surprised, waiting for a punchline of some kind.

"Yes, as I roamed around the streets, drugged up and out of it, I thought about you. If I overdosed I wouldn't be able to take care of you"

"Really?"

"Yup... really, It's all because of the damn monster in your closet"

"Pardon?"

"Well, that same night. The night of my party, Brian had come to get some of his clothes. He was spending the night at a friends. You were NOT happy about this" I laughed. I can imagine. I was a little attached to Brian back then.

"Anyway, it must have been around three in the morning when I here a little voice shaking me awake. I turn around and there you are, tears in your eyes looking terrified in those damn Ninja Turtle pajamas you always wore"

"Yeah I remember those. I wore them until they wouldn't fit anymore" He looked over at me with that are you gonna shut up so I can tell my story look again, so I clammed up.

"So, I say Nicky what's wrong and you say through tears, there is a monster in my cwoset. I rolled my eyes thinking please go away I'm tired but you just stood there. So I said there are NO such things as monsters Nicky now go to bed. That's when you started to cry" He sighed and took a deep breath. My head once again found a resting place on his shoulder. "SO I finally say okay let's go see. I get up out of bed and grab your little hand and we go to your room to check out the situation. We get there I turn on the light and I SHOW you that there is absolutely no monster aywhere. That is NOT good enough for you. You say, but Bwian always checks the cwoset and yells at the monster to go away" I started to laugh at his imitation of me. I bet I didn't have a speech impediment at all, I bet he just liked making the voice.

"SO I say okay MONSTER you need to go away now and leave my brother alone! I turned to you and asked you if that was okay and you nod with those fingers in your mouth. I tucked you in and finally got to go back to bed"

"Wow! But I don't get how THAT story got you off drugs and into rehab" He bopped me in the head, "Did I say I was finished?"

"Oh, sorry"

"Anyway, I wake up at five in the morning to go pee and lo and behold what do I see?"

"A monster? See I KNEW there was a monster!"

"Stop being an idiot Nick"

"Okay sorry. What did you see?"

"I saw YOU lying all huddled up in a ball, sound asleep on my floor by MY closet with those fingers in your mouth" He became a little more reflective. "I tapped you to wake up and when your eyes opened I asked you what you were doing there. You said the monster wasn't in my woom anymore so I was afwaid that he came in here. I knew Bwian wasn't here to pwotect you so I came instead" I laughed, "I said you came to protect me from your monster? And you said yes!" He reached behind my back and gave me a hug. "I just thought how cool is that when you know that to THIS kid, who was so sure there WAS a monster, he still comes and sits in here protecting ME. I pulled you into a hug and let you sleep in my bed with me for the rest of the night. You said I wove you Awex and I loved the hell out of you too!"

He became quiet for a minute, almost reflective, "SO, when I was roaming around the streets of Los Angeles this close to overdosing, I thought about you sitting by my closet. What if you needed me to sit by yours again? So I went into rehab, simple as that" He sat up and stretched the sentimental mood away, "So you see, Nicky, even though it might have been a hassle when I was growing up, my need to take care of you and make sure you were okay really saved my life. That's also when I decided to forgive Mom" He looked away then, "I decided that maybe in effect she was like me, that maybe instead of drugs, she turned to loneliness, to ease her pain"

"What about dad?"

"I don't know Nicky, I don't think I can ever really find it in my heart to forgive him. Maybe one day but not now. Not for a while" I nodded and once again placed my head on his shoulder.

Howie had been listening to the entire conversation and decided to come sit down and join us. He was carrying a basket of my laundry, most likely bringing it up from the basement. He refused to let me lift anything heavier than 5 pounds. I think if he was a little bigger, he would have even resorted to carrying me everywhere. Even though I was all better. To him I was still wounded. I always would be.

"Hey D, Come and join our little walk down memory lane" I said to him.

"I remember that story AJ, you were so pissed! You kept saying how life was so unfair"

"Well, it IS unfair"

"What about you Howie? Do you have any stories about me?"

"About a million, but my favorite is your song"

"Oh God, I remember his song" AJ said lifting his head above his head and resting them there.

"What song?"

"You wrote a song when you were about three years old. Called the ouchie song"

"The ouchie song?"

"Yes" Howie started to laugh, "Let's see if I remember it" He began to sing this song to the tune of Mary Had A Little Lamb.

"I give ouchies just like this.." And he pinched me. "Ow!" I yelled,

"Right exactly, that's the whole idea of the song, you sang it and pinched whoever was in your path"

"Wow! I was a real devil wasn't I?"

"Yes" Both Howie and AJ said in unison, I laughed and without even thinking about it, grabbed my stomach. Both brothers grew concerned. "Oh my God are you okay Nicky?" Howie said now hovering over me.

"I am fine"

"Are you sure? Why are you holding your stomach?" He felt my head.

"Gosh, Howie, relax man. You're head is gonna explode"

"Why were you holding your stomach?"

"Because I had some gas!"

"Oh. Okay, I just wanted to make sure" He moved away and relaxed once again. I really scared him to death. I felt bad.

"That's okay D thanks for caring"

"It's my job" I got up and stretched remembering some homework I had neglected. The old me would have not cared, just blown it off, but I was changing. The new me, wanted nothing more to succeed.

"Well guys thanks for sharing those stories with me, but I have homework to do"

"No problem kiddo! See you later"

I shut the door to my room and decided to write the two stories that my brothers had shared with me. I decided maybe it would be fun to expand my little story about them. When I was done I did my homework, the oddest thing happened though, I smiled the entire time. Thinking about my bwothers...