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Afterall being crazy was far easier than constantly being confronted by people who said they cared when they really didn't. Right?

There Is a Quiet Place

My first week back to school was not the best. I was still having trouble sleeping and I had been caught more than once dozing of in the middle of Chemistry or English. My teachers threatened me with calls to my father. Ooh I'm shaking in my boots at that one. The truth is, I kind of just stopped caring. I was never a discipline problem. Actually I was always the opposite. I never got in trouble. Ever. But now I found that if I didn't do my homework, or study for a test, who would really care right?

I was about to turn eighteen years old. Technically the only person I would have to answer to, would be myself. Maybe I would quit school all together. It's not like I could actually afford college anyway. I could get a full time job at the restaurant. What did it matter?

I came home form school to find Howie sitting at the table with a note in his hand. I decided it would be best for me to go upstairs, totally avoid him.

"Nick!" He yelled just as I was about to flee. I turned towards him and walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah?"

"We need to talk"

"Not now Howie, I'm kind of tired so.."

"I got an interesting letter from your English teacher. seems like she has been trying to get in touch with me but I haven't been getting the messages"

"Hrmm strange" I said knowing full well it's because I have been erasing the messages, but he knew that too.

"What is going on Nicky? You have never failed anything in English EVER! You didn't turn in a project? That's not like you"

"Maybe I've changed" I said grabbing a soda out of the fridge.

"Nick, you can't afford to blow off school now! Not while you are filling out college applications. They will look at your grades"

"I'm not going to college"

"What?"

"I said I'm not going"

"Yes, you are!"

"Howie, don't be stupid. You and I both know that we don't have the money for me to go to college"

"None of us had the money, we will find away"

"I'm tired I'm going to bed"

"Nick"

"What?" Howie walked over to me, he looked so nervous and concerned. "God, Boo what has gotten into you?"

"Don't call me Boo!" I said turning to run up the stairs.

I ran into my room and slammed the door. Why was I so angry all the time? It baffled me as well. Howie was right, it really wasn't like me to blow a project off. I usually was so anal with them that I would be done at least a week early. I opened up my backpack and threw the contents on the floor. I brought home my History book but never bothered to write down the homework. I would be failing a test in that very soon.

I then rummaged through one of the pockets of my bag and found the note that Kelly had written to me. I wrote to her shortly after the break, begging her to take me back. I missed her. When she returned the note, I got excited, thinking I had a chance. That was before I read it.

Dear Nick,
You need to stop bothering me and move on. Things change, people change. I wish you the best but I am seeing Gary now. We are a better fit for each other.
Take care,
Kelly

I took the note, balled it up in my hands and threw it against the wall. She can have Gary if she wants him, he's a loser anyway!

"NICK!! PHONE!" Howie screamed from the bottom of the steps. I swear I didn't hear the phone ring. I made the mistake of picking it up anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hi" I felt my stomach lurch when I heard Kevin's voice on the other end of the line.

"What's up?" I asked knowing what would come next. Howie that rotten fink told on me.

"I think I am the one who should be asking you that question don't you think?" He asked, tone of voice serious and tense.

"Kevin, I have to go.."

"No Nick, not until you tell me what is going on with you?"

"God! Why is everybody bugging me?"

"Why did you blow off a project? And why are you getting notes home about your behavior and that you are slacking off?"

"What?"

"Your teacher told Howie that you fell asleep in her class more than once"

"I'm tired"

"You need to quit that job!"

"No!"

"I already called Mario and asked him to cut back your hours"

"You did what?" I was fuming now.

"You heard me" He said.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" I hissed at him. I could tell I took him by surprise.

"I am YOUR big brother and what I say goes!" He said after what felt like an endless pause.

"That is bullshit Kevin. I am working as long as I want and YOU can't stop me"

"Nick! What the hell is wrong with you? why are you acting like a child?"

"Shut up"

"Excuse me?" Kevin said slowly like he couldn't believe what he just heard

"I said SHUT UP! Stop trying to act like you care!"

"I do care"

"No, you don't Your just pissed that Howie called you" I said, now ready to throw the phone out the window.

"I'm pissed Howie HAD to call me. You should know better"

"Okay then I won't keep you. Have a good night!"

"Don't you dare hang up this phone on me Nickolas Gene, do you understand me?"

"No, I'm sorry you're breaking up...I can't hear you anymore" I said making a childish crackling sound.

"Oh fine, you can go to hell, I have my own kids to deal with. I don't need any more attitude"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

"JERK!" I screamed at him before slamming the phone down. There was a pause before the phone rang again. I refused to answer it. I knew it was him. I wasn't about to apologize. Kelly was right. People change. I changed.

Sure enough, "NICK! PHONE!" I ignored Howie until he called up to me again, "Nick pick up the damn phone!" I picked up and proceeded to hang up again.

He called again! This time Howie never called up to me. I'm sure they were having quite the intense conversation. Let's talk about how unstable Nick has become.

I needed my quiet place. I learned shortly after my mother's death, that I had the ability to shut everyone and everything out of my mind. I called it my quiet place. Nothing bothered me there. That's where I really needed to be today. My quiet place, where I could ease my troubled mind.

I closed my eyes and tried desperately to find peace. No use. My quiet place was gone. Instead I was left with anxiety and a nervous stomach. It was doing flip flops. I didn't want Kevin mad at me. I couldn't afford having him hate me. I stayed up in my room for the entire day. Didn't come down for dinner, didn't even leave to pee. I just wanted to never come out.

"Nick" Howie said standing right outside my door.

"Go away" I whispered. I had my fill of being mean today, now I was wiped out. I heard him standing there for a few minutes then he finally said, "When you're feeling better we need to talk okay?"

"Okay fine whatever" I answered. Then if things couldn't get any worse, "It's about dad"

I sighed, "Okay, tomorrow I have to go to sleep I'm really tired"

"Okay. Goodnight. I love you Boo"

"Don't call me that" I yelled. He walked away

I love you too...