Author’s Note: Thanks so much for the reviews guys, and sorry it took me so long to update it. I really appreciate your patience and the fact that you are still there (and thanks Pam for reminding me that it was time for an update). I hope you like this update. Since I made you wait for so long I thought it was the right thing to do to give you two very long chapters today, so I hope you enjoy them (don’t forget to review them). Thanks mers once again for helping me with the editing process (and mare too, of course, with my last minute changes) and…well… why not? LOL I wanted to recommend you another story. It’s a collaboration that mers, mare and I are writing and you should read it if you want to have a good time and laugh a little (crazy story) We just updated the sci-fi chapter especially for the readers of Yesterday Blue Skies LOL Go and check it under mare’s stories. The name is “Five Backstreeet Boys in Search of a Plot”
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I woke up startled not knowing where I was. My bed? What happened? How did I… I had started remembering some things when I felt someone coming and for some reason my immediate reaction was to pretend to be sleeping.

“Isn’t he up yet?” I heard Howie’s voice asking.

“No.” That was Kevin

“It is alright for him to sleep that much?”

“He will be okay.”

“Can we cure that?”

“No!” he practically shouted but then he lowered his voice. “I want him to suffer the consequences of his stupidity.”

“Kevin…”

Someone sighed, Kevin I guessed.

“Lets go out D.”

My stupidity? He was mad, I could tell by his voice, and it wasn’t just because of me getting drunk. Suddenly what I had wanted to forget came to my head like a whirl of emotions; the images of my fight with Nick hit me full force and it didn’t take too long for me to start crying.

I heard someone coming into the room again and wiped my tears fast.

“I know you are awake, Jay. We need to talk.” I opened my eyes to see Kevin standing in front of me with a cup in his hand.

“I know” I said sitting up. He took a seat in my bed and offered me the cup. It was laudean, a coffee like beverage, and it was hot.

He cleared his throat while I took a sip “Since when…”

“Since when I’ve been going there?” I interrupted him. “Practically since we arrived here.”

“And drinking?”

“Yes.” I looked down at the cup in my hands. “You are disappointed, right?”

“I thought you were more mature than that.”

“I can’t stand me Kevin.” I confessed faster than I have planned it. I wasn’t really thinking and once the words left my mouth there was no way back.

“What? What the hell are you talking?”

“I go there because I think I’m becoming some kind of monster, and I’m scared.”

“Oh come on AJ, you can’t really be thinking that.”

“I used my powers on my little brother” I almost yelled looking at him again. “You know that, right?”

This time it was Kevin the one looking down.

“What if I become what Brian said he saw in that vision? What if I really end up hurting you guys.”

“Stop it AJ!” He took me by the arm.

“And I feel so good among these people. They are criminals and I feel good with them.” Tears started to stream down my face again.

“Kiddo"

“I’ve been trying to hide this from you.” I said pulling up my shirt’s sleeve to show a tattoo.

“I already saw it.” Right. I guess they had to change my clothes after that shower last night. “That’s why you have been using a long sleeve shirt even for sleeping?”

I nodded.

“Laser?”

I nodded again.

“What’s the story?”

“I met this guy some time ago, his body was full of paintings like this. I was having a drink with him and he told me that since I was human I should know about tattoos, and asked me if I wanted one. I said yes without a doubt. You know why? Because I wanted to be human.” I was openly crying already. “He told me about humans doing it and I wanted so bad to be human again.” I had to stop because there was a knot in my throat. “It hurt like shit but I would do it a thousand times again. I don’t know what’s going on inside my head Kevin, but I don’t like it and it’s really scaring me.”

He hugged me and I cried on his shoulder.

“Nothing is wrong with you, kid,” he said after awhile when I had calmed myself a little.

“I’m too scared Kev. I don’t want to become someone like my father but something inside me tells me that it will happen sooner or later. I’m hearing voices Kevin, he is looking for me. This place, the atmosphere, it suffocates me.”

He placed a hand on my the shoulder and looked directly into my eyes.

“AJ, we can always leave this place if that’s what you need.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m not even sure if it's this place or me.”

“We can go back to our life on the ship.”

“They would hate me.”

“They?”

“Brian, Nick… you.”

“Never.”

“You are happy here Kevin. You and Howie are doing what you love. Nick was born to do this and Brian has Dana, he would never leave her.”

“He would do it for you.”

“Don’t make them choose.”

“I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t.” I said standing up. “You need to worry about the rest and think if its okay for me to be around.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“It’s the truth.”

“AJ!”

“Kevin, I really need to rest a little. I’m not feeling alright.”

He stood up quickly. “Do you want me to help you?”

I couldn’t avoid smiling. “Healing me Kevin? I thought I should suffer the consequences of my stupidity.”

“I think you are already suffering more than you should, and I’m not talking about the hangover.”

I shook my head. “I just need some time alone Kevin.”

“We haven’t finished AJ.”

“I know, and I promise you we will, but not right now, please.”

He bit his bottom lip and looked at me. It was like he was trying to search through my soul with his eyes. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, he nodded in agreement.

“When you are ready. But I’m not waiting too long.”

I smiled again. “I know Kevin.”

When he left the room I sat on my bed thinking that I was going to cry once again but there were no more tears left. I just closed my eyes, held my mom’s medallion and wished one way or another I could leave this big nightmare behind.

Kevin came back a couple of hours later but this time he wasn’t alone, Howie was with him.

“Are you bringing reinforcements?” I asked trying to smile.

“How are you?” Howie took a seat on my bed.

“I’m okay D. For someone who just realized how screwed up he is, I’m doing okay.”

I was waiting for the ‘Jay don’t say that’ reply, but neither of them said a word.

“You are not telling me that I’m wrong and it’s not making me feel better.”

“I have tried it already Alex, is not like you listen.”

“Am I the only one in here that remembers that I almost hurt Nick? I’m sure he remembers it.”

“AJ, Brian told us how things happened. What Nick said was completely uncalled-for. Damn!" Kevin made a gesture of exasperation. "Uncalled-for isn't even the word. I still can't believe he said something like that but you know he really didn't want to hurt you. And I'm sure you didn’t want to hurt him either.”

“Yeah, right, it was an accident.” I rolled my eyes. “I wanted to hurt him guys, it wasn’t an accident at all.”

“It was a reflex AJ, you aren’t in full control of your powers yet.”

“Oh please, try another excuse Kevin because that one is bullshit and you know it.”

“So what? Are we going to accept that suddenly you are a bad guy? Is that what you want?”

“No. I just… I don’t know what I want. I want Nick to forgive me to begin with. Brian too.”

“You think they won’t?”

“The way they looked at me when I … I don’t think I want to face them yet.”

“They will understand AJ. They already did.” Howie patted my leg.

“I think you should go and talk to them now.” Kevin was standing next to my bed, leaning his back on the wall and arms crossed in front of him.

“What? No way.”

“AJ there’s nothing we can tell you to change the way you are thinking, I have come to understand that already, but you have to get in that big head of yours that we are not leaving you, that, no matter what do you think of yourself, you are our brother, someone we love, a guy that has not even an ounce of evil in him.”

“We wish you would see what we see, AJ.”

“I can’t believe you are telling me all this just after what I did. You are in denial.”

“Shit! Stop it AJ. What the hell do you want?”

“I want you to accept that you are mad with me because I almost hurt the kid. That you are scared of what could have happened.”

Kevin shook his head annoyed and started to pace around the room.

“You got to be kidding me.” I snorted and shook my head too, resting my forehead in my hand.

“What?” He faced me again.

“That kid means more to you than anything. You protect him like no one else. Tell me how you reacted when you found out what had happened.”

“I’m not…”

“Tell me!”

“Why?”

“Because I need things to be normal,” I shouted. “You are being too nice with me and that can just mean one thing, that you do think something is wrong with me. If this had happened a year ago you would have killed me.” I was trembling inside but I kept looking at him defiantly. “So?”

He shook his head again in a disapproving gesture but finally answered my question. “I don’t think anything is wrong with you and if you want the truth you will have it. Yes, when I found out what had happened I wanted to find you and …”

“Kill me?”

“No!”

“What?”

“I don’t know AJ, hit you, hurt you.”

“But you didn’t go looking for me.”

“Because I would have hurt you, Alex.”

“You should have. Why you didn’t look for me?”

“Howie made me see reason. I needed to calm myself first.”

“You realized you just agreed with us, right?” Howie interrupted us.

“What are you talking about, D?”

“Don’t you see it? Do you think Kevin is some kind of monster?”

I shook my head and smiled sarcastically back at him, already knowing where he was going with this reasoning.

“He could have hurt you too. We hurt people we love sometimes. That doesn’t mean we stop loving them, that doesn’t mean we want to hurt them.”

“You always control yourself on time.”

“So what?” Kevin took a seat on my bed too. “We have more self control than you. That’s the only difference I see, AJ. If you are some kind of monster then so am I.”

“Just talk to Nick, Jay,” Howie said resting the palm of his hand on my neck.

I did it. I talked to Nick that same day and as soon as I saw him I confirmed that things had taken a decisive path and they weren’t going back to normalcy.

He was lying in his bed. I had knocked on the door and he had let me go in, but it took us a long weird pause to start talking.

“You are scared of me, right?”

“You wish, idiot.”

“I’m sorry, Nick.”

“I know.”

I started to cry.

“Jay, I know you didn’t want to hurt me, really.”

“I would never…”

“I know, I can be annoying but you love me." He smiled and then continued in a softer voice. "And I hope you now by now I didn't mean what I said either. I love you bro and I'm sorry.”

Either he was being sincere or he was a great actor. I swore I had seen fear in his eyes the night before, but then I had been drunk too. Suddenly I felt like everything around me was a big twisted plot to have me in the dark.

I had the same feeling with Brian, he was so calm talking to me but I couldn’t forget the look he had given me when everything happened. He forgave me too but neither his nor Nick's forgiveness made me feel better.

The only heated talk in connection to the whole incident was the one I had with Kevin a day later, and that conversation didn’t even include what I have done to Nick. We talked about my visits to Turmei and the whole drinking issue. He made me promise I wouldn’t be going back to that place and I told him not to worry about it, that I wouldn’t ever go back there. I was fooling him and fooling myself in the process, because the moment I was saying those words a part of me was already planning another visit to Turmei. I knew it wouldn’t be an easy task to fulfill anymore, considering not only what had happened, or more what I could remember had happened, but the fact that the base officers would be checking on me now. I guess that’s the only reason why for a couple of weeks I kept my promise and stayed away from Turmei, that and the fact that a little part of me wanted to fulfill my promise and stay away from those bars. But, promise or not promise, at the end I just wanted to go away from my brothers so bad that I was dying for another day in town.

I started to take long walks through the most isolated parts of the base but soon that wouldn’t be enough. I so needed to get the things back to the way they were before coming to this place, no matter that I was already convinced that it would be impossible. I became paranoid about myself and about my brothers. More than a couple of times I thought I had seen fear in Nick’s eyes while looking at me, and there was even a time when he and Kevin exchanged a weird look in front of me; nevertheless, all those strange moments lasted less than a couple of seconds and the next thing Nick and Kevin would be smiling or talking to me like nothing had happened, letting me thinking that maybe I was just dreaming, or getting crazy.

No matter if I was seeing things or not, I kept feeling like I couldn’t breathe when I was around them, and the time came when I decided to go back to Turmei. I was really careful and tried to avoid any encounter with people from the base. I noticed the disapproval in the look the bartender gave me though, but he didn’t tell me anything and probably because I only stood there for a couple of hours and stayed out of trouble, he didn’t report me, or, if he reported me to his superior, this never reached Kevin. That only encouraged me more to go back once again. I shouldn’t have. The second time I went to Turmei after the whole incident I encountered the person that would make my life change forever.


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