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Chapter Eleven: Sand Castles ‘N’ Secrets


"If you could eat dinner with three famous people--only three, who would you pick?"

"Benji Madden, Nick Carter, and AJ Mclean."

"Why?"

"Because, Benji Madden is HOT, You should know why I want to have dinner with Nick by now, and AJ McLean, who is also a member of the Backstreet Boys, because I've always looked up to him a little more than all of the other Backstreet Boys, because hes been through a lot like I have but stayed strong and got through it no matter how hard it was and I don't know its weird but if I had the choice to pick a new father to replace the dead beat one that I have now Id pick him because i've always thought of him as the father I never had. I write fanfiction about him being my father all the time. I have a whole fathers day series of me and him. He just makes fathers day a lot less deperessing."

"If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?" Kyle asked, as he looks down at Ashley who is still in his lap as they sit together on the swing.

"I'm already where I want to be." Ashley answered, as she looks up at him, her eyes meeting with his.

"In Ohio."

"Theres no other place you would like to travel to?" Kyle asked, as he raised his eyebrow.

"Not unless I get to take you and Nikki with me. Otherwise, I would rather stay right here. I've dreamed of running away to Ohio for a long ass time. I got tired of dreaming it and of people telling me its never going to happen that I decided I was going to make it happen. Even if I had to leave everything I own behind and walk here. I'm right where I want to be, in your arms and in the same state as my best friend, and no one is going to take that away from me now." Kyle didn't reply, he only leaned down and began to place soft kisses on the back of her neck. Ashley closed her eyes in relaxation not wanting him to stop.

"How come you're asking me so many questions? I feel like I'm being interviewed for a magazine or something."

"Just trying to get to know my girlfriend a little more." He answered, as he didnt stop his gentle kisses.

"Do you think my mom is worried about me and misses me?" Ashley asked, after a few minutes of silence, and she looked up at Kyle, who had stopped and rested his chin against her shoulder once more. He wrapped his arms tighter around her waist, and hugged her tight.

"Whats there not to miss?"

"A lot..."

"Thats bullshit." Kyle replied. "If your mother isn't crying her eyes out, and wondering where you're right now, than she sure as hell doesn't understand what shes missing out on. If I were her, I wouldn't let you go in a million years. You're the most amazing person I ever met. You're beautiful, you're smart, you have dreams that you dont ever let go of and you fight until they've come true, you don't care what people think of you and aren't afraid to be yourself, You're the most caring person I know--you're nice to just about everyone unless they give you a reason not to be. You're a very fun person to be around, especially when you get all hyper and stuff like the other day in the car. You put a smile on my face all the time, sometimes without even trying. Greg says that you're the only one who can get me to smile the way I do. You're extremely sweet, and are a lot of times VERY sensitive, you can be very shy I know that for a fact, but if your mother doesn't miss that then shes crazy, because I wouldn't give that up for the world."

"The thing is my mom has never gotten to know that side of me.... I may be all hyper and not afraid to fight for what I believe in around you guys, because you make me feel like I can be myself around you guys. My family is another story. When I'm at home i'm a whole different person. I'm shy not just around the guys I have a crush on, but around everyone. I'm really quiet, and barely talk to anyone, I hide away in my room and sit on my computer all day long and do nothing but talk to Nikki, Stephanie, and all of my other internet friends and work on my writing. Thats all I ever did at home. I didnt have a life unless it revolved around writing, the computer, and friends. I was constantly fighting with my sisters, because they constantly complained about me never doing anything but sitting around on my computer, which is bullshit, because when it came to chores I tried my very hardest to do them and get praised for it, but in the end I still managed to get bitched at. Nothing I ever did seemed to be right, and they made me feel really stupid. So I started rebelling on them. I started to refuse to do them because if I did, it didnt matter, I would still get bitched at either way. My family didn't understand that if they gave me my own list of what I needed to do, and completely left me alone the entire day, and not constantly be telling me what I need to do, or how to do it every second of the fucking day I would get it all done. Maybe not right away, but by the end of the day it would get done. I always get stuff done when I'm not constantly being bothered about it. But they didn't understand that, and my mom kept taking my computer away from me, and every time they took my computer away from me I got more and more depressed, because the computer was the only thing that made me happy. I'm not a computer nerd or anything, like I was often mistakend to be at home, it just makes me happy. It was my only connection to my friends, and it was how I got my writing done, and it was how people read what I wrote. Thats where I went to express my feelings, because to me, it felt like I wasn't allowed to do it outloud with my family, because all that would happen is that I would get yelled and screamed at. So instead of my family, I went crying to my internet friends. They became my family who I turned to for everything--So when I got that taken away I of course would start crying, and would lay in my bed and stare at the wall doing nothing until I got it back. I was a very depressed and angered person living at home. I hated everyone who didn't understand me, and who didnt take the time to understand me. It seemed like the only person in this entire world who fully understood me was Nikki. If Nikki wasn't online I was depressed, and when my sisters, or my step father yelled and screamed at me, and constantly bitched at me for every little thing I did and made me cry--which was pretty much all the time, I would go to Nikki, and if Nikki wasn't there I would put my away message up and sit there and wait for Nikki to log on even if it took her all day. It seemed like all I ever did was try to get my mom's attention, even if she yelled at me, of course it upset me even more, but at least I got her attention for the entire minute she was screaming at me. She is always spending time with my sisters, you know she goes shopping with them every single day. She asks me if I want to go, but I hate shopping with them, because its always for my little sisters never for me, or for food and thats boring. I wanted to spend time with just HER, me and her alone and if we went shopping fine, as long as its not for food or for my sisters but for stuff that I like to do. Or to a movie, or something I didnt care. I just wanted my mothers attention, I just wanted her to take the time to get to know me. But it never happened, so I got even more miserable and hated being there. My step father always scared me to death, I was always hiding from him in my room. Sometimes if I got scared enough Id hide in my closet--but that was only if him and my mom were fighting, because he always got so angry, loud, and really mean and I was always afraid he was going to turn abusive. I've never liked him, not even when my mom was just dating him I didnt like him. Everything was fine until he came a long, because I got a long just fine with my mom and with my sisters and always spent time with them, than he came a long and they completely lost me. Thats when I started drifting away. My family made me so fucking miserable I couldn't stand being there, and I wanted Nikki so much, with a strong passion I wanted my best friend. So I ran to her..."

"Well maybe now that you're gone they'll finally see just how much you mean to them and wish they never treated you that way."

"Maybe..." Ashley said softly. The two of them sat there in silence for a few minutes, than he suddenly broke it.

"Want to go see what everyone else is up to?" Ashley nodded her responce. Kyle leaned down and kissed her lips one last time, and she returned it. Once he pulled away she got up from his lap and looked over at everyone else. Nikki, Greg, Matt, Nathan, Stephanie, and John are all standing around talking as they watch Seth play. Nikki in a deep conversation with Stephanie about something. Ashley smiled evilly, and Kyle noticed this right away.

"Now what are you up to?" He asked, as he smiled a bit. Ashley put her finger to her lips silently telling him to be quiet, than she took off running toward the group. Everyone noticed her coming but Nikki, and she silently told them to be quiet too. They did as she said, and she ran up behind Nikki and jumped onto her back, and Nikki screamed in horror at first, but soon calmed down when she heard Ashley giggling. Nikki sighed in relief.

"Jesus Christ Ash you scared me....." Nikki said, and then laughed a long with everyone else.

"Hehe," Ashley replied, as she hugged her friend tight as she remains on her back clinging to her tight.

"You're a pain in the ass," Nikki laughed.

"Awww but I loooove you." Ashley replied, as she again hugs her friend tight.

"I love you too, but you're still a pain in the ass." Ashley jumped down from Nikki's back and looked at Kyle who had come up to the group laughing.

"You've gotta watch out for her. She just comes out of no where."

"Yeah no kidding," Nikki replied.

"Hehe thats cause I'm the spawn of trouble."

"Ashee," Seth suddenly said, as hes sitting in the sand. Everyone looked at Seth including Ashley to find him building a sand castle.

"Yeah buddy?" Ashley asked, as she smiles sweetly at him.

"Will you play with me?"

"Oh but of course!" Ashley answered, as she goes and sits with him in the sand.

"What'cha building here?"

"A sand castle."

"Wow, it looks really awesome!" Seth smiled really big, and continued to make it. Ashley sat watching him for a couple of minutes, than when he finished he looked up at her smiling proudly.

"Wow, thats really neat kiddo. You're very good at that."

"Can you help me write my name in the sand, so every body will know that I made it?"

"Uh huh." Ashley answered, and she gently took Seth's hand into hers and took his finger and began to write his name next to the sand castle.

"Now you write your name."

"But I didn't make it Seth, you did."

"But I likes your name. Its purty."

"Awww" Nikki who was listening the entire time said. Ashley blushed.

"Aww, Seth you're a sweetheart." Ashley said, as she smiled a little, than she stuck her finger in the sand and wrote her name next to his. Ashley sat there thinking for a couple of minutes, as she hugs her legs close to her chest, than she noticed his bucket sitting there.

"Hey Seth, you want to see something really cool that would look good with your sand castle?" Seth nodded excitedly, and Ashley reached over and grabbed the shovel and she began to dig a mote around the sand castle. As soon as she did she grabbed the bucket and looked up at Kyle.

"Kyle"

"Yeah baby?"

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Mm hmm"

"Take this bucket and go fill it up with water please?" He did as she asked and took the bucket from her hand, and he jogged over to the nearest drinking fountain and he filled the bucket to top with water. After he did that he went back and handed it to her.

"Thanks"

"Your welcome baby." Ashley turned back to Seth and his sand castle, and she carefully poured the water into the mote being careful not to ruin the castle in the process. As soon as she finished she looked at Seth.

"See, its a mote--now its just like a real castle." Seth's mouth dropped, and Ashley laughed.

"It looks like the ones in story books!"

"Yeah, you did a really good job at making it."

"Look Momma! look!" Seth said, as he was overly excited. Nikki turned and looked at Seth's castle. "Look what Auntie Ashee helped me make!"

"Wow baby, thats really neat." Nikki replied, as she went and sat next to Ashley and looked at Seth's 'masterpiece' She reached over and ruffled his hair.

"You're a real artist kid." She said, as she kisses the top of his head, and Seth smiled really big. Seth crawled over to Nikki and into her lap, and he rested his head against her shoulder as he hugs her tight. She wrapped her arms around him in return and again kissed the top of his head, before gently raking her fingers through his hair.

"I love you Momma." He told her.

"I love you too baby." He closed his eyes and was asleep in not even a minute. Nikki laughed quietly.

"Poor Kid--must've been warned out from all the fun."

"Hes so sweet, I love him to death--you have a great little boy Nikki." Ashley replied, as she brushes his brown hair, which is kind of getting long out of his face.

"I know it." Nikki replied, as she hugs him tight. "Hes the best gift in the world, I dont think I could ever trade him in for anything." She added, as she rests her forehead against his. Ashley smiled a little bit, as she watches her best friend with her son. She truely is one of the best mommy's out there. She may have had him at a REALLY young age and Ashley knows she wishes she could've waited till she was old enough to have a kid, Ashley knows she feels really bad about herself because a lot of people at school spread rumors around about her and was quick to judge about her, and many called her a slut, but she loves Seth more than anything. Hes her pride and joy, and hes her only reason shes still alive today. Hes the only thing keeping her going. She used to let what people said about her get to her, and a lot of other things get to her, and she too has attempted suicide. She too used to used to cut. But she knows that she could never leave her little boy behind, nor can she leave her friends behind either, and she definately isn't a slut. If people would take the time to get to know her, they would realize that. She is one of the most amazing people out there, and Ashley feels lucky to have a great friend like her. Everyone should be Nikki's friend, because she truely is amazing. They hung out at the park for a little while longer, than Nikki suggested that they should get Seth home and in bed where he can finish his nap. As soon as they got there Nikki carried him upstairs and put him in his bed, than she came back down here to find everyone lying around in the living room. Ashley with her head rested in Kyle's lap as he sits on the couch, Greg lying face down on the floor, Nathan curled up in a chair, and Stephanie curled up in another chair, and John sitting on the couch. Nikki laughed a bit.

"What did Seth start a new trend? is it nap time now?" She then went and sat next to John on the couch.

"Guess so," John laughed.

"Nik, I'm using your laptop." Kyle announced, as he all ready has the lap top turned on and is using it. Nikki nodded her responce, as she turned on the TV and flipped through the channels.

"Nikki," Kyle said, as soon as he knew Ashley was asleep.

"Yeah?"

"Whats Ashley's favorite Backstreet Boys song? like her all time favorite, do you know?" Nikki thought for a couple of minutes.

"No...I surprisingly don't. She favors a lot of them. Why?"

"She likes Drowning and Shape Of My Heart the best--Shape Of My Heart reminds her of AJ and the hard times hes been through, and she just really loves Drowning." Stephanie answered. "She told me once."

"Thanks," Kyle replied.

"Why?" Nikki asked again, as she looks at her brother curiously.

"Just curious." Nikki raised her eyebrow at him in suspicion.

"Okayyyyy," She replied, as she knows her brother is up to something.

"Whats her website address?"

"Whhhhyyyy?" Nikki asked.

"I want to read her stories."

"Why? they're all fanfiction about the Backstreet Boys....you're a guy."

"Doesn't she have original writing?"

"Well yeah...but I'm not sure if shes okay with you reading them...."

"Well why not? If she gets them published one day the entire world is going to read them, and she has them posted on the internet where billions of people she doesn't even know reads them. Why would it bother her if I did?"

"Well...because you're her boyfriend, and your opinion is really important to her....and I think she would want to have a say in it...I just think it would be more better if you waited till she was awake to give you the permission."

"Okay..." Kyle sighed.

"Besides, theres this one original story on there that is very personal, and if she found out you read it without asking her first she'd be extremely nervous and scared of what you would think about it."

"But Ashley doesn't care what people think of her."

"Trust me, She'll care about that."

"Billions of other people have read it, why would my opinion be different from the others?"

"Because....this story is kind of special...it reveals some secrets that you in particular might need permission to know."

"But hes her boyfriend...they aren't really secrets anymore." Stephanie spoke up, as she knew what story shes talking about.

"But still, it has her true feelings expressed in it... and she hasn't even told them to him in person yet."

"Oh yeah, huh."

"You know, I surprisingly understood that..." Greg who is still lying on the floor and was listening the entire time spoke up, and he looked at Stephanie and Nikki like they were crazy.

"Good--than you can explain it to me now!" Kyle, who was obviously confused replied.

"Sorry dude--but only Ash is allowed to tell you what they meant." Kyle sighed in frustration, and he went back to what he was doing on the computer. Soon Stephanie fell asleep, and when Nikki saw that she had finally did she looked at John who was sitting there watching TV.

"Hey John?"

"Yeah?" John asked, as he looked away from the TV and at her.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course." Kyle and Greg were now looking at Nikki curiously. Nikki thought for a couple of minutes before speaking, and John sat there waiting patiently.

"What do you think of Stephanie?"

"Shes a really good friend...Shes really cool to hang around." Nikki sat there thinking for a couple of minutes before replying, and a now very curious John looked back at the TV.

"Have you ever thought of her as more than just a friend?"

"Yeah..." John answered nervously. "Why?"

"Just wondering...I've just seen the way you two are around each other, and have been thinking that you two would make a really cute couple."

"Really?" John asked, as he sounded just a little too excited there.

"Yeah"

"Does she feel the same way and tell you to ask me or something?"

"No, she didn't tell me to ask you. But, if you feel that way about her why don't you go for it?"

"I dont know...I guess I've just been really nervous about it... nervous that she would turn me down."

"Turn YOU down? John, why in the hell would she do that? You're a great guy, and Knowing Steph--the way she talks about you and stuff, I have a strong feeling she might feel the same way. But only you can find that out. You have to tell her how you feel."

"I can't just tell her how I feel...I'll die of nervousness..." Ashley who had woken up a little after Stephanie had fallen asleep and was just lying in Kyle's lap listening suddenly sat up, and everyone looked at her.

"Hey baby," Kyle was the first to say, and he leaned over and kissed her lips gently. She returned his kiss, than she looked at Nikki and John. Nikki gave Ashley a look.

"John" Ashley spoke up.

"huh?" John asked, while looking at her.

"Stephanie likes you, trust me. You have nothing to worry about, shes yours. All you have to do is make the move."

"How do you know she likes me? Has she told you?"

"No... but I'm one of her best friends, I can see it in her eyes."

"I don't know..." John replied. Ashley thought for a couple of minutes.

"Well, what if you took her out to dinner tonight, you know just as best friends at first and do something really fun to calm yourself down, than take her some place quiet and romantic, than reveal your feelings?"

"That could work...but where is somewhere that I can take her?" Nikki thought for a couple of minutes.

"Even better--what if Ashley, Kyle, Greg, and I make you two dinner? We can set the table for two and light candles, and play soft music in the background, and make it all romantic for you two. You can take her out for awhile as we set it up. Than when you come back you can have dinner and we'll all hide out upstairs and leave you two completely alone and pretend to be gone, and you can tell her after dinner." John smiled a little bit, as he liked Nikki's idea.

"Okay. But still, where would I take her?"

"Theres a carnival that just came to town, just right down the street. You can take her to that if you want."

"Okay," John agreed. Everyone was silent for a few minutes, than suddenly Kyle broke it.

"Ashley?"

"Yeah?"

"can I have the link to your website?"

"Why?" Ashley asked, as she looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"I want to read your stories."

"But they're fanfiction baby...do you really want to read my fantasies about the Backstreet Boys and Good Charlotte?"

"But you also write original fiction, right?"

"Oh...well...yeah."

"Well can't I read those?" Ashley looked at him for a couple of minutes just thinking.

"Can you wait till I finish them till you read them? They're kind of special...."

"Okay," Kyle agreed. Ashley can tell he really wants to read one of her stories. She thought for a couple of minutes, than she got up and went upstairs. A few minutes later she returned with the backpack she was wearing when she first arrived.

"I managed to pack a few of my notebooks... I have some short original stories in here that you can read....will that make you happy?" Kyle nodded his repsonce, and Ashley pulled out her notebook. She quickly looked through it making sure she hadn't written 'I love Kyle' a long the sides or the fronts or the backs when she was bored.

"What are you looking for?" Kyle asked curiously.

"Just making sure its presentable." Ashley answered, than she handed it to him. He closed the laptop and put it down beside him, and he opened the notebook and began to read the story in it. Ashley wrapped her arms around him and kissed his cheek, as she rested her head against his shoulder, and read it with him as he did.