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Chapter 17

Nick closed his eyes as he remained laying in the hospital bed. In a couple of days or so, he knew that he was going to be sent to another hospital because they thought that he was crazy. He wasn't crazy, just hurt. Hurt by everything that had happened to him. The loss of Ericka was too much for him to deal with, why couldn't they accept that? Everyone was forcing him to move on and forget about her, he just couldn't do that. He loved her way too much to do that.

A tear soon fell from Nicks eye, releasing the pain that he had begun holding in again. He messed everything up again and probably lost Tyler forever. There would be no way that Nick would be able to convince Tyler's grandmother that he was ready to take him again. Not after what happened. No matter what anyone told him, he knew that she would never trust him again.

"Mr. Carter," a doctor asked as he stepped into the room. Nick looked over at him, not even bothering to brush away his tears because he knew that he would just start crying again anyway.

"Yes?" Nick replied, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

"You're going to be checked out of here later this afternoon," he informed Nick, "but you're going to be taken to another hospital across town. They want to talk to you and help you. Are you okay with that?"

"I'm not crazy Doctor," Nick told him sadly, "I'm really not."

"Mr.Carter, we don't think you're crazy. We just think that you need some help. You're going through a really though time and that's okay because it happens alright? We just want to make sure that you don't hurt yourself or anyone else ever again," the doctor explained to him.

"How long would I have to stay?"

"A couple of days. Nothing too serious if the doctors over there think that you're better able to handle the situation."

"What about my son? What's going to happen to him?" Nick asked. He didn't want anything to happen to Tyler. He just wanted to make sure that he was safe and happy. That's what he was worried about most.

"I'm sure he's going to be just fine," the doctor assured him, "though I don't know what your rights are about that. Is he with his mother right now?" Nick cringed at the doctors words. He only wished that they could be together, he wouldn't be in this situation if they could.

"Uh.... no," Nick answered softly, "she died a couple months ago in a car accident. He's staying with his grandparents right now."

"I'm sorry to hear about that," the doctor replied.

"So what's going to happen in this hospital that you're sending me to?"

"Some people are going to be talking to you, that's all. They're going to try and find the reason why you attempted suicide," the doctor informed Nick.

"I can tell you that," Nick said seriously as he looked up at the doctor, "it's because she's dead."

"That's no reason to want to kill yourself. You have a son, what would he do without both of his parents? What would he think about all of this when he's older?"

"I don't know, I just, I don't know what to do."

"Well, that's what the doctors are going to help you figure out. Everything is going to be just fine alright Mr. Carter?" Nick nodded just because he wanted to be left alone and he hoped that the doctor has said everything that he intended to and would soon be leaving him. The doctor was silent, and then he made his exit, leaving Nick alone.

It was almost impossible for Nick to supress his tears. Everything that the doctor said was true, he knew it was, but he just couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it. No one knew what he was going through. They didn't have to witness the murder of the person that they loved more than anything. They didn't have to live day after day believing that they could have done something different that could have saved a life. Guilt wasn't in their hearts.

"Nick," came AJ's tired voice.

"I don't want to talk to anyone right now," Nick replied.

"Come on, don't do that. You need to talk right now," AJ said, not willing to be defeated.

"You don't know what I need AJ," Nick snapped.

"There's no way in hell that you're going to get any better by keeping all your feelings inside," AJ commented, changing the subject slightly, "Trust me, I've tried it and all it does is get you in some deep shit."

"You don't know.....," Nick started with his voice trailing off as it became harder for him to fight off his impending tears.
"What don't I know Kaos? Tell me so that I can help you."

"There isn't anything that you can do," Nick said bitterly.

"How do you know that?"

"Because you can't bring Erika back!" Nick yelled, "she's dead. She's going to stay dead and there isn't anything that you can do to change that!"

"Neither can you Nick," AJ answered calmly, "doing this to yourself is just making things so much worse on you. Don't bring yourself down over what happened that night. There wasn't anything that you could have done."

"SHUT UP!!!" Nick yelled, covering his ears, not wanting AJ to fill his mind with that garbage. He knew that there was something that he could have done to protect Erika. Warm tears started streaming down Nicks cheeks as he kept his hands to his ears.

"Let it out Nick," AJ said softly as he came closer to Nick and sat down on the bed next to him, "let it all out, alright buddy. Cry, it's alright."

"This can't be happening," Nick sobbed as AJ put his arm around his shoulder.

"It'll be over soon, okay? Just let it all out now, you can tell me all about it," AJ suggested.

"I'm scared AJ. I don't know if I can do this," Nick confessed.

"Yo Nick, you'll be able to alright? You seen how many people came out here tonight to make sure that you were alright. We're all going to be behind you."

"You don't know what I've been through, you don't know how hard this is," Nick explained as he continued to cry.

"You're right, and that's why we're making sure that you get help from someone who knows what they're doing. But I promise, that it'll be cool alright. Things will be better."

"That's easy for you to say..."

"I know Nick. You've gotta believe me alright? Don't give up."

"I want Tyler back AJ," Nick confessed, "I need him." AJ shut his eyes. He didn't know what to say to Nick. He knew that there was no way that Tylers grandparents were going to let Nick take him again. Not after what happened and not so soon.

"I know you do," AJ replied, not knowing what else to say.

"What did Brian and Leighanne tell him about what happened?" Nick questioned.

"I don't know. Honestly, I don't think they had much time to talk to him. His grandmother showed up so fast I don't think Leighanne even had the chance to think."

"What do you think they told him?"

"I dunno buddy. We can ask when you get better if you want."

"Alex, can I talk to Nickolas alone?" Mrs. Nelson said as she walked into the hospital room. AJ looked up at her and nodded.

"Sure, Nick, I'll be in the waiting room if you need me," he said as he walked out of the room. Nick nodded and then turned his full attention to Mrs. Nelson.

"How are you doing Nickolas?" she asked.

"Not good," he answered, "how's Tyler?"

"He's okay. He keeps asking about you and a puppy," she answered. Nick smiled to himself. Tyler really wanted that puppy.

"What did you tell him about me?" Nick asked as the smile dissappeared from his face.

"That you're not feeling well."

"Is he here?"

"No, he's back at house with his grandfather," she explained.

"When am I going to be able to see him again?"

"I don't know Nick. Whenever you get your life back together. I'm doing what I think is best for the both of you. Right now I think Tyler would be much better off with me for a little while." Nick nodded and sighed.

"Can you tell him that daddy loves him?"

"Always Nickolas. Never once have I said that you didn't."

"I don't want you to hate me either," Nick answered.

"I don't hate you..."

"You act like you do."

"Well I don't. You were the most important thing in my daughters life. You gave me my only grandchild. Nickolas, I don't hate you."

"Nick, the doctor said that you can go," Brian said as he opened the door to the hospital room but stopped when he saw Tylers grandmother there. AJ hadn't told him that she was back there.

"Okay, thanks Brian. Who's going to give me a ride over to the other hospital?"

"The doctors have set something up for you," he explained.

"Alright, I should be going, Mrs. Nelson," Nick said as he stood up from the bed. She nodded.

"Good luck Nickolas," she replied.

"Thanks."