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Chapter 2

Brian looked over at Nick who was staring out of the window of the car. He still had tears streaming down his face. Brian felt so bad for Nick, he didn't desirve all of this pain. All of this was so sudden that Nick had no way of preparing himself emotionally. Then again, who could ever know when they are going to lose someone in such a tradgic and heartbreaking manner. The thing that bothered Brian the most was that this happened almost six months ago and Nick was still blaming himself.

Right after it happened, they all thought that it was natural for him to be taking some guilt but it started to go too far. He let the guilt control his life and his health.He had become sick so many times in the past six months that it didn't even bother him as much as it used to in the beginning. Nick was used to the depression, he didn't even fight it off any more. It was like he lost all of his strength in trying to prevent it that when it happened, there was nothing left in him to overcome it.

Brian looked over at Nick again when he pulled up to a red light. Nicks face was pale and expressionless. His eyes were clouded over with sadness and self hatred. No one blamed Nick for what happened. He just decided that it was his fault began to blame himself. All of the guys had takenthere turns at trying to convince him other wise but they all eventually gave up. Brian wasn't about to do that to his best friend. Especially not in his time of need. Nick needed someone to be there for him.

"We're almost there," Brian said. Nick looked at him but didn't say anything, "what's on your mind?"

"Nothing," Nick answered.

"You sure? I mean you can talk to me if you want to. I'm just trying to help you."

"I don't have anything to say."

"Well, you remember if you ever need to talk, don't hesitate about calling me. Or any of us actually. We just want to help you feel better," Brian said as he pulled his car over and stopped.

"What are you doing? We're not at AJ's yet," Nick asked confussed.

"Look, I need you to talk to me. I can't take waiting for you any more. Nick I want to help you make things feel good again. I want to see you smile again. I want to see you happy."

"But I’m not happy Brian and I don’t know why you’re wasting your time like this. You can’t make me feel better. I killed someone I loved. I’m never going to be able to replace her. I took her away from myself. I just wasn’t meant to be happy, so get over it."

"No Nick, why don’t you get over it," Brian snapped, "You didn’t kill her. You were hit on the passanger side of your car by a drunk driver. You had nothing to do with her death. He was speeding and not following road rules. He was the one that wasn’t clear minded enough to be on the road. Nick you had no part in her death. You didn’t see the car coming. There was nothing that you could have done so please stop blaming yourself."

"I could have been more careful," Nick replied tearfully, "If I had been paying more attention to the road.."

"Stop," Brian told him, "Listen to me. Nick, you didn’t kill her. You had nothing to do with that. You understand me? You can’t change what happened but you can help yourself get better. She would want that for you. She needs you to move on."

"It’s easy for you to tell me to move on. You still have your wife. You can still tell her how much you love her. Her scent still fills your house. You can still touch her and she can touch you. She’s still there to tell you everything is going to be fine. To hold your hand and just be there," Nick told him, "I don’t have any of that any more."

"What about Tyler?" Brian asked. Tyler was the son that Nick had with her.

"I haven’t seen him since before she died. Her parents took custody of him when they saw the condition I was in. They didn’t think my keeping him was a good idea so they took me to court and I lost."

"I think you need him. If he was around you still might feel connected to her," Brian said softly, "It would help you heal."

"Well, that's not what they thought," Nick replied.

"Do you at least have visitation?"

"Yeah."

"Have you gone to see him?"

"No, I haven't been able to bring myself to doing that."

"When you get home, I think you should give them a call. Maybe you can see if Tyler can spend sometime with you. He has the right to know his father and you have the right to know your son," Brian told him.

"Yeah, well they took him from me because they didn't think I was be able to take care of him. I can't totally argue with them. I can hardly take care of myself."

"I can help. He is my god son after all and you're my best friend. You can make it work, I'm sure you can," Brian told him.

"Problem is, getting him back. I don't they're just going to hand him over. It might go to court and I doubt if I'm ready for that," Nick explained.

"Then start off slow. When they feel he'd be better off with you, they'll let you take him."

"I guess that would be a good idea. I do miss him a lot and I want to see him grow up. All I have of him is a bunch of pictures which help, but I want the real thing."

"How about on the way back from AJ's, we go drop by their house and see if we can get Tyler. I can spend the night with you two, It'll be a lot of fun."

"If we can get him," Nick pointed out.

"I'm sure we will," Brian answered and start to drive off towards AJ's house.