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Yawning, I stretched my arms. Sitting still too long had never been my cup of tea unless it came to sleeping. Then I could sit or lay in that position for hours. However that is not something I think that the guys would agree upon or as Brian puts it “Nick act like an electric mixer when you’re sleeping.” The reason for that comment is that according to them I’m not even still when I’m asleep and this always result that my blanket or sheets are curled up as a little ball in the end of my bedside after a good nights sleep. After a bad night it looks like my room have been hit with an earthquake!

Anyways sleep has always been a rare phenomenon in my life and I have learned to take care of all the opportunities I can get. Which in reality means that I don’t care what hour it is or if it’s a holiday or not. When my body says sleep it really means it and it takes a lot to get me going again. This was a habit I picked up in the early days.

*******************************Flashback************************************

“Niiiiccckkkkkkk!!!! Wakkeeeee upppppp.” Those were the words that my little brother yelled when he came running into my ( our) room, jumping on MY bed, shaking MY body. “Nick.. Come on. It’s Christmas.”

Aaron was so excited and I was so tired. “Go away I mumbled, my face buried deep in my pillow.” I could care less that it was Christmas or any other holiday for that matter. I was so tired that all I wanted to do was sleep. It had been late yesterday since we had to perform at Lou’s private Christmas party and before I got a chance to jump to bed it was nearly dawn. So now when my little brother decided to come crashing in just a few hours later I was far from the happy self.

We had been working hard these past weeks, performing at all these places for free since Lou and Johnny said it was a must if we wanted to be famous. We were also in rehearsal for another high school tour and were working hard on the dance routine. Lou had talked about hiring a dance instructor but for now we had to do with Johnny’s own daughter Marissa leading the dance. She is pretty nice and I think that AJ is interested in her since she is all he talked about. Pretty boring actually to listen to but that’s another issue.

“Niiiiccck you got to get up. Mom told me to wake you.” I could hear the excitement had tone down a notch and if I wasn’t so dead tired I would have jumped out off bed too but today I felt as slow as a turtle.

“No I’m tired, let me sleep.” I pulled my pillow closer to my head to state my point, hoping that Aaron would get the message and leave me alone. But apparently he didn’t as he stared to pull my arm.

“Pleaaasseee Nick.”

“NO! Stop whining. ” I know I was being rude but my body felt like lead. Plus I’m not a very nice morning person.

“But you promised that you would play with me today.” There were a waver in his voice as he let out how disappointed he felt with me. If I hadn’t been so tired I would actually have paid my little brother some attention but the way I was feeling right now was pure exhaustion even though Johnny had told us that this was nothing compared to what we would feel like when we made it out in the big world. That comment gave me a second thought if I really wanted to be famous. Sleep felt much too important for me.

“You promised..pleaaaseeeee.” Now the little pain was whining too and I grumbled with disgust. After biting back the nasty words that would have been easy to slip out a brilliant thought suddenly struck me.

“Aaar ( that was my nick name on Aaron) Let me sleep a few more hours and then I will play with you.” I tried to sound kind despite the evil thoughts that appeared in my head and if that little bugger bought this would buy me an extra five minutes.

My desperate pleads proved to be futile.

“NO. You promised that we would open the presents together.” The whining tone was so bad that it pierced through my skull like a razor blade. If it hadn’t been for the accusing words he felled I would have kicked his head in but instead I opened one eye.

“But I’m tired!” This time it was my turn to whine. Six years old sure could be a pain in the ass. If my annoying little brother had any compassion he would have left me alone but instead a smug grin crept up on his small face.

“Nick If you don’t come up and play with me I tell mom about those magazines that I saw stashed in the closet.” He pointed with his finger towards the linen closet.

My eyes shot open. Those were that kind of magazines that I didn’t want mom to find out about if you get my point. We had found them in Brent’s big brother room had stolen them and now they were our secret. I tell you that even AJ would have blushed looking at them, at least if he knew that I had them in my custody. “What do you know about those?” Jumping out of bed I swiftly caught him by the collar, “Tell me what to do you know?” The threat in my voice would have scared any sane person except my annoying sibling who just grinned even wider.

“I saw you reading one the other night.”

That comment did it. Now he is getting killed. I tightened my grip, getting ready to strangle him, forgotten all about what a glory morning it was. “I DID NOT!”

As if things were not bad enough my “precious” little brother started to yell for mom. Loudly. “Moooooommmmmm Nick is huuuurttiiingggg meeeee.”

“I am not,” I wheezed, afraid that mom would come barging up to our room. Roughing him up I snarled, “Be quiet.”

Then the little rascal did what I feared the most. He yelled even louder for mom to come. Luckily dad was at work or there would have been all hell rose.

“Moooom Nick is being mean to meeeeeeee.”

Debating whether or not I should let the creep win I decided that I had to show who was the older one here and I tightened my grip. “Shut up or I hit you.” I know that it was a mean thing to do but I was getting desperate here. Not wanting to get bashed for hurting my little brother and certainly not having him tell mom about the magazines.

Aaron most has smelled a lead since he said with a smile, “Wait until I yell mom what you did while you were reading those magazines.” He grinned like a cat that was caught with a bird in his mouth. “Under the blanket.”

I about choked. What did he know? What had he seen? My heart was pounding so hard. This was NOT something I wanted mom to find out. “What did you see?” I could feel myself becoming a raging serial killer when I calmed down. What did a six year old know about such things?

Aaron had no chance to answer since mom came bursting into the room. “What’s all the noise about?” She held her hands on her hips and her lips were pinched in an irritated expression..

No Christmas spirit there.

Aaron, sensing that he had the advantage over me and held the victory in a little box started to play out, probably to get even at me for not paying him the attention he had sought for. “Nick hurt me.” With a quivering lip he went into moms embrace. “He is being mean.”

“I was not. He was the one that started. Aar just burst into my room when I was sleeping and..” I told her what happened, minus the magazines and the small threats I had done to that annoying creep. She didn’t look too pleased.

“Nickolas you know better then to pick a fight with your little brother.” Mom draw back her breath as she scolded me. “He is only six and you are fourteen.” With a tired voice she started to tell me how immature I was acting only to end the session with a, “can’t you at least be nice when it’s Christmas Nick?”

Those last words hurt. I bit my lip, wanting so bad to defend myself but not telling what was really on my mind since it would only come back and grab me in my butt later on.

“Now let’s all go downstairs and be nice and celebrate Christmas together.” Mom had changed her tone and she scooted me towards the door. I tried to object saying that I was tired and that I didn’t have anything on besides my pyjamas but she was set to bring on the Christmas spirit that I had thought lacked so badly. “Nickolas don’t be such a spoil sport. The girls are waiting.”

I sighed heavily but then went over by the Christmas tree and opened my presents, pretending to feel joy when I was in reality so tired that my eyes would have needed to be holding open with the help of matchsticks.

The day floated kind of smooth and when I felt a bit better, after eating I might add, I actually decided to play a little with the creep. After all he is my little brother and I love him no matter what. We played with one of the video games that I got, “Little Nicky” when the door bell rang on the front door. Thinking that it was one of my relatives I didn’t pay much attention until mom came by the door and announced that I had company. She was smiling widely.

“You come back?” Aaron asked when I stood up and walked towards the door.

“Yeah in a minute..don’t touch anything.”

When I got to the door I saw Alicia standing there with a shy smile on her lips and her hands behind her back like she was hiding something. Alicia was my friend and she played with me in a band that we had called “The funky chickens”. It was me, Alicia, Brent and another guy called Josh. I was the singer and played drums. Alicia played electric guitar, Brent keyboard and Josh on the other guitar.

“Oh hi.” I said with a smile. Alicia was one of the girls that I thought was really cool and she could be a girl and a guy at the same time.

“Hi Nick.” She smiled back. “I thought that I would come and wish you a merry Christmas.” She pulled out a purple packet that she had hidden behind her back. “Here you go.”

“Gee thanks.” I accepted the gift and for once it was hard to find something to say. We didn’t get to play together very often since I was always on that high school tour or had to perform or something but when we did get together we usually had fun together. Today however it was like there was a tension between us. A strange one.

“Your mom told me that you’ve been busy with the group lately.”

I nodded. “Yeah kind off. We’ve been touring you know.

“Mmm. So are you guys going to make it then?” She asked and I looked at her with surprise.

“What do you mean?”

“You're going to go abroad touring too?” She looked at me with a strange look and I started to laugh.

“Abroad? You mean out off the country?” I shook my head between the giggles. “No I don’t think so.”

“BJ says that you will do that.”

“She does?” More surprises. “My sister says that?”

“Yes.” Alicia fidgeted a little. “She says that you will be famous and make a lot of money.”

I laughed again. A bit nervous this time. “She says so much. Don’t pay attention to her. She lies all the time.”

Alicia didn’t look like she was pleased with my answer. “So you think that you will really make it then?”

I shrugged, fingering on the packet she had given to me. “I don’t know to be honest.”

“Ok.” There was a brief pause as we both stared at each other. She was the first one to break the silence.

“Are you not going to open your present?”

“Eh uh..sure.” I looked down on the packet For some weird reason I felt my face blushing red. I was not used to get gifts like this.

“It’s from Brent and Josh too,” Alicia said quickly as I ripped the paper open. With shaky hands I pulled out what was in the package and it proved to be a pair of drumsticks. “Oh thanks!” I smiled widely really happy over my present. “New drumsticks. Just what I needed.” I felt relieved that it wasn’t something that would be embarrassing, like it was love stuff like a ring or something similar.

“Yeah? We thought that you would need a new pair now when you’re going to be famous.” This time it was her turn to blush. “You like them?”

“These are perfect” I fake drum moves in the air. “I love them. Thanks.”

“We thought they would come in handy when you get famous.” She smiled to me, a bit sadly. “And as a memory when you move from here.”

“I will never move from Ruskin,” I say, not following where she is taking this conversation. Is she feeling jealous or what? Why is she acting sad?

“So they say.” She sighs and for a moment it feels like I’m talking to someone in my mother’s age instead of one of my best friends that is only a year younger than me.

“It’s true and you know Alicia when I start my own band you’re going to be in it too.”

“I am?” She looks confused.

“Yes.” Suddenly I felt excited. “We’ve talked about that. Remember?”

She nods. “Mmm. I thought it was all talk.”

“No.” I shake my head. “It’s not. I promise.”

“Ok.”

To state that I’m telling the truth I say, “Alicia you’re going to be playing the electric guitar in my band.” She laughs and for a moment I feel really good. Alicia is important to me. At that moment however Aaron appears in the door way. “What happened? Are you not going to come and play with me?” He sounds as whiny as ever.

“Yeah..yeah.” I fake being nice while I pushed him out off the way with one hand. “I’ll come in a minute.” Once the little bugger had disappeared back to the living room Alicia said, “Well I better get going.”

At that moment I felt ready to kill Aaron for the second time in the day. Quickly I said, “No, you don’t have to do that. Come inside instead.” I invited her into our house.

She shook her head. “No I have to get going besides Aaron wants you to play with him.”

The sheer mention of my little brothers name makes me disgusted. “Bah” I snort.

She chuckles before she continues, “Just wanted to give you the present and wish you a merry Christmas.” She hesitated like she didn’t want to leave just yet.

“Ok.” I stood like frozen and just looked at Alicia. Something was different with her. Being the boy girl she so often was I was used to see her wear jeans or pants but today she had on a tight short skirt and a small top. Her brown hair was let back and she didn’t have that pony tail that otherwise was her trademark. In other words she looked as AJ would have put it hot!

Before I had a chance to react she lent over me and then I felt something wet. She had given me a kiss. I stared back at her, unable to do anything since it happened so fast and my reaction was slow. Quickly she said a “Goodbye” and then she ran down the driveway like I had scared her to death. Being the nerd that I am I couldn’t find anything to say; instead I stood there like a jerk feeling my mouth where she had planted the kiss. It felt wet.

Ok I most confess that I have kissed girls before but this time it was different. It was from Alicia the girl that I had known ever since I moved to Ruskin. The girl that I had laughed together with as well as shared my inner secrets, ok maybe not all but the ones that were clean enough to share. That kiss had been so unexpected and I probably would have been standing there all Christmas Eve if Aaron hadn’t interrupted me.

“Are you not coming soon?” He pulled at my arm. “Come on now.”

“Ok..ok..” Reluctantly I followed my little bro into the living room again. And then sank down on the floor, picking up the remote controller. This had been one strange day and something told me that it wasn’t over yet.

We were sitting and eating Christmas dinner with grandma and granddad Carter as well as some of my uncles, aunts and cousins when the door bell rang again. This time it was BJ that went to open the door. I didn’t pay much attention since I was busy eating the chicken when BJ shouted my name, “Nick come here.”

“Who is it?” I shouted back, making no intention to get up. The reason for my action was that BJ loved to tease me and tell me that someone was at the door when it was in reality some salesmen or some girl scout that was selling cookies.

“I don’t know. It’s special delivery for you,” BJ shouted back.

“A package?” We were yelling to each other like maniacs and mom and dad shot us a disapproving look.

“I suggest that you go and see what it is,” dad said and pointed towards the door. Knowing that it never paid off to talk against dad I stood up and then walked towards the door, getting ready to kick BJ’s ass if she was lying to me like she had done so many times.

To my surprise she was standing there with an envelope in her hand. “This one is for you.” She handed me the gift and then walked back to the dinner. I signed the recite to the UP boy and then went back into the kitchen too.

“Who is it from honey?” Mom asked when I had come inside again.

“Probably from some girl,” BJ said with a grin and I made a face at the same time as I grip my fist to show her that I could not be done messing around with.

“Nick has a girlfriend,” Aaron decided to announce and all of the adults eyes turned towards me.

“He does?”

“Yes her name is Alicia,” Aaron said proudly and at that moment I wished that I had killed him earlier this day. He didn’t deserve to live.

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” I sneered but could feel my face blushing as I said so.

“You do too. I saw you kissing.” Aaron had really dropped the bomb.

“Kissing?” BJ asked, her eyes gleaming viciously. The rest of the people in the room were just as interested. Now Aaron could really count the seconds. BJ too as she said, “But Nick has known Alicia for what seem forever.”

I grit my teeth and I tell you that the fist wasn’t far away when mom was the one to interrupt us, “Bobbie Jean, I don’t think that we’re interested in hearing about Nick’s girlfriend.”

“I am,” Lesley piped up and I shot her an eye that told her to drop dead. There was laughter in the room. Luckily dad cut in, “Jane is right. That is Nick’s private life.”

I gave dad an appreciating smile at the same time as I managed to raise my finger unseen to BJ. She glared at me back and I think we would have went on with the bickering if it wasn’t for mom saying, “Nickolas are you not going to open that envelope?” She was really curious on what was inside.

I jerked. “The envelope? Oh I forgot.” Ripping the envelope open a piece of paper fell out on the floor.

“What’s that?” Curiosity had no limits in the Carter family.

“What does it look like I?” I sneered as I bent down and picked up the paper. There was silence in the room as I was reading the paper. Gasping I was slowly taking in what it said. My reaction got the other family members really curious.

“What does it say?” BJ wanted to know and mom and dad were just as interested.

“Yes honey what does it say?”

“We’re going on a promo tour,” I mumbled, reading all over again the document I held in my hand.

“That is nice,” mom smiled. “Another High school tour?”

“No.” I shook my head. “No it’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” Dad frowned and so did all other adults in the room.

BJ tried to snatch the paper out off met read. “Let me see.”

“Don’t,” I mumbled feeling pretty much in shock.

“What’s so secretive?” Mom asked. She had now walked up to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Honey is it something bad?”

“No.” I shook my head again. “It’s something great..As a matter of fact I’m going abroad.”

“Abroad?” The whole family was now as surprised as I was. “Abroad as in out of the country?”

“Yeah.” Finally I felt the strength to tell what was in the paper. “I’m going on a promo tour to on the 2 nd of January.” When my parents opened their mouth to ask where I held up a hand and then said slowly, “We’re going to Indonesia.”

******************************************Nick**************************************

I think that was the weirdest Christmas ever, at home that is. I had been revealed with a big secret by Aaron, who still brings those nude magazines up from time to time, as if I would be embarrassed by something like that. Hell I have dated lots of playboy girls and was even invited to the Playboy castle once with AJ but that’s not a chapter in my life that I feel very proud off.

Kissing Alicia however is. We never ended up a couple and after that wet kiss on my mouth it never happened again. When I went overseas touring she started dating Josh and today they are married and have a kid. However she was in my band when I went solo as I promised that weird Christmas day back in ’94.

We also did our promo tour to Indonesia which was so strenuous on all of us but also lots of fun. After that trip things started to happen but I refuse to go incidents ahead so for now I’m going to take a short break looking at this scrap book again.

Standing up I decide that my pugs needs to go for a walk and me I need some fresh air since all these memories have given me a headache. With that in mind I go outside trying to clear my mind. It’s difficult since so much have happened in so little time.All I remember is that the days, weeks, months yes even year that followed was very hectic. Both good and bad,


Authors note: Also an appology for the bad grammar. :Hope u can stil read :)