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“Love Can Save”

-“I got this feeling you’re not gonna stay
It’s burning within me
The fear of losing
Of slipping away
It just keeps getter closer…” - “Don’t want to lose you now.” From the “Millennium” Backstreet Boys CD.


**~Mixed Emotions~**

Ever lost something and you couldn’t find it no matter where you looked? How about if it was person? Not physically, but rather a more emotional soul wrenching type of what once was a person. It can happen. After serious incidents, some people can lose themselves mentally or close up and bury their personalites inside their heart, away from the outside: the public. Take examples from the mentally instable people, how many of those people once lived a normal life, before they were taken away to their own little world inside the mental institution. Love can be that way, its not always the most obvious thing in a person’s live depending on how they learned what love is and how to give it to others. Love is a form of attachment one can feel for others and is tremendously strong enough to carry a person through. Look at Jesus and his life, within the Bible it mentions that everything Jesus did was for the love he had for all of us, yes even you! He was passionate and every time he had, he would help those of less unfortunate and never complained. Another strong example is the love of a mother and her child, no matter what the child does to her: she will always love him because she carries a deeper love, an unconditional love. She accepts the faults and understands that her child will stray away from her at times and sometimes fall into mistakes. But that’s part of life: you can’t always have your child blocked away from the world. Like God, He lets us go into this world to live a life but just like a mother, awaits for us to return and go back into his embrace, cause He’s always there with that passionate love. The same way God and Jesus sees us is like a mother who carries a strong desire to care for her child. There’s a true zeal, a sense of devotion and nothing can take that away, not even our mistakes and that’s a real passion there.
~*~

A.J. sighs and pulls onto the roadside overlooking the city. He parks his Benz and slides further into his camel haired seat, just as the car radio plays an old ballad from Mariah Carey. He sighs and turning off the ignition to his car, the lyrics strike him suddenly:

“I will never be to far away to feel you
And I won’t hesitate at all
Whenever you call

And I’ll always remember
The part of you so tender
I’ll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call.”

A.J. snorts and shuts off the radio, shaking his head. That song seemed to resound in his head as he takes a deep breathe. It related to him in so many levels it was disturbing. Stepping out the car, he glances at the starry night and walks over the gravel ground to a cliff where the lighted city was below him. It was a beautiful place that Yasmine had showed him a while ago and A.J. instantly fell in love with it the moment he saw it. He walked over to the edge and smiled, it was amazing how striking the city loomed below him. He only wished Yasmine was here to see it. But at the moment he couldn’t look at her knowing her smile belonged to someone else. He knew nothing between Nick and Yasmine occurred, yet he longed to have Yasmine desire him as much as he was suddenly appearing to have. “Stop it J. I got to chill. She has a right to fall for any guy she wants and I shouldn’t deny her happiness. Though I’m surprised it’s Nick, damn kid, it had to be his retarded goofy grin and the blue eyes.” A.J. grumbles kneeling down and watching the beautiful lighted city. A cool breeze filters the atmosphere, its gentle quiet touch cooling A.J.’s growing temper. Chewing on the inside of his cheek to ease his mixed emotions, he hears the soft fluttering of the small sparrows behind him. “How did this happen? I’m her friend but why do I want something more? I know she isn’t interested me, I should have figured that out the way she was acting all funny and stuff every time Nick was around. But why does it hurt my heart whenever I see her smile and talk about Nick. Damn Nick look what your pretty boy face is doing. Not that I had a chance to get with her but him… man. They know I know, I’m sure of it. I know Yasmine thinks something’s up with me and me just walking out like that just blew my cover. Way a go A.J.” He grumbles to himself. He exhales and stands up, closing his eyes shut for a second before opening them back up. He sighs and inhales taking a painful deep breathe, his chest pounding with each heart beat. He knew why he was so upset, his heart just broke and it lied shattered within his chest and Nick was the cause of it. He grits his teeth and tries to calms down, but the thought of Nick and Yasmine alone together was gnawing at him. Clutching his curled fists, he takes a deep breath and blows out air. “I’ll be ok. I can handle this. Its just Nick, I mean he wouldn’t pass a move on her…” He whispers, letting the idea trail off, he snarled and shakes his head, “What the hell was I thinking leaving them alone?” He smacks his forehead upon his palm. With that, he watches silently at the city in troubled trepidation of what will happened to his friendship with her.
~*~

Yasmine gulps and watches as Nick blots to the door after A.J. Yasmine cries out and Nick stops at the threshold, peering back at her concern, “What? You ok?” he whispers, hesitating and gulping, deciding its best to have Yasmine go with him.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to go after Alex at this time. He’s too upset and the last person he wants to see is you.” Yasmine whispers, grabbing for his arm. Nick smiles and cocks his head to the side,

“True but still, its not healthy to leave J all messed up like that. We both got a lot to explain to him and the last I need is for him to hate me for no reason.” Nick smirks as Yasmine giggles, brushing her raven locks behind her ears.

“Na, I don’t think he’s that upset. He’ll just despise you for a while. Seriously though Nick, do you know why A.J. got upset? I think he got the idea that me and you are an item.” Yasmine whispers, a small grin rearing in the corners of her mouth.

Nick gulps and nods his head, “Ummm, yeah, exactly. So uh, you know…Maybe we should uhhh, head out now. We gotta find out where A.J. went.” He mumbles nervously, his cheeks blazing a flustered pink.

Yasmine nods her head and heads over to her bedroom. She stops on the threshold and smiles beautifully, turning to him before entering and closing the door behind her. Nick gulps and shakes his head, “Oh yeah this is trouble. I can feel it.” Watching as Yasmine enters the door. He didn’t know what to do. He was caught within a crazy love pattern that he wanted out. Sure Yasmine was beautiful, God, lovelier than he had ever imagined but he knew she was off limits since he met her in day one. He knew the moment A.J. had lied eyes on her that she belonged to his friend, but A.J wasn’t taking the bait and that left Nick wondering. Nick was tempted to call A.J on his cell phone but knew as pissed off as A.J. was when he left the apartment, there was no way he would pick up. Finally looking up from the ground, his thoughts vanish as Yasmine crosses the room and gently brushes pass him, her perfume wafted his nose as he smiles and locks the apartment door behind them. They both head down the hallway and wait for the elevator to arrive to take them to the lobby.
~*~

Trees whirl pass them as Nick drives down the busy highway trying to find where A.J. would have head to. Gripping the steering wheel, he glances every once in a while at Yasmine. The wind slams into her raven locks, as she gracefully brushes her locks back. Nick smiled, A.J was right about the whole angelic thing; there was something so innocent about Yasmine that drew Nick to curiosity. Nick glances quickly at her, “Hey you can turn on the radio if you want.”

“Na, that’s ok. I’m just thinking about where A.J. could have gone. I prefer the quietness, I want to talk with you anyway.” Yasmine whispers softly.

Nick gulps quietly and nods, “Sure ok, talk? Well what about?” He glances next to him to see Yasmine passing her hands over her small growing abdomen.

“About what happened back there. A.J. reacted for a reason, he could feel something’s up with us. Is there?” Yasmine pleads, her beautiful light eyes stare at him as Nick gulps and tries to concentrate on the road before him.

“Uh, umm… look, Yas.” Nick stops and pulls over to the roadside, parking the vehicle. Nick stares at Yasmine as the humming of the motor vibrated in the sudden sullen quiet mood that seeped in the SUV. Staring at her, he grabs her hand and stares into her eyes, “It’s a bit weird, I mean I know you said you’re feeling something for me and all, I’m extremely flattered but…”

“But forget it. I don’t need to hear it. It was stupid of me to say that and I don’t need you to blow me off in my face.” Yasmine growls, swiping her hand away fron his and crossing her arms over her chest defensively. Nick knew he hit a spot and gulped knowing A.J. will have his head for hurting Yasmine’s feelings.

“Uh, look its not that I don’t like you…”

“Nick just drive. Don’t explain to me. I made a fool of my self telling you I got a thing for you, its just a small thing Nick, nothing major for you to blow up. So chill out. Let’s go find A.J.” She slides further into her seat and closes her eyes as Nick licks his lower lip and pulls away from the road side.

Yasmine opens her eyes and reaches for the radio, she flips through the stations and after finding nothing of interest, she turns it off. Settling back into the seat, she stares out the window as her brooding eyes watch the whizzing trees alongside her.

“Yasmine, I know you’re mad at me.” Nick whispers, sucking in a deep breathe, feeling aggravated at throwing fuel to the fire. Yasmine sits up abruptly and glares at him.

“Mad at you? Ha! Nick you have some nerve.”

Nick’s eyes open wide in shock as he leans closer to the steering wheel, “Nerve, what? Girl what are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about Nickolas!” Yasmine growls, her eyes flinching at the rough breeze that blast into the car window.

“Whoa, whoa wait. Hold up. You’re mad at me because you’re not my interest?” Nick bellows, shrinking back at Yasmine’s shocked expression.

“You screamed at me!?” Yasmine shouts, tears perking in the corners of her eyes. She will not cry for a man, she won’t do it. It made her too weak and that’s the last she needs right now and for her baby.

“No!” Nick lowers his voice, “No, I didn’t mean to. I just want you to be ok. Look, it’s a bit weird for me ok?”

“Weird? Weird? How do you think I feel?” Yasmine mutters, feeling like kicking herself for expressing her emotions to Nick. She knew she seemed so weak and she hated showing her feeble side to anyone, it always made her uncomfortable.

Nick blows out a puff of air as he passes a few cars alongside of him, “I don’t want you to freak out k? You’re pregnant and the last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

“Well you’re too late for that.” Yasmine hisses, leaning near him, her face inches away from his cheek. Nick was feeling uncomfortable and warm, his cheeks flustered at this point and his heart crashed into his chest that he was afraid it would leak out of his body. What was this woman doing to him? Man he hated the way he was feeling for her, she beautiful, but he reminds himself that she belongs to A.J. Not that she was taken necessary but he respected A.J. enough to not touch his territory. Nick feeling extremely agitated at this point, faces her and narrows his eyes before Yasmine settled back in her seat. Man, he was centimeters away from her soft plump lips and was tempted to touch it.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that. It’s just I, I don’t want to get into a relationship with you and not be the man you want. You deserve better than me that’s all.” He whispers, the street lamps blazing their golden florescent lights into the vehicle.

“Not good enough for me?” Yasmine whispers softly and smiles. “Nick, stop the car.”

“What?”

“I said stop please. I want to talk to you and I need you to look at me.”

Nick obliges and pulls off the highway, finding a spot to park on the corner of the street. Nick clamps his hands on his knees and keeps his gaze out the window.

“Nick, look at me.”

Nick nods slowly and looks at her, “Uh, ok.”

Yasmine smiles and giggles, “I think we both made fools of ourselves tonight. But I just want you to know that its ok. I have a little crush on you. But it’s cool that you don’t want to get involve with me. I cherish our friendship more than anything and you’re doing it for both our protection. So thanks.” She whispers.

Nick blushes and nods his head, “No problem shorty. Your welcome and I’m glad you’re cool with it. Though I think A.J. might not be.”

Yasmine smirks and rolls her eyes, “Speaking of the boy, we got to find him and I think I know where he’s at.”

Nick starts the ignition of the SUV and nods, “Cool, where to little lady?”

Smiling she points forward, “Nick it’s that a way.” And they pull away, heading to the secret location where A.J. was loathing at the moment.
~*~

Kelvin paces calmly as he looks up to the lighted window. Smiling, he traces his tan fingers over the small snap shot of Yasmine and chuckles. “My angel I’m coming. You’ll be thrilled to see me. Your baby’s daddy is here to play.” And he continues walking pass the tall bricked university building laughing all the way.
~*~

“So this is it huh?” Nick whispers as he pulls off the side of the road onto gravel plain.

“Yeah, stop here though. If we continue further, A.J. will know we’re here and he won’t wanna talk or worse yet hide out.” Yasmine states, opening her side of the car and stepping out. Nick was about to do the same thing but Yasmine stops him. Yanking on his left arm, she shakes her head, “No, you stay here. If A.J. sees ya, he’ll be pissed. We already have enough problems to deal with. One step at a time k.”

Nick shrugs his shoulders and leans back on the seat, “Fine, I mean if you think that will work best.”

“Cool, thanks. I’ll be back hopefully with a happy A.J. Wish me luck.” Yasmine beams as Nick smiles,

“Good luck Yas.” And she walks away, heading towards the cliff where a lone shadow figure could be seen from a distance. “You’ll need it.” He whispers out after she leaves and leans back on the driver’s seat, drumming his fingers on his jean clad jeans.
~*~

A.J. takes another puff of the cigarette before throwing it over the cliff and watching it get swallowed into the dark abyss.

“So you’re back to smoking I see.” A.J.’s ears perk up at the familiar voice.

“Yasmine. How did you know I was here?” A.J. turns to face her suddenly.

Smiling, A.J. watches Yasmine step out of the dark shadows, her figure glowing behind the silver rays of moonlight. “I kind of figured it out. You were always fascinated with this place since I showed it to ya.”

A.J. steps lightly on the ground and crunches on a dead branch beneath his sneakers, “Yeah, on the smoking and on this place.”

Yasmine sighs and passes her hands over A.J.’s profile. He twitches at her touch and smiles, grasping her hand in his. Yasmine kept her hands on his tan flushed cheeks and smiles. “Well then I guess we should start working on the smoking task then huh?”

A.J. sighs and pulls her hand away gently, “Look Yas about earlier…”

“Shhh, don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re ok now.”

“But I need to explain about what happened…”

“No it’s ok. We all have emotions and I think that we should talk about it. A.J. I think its time to have that talk.”

A.J. smiles and pokes at her swollen stomach, “Uhhh, you don’t know about that story yet? I’m surprised.”

“Shut up. For real J. That talk about you know… Our feelings.” Yasmine gulps.

A.J. sighs and nods his head, “Yeah, yeah. I think it's time. So uh what do we say?”

“How do you feel about me?” She blurts out, her question grabbing A.J. off guard. He stands awkwardly, not sure what or how to answer that. Part of him wanted to celebrated that yes indeed part of Yasmine’s heart belongs to him, but another part of him is confused and aching to know where Yasmine stands in all this.

“Huh, wha…?”

“You heard me. I know since three months ago when you visited that our feelings for each other has grown. A.J. tell me now, how do you feel about me?”

“Uh, ummm. Damn girl. What the hell do you want me say?”

Yasmine sighs frustrated and shakes her head, “Stop stalling and just answer me please. I’ll go first to help ya out. Lately I’ve been going through some emotional issues as you can tell but I’m ok. Look, me and Nick aren’t together and the way I see it, we won’t be. But my question is why? Why won’t Nick date me? Then I figured it out, its cause of he couldn’t hurt his friend. He couldn’t hurt you. And so now I’m left to fight what I feel for you. And that leaves me to you. What do you feel?”

A.J. passes his fingers nervously through his dark hair before talking, “Damn, look Uh, I’m not sure what to say. Ahhh, I mean wow, about you but I guess I’m kind of fighting my own demons before I really know what I feel for you.”

“So what does that mean?” Yasmine asks, her eyes looking for the source of answer in A.J’s face.

A.J. looks down at the ground watching the dry brown leaves scurry along pass his boots. “It means I think I’m, I’m f…”

But his statement gets cut off as Nick steps out of the shadows and gasps.

“Nick, didn’t I tell you to stay in the car?” Yasmine cries out.

Nick shrugs his shoulders, “Since when do I listen?”

A.J. tenses up at the sight of Nick and clutches his fist together. Nick inches closer to his friend, a solemn look crosses his face.

“J, what you thought happened at the apartment is…”

“Nick forget it. You don’t have to explain. Yas filled me in on it.” A.J. states, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh ok. Then uh, sorry about interrupting.” Nick flusters, backing away.

“No its fine. I think the two of you should talk.” Yasmine whispers as she heads back to the SUV, “I’ll wait for the two of you to talk. I’ll be in the car if you need me, k?” And she walks away from the cliff and enters the forest green SUV parked a few feet down.

Nick cracks his knuckles and stares at the ground as A.J. clears his throat. “Nick, as funny as it may seem, for moment there I was willing to risk our friendship because of a girl.”

“J, she’s not any girl and both of us know it. She’s special and she holds a special place in your heart.” Nick whispers as A.J. exhales slowly.

“In mine maybe, but not in hers. Nick she’s into you man. Don’t lose a great girl on my account.”

“No! It’s not about her. It’s about you. J, did you tell her?” Nick asks, curiosity egging him on.

A.J. shakes his head, “No. And I don’t intend to either. Plus I don’t want you to say anything to her. Promise me you won’t do that?”

“I, I won’t man. This is what you what then fine by me. But you gotta tell her soon, she suspects and that’s never good.”

“I’ll tell her when the time is right.” A.J. states.

Nick nods once and smiles, “K. So we’re cool?” Sticking out his hand.

A.J. smirks and gives Nick a shake on the hand, “We’re cool. Let’s go, I’m sure Yas wants to know what happened to us.”

“She probably thinks we killed each other by now.” Nick jokes and A.J. rolls his eyes.

Going along with the joke, A.J. extends his hands in front of him to crack his knuckles, “Well that can be arranged.” And both men walk back to the vehicle laughing.
~**~

**~To Be Continued…~**