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Chapter Seventeen.

The silence during the elevator ride was thick, so terribly thick. Nick began to fidget just after the 1st floor, twisting his fingers together and swaying to side to side. Brian couldn't do anything but control himself and stare straight ahead at the doors. It took all of his will power not to hug Nick and kiss him deeply and it was hard for him to stay glued to the spot. The bell chimmed at their floor and the boys both sighed in relief as the elevator slowed to a stop. As they exited, their shoulder clashed and Brian stopped in his tracks, faked a smile as he let Nick pass into the corridor. Brian squeezed his eyes shut tightly, regulated his breathing the best he could before he regained his composure and followed the tall teenager to their room. Nick, in his nervousness, couldn't pass the key card through the lock slow enough for the light to go green.

"Here," came the thick voice behind him. Nick visibly shook from head to toe when Brian placed his hand over his and swiped the card through the lock. The door unlocked and Nick cursed it mentally when Brian let go of his hand and walked into the room. Nick sighed and followed him, getting his shaking under control before it was noticable. Brian went straight for the small kitchen and got a glass of water while Nick shut the door and sat down on the small couch. For 10 solid minutes they stayed like that, Nick staring at the floor on the couch while Brian took sips out of a now empty glass, watching Nick.

"Sh-shouldn't we um... talk now?" came the shy voice from the couch and for the life of him, Brian couldn't stop his feet from moving to the couch. Brian sat down at the other end of the couch like he was programmed to, staring at the wall opposite while Nick froze. His hearbeat sped up at the closeness of the other teen, the smell of him and the heat radiating from his body. Really, the couch was that small that even at each end of the couch they were still only a few inches apart. Brian tuned in on Kevin and AJ's voice next door... singing while Howie played a beat on something. He then tuned in on the noise in their room... the silence was deafening. He couldn't stand it.

"Nick, I am sorry, so damn sorry! I am sorry for being here, for being your best friend who can't seem to keep his hands off you one minute and then tell you to get of him. For hurting you when it was me who couldn't handle you and I shouldn't have done that, I should have stopped it before I could hurt you. But I let you carry on, knowing that I couldn't have you and than I had to stop it. It was going to hurt you and I still did it! God damnit! Why I am so fucking selfish?!" he yelled, standing up sharply and running a shaky hand through his hair. Nick on the other hand was rigid on the couch, the words sinking in slowly. He swallowed a few times, his throat drying up out of fear but still, he wanted to put everything right.

"Brian? Bri? I don't think you're selfish... it was me too... I shouldn't have done that, I really should know better and for that I am very, very sorry and I swear to you I won't do it again. Let's be friends again? I don't wanna hurt you anymore and I know I am before you say anything, so lets try and forget about what happened... besides, it never really got to 'deep' did it? We'll be ok Bri..." he said, standing up and walking to his older friend, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I hope so Nicky... I hope so," came the reply as Brian turned around to face the younger boy, smiling softly. Nick touched his face lightly and smiled as he left to make himself a drink. Brian sighed and sat on the floor by the balcony, the breeze imitating Nick's touch on his cheek. He felt the tears sting his eyelids and he got up quickly, walked right past Nick without a glance and slammed the bathroom door shut, locking himself in.

"Brian?! Are you ok?" Nick asked, tapping the door with his index finger. No answer came so he sat down in front of the door and waited, sipping his OJ. He began to sing after a while. Brian froze and stopped biting the toilet roll to muffle his sobs, listening.

"Don't wanna lose you now, baby I know we can win this. Don't wanna lose you now, no no, or ever again! God I SUCK at this... I'll never do well at the song writing side of this business Bri!" he called through the door and Brian couldn't help but smile. He'd store that away for future reference. He wiped away the tear streaks on his cheeks and stood up, looking in the mirror he sighed. 'I'll never be able to be his friend will I? I can't do that... Just friends? Impossible!' he thought as he splashed water on his face to hide the fact that he had been crying. He dried his face off and unlocked the door.

Nick looked up from his place on the floor and smiled softly when Brian opened the door enough for him to see his pink face. Nick wasn't so stupid that he couldn't tell he had been crying. He got up off the floor, leaving his glass there, and smiled warmly into Brian's face.

"I can't do this," Brian whispered, his voice breaking again. Nick's face crumpled up at that so he pulled Brian close and cuddled him.

"I know... I can't do it either, it's too painful," he sighed back, strong hands holding him tightly around the middle. Brian let out a sob as he buried his face in Nick's shoulder and held him tighter, soft hair tickling his ear. Nick closed his eyes and began to break the embrace to look at Brian. He didn't look very good, tear streaked face and messy hair. This was killing him.

"Nicky... I'm so sorry for doing this to you..." he choked out, his breath hitching with each sob. Nick frowned a little.

"Shhhh Bri..." he said, wiping a stray tear away with his tumb and kissing Brian's cheek. Brian stiffened at the feel of those lips on his skin again. This wasn't fair! He went to pull away only to have those lips on his own, wide blue eyes staring at him. He melted right into Nick, kissing him softly before Nick took it further and kissed him back harder, more demanding. Brian sobbed again and broke the kiss, kissing Nick's face all over before attacking his lips again.