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Chapter 2

Brians point of view

“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy”.
I felt an elbow in my back as Leighanne tried to shove me out of bed and towards our near crying son. I glanced at the clock, 4.30am, much too early for anybody to be getting out of bed but when you’re a parent these rules go out the window.

I ease myself out of bed and pick up Baylee who immediately starts to quieten. “What’s up BayBay?” He gives me a run down of the problem, the only words I pick up are dark and cold. It’s dark for sure, but not cold, I feel his head wondering if he’s coming down with something. Grabbing the diaper bag on the way I head to the lounge and start changing him. Whatever reason Baylee may give for waking us up it normally turns out to be one of two things, the other being food.
With my son changed and laying contentedly in my arms I’m not sure if I can be bothered to get up to head back to bed. It must be nearly 5 o’clock by now.

Life back on the road this time around is certainly different. It seems like only yesterday that my main worries were steering clear of over zealous fan and trying to stop Kevin from killing Nick. Now I have to try and juggle being a good husband and father and playing the ‘pop star’. These roles just don’t naturally go hand in hand. Now don’t get me wrong, I would never ever change what I have with my wife, and Baylee is a gift from god, but I also, despite what some fans may think, would not like to give up Backstreet. The two years we had off served me well. I got to see my son grow up without missing a single step, gurgle or smile but I also found out that I need this band. No matter how much I sometimes feel like I don’t fit the rock and roll image and lifestyle, I realised that singing and being with my ‘brothers’ is what makes me happiest besides my family.

Just as I’m starting to nod off, I hear a noise from next door. Working out that the adjoining room is occupied by Nick I wonder what he’s doing up at this hour. I didn’t see any of his friends hanging around and I’m sure the plans of going out had been cancelled. Well, whatever the reason I hope he’s on form tomorrow. If Kevin realises that Nick was up all night he’ll be on his case for sure.


“Wake up baby”. I wake with a start to find Leigh rubbing my shoulder and Baylee dribbling on my stomach. I must have drifted off after all. “Morning sweethearts, you two look so adorable but I’m afraid you have to get up Brian. It’s past nine and you’re meeting the others at ten”. I give my wife a kiss as she bends down to pick Bay up, he’s out for the count. If only he could be like that all night.



It’s ten minutes past ten and four of us are waiting in the conference room of the hotel. I’ll give you a guess at who’s missing.

“Where is that kid?” “Chill out Kev, he’s only a few minutes late and besides, he’s not exactly a kid anymore”, AJ smirks. Kevin throws him an annoyed look just as Nick bursts through the door. “Morning guys, sorry I’m late, had a hard time sleeping last night”. “Maybe if you went to bed a little earlier Nick, you might be able to get up when we need you”, comes the stern reply from Kevin. I could see this argument coming a mile off. Kevin doesn’t much approve of Nicks lifestyle. He thinks he drinks too much, parties too much, smokes too much.. the list goes on. The argument always ends the same. “..just give it a rest Kevin, I am 25 years old if you hadn’t noticed and am capable of making my own decisions.” Kevin knows this, he just doesn’t approve of Nicks choices. I have a suspicion it has something to do with AJ’s stint in rehab. Kev felt responsible for not doing something sooner. It doesn’t matter how often we repeat that we’d all tried everything we could think of and that AJ was an adult and capable of making his own mistakes. Anyway, the end result is Kevin is now jumping all over Nick’s lifestyle.
Admittedly, I have been concerned by Nicks behaviour but I believe that the way he acts comes more from a longing to belong than anything. He was always a step behind the rest of us, constantly chasing to catch up in order to feel like he belonged with us. Truth was, he always had a place in our hearts but you try showing that to a fourteen year old kid who is being left out of conversations deemed too adult or nights out that are past his curfew. It’s no wonder that now he just wants to fit in with whomever he hangs out with, be that drinking, smoking or taking drugs and believe me, I hope it’s as little of the latter as is possible.

You may think I sound more like a shrink than a pop star or perhaps that I spend too much time analysing my fellow band mates, I guess there’s not much else to think about when rocking your baby to sleep at 3 in the morning.