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Chapter 15 – Shielding Earnest Fears

“Lucy! Your favorite babysitters are here!” Nicola called with confusion, pounding on the side of the wall leading up the stairs. She then smiled warmly as she ushered her mother and siblings into the house. As usual, Marie promised to take care of her only granddaughter while Nicola assisted Howie with physical therapy. However, Nicola was shocked to see both of her siblings behind her mother. Usually, they kept themselves occupied with other tasks while Marie babysat. Nicola arched her light brows in confusion at her siblings. “What are you two doing here?”

“I had a day off school, Nic. And, besides, I wanted to play with Lucy,” Danny answered, brushing a kiss on his eldest sister’s cheek. His eyes twinkled with a hint of mischief. It was obvious the boy had plans in his head. Nicola smiled as she hugged her brother tightly. He glanced at her for a moment, watching her arch her eyebrows again in question. Danny blushed faintly, knowing he was caught. “D’ya mind if I crash here for the night? We can have the famous scary movie night?”

“Of course, after Lucy’s in bed,” Nicola promised, glancing at Rosa-Lynn.

“Can’t, I have a date. But I came over because I hate being alone at home,” Rosa-Lynn declared dramatically. She placed a hand on her forehead as if she might swoon. She collapsed on the couch as if it were too much.

“Did’ja here, Nic? Rosie’s trying out for an acting major this week,” Danny teased.

“Eat my ass, Danny!” Rosa-Lynn hissed.

“Sorry, too much fat,” Danny snickered, roaring with laughter as Rosa-Lynn chased him into the living room.

Nicola rolled her eyes as Lucy came running down the stairs. The little girl shrieked in delight, kissing her grandmother and then crawling immediately into her mother’s arms. Marie smiled, leaning to kiss her granddaughter’s cheek. Nicola kissed Lucy’s bouncing curls, smoothing some small strands of hair away from her daughter’s bright cerulean eyes. Nicola offered her mother a tired smile while speaking, “Momma, thank you so much for watching Lucy. I owe you so—”

“Nicola, I love my Lucy. You don’t owe me a thing. I am your mother, I take care of these things. Don’t you ever dare say you owe me… Just promise me a good take-home dinner when you get back,” Marie declared with a teasing smile.

“Deal and you’re still the best,” Nicola answered, helping Lucy crawl into Marie’s arms. Nicola yawned, walking to the coat closet. She pulled out her ADIDAS duffle bag and jean jacket. She felt a solid stone form in the pit of her stomach. She dreaded traveling over to Howie’s home. He always seemed to make Nicola feel lousy. He was the only man that had caused Nicola pain since her husband.

“Nicola, Baby, you okay?” Marie questioned, looking into Nicola’s murky eyes. She immediately sensed her eldest child’s anguish. Nicola had always placed too much weight upon her shoulders. Since Marie’s husband had left the family, Nicola had assumed the second role as parent. Marie knew that she had let Nicola take the position too far sometimes, but it had been a Godsend at times. Marie sighed softly, hugging Lucy tight.

“I’m okay, Momma,” Nicola lied, offering a fake smile. “I just need a good vacation. I’m worn out.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Nicola agreed, grabbing her keys. She hated lying to her mother, but how could she explain? Nicola feared that she was falling for her patient. Nicola swallowed hard, holding her hands out to Lucy. She also feared that she had been neglecting her daughter since her new job had begun. “Baby-Girl, give Mommy big kisses to last me till lunchtime!”

“Mommy! I’ll give kissies to last you till supper!” Lucy giggled, attacking her mother with heartfelt kisses.

*~*~*

“Do you think this is right?” Brian whispered to Nick. He began to pace impatiently within the tiny lounge for MTV’s TRL. The boys were making yet another appearance without Howie by their side. Brian held a guilty notion in his heart as the fans screamed down the hallway. They were gaining sympathy and the added benefits for Howie’s misfortune, but never attempted to shower Howie with the attention he needed. Brian also loathed lying to the fans. He feared he might go completely mad from the chaos surrounding him on a daily basis. His guilty conscience could not hold the lies much longer.

“Bri, sit down. You’re making me crazy,” Nick complained, pulling at his friend’s pants. Brian slumped onto the couch with defeat. Nick studied the older man carefully. Finally, Nick sighed, “No, Bri, I don’t think it’s right. But nothing ever is right when you’re always in the public eye.”

“Yes, fans make everything more intense.”

“We just have to truth Kevin.”

“He never led us wrong before.”

Brian and Nick glanced up to see Kevin finally rushing into the room. They offered worried glances to Kevin, but he only smiled. He raked his hands through his growing raven locks. “They’re ready for us. Now, remember everything we’ve been saying to the press. Howie is getting better. And, remember, AJ is visiting Howie, so he couldn’t come with us. We do our best to help our best friend—”

“AJ is at home, refusing to come!” Brian finally objected angrily. He was tired of lying. He wanted to reveal the truth. He couldn’t contain the lies any longer. His heart was turning black with all the deceit. “Why don’t we just tell them the truth? We hate seeing Howie depressed! We can’t stand looking at his crippled legs knowing what he once was! He’s not himself! AND THERE’S NO MORE BAND!”

“You don’t know that!” Kevin snapped.

“We all know it, you just don’t want to accept it. Without Howie, we’re nothing!” Brian growled.

“So, what do you plan to do? Saunter out there, flash a smile, and say we’re breaking up because Howie’s completely useless?”

“GUYS!” Nick hollered, startling the cousins. Nick offered a sour glare to both of them. He was tired of the bickering. “Just go out there and hold it together. Just let us give one more performance before it all goes to Hell… Just one more performance…”