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Chapter 23 – Half a Man

Howie hummed happily as he got ready for bed. His mother’s food that evening had warmed his stomach, but Nicola had warmed his heart. He felt fulfilled as he locked his wheelchair and pulled himself into bed. With his improving physical therapy, much of his life had been restored to some kind of normalcy. He no longer depended on others for all his needs. He occasionally needed help, which was understandable. Thinking about therapy, Howie silently thanked Nicola for this miraculous freedom she had created. Howie’s mind traveled to the option of calling Nicola. However, his thoughts were cleared when his bedroom door slammed open. Howie felt his heart jump to his throat as Darcy entered the threshold.

“Baby! You scared me!” Howie exclaimed, chuckling uneasily.

“Don’t you even think of trying to pull that lovey-dovey shit on me!” Darcy hissed, not allowing any foolish chitchat. She crossed to stand in front of the large mahogany bed. She puffed out her chest in anger and crossed her arms beneath. Her dark curls were wild with obvious annoyance from pulling and tugging in anger. The color of her eyes took on rare colors of an impending storm. Howie shivered from the deadly glare, knowing he was in trouble. She towered over him and spoke with a voice as thick as steel. “Where the HELL were you today? I tried calling the house phone, your cell phone, even that damn pager that you never wear! What the Hell were you doing?”

Howie faltered, “Polly… Polly took me out.”

“Where?” Darcy snapped.

“Where, what?”

“Don’t try to avoid the answer!” Darcy growled. She reached up and tugged at her dark locks. It looked as if she were struggling to control her temper. Howie actually feared that she might physically lash out. She shot a glare down her long nose once more. “Cut the shit. Did you or did you not visit that trashy-diseased-poor-excuse-for-a-woman-therapist?”

“Darcy—”

“BULLSHIT! Don’t you dare tell me bullshit! I will not… No! You asshole! I saw AJ and Brian today at my photo shoot. Seems AJ’s new prostitute was my photographer and Brian had brought his new…God - whatever you want to call that bitch – to get some shots for her demo. Well, Jam-whatever and Rae-goon were chatting while I took a break. I overheard them saying you bought that trashy wench two-dozen roses and some piece of jewelry! AND, that you were obviously sweet on her! Sweet – what the Hell does sweet stand for? I mean, those women were absolutely insane…but that’s not the point! The point is that you’re sneaking around with some two-bit whore behind my back!”

“No, Darcy, I was just apologizing—”

“APOLOGIZING?” Darcy screeched ignorantly. “Is that your new term for fucking trailer trash that kill their husbands?”

“Excuse me?” Howie wheezed in surprise.

“You heard me!” Darcy hissed, tapping a long fingernail against her teeth. Her eyes boiled with a deep hatred as she stared at Howie. “I can’t believe you of all people would fuck something so low in the animal kingdom! That woman… God!”

“Darcy, you don’t know what you’re saying—”

“I don’t know what I’m saying? What kind of excuse is that? Do you actually find this funny or something? You think that you’re getting the better end of the deal? You think that you’re hurting me? You think that I’m in pain? Well, I hate to burst little crippled boy’s bubble – but it doesn’t hurt!” Darcy growled, standing directly beside Howie’s bed. She curled her hands into fists. Her long fingernails pressed into her flesh, causing indentations. “It doesn’t hurt at all, because in the end, I definitely got the better punishment for you.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you weren’t the first to ‘apologize’ in this relationship. Don’t be stupid, Howie. Everyone knew, because I didn’t try to hide it. They all tried to tell you, but you loved me so much. Guess something has changed in your heart, but nothing has changed in mine. Just rest assure, that while you were “working” your therapy to its full potential, I was fucking the brains out of my valet–”

“That’s not funny!” Howie growled.

“Then I ‘apologized’ to my agent, a new singer, model, salesman, manager, lawyer, and just recently I got quite a piece from a bad little doctor–”

“You slept…” Howie couldn’t even finish the words. He could feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. He knew his feelings had changed for Darcy, but it didn’t stop him from hurting. The truth was being shoved into his face at a rapid pace. He should have listened to his friends long ago, but he didn’t and now he felt physically ill.

“Idiot, I slept around because you weren’t satisfying me. I had to imagine different men every time you called me into your bed. You talked about love and romance and I wanted to vomit. I was only with you for the money and fame. I was going to kick your ass out the day of your accident, but then I realized what kind of attention you would receive. The media would hound you like there was no tomorrow. I liked that for a while and I have plenty of shows lined up for myself. But I can’t stand your pathetic ass any longer.”

“You’re…lying…” Howie choked.

“No, I’m not, Sweetheart. It was all an act. And now, you’re even more pathetic! I mean, really, trying to get action from a woman who’s paid to see you every week? Before the accident, I guess I saw potential in you. But now? Dearie, you’re just half a man. You couldn’t satisfy me before and you think that someone is going to stay with you now? Please! You mine as well stick to hookers who can at least put on a good show, because any woman that hopped into your bed now would die laughing. You can’t feel the pleasure that I woman might be able to give you – so why should you think that you could give a woman the ultimate ecstasy? Face it, you’re a dud, a little puppet, an outdated machine, a Ken without bendable legs,” Darcy laughed bitterly, not hiding the arrogant smirk upon her face.

“Shut up,” Howie whispered.

“I know that you probably will hurt from me leaving and you’ll call Little-Physical-Therapy-Whore to come put together the pieces, but don’t expect that to work out. She’ll get smart sooner or later. I mean, do you really think Nicola would want your sorry ass for love? If anything, she’d stay around long enough to get some cash and then move on. She may be a back-stabbing-wench, but I find it hard to believe that she’d be desperate enough to have sex with a numb-nut like you. Every time she sees you, all she can see is some loser that’s only half a man. So, Baby, buy yourself a blow up doll and call it even, because you’re wheelchair-bound-ass won’t ever get Nicola into bed.”

Howie watched Darcy smear on a fresh coat of lipstick, obviously finished with tormenting him. She blew him a nasty kiss and then sauntered out of the room without a care in the world. Howie sunk into his soft bed, saying nothing because Darcy had said it all. Her words sank like a heavy weight in his hollow stomach. Though she was hateful, her words still rang true. He realized his life might not ever contain love again. Darcy had thrown his worst fears into his face like an icy drink. Darcy had been his love, but she turned into a delusion of deceit. Should he even try to trust Nicola? Should he risk his heart again, knowing that another disaster might send him to the ends of humanity?

Howie felt bitter tears slide down his burning cheeks. Too many questions exploded inside his brain. His heart ached with a newly opened wound. He knew things would never be the same. He was different and Darcy had been a lie. He should have known better, but he didn’t. Howie felt his world crumbling, knowing that he truly was half a man.

*~*~*

“I think he’s absolutely gorgeous,” Hollie cooed toward Nicola, sitting down on the coach facing her. Lucy cuddled in her mother’s lap, sleeping peacefully. It was a little after eleven and Hollie decided to spend the night again. Hollie had promised Marie that she would take care of Nicola and Lucy like there was no tomorrow. Nicola had first protested, but Hollie quickly halted Nicola’s apprehensions. Hollie was an author and editor, which gave her the freedom to rework her schedule around Nicola. No matter how much Nicola fought, Hollie would continue to poke around because she honestly didn’t want to loose Nicola again. After Trevor’s funeral, Nicola had broken all ties with her friends to concentrate on Lucy, her family, and college. Hollie made a silent vow to never let Nicola run away from anything ever again.

“Decker,” Nicola sighed, using Hollie’s old nickname. Nicola had created the name ‘Decker’ after a rowdy Christmas party when the girls broke out into a loud chorus of ‘Deck the Halls.’ Ever since then, the name had stuck.

“What, Cola-Pop?” Hollie taunted.

Nicola studied her friend’s impishly shimmering eyes. Nicola knew when she was beaten. There was absolutely no way to veer Hollie off the subject of Howie. To Nicola, Hollie was almost as stubborn as Howie. Nicola bit down heavily on her bottom lip, deciding to just cave. It would save her the agony of Hollie’s annoying behavior. “He’s very handsome, Decker. Okay?”

Hollie squealed with delight, causing Danny to snort in his deep sleep on the opposite couch. Hollie slapped her hands over her mouth, unable to conceal the giggles. When Danny turned over onto his other side, Hollie unclamped her mouth. She slapped her hands against her bare legs. “I knew you were falling for him! The look in your eyes when you showed me that necklace—”

“But he’s not–”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence! His first trip away from his house was to see you! It wasn’t like a trip out with the guys or a trip to the mall. He came to see YOU. Do I make myself clear? He went out into public just to ask for forgiveness from YOU. That has to mean something! So, don’t bullshit me and tell me that he’s not interested!”

Nicola smiled for a moment as she ran her fingers through Lucy’s flaxen locks. She then glanced toward Hollie with skepticism. No matter how much Nicola wanted to believe Howie was interested, the main fact still branded her. “It’s not proper to date a client!”

“That shouldn’t matter! If you like him – go for him! You deserve to be happy. Plus, Lucy deserves a good Daddy. Danny can’t do everything for the little girl,” Hollie continued to encourage.

“I just got this lecture from Momma.”

“Well, great minds think alike.”

“But Howie—”

“Isn’t Trevor,” Hollie contradicted, knowing exactly what Nicola feared. Both women grew quite sullen for a moment. Hollie watched Nicola instinctively reach up to finger the precious pendant on her neck. Hollie offered a coy smile. “I bet that wasn’t in no twenty-five cent machine, Cola-Pop.”

Nicola rolled her eyes at Hollie’s qualifications for a good man, tempting Hollie offer a greedy smile. The phone rang as the girls’ giggles subsided. Nicola carefully leaned over her daughter and snatched the phone. She was immediately greeted by thick sobs. It didn’t take long for Nicola to recognize it was Howie. Nicola lurched forward, placing a hand against her heart. Hollie offered a questionable look, but Nicola could only focus on Howie’s voice. “Howie? Are you okay?”

“Nicola, oh God!” Howie wheezed loudly, biting down against another attack of sobs.

“Are you hurt?”

“N-Not physically.”

“What’s the matter?”

“It’s just awful, Nicola.”

“What’s awful?”

“C-C-Can you c-c-come over?”

“Of course, but–”

“She’s right – I’m half a man,” Howie choked before ending the phone call.

“He… He’s in trouble,” Nicola worried, quickly hanging up the phone. Carefully, she slipped her daughter off her lap. Lucy gave no fight as she curled up against the pillow Nicola had been leaning against. Nicola adjusted her sling, quickly running to her hallway. Hollie followed as Nicola snatched her keys off a small table, feeling a knot tighten in her stomach. Howie was in pain and it hurt her. “Hollie, you have to watch Lucy for me. I just… Please watch her for me!”

“Of course, is everything okay?”

“I… I don’t know exactly.”

“Just calm down, Cola-Pop.”

“I think that bitch did something to him.”

“That bitch?”

“Darcy!” Nicola snarled.

“Oh, get going then! Women can be quite nasty toward men,” Hollie grunted, pushing Nicola out the door. She knew that this might be the final break in the ice that would give Nicola happiness. Hollie prayed that Howie would be able to see through the pain and that Nicola would open her heart.

“Thanks, Decker!”

“See you tomorrow morning, Moon Goddess,” Hollie sung softly with a knowing smile, watching Nicola disappear into the soft moonlight.